Falling Asleep on Her Own in Her Bed

I have an 8 year old daughter and a 6 year old son. My daugher was always a challenging sleeper from day one. I laid her down, she woke up. I tried the let her cry it out, she threw up because she cried so hard and so long. She would figure out how to climb out of the crib and had bruises under her arm and chin from climbing out. I read all the books. I finally gave in. I now make it a routine to lay with her as she falls asleep. At 8, she can fall asleep on her own, but she likes the comfort of a parent next to her as she settles down to sleep.

As for my son, he was a much better sleeper, but quickly learned my daughter's habits. So my husband sleeps with one while I sleep with the other. It may only be for 5 minutes, unless we fall asleep too, but long enough to settle them down. My son wakes up and joins us in bed sometime during the night. He may come in at 5:45am, but rarely does he sleep through the night. It can be irrating, but you know, we have a wonderful bond with the children and yet they are very independant kids. My daughter is in the gifted math program doing pre-algebra in 3rd grade. My son is at the top of his class. Both children are very well liked by their peers. They are very self-confident.

As one nurse told me, you don't have your children very long. They grow up and don't want your company. She still lets her daughter climb in during the night at age 10. She cherishes those times. That is how I approach the situation. I don't always get the best night's sleep, but I know this togetherness means alot to my children. There is nothing wrong with your child wanting your company and eventually they will grow out of it, as did my daughter, she now sleeps through the night. There is hope.

at almost 2 1/2 my son started sleeping in his own bed, all night. Prior to this he slept in our bed. There would be a few times when he would wake up in the middle of the night, because he was scared and we would take him back to his bed etc. He did really well for about 12m. We made the mistake one night of letting him back in the bed (I say mistake for that is what I thought it was but I have shifted in thinking). I felt guilty like we had taken steps backward, that I wasn't doing something right etc (you know the mommy guilt:)). With a new baby there was not enough room for all of us. So our solution was to make a palete on the floor next to our bed. He knows if he is afraid he can come in our room and sleep on the floor. This has worked for us...he always starts in his bed. We do the bedtime routine, read a book, sit with him for a while, we leave his light on and the hall light on and if he is still awake after we read books we tell him we will be back to check on him. Usually he will fall asleep when we come back and check on him and turn his light off (we leave the hall light on). Some nights he sleeps all night in his bed others he ends up on the floor in ours. But he feels safe. This is my shift in thinking. Developmentally at 3 all sorts of fears start to arise and knowing what is real and not gets confusing. Ultimately we want to provide a safe, loving environment where our children will grow up secure and confident. I believe, providing him this safe place does that for him. And I know when he is developmentally ready to handle his fears he will not need to sleep on the floor anymore. This is what works for us. I do hope that you find something that works for you.

From the way you write, it sounds like a long time issue, but my son at this age had seperation anxiety, and I think still does. I am sure his was not helped by the birth of his brother..but here are some of the things we did, that seemed to help.
We have a lamp in his room that has a blue (purple works too)light bulb in it, this is not as bright as the regular light and it helps him feel better. He doesn't ask for it much now, but when he does I put it on for him.
We also established that if he woke in the middle of the night, he could bring his sleeping bag and sleep outside our door if he wanted to, but that he had to start in his own bed and he could not come into our room until the sun went up, unless it was an emergency. Otherwise we were getting woken on a nightly basis for him wanting to sleep in our bed, and I just didn't want to go there. (I understand it is right for some, but just not for us).
For bedtime, I started reading to him in his bedroom, and then telling him that I would check on him, and then I did check on him, about every couple of minutes at first, then spread it out. This really worked! He would be excited waiting for us to check on him and then would eventually check on him. He is now 4 and still wants us to check on him but most of the time he is asleep before we get in there. We still have nights when he comes out, but he is better..
Good Luck!

C.,
Have you ever watched "Supernanny" on TV? She teaches a great sleep technique that would probably work great in this situation.

I feel inclined to point out that having small children sleeping in separate beds in separate rooms is not exactly natural. In many parts of the world it is perfectly normal and acceptable for babies and small children to sleep in the same bed with their parents. It makes far more biological sense than the artificial separation demanded of us by American society and culture. But if co-sleeping just isn't your cup of tea, you need to look into why your little darling isn't sleeping well.

My son, around the age of two, was difficult to get to sleep, and once he was asleep, he'd wake right back up in an hour or two. Any change in routine made this worse. Now, my son has other issues, which led us into trying different things, but one of the things we discovered was that he had reflux. Yes, even small children can get acid reflux. So, your daughter's sleeping issues could be medical, and it's worth asking her doctor about.

Otherwise, if there is no medical reason and you remain against co-sleeping, you might just have to buy earplugs and tough it out. Every time you yield to her tantrum, you reinforce the tantrum as a means to get what she wants. If you stop reinforcing the undesired behavior (the crying at bedtime, or whatever) in any way, the behavior should stop.

Is she scared of the dark??
Try leaving the light on. My son, also 3 is scared of the dark. And will scream for hours if left in a dark room to fall asleep. We leave his door open, and his big light on(on the condition that he stays in his bed- 1st time up, lights out, 2nd time up door closes) he rarely ever gets out of bed, because he knows it will be dark if he does.
So we leave his big light on and his Christmas lights(a strand of multi-colored Christmas lights, gives off the perfect amount of soft light for a scared child at night.)
He falls asleep quickly and easily with his christmas lights and his big light on, then we turn his big light off before we go to bed. If he wakes up during the night the christmas lights are usually enough to keep him from being scared and he falls back to sleep on his own.
Good Luck!
T.

Hi C. - We had the exact same issues with both my girls at this age. I have 1 daughter that will be 3 this month and another daughter that is 4 1/2. It's a tough age for us since both of my daughters stopped napping around 2 1/2 - 3yrs old. My best suggestion would be to cut out the naps and see if it helps with night time sleeping. It worked for us but, each one's different.

Good Luck and sweet dreams :0)!!!!