I am in a very similar situation both in terms of my marriage, work situation and finances as well. I agree with a lot of the posts that say things can change- my marriage is in the midst of that process right now. Don't want to repeat what's already been said so here's my input:
First, this society is totally unrealistic with the depiction in the media/hollywood about marriage, and sets incredibly false expectations. Marriage is not only about love, it's about work and business- running a household, raising children. The love part is emphasized tremendously, and there's no representation of the grim reality of those other critical (more important?) parts. It sets an expectation that marriage is supposed to be orgasmic love all the time and man is that NOT the truth!! It is hard work Work WORK!! and some really rough times, sprinkled by some good times. Definitely not great times for me (yet?) and yet worthwhile in the overall scheme of things. It's been disappointing for both me and my husband, but we're addressing it now and tryingg to materialize more happiness, fun and joy in our lives
2- happiness and joy don't happen becuase of circumstances. Both are choices. This is very counter intuitive and certainly not what I expected of life. I am shocked at how hard it can be to choose to be happy, joyful and focused on fun.
3- Good things really started to happen when I changed my own behavior in my marriage. My husband didn't (and still doesn't) hear my "feelings" but he takes real notice of my actions. Last summer, at a low point for me, I decided to stop revolving my time around the household and instead started setting up playdates with other women as often as possible- leaving him to his own devices. I think he realized I was giving up on him, and that was the beginning of positive changes. So actions speak louder than words and distancing myself from my husband- rather than focusing on him and expecting appreciation- worked wonders.
4- be very careful of meeting someone else right now. This happened to me at a low point in my marriage. I was vulnerable, this other person seemed SO appreciative and interested when my husband totally didn't. It didn't go all the way, but far enough to cause a lot of damage. It seemed real to me at the time but I now see it was a complete fantasy and very destructive.
My husband and I are trying to do date nights, and I can't tell you how great this has been. It was unbelievably awkward at first, as if we were strangers, and gradually the fun came back (it took about 3-4 "dates"). It's costing us a fortune in babysitting buy it's worth every penny. Nothing is more important, and nothing is easier to fall by the wayside. you'd think that being married, everything falls into place. I am continually shocked at how hard it is.
I do fantisize about being single and I think that if I could wave a magic wand and suddenly change my circumstances, that would be sooo much easier, and I'm extremely jealous of my single friends for their freedom (certainly not for the whole dating scene- YUCH!!) but I'm sticking with it. I just need to majorly readjust my expectations because man, this is SOOO much harder than I ever thought it'd be!!
Good luck!!