Dr Called Me Fat in a Nice Way, How Would You Feel?

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Doctors can be idiots, just like other people. They are WRONG a lot. When I still weighed 145 pounds and had not yet been diagnosed with intersticial cystitis, I was seeing an Asian doctor one day. She said that my fat was sitting on my bladder making me feel like I had to go. It's been 20+ years since that "diagnosis" of hers and I know a lot more now about why I am this way and it has nothing to do with my FAT.

By the way.. I would love to weigh 145 pounds again. I wasn't fat, had no fat on me and would be one hot grandmother if I weighed that again.

I think it's ok for a doctor to be upfront about what they want you to do. It's their job! :)
As long as they were direct but not disrespectful I think its fine. Plus we all know when we need to shed a few pounds. The doc just verbalizes what we already know :) Have a nice weekend.

The doctor is not there to protect your feelings, sorry. If you have fatty deposits, you have them. The doctor didn't call you fat, he told you that your medical problem is being exacerbated by having excess weight. If you want a second opinion, of course you should get one, always a good idea. You don't need sitters or double strollers to excercise. If you can get a second opinion about the pain, that's fine but that may be a separate issue from your weight. I would worry less about how you feel about the doctor's comments and focus on what you need to do to feel better regarding the physical pain. If losing weight could help with that, then make that effort.

I agree withyour doctor and it is something that you need to hear. It is simply a matter of fact that the more weight you have on your body the more stress that your bones and joints and everything takes. Now there may be more problems in your hip than that but your weight is beyond doubt making it worse.
Weight loss is 90% diet so don't worry about working out if you can't. Obviously it is much better for your health and your effort if you DO work out but it is not essential and shouldn't be an excuse.

You should always get a second opinion. On the note of your doctor indicating that you need to loose weight, in my opinion, a good doctor. Your weight has everything to do with your overall health and many doctors are too embarrassed to say anything.

2 babies in 2 years and a prior car accident - ouch! They all take a toll on the body. And sorry to say, but fatty deposits just means extra weight for your body to work hard carrying around. First, (after the kids get to bed) take a warm bath and do some gentle stretching. And if exercise isnt a practical option right now, then make sure your diet is loaded with healthy options. I had a c-section and could not fathom doing serious exercising for a long while. So I ate healthy options and that helped a lot. And then tried to do little bits of exercise - holding my baby and doing squats, laying him on my legs when I am on he floor so we can play airplane...fun things like that. Every effort counts. Good Luck!

i am really sorry that this happened, but i am going to be hoenst with you. i think the first time always hurts the worst. sorry. i have been there. but a dr's job is to make you better. and extra weight is hard on your body and makes EVERYthing worse. how do you know, maybe it would be a little better now if not for the weight? can you really say he's wrong and you don't need to lose the extra weight? i have had two experiences like this. #1 when i saw my chart by "accident" and the word "obese" was on it, i nearly died of embarrassment and hurt feelings, and #2, more lately when i talked to my dr. about bleeding for almost 2 weeks of the month (not bleeding more like spotting) and the first thing he said, without much apology in his voice, was, "well you know that if you lost some weight that would stop."

it HURTS. but it's reality. i did this to myself so i can't blame him too much.

You should feel fortunate that you have a doc that isnt a drug pusher and is letting you know that your pain could be alleviated by losing a few pounds.
I know my back and knees hurt once I hit 140, which is where I am right now. Losing about 5 pounds is magical when it comes to pain management.

Doctors are supposed to remind you when you're overweight! It's horribly unhealthy and does cause major problems with old injuries and creates new bone and joint issues as well.

I would alsobe particularly mindful of the culture where you are. Yes, there are fat Koreans and other Asians, but it's not the norm. They also don't mince words, especially when giving health and medical advice. If you're fat, you're fat and they'll let you know! I go to a Korean spa all the time, and the attendants tell women constantly that they have rubs for cellulite, stretch marks and other things that are "flaws." They point these things out in front of everyone in the dressing room and shower/whirlpool area. Asian, European and Middle Eastern women seem to think nothing of it -only the white Americans seem perturbed. To the Korean ladies -why wouldn't they
point out a problem of yours if they have a solution? I'm sure the doctorfeels the same way.

You were appalled that the doctor was honest and gave you advice on how to help your condition. You will probably be appalled by feelings on it and that is I find it horrible when women use having children as an excuse for their weight and not getting back into shape.

Two things - first, you point out how "quickly" the doctor went through the scans and how "quickly" he said that it was the weight that was causing the problem. I assume you are trying to infer that in doing things so rapidly, he couldn't possibly be doing a good or correct job. That is your first mistake. You have no idea what he is looking at or for. If you don't trust him, get yet another opinion. But don't assume things.

Secondly, the doctor told you a fact. He didn't say "hey fat lady, what are you THINKING?!" He said you need to lose weight and exercise more. And that offends you? What if he didn't tell you and you remained in pain and eventually things got even worse, all because the doctor wasn't honest with you?

Sometimes we don't like to hear things even though we need to hear them. I hope this will be the motivation you need.

So, to answer your question....I would feel RELIEVED that all I had to do was exercise and eat a little better to help resolve this pain problem. Maybe that doc just saved my life by getting me on the healthy track.

Worst case scenario - you lose weight, feel great, your blood pressure, etc go down, but you still have the hip pain. If that happens, address it then. I doubt it will.

Good luck to you.

I think more doctors need to be more honest with their patients about that, actually. Far too many don't tell them just how adversely they're affecting their health by carrying extra weight.

It's a doctor's responsibility to give you the truth about your health, not to coddle you into believing that it's something it isn't.

That doesn't mean they need to be insensitive though. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt.

It's typical for doctor's, esp not American born (from my experience) to jump to the your just too damn fat answer. I had a serious back injury that was not related to my weight, in fact I had finally gotten under 200lbs at the time then I had to stop working out and took steriods for 9 months in addition to other medications, etc. Basically, should I see a doctor about my back (have not needed since surgery) and they were targeting my weight before looing at anything else I would move on.

It's always frustrating when they say something that is obviously not the case. If it hurt when you weighed 135lbs and still hurts, it seems there must obviously be something wrong. I would get a second opinion.

You didn't say how much you weigh now (not that I expect you to! hehe), but IF you are overweight it definitely could be contributing to it not being able to fully heal or aggravating it some. The doctor sounds like a clueless man...in the way he said it to you. I'm sure I would have been upset too.

With working out, you don't need to have anyone watch your kids. Just do it during nap times or after they go to bed at night. Zumba Fitness DVD's (or on the Wii) is good. It only takes about 20 minutes. The only working out I do is at home. It is challenging with kids for sure!

I hope they can figure out why it's hurting besides saying you need to lose weight. Have you considered going to a massage therapist? The injury might have caused your muscles to react badly and need to be worked out. That happens with pregnancy too. I have sore hips and know I just need to get it massaged out and it'll probably fix it. And they can hurt quite a bit...and I never injured them like you did.

(((hugs))) Sorry the doctor hurt your feelings. I hope you can figure out what is causing it.

Well he's right, sorry but I agree with him . excess weight can cause injuries to hurt more for a longer period of time , it puts more stress on the area. I've had leg injuries before and extra weight made them worse.
does biking hurt ? that would be low impact you weight would be on the bike not your legs/hips. You could see if you could find a bike trailer for the kids, and bike instead of running. which is harder on joints and lower extremities .

I know it hurts but they are looking at your overall well being. Excercise will help your mind,body and soul.

Stop making excuses and get your body movin'. It will be difficult at first but find some time early in the morning to do some exercises. You don't need a double stroller or a gym membership. Do exercises in your home before the kids wake up. You could swap babysitting once each week with a friend and use that day to get out fast walking. Instead of feeling sad about your doctors response and having it make your blood boil..use that energy instead to get your blood pumping.

Best wishes. I don't mean to hurt your feelings more than they already are.

Why is it so bad that a Dr. who is supposed to care about health, told you to loose weight? I mean, aren't they supposed to WANT you to be healthy? Weight DOES affect existing injuries, in every way. They make them worse and worse. Weight keeps injuries from healing, and it causes existing problems to degenerate.
Of course, it hurts to be told this. I mean, who wouldn't feel a little hurt? However, would you rather him lie? Tell you everything looks good, no problem with your weight, do exactly what you're doing? It's his job to be honest, no to tell you what you'd like to hear.

This also happened to my sister that WAS 60 pounds over weight! She was completely in denial and took offense when her doctor told her she was over weight. As much as she knew, she was full of excuses. Exercise is very important in weight loss, but the most important thing you can do is make better food choices and eat in them in moderation. My sister was a muncher and constantly had something in her mouth. Learning to get that in check is key and the hardest part. But, not impossible...

STOP, and listen to what you're telling yourself and change your way of thinking. The weight will come off fast with some effort.

I'm sorry it wasn't easy to hear and doctors can be insensitive, but he might be onto something.

When it happened to me it motivated me to loose the weight.

Overweight can cause or exasserbate pain. I had back surgery last year and my doctor said I also needed to loose weight. Well, I haven't done a very good job on that front and I truly believe if I would drop some weight I would be much better off. Having said that, I would get a second opinion for peace of mind. You have had two babies in less than 24 months. Your body has been through alot. That can also be part of the back and hip issue. Find a stoller, and get moving! Good luck!!!

A. - I have a feeling he was being "clinical" and he wasnt trying to insult you. He was hypothosizing based on the anatomy he saw. It's hard to see that layer of fat in an MRI, I know, but also understand he was trying to help you solve your pain issue and that seemed most obvious to him. Do your best. Eat in a healthy way and get some exercise because you deserve it. It may or may not help your pain, but you will probably feel better all around.

I would have been hurt too. Twenty years ago, a doctor told me I had to lose weight and I only went to see him because I had a sinus infection. I said, "Wow, so that's green fat coming out my nose? I had no idea." I switched doctors after that.

Definitely get a second opinion. I hope you get relief from the pain soon.

Don't have time to look through all the 33 posts. If not mentioned you can get free help through http://www.noexcusesworkouts.com/ by signing up for his big tent group and www.flylady.net does indorse him as well. She would be a help into personal positve direction.

Johnathan the no excuses trainer is all for moms and has a lot of tips how you can work exercise into your mom life. He 'trains' people all over the world via the internet--so perfect for you living in Korea.

Good luck! You will feel better if you exercise. I know what I'm talking about because I lost 20lb within the past 2 years. Gained about 10lb back and really need to get rid of it again because I do feel a lot better without all that baggage.

I agree. I don't think the doctor was saying it to insult you, but there is truth in the fact of anyone that is carrying extra weight for their body frame, it can cause added stress and pressure to joints, organs and overall body. My mom has had terrible knee issues in recent years. When she dropped some weight she even commented how much better her legs, knees and feet felt. Don't be so hard on yourself. Having babies back to back is hard on the system and getting that pre-pregnancy body back takes time. Hope this helps!
A.

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You don't say your current weight, but it is important to note that rapid weight gain and a sedentary lifestyle wreaks havoc on your joints. Just because the doctor told you what you didn't want to hear doesn't mean that he/she is wrong. Why is it so wrong for your doctor to say "You need to lose some weight b/c it's putting too much pressure on your joints."? It may not be the "source" of the pain (in your opinion), but the extra weight is not helping your cause. Appalled? Probably not so much as embarassed and upset-

Buy a workout DVD and do it every day when the kids are sleeping. You don't need to go to a gym or have a fancy jogging stroller to get yourself in shape, but you do need to stop making excuses and commit to living a healthier lifestyle. Walk every day, play outside with your 15 month old, jump rope for 20 minutes a day, lift heavy soup cans while you are on the phone, do squats while you are on the phone... if you want to do this, you can.

Hopefully you can laugh about it someday, I had a really bad accident when my oldest was 13 months and in one report a doctor wrote he referred to me as "overnourished"! Man that word stung and now we joke about it being a nice word for fat. I've since had another baby and still have lower back/disc pain too. You know you have some fatty deposits, etc. Most of us do! Just eat lean protein, lots of veggies, drink water, no sugar or fat and limit flours, walk when you can. It will happen!

Extra weight can & does exacerbate pain. Don't be mad at the doctor because he made a statement about your weight, which probably hurt because it was truthful. His job is to make sure his patients are as healthy as possible.

Not all exercise has to be done outdoors or without your kids. Pop in a DVD at home, do some yoga, weights, invest in a fitness machine (bike, elliptical, treadmill, etc.). Convenient excuses & shifting blame get you nowhere. Make the time & take control of your health.

I really hope you feel better soon :-)

I remember being shocked when I was having some problems with my slipped disc..
The doctor turned to me after I had described the pain and oyther things that were bothering me.. He said, "Mrs. A. as we "mature" yes, we will being to have more aches and pains", it is normal for the age." I was not even 30 yet.. It was humbling to realize, I felt like I should not have any pains, but as we "mature" it will take more work to stay in shape and yes, a small injury will being to feel worse and worse if we are even a little overweight..

It affects everything.. Having children also reeks havoc on a woman's body.. It will literally take years for your body to recover and so, getting into shape will help..

I make up a million excuses not to exercise, but I know very well, I am not helping myself or the Doctor by not trying harder..

What an idiot. Fat does not cause sciatica or bursitis or torn cartilage. You really need an second opinion. I had a car accident several years back and I was totally skinny and the next day I couldn't walk at all. I tried to go to the dr but I was in a foreign country and didn't fully understand what he said, he gave me Celebrex and I moved on but going forward my hip would freeze up over the years off and on and finally got to the point that I just couldn't take it anymore. About a year ago I went to a joint Dr and found out I had bursitis, a very common and VERY painful hip issue. I got some cortisone and it is so much better now. What I did was look up common hip issues online and read a bit and saw that I had all the symptoms of bursitis. I don't recommend a bunch of excercise right now bc you still don't know what is wrong. I went that route and my trainer had me do some things that just destroyed my hip, and I couldn't walk AT ALL and I so I had to go it, it was awful and very inconvenient with two small kids! I am also overweight and my Dr never even brought that up. I am sure it doesn't help, but it doesn't cause the pain. Some Drs are just crazy in this area. When I was 19 I was horribly sick. I went to the dr and it turned out I had scarlet fever. I am sitting in the office trying to get a note to be off work for a week and this dr starts in on my weight. I wasn't even all that heavy! I had put on the good old freshman 20, but seriously I was about to pass out and not even all that chunky! So really, write that doc off and get some help, you don't need to live in pain and debilitating pain is a sign something is wrong. Good luck!!

But you can't tell me that the pain isn't being at least agitated more buy the excessive weight. I don't really see anything wrong with someone pointing something out as long as it is factual. We all gain weight after babies most of us don't lose all of it back so we keep some. There are Lots of exercises that you can do at home to work out. Lots of free video's online that you can use as guids. Tons of activities you can do at home that are exercise that you can do with your 4 month old. They make great weights ;) Activities that are safe to do with them! I have been in an accident and yes I know that my mid back pain and back spasms have a lot to do with the accident. But I also know that deliverying a child afterwards and just general life happening since then means that the pain is NO longer just related to the car accident.

Has anyone ever heard of this??? back pain CAUSED by fatty depostis on hips?? I'm not a doctor so I cant say anything about his diagnosis, but the fact that you had the same pain before you gained weight makes me question it. A second opinion sounds like a very good idea. I used to have a lot of back pain. then I started yoga. I started with DVDs specifically for non athletic people with back pain. then I found a very relaxing class, Do not over stress your back! I am still very unflexible when it comes to my back but am feeling so much better despite the fact I am gaining weight as I age. (I'll be 49) Weight gain and back pain will get worse with age so find something that works, and continue to look for another diagnosis.

I am sorry that he was hurtful. When I was pregnant with our son the OB Dr was really rude about any weight gain. I am almost 5' 10" and weighed 140 when I got pregnant. I gained less than 25 lbs. total and he was constantly on me about my weight. I just had an ah-ha moment. I REALLY hate to admit it, but his constant nagging probably kept me from gaining a ton of weight.

I think drs need to be honest about their patient's weight. If we had more of that, maybe we wouldn't have so many obese people. Not that you are obese!! There isn't really a nice way to tell someone they need to lose weight because most people take it as being rude (me included). I have had back issues for years and it gets worse with more weight. It is my indicator that I have gained too much. At 138 lbs I had no pain. At 150 lbs. my back bothers me more but it isn't unbearable. When I was 160 and up, I was in constant pain. At 225 lbs. when I was pregnant with the girls, I could barely stand to take off my belly brace to take a shower!!! It was beyond miserable. I understood the meaning of excruciating.
Do what you can to lose some weight. I hate to exercise and changing my diet works for me. I count working in the yard and housework as my exercise. :)

well....get a double stroller....or videos, its best not to take it personal when a doctor says this,,,,,,just anyone else.

You received a lot of good advice here. I hope you can keep the doctor's and these comments in perspective, and do what you can to be healthy. I've had 4 doctors tell me to increase my activity levels. I was 5'6" and 150 pounds. Overweight? Technically, yes. Fat is fat, and it can impact a body's ability to heal, reproduce, metabolize, and prevent disease.

Did the doctor specifically mention how there were more fatty deposits on one side than the other? You are probably compensating for your injury (i.e. "baby-ing" that side). The more active, stronger side is leaner. The only solution that I can think of for that issue is for you to get active and lose the extra weight that is taxing your body. Perhaps he could have explained this better, but it appears that he has a "trust me, I'm a doctor" attitude. Why wouldn't he if his solution can only help the situation?

Who knows if there still is something really bad going on at your injury site? I can attest that weight loss and increasing activity helped me overcome a myriad of health issues, too many to cite here. One was a herniated disk in my neck. I healed it on my own. Gentle stretching and losing weight is magical healing for the body that hurts.

Editted to add: Just read your "So What Happened" note. Jogging is high impact and may agitate your hips at first. I suggest that you walk with the stroller instead, at least until you feel that your legs/hips are stronger and you are at what you consider to be a reasonable weight.