Emotional, hormonal...oh & 33 weeks...needing Reassurance!

I thought the same thing about my 2nd pregnancy. You do love each child the same amount but it might be in different ways. I am a working mother of 3 beautiful girls ages 6 1/2, 4 1/2 and 16 months. I hope this helps.

My best friend felt the same way pending the arrival of her second daughter. When the second was born, I was a little worried, because she still seemed to favor daughter number one, despite her sincere intentions not to. However, with a little time and bonding, she soon fell in love with daughter number two just as deeply as her first - and learned to appreciate all of the ways in which she was her own, unique little person. Good luck!!

Awww Eva, You are adorable!!!! I mean that!
I was laughing when I read your post (not like at you) Just at how cute you are!~ Ya' know I just cant understand why our mom's don't break with the secret of this "worry"...We ALL think that, at some point during the pregnancy of #2...WHY? Simple, really, When the first little blessing is bestowed upon us our hearts expand to a depth that is so much deeper than we ever dreamed it could be and we are a little scared of the depth of love, concern, and all out worry of life without this new being once we hold it in our arms for a single second (postpartum depression is, in my unprofessional opinion, a great fear of this new feeling) But do not fear...it happens again with the 2nd one just as fast and as deep and as all consuming as the first time. I gave birth 4 times and each time I thought "ok is this where the feelings don't stretch enough to feel that again?" But the worry of this will not only go away not to be remembered with any clarity, but will be a silly passing thought if ever crossed again. Trust me that this is a very normal feeling...after all, who knew there really was that much true~unconditional~pure~type of love inside a single women>?

Warmest regards to you and all the best as you grow your precious family and find that the wonder of being a mother never ceases or deminishes with a new arrival!

C. :o)

Hi I.,

I have a 2.5 year old lovely boy and just delivered my second child, Grace! Let me reassure you, that it just gets sweeter! I got a bit sad before delivery because my time would be divided once the baby arrived, and there is an adjustment, but there is PLENTY of love to go around....just not the time. I am shocked how quickly I bonded and fell in love with my daughter....I can see why people have big families, it's intoxicating! A lot of work, but it's sweeter the second time around as you're more confident as a mother! Good Luck and Congratulations!

S.

How wonderful that your firstborn is the culmination of all your hopes and dreams and the joy of your life!! You are fortunate indeed as you recognize...

Do you love your husband or your family of origin less because you have this wonderful daughter to love? I doubt it. And there is room in your big fulfilled heart for another and maybe even another to love. fear not...There is so much love to go around. And to help your wonderful daughter to love her new sibling will be a challenge too since she knows she is the Queen of the World in your family. but your can do it and it will be such fun working on it....
mother of five, grandmother of seven, great grandmother of seven not to count my husband's children etc...or the ones I have been caregiver to...There is so much love in our hearts. Isn't is wonderful?

I.!

If you weren’t working and taking care of your family, I would think you have too much time on your hands. Maybe you are working too hard. If you can’t trust your good husband and mother, who can you trust? Obviously you have family and probably friends that have more than one child. Of course you will have enough love to go around for the new baby. It won’t make any difference if it’s a girl or boy. You will be fine!

Blessings……

I.~

I don't have any advice for you, I just wanted to say THANK YOU!! My husband and I are going to start trying for another (I'm stepmom to a wonderful 9 yr old girl and mommy to a darling 3 yr old boy) and I am so excited. However, I have had your same worries. It was great reading your post and the advice from other mothers. It made me feel more confident and excited about having another little one!

hi I., i felt the same way when we got pregnant with our 2nd. our daughter is so much fun and such a good baby that i couldn't imagine another so perfect. i'm 34 weeks pregnant and really excited for #2 now and to see the dynamics of my daughter (16 months) and the new baby. just imagine how cute your daughter will be as a big sister and how sweet and fun it is to have a little baby in the house again. if this 2nd is your last like us, you might even cherish the birth and infancy period more knowing there will be no more babies. good luck! it sounds like you have a blessed family.

Hee, hee! I'm emotional, hormonal, and 33 weeks pregnant with my second child, too!

Don't have any advice, just wanted to say thanks for your bravery in posting and saying what I've been feeling, too. Everyone says I'm being ridiculous.

This second baby was not exactly planned, but not exactly a suprise. I work full-time. With my son, I knew I was pregnant before the test stick proved it and we were ecstatic. He is our whole world and he lights up my life. He is amazing, smart, sweet, charming, obediant, talkative, and just plain adorable. I am so wrapped up in everything he is learning to say and do. I love him so much I don't even know how to express it. He changed my life.

Then I got pregnant with #2, a girl. I had no idea I was pregnant. So I guess I'm happy about it, but to be honest, with working full-time, the pregnancy seems to be a big interruption in my life. I feel nothing for this pregnancy -- no happiness or expectation or excitement. Work has run me ragged and I don't have the energy to care about being pregnant or even to think about it. I haven't prepared for it at all. I only notice it because my body is growing to gargantuan proportions and hurting. I want to love this baby, but I don't feel anything for it at all yet. I worry that I'll love my son more. I worry that he'll be my favourite and I never wanted to have favourites. I want to be welcoming to this new unique life coming into the world, but I just don't feel it. I don't know how I could possibly love another child the way I love my son.

Everyone says my feelings are silly and that, when she's born and I see her, I'll fall in love with her. I hope they are right.

Thanks for posting!

A.

Dear I.,
Believe me, your heart is plenty big enough to love two babies. Or three. Or four.....
After being told I could never have children, when I got my daughter, I was in heaven and she was my entire world. We just adored each other. Then, when she was 9, I found out I was pregnant. I was shocked. And I was certain I would have another girl. I was in for the delight of my life when my son was born. He is so different from my daughter and I just madly love him. I love both of my kids, but I also love their differences. She is outgoing and outspoken and very social. He is very sensitive and caring and mellow. I got the best of both! You will be surprised how much love a parent's heart can hold for their children.
Try not to worry so much about it and make sure that you involve big sister and give her special time too. My kids were born so far apart that I never had to deal with jealousy or anything. It worked out great.
Just concentrate on having a wonderful, healthy and happy new addition to your beautiful little family.

God bless!

I've heard it said "you can't love the 5th like you love the 1st", well, that person didn't have 5.

I have 5 children and I love each one of them more than I can say. My love is not divided among 5 it has multiplied times 5.

My first two are 7 years apart and I had the same concerns, until I gave birth to #2, then I worried about the same thing with #3, until I gave birth! Then I got beautiful twins. Your love is multiplied, not divided, so don't worry, once you see that new baby, you realize your love is abundant for both.

Bless you and your family!
D.

my second is almost 3 mos. and when he was born, my heart of course grew to include him. what was interesting to me was that my love for my firstborn was so pronounced. i would burst into tears at the sight of him sleeping, sometimes just out of love and sometimes combined with nostalgia -- knowing things would never be quite the same. the second i saw my second i fell in love with this being who seemed so familiar. its different this time -- not so awed by everything. a little more relaxed and confident, but every bit as much love.

you will be amazed after the birth of your second how much love you have once they are in your arms. My concern was making sure i still gave enough time and attnetion to my older child after the birth of my second son. Going from 1-2 children rocks your world in ways you will never imagine. My house hold is upside down wtih 2 but making sure you bond with both children is key and letting them bond together helps a lot too. My second son was considered a preemie so i gave him a lot of attention which was the problem i had. My older son felt left out at first. Make sure when you are with one child your husband loves on the other child so they aren't left out.

Good luck. You will be suprised. Just enjoy every minute it goes by so fast.

SAHM/Zombie 39 with a super funny active 3yr son and a 6month old son who doesn't sleep much at night but is full of smiles and bubbles.

One thing I'd add is while you will definitely love the second child as much as the first, it may take a little while. It did for me. My daughters are only 15 mos apart and I'm not a baby person so maybe that was part of it but it did take me a little while to feel like I loved them both equally. A very honest friend said that's not so unusual and throughout their lives, you may favor one over the other for alternating, short periods of time. I've found that to be true now. Cracks me up I ever favored my oldest as she now gives me way more headaches and the youngest is our little sweetheart. I love them both equally and there's definitely no reason to worry you won't. But thought I'd mention my experience in case the new baby comes and you don't instantly love him/her as much as your daughter. (oh - I thought my oldest was so perfect too. How could the next one measure up? She's different but certainly keeps up with her sister in the good qualities camp.)

I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my second child. You will be amazed that you feel those same feelings for your 2nd as you do for your first. It really doesn't matter what number they are, you love them all the same! I am pregnant with number 3 and I know now that it won't matter that this is number 3, I will love them just the same as I love the other 2! You will be fine, and I think that this is a normal worry to have!

No need to worry, my husband felt the same way. He found out our second child is just like him and they are two peas in a pod now. People will tell you your silly, but your not because you don't know the new baby yet. However when you hold it for the first time you will know it is yours and love it from that very second as much as you love your amazing daughter. God bless you and keep you!

Hi I.- Myself and every one of my close friends felt this way before we had our second child. Chances are as soon as you have the baby you will feel different. It's hard to imagine loving anyone as much as you love your first but the magic is there for each kid you have. The experience of having a second is different but no less intense, meaningful and fun. Good luck and congratulations!

Hi I.,

Hang in there, sweetie! I went through the same exact situation (only the new baby ended up being babies- boy/ girl twins!!). I believe your first child will always hold a special place in your heart because she turns you from a woman into a mother and from a couple into a family. How cool is that!!! You experienced so many things with her for the first time. It is absolutely magic.

Something magic happens when you have the next one(s) too. It's different, but it's just as magic. There is nothing to worry about. Just let nature take it's course.

When all 3 of my kids each were born, I needed a bit of time to deal with what had just happened and a bit of holding and getting to know my baby before I really developed my incredibly intense unstoppable love for my babies. It certainly does happen and there's nothing you need to or can do about it!

Good luck. Try to relax. I promise you you will laugh about this worry one day. I do! For one thing, I don't have time to think about anything like that!

Take care, I.. Magic will happen again!

I.,
You will have enough love for both of you children. It just happens, I can't explain it. Just don't expect them to all be the same. They will all have their own little personalities. We have three kids and they could not be more different. Even in their learning. Our first two were three years apart, the middle and last are 18 months apart. You will welcome this new bundle of joy into your arms with all the love and adoration that you have given the first child, I promise.
W. M.

Sounds pretty normal. My sister-in-law worried a lot about this when she was expecting her second. She was happily surprised to find that her love simply got bigger...big enough to hold this new little person without compromising her love for her first.

My mom had four kids. Once someone asked her which one she loved the most, and she said, "Which ever one I was with at that moment." I thought that was an interesting answer. It made it clear that love isn't just an abstract feeling; it's an offering made in the presence of the beloved. I suspect that when this new baby is present in your arms, that offering will happen, especially from such a loving mama who clearly has the capacity to adore a child.

I., first of all thank you! Now I feel more normal seeing as how you are feeling the same way. I recently had my miracle child after 5 years of trying. So you can imagine how much love I have for him. I too have thought of having another child, but I feel that he/she won't receive the same love due to the fact that he/she wouldn't be as special. Yes, it is true that my son is my whole world and I love nothing more than him, but I have tried to look at it on an unselfish level. Is it fair to my son to have to grow up without a sibling(s). Look at how much fun they would have growing up together and being able to turn to each other for advice or support. I think for the fact that you just worrying about not loving your baby to be is an act of love in itself. You are already worried about his/her feelings. You will do fine. I'm sure you will be a fair and loving mommy.
Good luck and congrates!!!!
If you need to vent some emotional hormones...drop me a line anytime.

I just had baby #2 and was blown away by the way my heart expanded. I not only quickly felt a deep love for this new child, but I also felt like my love for my husband and baby #1 (my 16 month-old son) completely expanded as well. It was a remarkable and beautiful experience that I never could have anticipated would occur in such an amazing and immediate way. You'll feel it. Your heart, mind, and body are designed to feel it. Enjoy!

I., I., I.:)

Don't worry about a thing, as soon as you see your new baby you'll know how your heart is big enough for both of them and your husband too. Remember how your eyes welled up when your daughter was born, and how the excitement was so overwhelming that you even forgot about all the pain? (well at least that's what happened to me:) You will feel the same way about your second baby, so don't worry about it, enjoy your last whole nights of sleep and be happy :)

Sweetie, this is completely normal. When your baby is born you will fall in love all over again. And so will your little girl! You are giving her the gift of a sibling, someone she will be able to love and count on for the rest of her life. Seeing them together will make you love them more than you ever expected. There IS enough love for everyone. Consider this: each of you will have one more person to love and who will love back.

Giving birth and raising children can be magical. Try hard not to worry.

I.,
All I can say is that you will be beautifully amazed at how much you will love this little one as you do your first..

Hi I.

I had my first child (daughter) after 10 years of marriaage (after some medical help) and she was the most beautiful thing ever. She was all I needed and wanted and I vowed never to have another as it may distort my immense love for my first born. However I fell pregnant 12 months later and I had very similar thoughts in my head. My older one became closer to her father as I used to get quite ill during my pregnancy. When my new one was born, she was so adorable that all I wanted to do was be her mummy. The issue was not me but my older one - who could not relate to the fact that I was paying attention to another child.
You will be just fine but a bit of advice - introduce your older one to the unborn and live the excitement of having another beautiful baby via your older one. You will feel totally different.

While I agree COMPLETELY that you will be fine, and you will have enough love to go around (I have two kids, and have days where one is my favorite, then the other, they both just have such great different ways about them), I just want to remind you to be gentle and patient with yourself in the postpartum days. If you don't magically transform and feel vast love the moment you give birth, it's OK. If you struggle and have days when you don't feel it, it's OK. Postpartum can be hard, and if you are coming into it with trepidation, it may follow naturally that you struggle. And it's going to be OK. Lots of deep breaths, lots of loving on your big girl, and get to know the new baby on its own terms. Be open, be gentle, be patient. It'll be great.

Dear I.....HELLO!!!!! Your note has struck a cord with many, many woman, I'm sure of that!!! When our first born arrives, we cannot fathom any more room or love for another little one in our heart. Nothing could be further from the truth!!!!
God has given us this very special organ, which allows us to live, but also allows us to love. Just when you think there is not one itty bitty space left for love......another precious gift arrives......and miraculously, our heart has ths ability to EXPAND beyond anything we thought was possible. As you hold your new baby in your arms, and kiss those precious cheeks, lips, ears....EVERY little finger and toe......you will wonder, "how did we every get along without this one!!!" That is the beauty of love......it knows NO bounds and as our family grows, our love capacity in our heart grows!!!
I have 4 grown children and many grandchildren. They are all totally "themselves".....and I love them each just for who they are, and I truly do wonder, "how did we get along without THIS one???"
You do your part in preparing for your new arrival and God will do His part in preparing your heart for this gift. Love is so complex.....it is kinda like Silly Putty.....you can pull it in every direction and are amazed at how far it can expand.
I know right now you think you just couldn't love another one like you love your first....you probably won't.....you will love this one just for who he or she is.....this child will be totally himself/herself and will amaze you and your hubby just as your little girl has done.
This is such an exciting time.....try not to worry about this issue.....when the time comes.....the love will be there!!!!!!
God Bless you and your famly!!!!

G. M.

It's normal to worry, of course. Normal. You will be FINE once you see that precious little baby. This is a different person and it's okay to love this person differently, though you will love it just as much. I hope that makes sense, you'll be fine. Congratulations! C.

I see you already have a ton of responses saying the same thing, but I just thought I'd chime in that I too felt exactly how you describe during much of my pregnancy. And the instant I pushed my second little girl out and held her in my arms I was beside myself with love and I could not even imagine the feelings I had had when I was pregnant!!! Enjoy this time with your daughter and rest asure that when your second child arrives you will again be filled with a joy and love you can not imagine right now.

I. , I am excited for whats to come for your family. I have had this feeling ,question, with every baby. Having just had baby number 4 I thought for sure I jinxed the whole thing and this would be the one that puts me over. But what I have found is that with every baby after your first it's so beautiful to see the sibling relationship. And this out ways everything. The focus is less about me and more about them. It's so amazing to see how the same parents ,home ,can produce such different personalities. It's refreashing too. There is no doubt you'll have an amazing , new love for this baby.I love how a new baby brings out something new in each child you already have. My oldest is 11 and since we just had her 2nd baby sister she has been so nurturing and my son 9 says he just loves cute little babies and loves to hold her . My 3 year old is my right hand girl and tells me how much she loves her sister and shares her beloved pink blankie with her.There is nothing like a new baby in the house. I always get a bit melancholy before a new baby because you are saying good bye to the family as it was. But it's for something even greater.Make sure to get pictures of this time as you are before. Once you have this baby you won't be able to imagine life with out them. Blessings

We welcomed our second child almost six months ago, when our eldest daughter was 3 years old. I totally understand and empathize with your feelings. While my husband and I were sure that we would love our second child, we weren't sure how that love would compare to our love for our first child.

It turns out that we have plenty of love for both of our daughters. The new one is a completely different person, and is very different from our first child, and we are both thrilled and delighted with her as we were with her sister. If anything, it is easier to immediately love our new baby since a lot of our reservations and difficulties experienced going from a two person to a three person family had to do with our lack of confidence as parents. We are so much more relaxed! Our eldest child has needed a lot of verbal and physical reassurance that we love her, too, because she perceives our feelings about the baby and wants to make sure that she is still loved, but this is normal stuff and it is easy to sweep her off of her feet into a big hug and profess our love for her.

Our transition to a family of four has been just wonderful. Best wishes to you and your family.

I so agree with the responses I read. I had a similar experience with my third child and learned that love is not a pie whose pieces become smaller when more people are brought to the table. There is infinite room for love. Your heart will burst with joy with your second baby - and will continue to do so if you are lucky enought to have a couple more.

I'm a lucky mom of 3, step-mom to 4 and swimming in love!

I felt the same way with my #2 coming! I loved my first with all my heart and couldn't imagine sharing that love with anyone else.
But I have good news for you! When that 2nd baby comes you don't have to "share" or divide the love, your heart grows at the first sight of your new baby. Don't worry, you will love that little bundle more than you could guess! You will have the same love for you daughter that you have now, and maybe more because once they grow a bit and can play and hug and kiss each other and you can see how they love each other it makes you love them both more!

Hi I.,

You are not alone. When I married my husband 10 years ago, I instantly had a daughter. When we got pregnant with our son, I truly understood a Mother's love. For the longest time a went back and forth about having another one because I couldn't even IMAGINE being able to share the love I have for my son with another. Besides we had our boy and girl. Right after we decided that two was enough, I found out that I was pregnant, and like you just didn't think I would love the new baby the same. But, much to my relief, once I saw her that was no longer a thought. You do develop a different love for each of your children, but you NEVER love one more than the other. I couldn't imagine my life without my little girl who is now 4.

Don't beat yourself up for having these thoughts. As soon as you hold your little miracle, they will stop.

God bless

I., Love is not a limited resource. However, just as all people are different, you will love this child differently--as much as the first, but since it will be a different relationship, it will be different. With that said, time is limited. Are you going to continue to work full time with two children? How do you do it? I tried with one, and couldn't handle the stress. Good luck to you. And no worries--you are getting ready to fall in love all over again.

I know how you feel. We just had our second four months ago and I felt the same way. Once she came into the world all of those thoughts went away. Now I can not stand being away from her. You will be just fine =)

I felt the same way when we were having our second child. I loved my oldest so much, I couldn't imagine loving anyone as much. But your husband and mother are right. The new baby comes along and you will be amazed all over again that you can feel so much love. Don't worry. You'll love them both.

My oldest was 11 years old when my 2nd son finally arrived.
Like you I worried whether I had enough love to share with another child, since Jordan had been my whole world for so many years. Also, worried about how another child, making us a family of 4, would change the family dynamics. I desperately wanted to be a family of 4, but still had all these thoughts of the unknown going rampant.

Just remember all that you felt when you waited for your first child to enter the world. It is perfectly natural to have a sense of worry and wonder about the new addition. But please don't focus so much time and attention of it.
You are robbing yourself of what is to come. Once that baby is born the full emotion of being a mother again will hit you.

You'll see that it will all work out in the end. But is you continue to have emotional/hormonal issues that seem over the top to your family around you, please consult your doctor.

You have been a great mother to your first child, you will continue to be a loving mother to baby #2. Wait until you hold that baby in your arms, and notice the little toes and fingers. All that you worried about these last few weeks will fall by the wayside.

Your heart is like the Grinch's heart, the moment you give birth your heart will grow 5 sizes in that moment!!! Don't worry, just enjoy these last few weeks and cherish every moment you have with your new little one. You will not only fall in love with this new miricle but your love will grow stronger for your husband and your daughter. You will see them in a new light and one day you will look back at this and wonder why you even doubted the amount of love you have.

Wishing you a wonderfully fast labor and a baby with a little head!

I went through the same thought process from the time that my first child was born until about halfway through my second pregnancy (2.5 years). Your concerns are not ridiculous, but I can assure you that this second child will only add to the joy in your household and your life. The "love pie" will not be divided into smaller pieces; the whole pie will get bigger.

The first child changes your life because you become a parent. The second (and beyond) enhances your life in other ways. The parental experiences and the children themselves are very different, and each should be celebrated for what it is. For now, enjoy these last few weeks as a threesome with your daughter and your husband, and send welcoming thoughts to the little one that is growing inside you. If they are still hanging around next month, these fears will go away as soon as you hold your new baby. Best of luck with your delivery!

I felt the same way when I was pregnant the second time! I was (and still am) really attached to my first son. When I found out I was having twins my anxiety went even higher! You will love your second baby, too. For me it took longer to connect since the babies were in the NICU. I don't know when it kicked in, but it did. What really surprised me was how much my 2 year-old at the time enjoyed the babies. I realized at some point that I was giving him something really amazing and all the worry just stopped. It seems like I have a different relationship with the little boys, maybe not as intense as with the first, but I still love them so much. Hang in there! And congratulations!