Feeling the Need to Get Away for a While.

You really need to communicate with him. He's older you say... perhaps he also feels insecure about it all...having a younger wife, he getting older and having 2 young children, maybe he thinks you are "bored" with him etc.

You don't really know what he feels unless you ask, lovingly, and both talk it out.

Perhaps he just "appears" to not care....but this is just his way of not wanting to create stress.

You really have to talk about it, or see a counselor, together. You don't want your "wandering" urges to create a undesirable conflict. You also need to have some "girl" time too... like the other respondent said. All Moms deserve that.

Don't resent him... how can you really "blame" him when you have not even expressed your feelings to him?

Also, many times after children, couples "lose" track of each other. You need to re-connect with him. It's the responsibility of marriage and as a spouse. Don't assume things, unless you find out, in yourself, what you are missing. If you feel you "missed out" on life...then do something about it constructively. Take classes, join a club, find a hobby, do a side business you enjoy, etc. Find a "couple" activity you both enjoy.

Take care, and really, find something that will fulfill you. What will you have when your children are grown and out of the nest so to speak? You cannot just blame Hubby, unless he is that awful a person. Find activities you can do together, find your sense of "joy" again. This is your need and remember, marriage is a TEAM effort.

Good luck and all the best,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

Hi H.:
I wasn't permitted to date till I was 16 years old,got married at 17 years old,Had my first son just before turning 20,and my second son at 22. My life evolved around them.I Loved being a mother,and I was a devoted wife.At 28 years old, my marrage came to an abrupt end.It was a mutual agreement.I never ever regreted having those babies. Never once!They were my reason for living.My only regret,was "Not Living Life,before getting married" I was merely a child. I Married my first serious boyfriend for heavens sake!How could I have possibly known he was the man I wanted to spend the remainder of my life with? I had No One to compare him to! My parents tried to convince me,tried to share their experiences,their knowledge with me,but,as young teens (We KNEW Everything,Already) Unhuh! We are all in such a big hurry to become (Adults),then when we mature enough to realize all the responsibilities that come with that,We sit there dumbfounded,and think.."Is this it?? "Is this all there is? "What the heck could I have been thinking? I haven't even had any (FUN) (YET)...I missed (MY PROM! I didn't get to go to any (RAGING PARTIES). I missed all those (RADICAL CONCERTS) with my friends!I didn't get to go out (DANCING)I can't remember the last time I went to an (AMUSEMENT PARK) just to scream and yell and act silly!H.,wether you realize it or not, the day you married,and the day you made the decision to have a child,is the day you decided to become an (ADULT) You didn't forfeit your right to be YOU,or have a life,or have fun,but it was the day, that you decided,that you would include others in your future plans.It is not unnatural for you to have these feelings,at your age. Especially if you missed out on alot of your youth.However,there is no (correct way) to (GO BACK) in time.You need to stop regreting,stop feeling sorry for those things you may have missed or past up, and begin thinking about today,or tomorrow.Live some of those dreams through your children. Where do you think they get that old saying(CHILDREN KEEP YOU YOUNG)? Its because,they allow us the oportunity to (RELIVE) our childhood. : ) Enjoy life,but include those (YOU LOVE) Ask some of those girls, what your missing at the bars?Not a damn thing. Unless you find having some drunk guy drewlin on your shoulder exciting! lol.A good marrage,is one that you work at.If not,Its like beginning to write a book, and not giving it an end.It's like planting a flower and not giving it water. It doesn't stay alive all by itself.You have to work at it.You have to communicate,and keep the romance alive.Men are natually lazy,so yes, woman need to take the initiative. You plan a romantic evening.Set up a sitter,get in a dress,and you take him dancing.Fix a candlelight dinner,and have the kids spend the night somewhere.If things have gotten so bad, that he is unresponsive to you or your needs, then its time to go talk to a counselor.Don't wait, till your so fed-up,that its over before its over!Its good for you to get out once in a while,and take a breather from all your duties,as a mother,and housewife,but don't pretend,that your someone your not.While you may be bored,or fretful about losing your youth,you should never (forget) who comes first in your life now. My best wishes for you H.

Talk to your husband. We try to have date night once a month. Plan it and follow it through. You need to take care of yourself too, but in a constructive way, not out clubbing or something. I joined a book club and took a belly dancing class (so much fun and my hubby loved it!). These activities will help build friendships too, then maybe you'll get some of that girl support your looking for.

When I want to do something, I plan it, then let my DH know. I will arrange for a babysitter, pick a restaurant, buy tickets, whatever, and then he doesn't have a choice! My husband loves it when I take the initiative to plan something fun because its hard to be the one always coming up with things to do. My advice is, call a sitter, go to Koji's (The Block) for some shabu-shabu and go to an Angels game. Investing in something like season tickets to the Angels or Ducks or Disneyland passes is also great because it gives you something to do.

One of the best things I have done for myself is hooking up with a good friend and taking turns with our kids. We watch one another's kids so we can go run errands by ourselves.

Gotta run!

please when you find your answer please share with me at @ ____@____.com. I am going through your dilemma.

H., you are headed for a crisis if something does not change here. I remember the other message you wrote about husband and discipline. Men are so clueless but if you change your behavior others around you change also. If you don't feel you can talk to him about this yet make some short plans of your own with or without the kids. My husband also does not like to go out but with time we have learned to talk to each other and work things out. One book I would suggest is "Love And Respect". Men need respect, women need love and when a man says he is thinkging of nothing, HE REALLY IS!!

I am kind of worried for you, do you have someone to talk to or hang with some days? We could meet for coffee, I am a grandmother and I do not work. I speak from experience because I have been married four times and I know what damage can be done with divorce.

I am holding you up in prayer because there is nothing more important to children than a good home. Take care, and take yourself to a spa of something.

Hey there H.! I too am a young mom. I had my son when I was 20 and I was forced to drop out of college and sacrifice a trip to Italy. I too am married to a man who has done it all to the point where 8 years now into the marriage, I still hear a new story from "back in the day". We have based our relationship on communication. If we can't talk to each other nothing else will fall into place.

I told him when I was pregnant that I was afraid of losing that youthful experience. I didn't want to end up acting like an old maid at 30. He was very understanding. All I need to do is let him know when I need some time off. I tell him. if I want to spend time him, myself or with the girls. He is more than happy to help out. Some days all I want is to go on a bike ride so we drop the kid off at a friend’s house, gear up and ride to god knows where!

I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. I think he would be more than happy to plan something out. If not, my suggestion is to tell him you’re going out and go. It just might be the kick that he needs to realize that you’re not just a mom! Good luck!

Hi H.,

When I was a SAHM, these feeling were much more intense like the world was closing in around me. Now, I think I had post-partum depression after my first child - I didn't think about it until my son was already 10 months old and I was talking with a fellow mommy friend who told me that she went on medication to help her because she was feeling trapped. She described the thoughts and I told her that I feel the same. When my second child was born, I told my OB and she gave me things to watch and asked my husband to watch for the signs, too.

I recommend talking with a therapist - perhaps a woman with children - someone you can relate to. She should be able to help sort through the issues.

Girlfriends are great, but, they tend to end up talking about themselves or projecting their issues on you, etc.

I recommend you find someone, like a therapist, to talk to. It could be nothing, or it could be something and it is best to deal with it as soon as you can.

I'm 27 with kids 8 and 6. I KNOW THE FEELING! We are young and our partying days were spent being mommy. You do need to get out, but safely. You do not want to do something that will destroy your marriage and family. Find a nice stable group of mommies or singles and have a girls night out at a bar once a week then have a few over for coffee a few more times a week.

I'm in Riverside, Ca and I'm looking for the same thing. I'm looking for other moms to go out with. I am single, but not really looking to date just yet.

Party responsibly and once a year plan a trip. My yearly trips are to San Francisco for Bay to Breakers and a trip to Vegas and sometimes more if I can. Go with friends or your hubby. Make sure he feels loved and not threatened and make sure none of this affects your parenting, but stop neglecting yourself.

If your marraige is a priority to you you need to talk to him. I realize that it's really tough when your spouse is not much of a talker but someone 'has to be the hero' so to speak. It's worth it to put yourself & your feelings out there to your husband. You at least need to give him the chance to talk about it and hopefully DO something about it.
As far as you going out, you can get yourself on the highway to disaster very quickly. While I completely agree that you need some time to yourself & time with your friends, those also need to be 'appropriate' things. GNO with your friends is great as long as it's not at a club dancing w/ other guys and that kind of thing. (I'm not saying that's what's going on). Just be careful. It's very easy to think the grass is greener. Try to take some quality time out for yourself. Go out with some friends, get a massage, that kind of thing. I also think it's important to get out w/ your spouse as well. Can you bring up to him that the two of you should have a date night.........even just once a month. It sounds like you need to both reconnect with your husband and also do somethings for yourself. Best wishes to you.

Hi H.,
Don't worry about missing out on anything. You are a young mom, so your "freedom" will return while you are still young. I was single through my 20s, met my husband when I was 30, and now I have two toddlers at 36. I have a hard time with having "lost my independence." I dream of the day that my kids will be grown and I can go back to doing what I want to do, enjoy spending time with my husband and date whenever we feel like it. I think about how old I will be when my kids graduate from high school. I will be OLD. You will just barely be in to your 40s. I know that seems old to you right now, but my husband is about to turn 40 and it is not nearly as old as I used to think it was. You have an edge on me being a younger mom, I bet you have a lot more energy than I do! Sometimes I wish I had met my husband and started this whole adventure 10 years earlier (a useless line of thinking, I know), but I have the trade off of some great memories from those years. I worked as a youth counselor with my church. I spent lots of time with the teenagers, hanging out, having slumber parties, bonfires at the beach, summer camps, outreach trips. I never could have done all of that if I were married and had young kids. Just this weekend, one of the girls that I spent a lot of time with (now in her 20s) came to me to thank me for all the time I spent with her and how much that helped her get through the teen years, and she is now passing it on spending time with a teenager she knows. I think I'm rambling, but I just want to tell you to hang in there. You have some benefits being a young mom. I know it's hard, I'm there too. Try to get out and do something fun as often as you can. I just started trading care with another mom, today is my day to get a couple of hours to myself - I am going to get a pedicure! I cannot wait! My parents live close, so I try to get them to babysit as often as I can so my husband and I can go out to dinner. It never seems like enough, but it does help. Your husband sounds like me on the weekend, I want to do nothing, but my husband can't stand sitting around the house with the kids. I am a low energy person, but he is high energy and wants to get out and take the kids to a park or something, drives me crazy sometimes but I go along with it. Plan a picnic at the beach or at a park on the weekend. He may be happy to go along. Make plans to do things that you think you and your kids will enjoy. If he doesn't want to do it, maybe you can compromise - one day out, one day home, or one weekend out, one weekend home. Just some ideas, I don't know what will work for you. Try to do something for yourself once a week (that helps me) and plan family things that you can look forward to.
Enjoy being a young mom. Nothing that is worth experiencing is passing you by. This is a phase of your life. It feels like forever when you're in it, but it is really just a short phase in comparison.

On top of taking care of your kids you can't forget to take care of yourself.
I seriously think you just need a night or two out with the girls, your mom, a sister, whoever.
I have done a Vegas weekend with the bestfriend and a spa trip overnight to Temecula with two friends. They were equally as relaxing and left me excited about coming home.
If your not part of a mom's group, I would say look into that too. I was suprised to find out my local mom's group has a mom's night out (how awesome, right?).
I think if you get the chance to get out you won't resent your husband as much or at all. He's probably a scapegoat to your feelings.

Try talking to him or take the initiative and put something fun for the 2 of you together for a night . If you can get a sitter, see if you both can do something you both enjoy? My husband and I like to go on "date night" and try new places to eat, or see the latest scary movie:)
If you prefer to go out w/ the girls, just try to go to places that wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable if your husband went there. I went through the same feelings w/ a husband who could have cared less about what I did, and we grew apart and eventually divorced. I'm not implying you will/are, but remember, marriage is just like having a job, you don't get paid if you don't show up for work;)

Just tell him the truth! Set a day a month or every other week to go out and have fun.