I was holding my 13-month-old daughter (who just started walking yesterday!) and she put her open mouth on my cheek to give me a kiss. Well, for some reason, this time she closed her mouth and barely bit my cheek(but it pinched a little skin between her teeth and hurt). I really don't want her to bite. Though she has not done this since she was first teething and I'm not sure she was fully aware of what she did, I held her back and said "No, no! No bite!" and I touched my fingers to her mouth to help her understand. She seemed surprised at my reaction and burst into tears like her little heart was broken! She burried her head into my neck and CRIED. I believe I did the right thing in correcting her, but her feelings were so hurt. I now feel guilty that maybe she thought she was being corrected for giving me a kiss. I'm sure some of you have felt this way before. But, now I am thinking that maybe I didn't handle the situation the best way?
Thank you for the great feedback and support! My little daughter was kissing on me again the next day, so no harm done (and no more biting so so-far-so-good). I do have a long road ahead of me. I now I know what my mom was talking about when she told me when mom's go to bed at night and run through the events of the day, feel guilty and even cry.
Its okay! Please don't feel bad. If there were such things as a perfect mom w/the perfect reaction every single time there wouldn't be awesome sites like mamapedia!
Next time, when everyone is happy and getting along, have her give you a kiss on the cheek for no reason. If she hesitates, then make a game of it - you give her one, daddy gives her one, then she gives you and daddy one, and so on.
.
You handled it GREAT.
WE WANT our kids to cry/be upset from time to time... it's part of how they learn and learn *empathy*. Kids who have *never* been made to feel badly about hurting other people/ children have a name: bullies or spoiled rotten. They think it's fun/ funny to hurt others. You really, REALLY, want your baby/toddler to link feeling badly with inappropriate actions. Which she'll never do if she's never made to feel badly about anything.
There's a big difference between a baby/toddler hurting someone on accident because they don't know any better, and *intentionally* hurting someone. Pulling on hair v yanking hair, knocking someone down on accident v knocking them down out of anger. She bit you, not to *try* to hurt you (that will come later), but to "see what happens". She saw what happens. She may do it 1 or 2 more times just to 'double check', but that will be the end of it since she's older now (unless you send mixed signals).
That doesn't mean that our kids crying is easy on US... the whole "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you" phrase really makes sense, now, doesn't it? It's not just 'dad with a belt' kind of thing... it's timeouts, and canceling playdates, and taking away a toy that's beloved but being abused (you do NOT hit your brother with the truck), and all the times we see our kids struggling and have to be firm on discipline even when WE don't want to.
If this is all you have to feel really guilty about, feel lucky. In the scheme of things, this is nothing. Sorry to be so blunt. It was a simple reaction on your part and I am sure she does not even remember it.
You probably startled her and she will get over it. Its good to stop the bite fast and I bet she wont bite again. Now be sure to give her lots of big fat kisses and say "MMMMWHAAAA" with each one and smile and laugh and let her try to kiss you back and she will know the difference. We all hate to see our child cry or be sad. Its just starting for you and you do need to be able to stand strong when you are disciplining and you wont have to do it as often. Just be sure to hug and kiss and snuggle 40 times more than you scold her. And if you need,, put her down for a nap, and go in your room and cry like a baby,, and then youll be ok too. Hugs.
My 13-month-old just bit me while she was nursing. I yelped in surprise and pain - nothing more than "Ow!" - and she got the little boo lip out and then just started crying and crying. This is a child that doesn't cry about anything! I really don't see what I could have done differently, so I don't feel bad. Who knows why it upset her. There's no need to feel guilty. Your reaction was perfectly fine and appropriate.
Don't worry. Kids are hardier than you think. They forget things easily too so don't be surprised if you have to correct her again.
You did fine but next time I would add "were you trying to give me a kiss? Yeah.. Ok.. Thank you but we kiss gentle and do not bite. Lets practice. and give her some big kisses."
Feelings will get hurt while being a parent. Either yours or hers. Don't worry about it. She is learning the rules and she is going to cry whether you put her down and say no or bite her back.
relax! It's all a part of life....& she'll survive....as will you.
You were correct in reprimanding her for biting you.
