Family Feuds

What are the expectations here? Does your husband expect you to have a sleepover where you all braid each other's hair and talk about your first crush? No. You've made a gesture. Leave it. Your husband knows what's going on. If he pressures you to do more, then simply tell him, "I've compromised as much as I'm going to here. I need some gesture on their part next." Tell your family that you do what you do in the best interest of your marriage. You understand and appreciate their support of you individually, but you and your husband need to face this situation as a team, and this is the path you've chosen together. That's it. You're never going to be close with his mother or sister, especially after what's transpired. Everyone needs to accept that and move on as best as they can.

You did the right thing. Nothing is gained by holding a grudge, nothing is lost by being the bigger person. You have now set an example to your children that fighting is not the answer. That doesn't mean you let her run all over you or that your husband has no resposibilty in this. You learn when it is best to smile nod and keep your mouth shut, and when to smile as you leave for the door.
And you tell your husband that you expect to be the # 1 woman in his life and you are disappointed that he is not making it so, then drop the subject. Give him time to make changes with out nagging (nagging is the best way to send him to mama).
In the mean time live like you want you kids to grow up to be.

It sounds like your MIL is not sure what to do next. Maybe she feels like she was wrong but doesn't want to (or know how to) admit it. Maybe she still feels like you were wrong and is trying to accept your apology. I would suggest keep being polite to your in-laws. Be yourself, but don't bring up the old issues again. Even if you never get an apology, let things settle, and try not to push your husband about it (I don't recall the old post, so I have no idea what the details are, but hopefully it is something that won't keep coming up between the two of you.)

And it's time to stop going to your family about it. I know you need and want support. But it is not doing anything to help the situation, or your relationship with your husband, for you to be going to them about this issue anymore (maybe you aren't any more, you're just talking about when it first happened; just try not to dredge it up again).

Focus on the relationship between you and your husband and making sure you are growing together, rather than apart.

You have made the first step....now...as you say...the ball is in your MIL court. BUT you need to just continue being as kind and caring to them as you can be. I know it is a difficult and awkward situation but you just need to allow things to smooth out over a period of time. Don't expect them to suddenly be all peaches and cream with you...I don't know what happened between you...I don't need to know...but it will eventually get better.
I applaud your decision to take the first step in this...and to try and make amends even if you feel like this wasn't your fault in the first place. Sometimes we need to step up..and as you say..be the bigger person.

You have apologized. now the ball is in their court.

Learn from your past and don't repeat it....

Your husband has to let go as well..but he also has to learn from it - those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it...

You have to let it go and don't hold it over ANYONE'S HEAD....that's the hard part of life - the difference between letting go and learning from it....don't forget the incident - LEARN FROM IT...apply it to use and make yourself a better person for it..

This is a great example for your children to learn from you and how you behave with difficult people. They are going to have difficult people in their lives! Reconciliation/Forgiveness (apologizing) involves acceptance, respect, peacemaking, and restoring harmony. I think those are all important for you toward your inlaws because they will be in your life forever. How is not following thru with this going to affect your husband, your children? Your MIL is going to have a hard time interacting with you after this, BUT as the bigger/stronger person that apologized first - you can still be the bigger person by continuing to interact/speak with/invite her over (kind of act like nothing happened, but go slow). Breaking the ice for her to know you have no ill-will towards her will help her have less and less ill-will toward you. It will never be perfect, but she will gain more respect for you as you try. Remember it is easier to be bitter, but bitterness rots your spirit! (and teaches your children to be bitter people as well). As you work on this relationship you will be resepcting yourself, healing yourself from their hurting you. But when you respect yourself, others respect you too! But you can always have a good back up plan of comebacks to douse the flames next time they try to hurt you (calmly: I'm sorry you feel that way about...). If you are religious at all Romans 12:17-21, 1Peter 3:8-12. And these people will always be your kids grandmother and aunts/uncles, don't send mixed signals that they should care for them when you don't, or they shouldn't care for them because you don't.

I am with you. You do what you have to do to try to keep family in the picture. The advice I was given by someone who I respect, was to just
be nice. It may take some time, but it does work. BTDT. Now things
are wonderful, but the road was long. Good luck. Life is too short!

If I were in your shoes - I would have NEVER reached out or spoken to the MIL and SIL again - PERIOD! Stop setting yourself to look stupid or rebuffed. Just pretend they do not exist and if your husband cannot stand up for you to them... then I'd give him the cold shoulder for awhile.

If I remember correctly, you & hubs were living at your in-laws with 2 kids when you had a 3rd, MIL freaked out and kicked you out screaming at you that all you know how to do is "open your legs and have babies" right?

This spurred you to move out, get your own place, quit your job (loss of free childcare maybe?), and lose your car (no $$ for payment due to new rent expenses?).

Still, you made a big move.

You are better being out. And responsible for yourselves, no matter how tight the money is. You extended the olive branch. Were you sincere? Ball is in her court now, I guess. Continue to be inclusive, friendly and polite.

i'm sorry for what you're going through. i agree that this is your husband's responsibility. it's his mom, and she's trippin. he needs to take care of it. for you, for the kids, and for himself.

good luck mama!