Fondled, Grabbed and Groped. Oh My.

So... He believes most women wouldn't appreciate being treated that way and does it anyway? Is that what you mean to say?
Interesting.

Are you saying you like it? I guess if you like it, great.
To me, it's really invasive and disrespectful. One sided groping or fondling makes me feel like nothing more than a glory hole (sorry, but it's true).
In a word, ew.

My husband will hold my hand, or put his arm around me, which is lovely.

I would never tolerate a random "fondle, grab or grope." Just because I am married to someone doesn't mean that I don't have boundaries.

There is a proper time and place for most things.

I had an ex who was excessively handsy. If I was cooking dinner, he was behind me at the stove, trying to get his hands down my pants.
I couldn't sit next to him on the couch to watch tv without his hand going down my shirt.
When I complained, he got offended, and told me that nost women would love it if their husbands touched them as much as he touched me.
I never could make him understand the concept of appropriate time and place, or that being groped every time I turned around made me feel likea piece of meat. .

well, you don't complain, but do you like it?
mine will often give me a kiss in passing, but more intimate touching is generally a 'whaddya think?' request. that's been our pattern for so many years now, it's hard to imagine what it would be like if it were something he just did randomly and without more to it.
if the tone were appreciative, with some humor and affection thrown in, i think i'd like it just fine.
if it were overbearing, or conveyed ownership, expectations or domination, i don't think it would set well at all.
khairete
S.

I think there's a line somewhere. The words you're using are also often used to describe a public transit cop-a-feel type experience.
So just the fact that you're using less than sterling descriptive terms makes your question -- odd.
I wouldn't describe what happens between me & my husband as groping or grabbing...I just don't see it like that.
And I also think there's a line between appropriateness, respectful and annoying!
Clear as mud?

I think as long as both people like it (not just tolerate it or don't complain), and it's not done in front of anyone else (children especially, as you note, but anyone else either), it's fine. But I think it's interesting that he does something he knows most women don't like - is he sure that you DO? Do you let him know that it's something you enjoy? Does it work both ways, meaning that he wants you to do this for him?

No, my husband doesn't do this because he knows I don't like it in the course of our everyday lives. If he grabs me en route to the washing machine, I don't consider it a come-on or anything designed to give me pleasure. If he touches me lovingly and is inviting more (or, frankly, if I do it to him), there are spoken and unspoken ways to say, "Yes please continue" or "How about a 'date' later on in the bedroom, honey?" If either of us did something the other didn't enjoy, we'd do more than "not complain" - we'd speak up about it. But every couple has their "acceptable" body parts - a kiss or a pat on the tush might be okay for some women, but a breast "grope" or "fondle" might not be.

I have the best relationship because my husband understands that the most important sexual organ is my brain - if he meets me there, he's got a much better chance of my WANTING him and initiating sex as much as he does.

From your post title, it doesn't sound like you take it all that seriously.

I think Veruca said it well.... and I don't discuss my intimate life with my husband online. Bad example to set for the kids, though-- is that what they should expect in college? That they should be 'down with' having what we call their 'private parts' grabbed, and in front of other people? Or that other people should be cool with them doing it? Or that their spouse will want to be treated like this?

yes- my husband does randomly touch me- grab my butt, pinch my butt, etc. Most of the time I let him do this thing as long as our kids aren't in the room. But what does piss me off to no end is when he does this to me in his sleep. I am a light sleeper that has trouble getting to sleep. Once I'm asleep, as long as I am not disturbed, I sleep all night just fine. But once in a while, he will grope me in his sleep and wake me up. Oh... that makes me so mad. It will take me forever to get back to sleep! Grr...

I "yeep". He think's it's cute and I know he thinks it's cute. :) In my defense there is only one location on my body that I really freak out on. He knows why and does it anyway, like the little juvenile twerp he is. I love him, but I'm still trying to find that perfect way of saying, "NOT there and not right now!!! You big doofus!" and have him not take it as "NOT EVER AGAIN!! Die in a fire!!"

Ah, men. :)

Yes he does and I don't mind, its nice that he can't keep his hands off me even after all these years.

It would bug me, but we have a very strained relationship. I suppose if we were in a place in our relationship where we liked each other, I'd welcome being touched in a way that says "I want you and I'm attracted to you" but I wouldn't welcome being touched in a way that says "you're mine and I can manhandle you any way I want to even if it annoys you or my advances are clearly not welcome." I had a boyfriend whose constant touching was more of the latter category and that's one of the reasons we broke up.

Be glad he does it to you and not to others. I know men who do it to women other than their wives (not private parts, mind you) and it is disgusting.

When you've been married for 20 plus years, (when he is older), he won't do it as much. Then you might miss it!

I wouldn't want my husband to do too much of it in front of my kids, but a little is okay. You certainly want your teen to know that his or her parents are very fond of each other.

I wonder why your husband says you're unusual. How does he know that? Why does he think that wives don't want their husbands to fondle them? I think your husband is actualy the unusual one...

There is a fair amount of grouping that goes on here. We resort to this silly sexy non sex touch because with three little ones, its hard to find the time, space, and energy to do the real thing. Being silly sexy is better than being nonsexual at all. Sometimes its enjoyable and sometimes its not. He knows when its not because I let him know it. Unfortunately I don't enjoy breast touching much at all while pregnant and bf. and since I've been pregnant and BF for about 4 years now, he's ready for his boobies back. But as others have said, this is fine if its well received. Groping can be juvenile, invasive, and possessive or it can be a fun, silly, sweat way of saying, "just because we can't do it right now doesn't mean I don't find you sexy."

I guess I am a little confused by what constitutes fondling, grabbing and groping in your opinion. My husband likes my boobs so he will touch them from time to time outside of a foreplay/sex situation. He doesn't do it in front of the others, including our children, and he doesn't do it at inopportune times. For example, if I am talking to him about a note sent home from school he doesn't reach out and grope me. If I am in the middle of a task, like cooking dinner, he doesn't interrupt me with a random boob grab.

He will randomly rub my shoulders, hug me, put his arm around me, etc. Don't most spouses do that kind of random touching?

If my husband were being possessive or excessive in his touching I would have a problem with it and put a stop to it. A touch to the breast every so often isn't a problem for me. My response is pretty much meh, he likes boobs.

1. Yes...all the time. But it is more of a kiss, massage, neck rub, cuddle while standing type thing.

2. I smile, reciprocate or give him the "not now" look.

All the advances though are appropriate for when kids are in the room. Although we often hear from our kids, "Can't you guys go somewhere else and do that?" or "Go get a room!" Yet, they will also tell us that they can't wait to get married so that they can do that.

But the sweetest was when we were kissing in the kitchen and our 9(at the time) year old daughter came up to us and said, "Awww..that looks yummy. Do it again." She didn't know how else to describe the sweet,tender moment her mommy and daddy were sharing except for the word "yummy".

I think it is great that kids grow up seeing their mom and dad kiss, cuddle, hold hands, massage and nuzzle each other. It gives them such a feeling of security in their parents love. Our kids often will come and try to get in between us saying, "move over..let me get in on that action!!" when we are hugging. Kids love to know and feel that they are loved.

Though... I don't think it is good for kids to see butt/crotch/ boob grabbing/groping. I also don't think it is good to allow your husband to continue these behaviors randomly around the house if you find it offensive or annoying.

Just tell him...give me 5 minutes to finish the laundry and I will meet you upstairs! That way he gets the hint you are not turned off by him or rejecting him at every turn...but that you need privacy or can't be "in the mood" knowing little eyes are nearby.

Not sure if this helps or I just rambled on and on about our friskiness. (is that even a word and did I spell it right?????)

If it happens at night when I am sleeping he gets the cold shoulder. That's basically the only time it randomly happens...almost in his sleep really...I wouldn't like that to be randomly done really, that's just me! My husband is not deprived, either! :)

Yes and I love it. It's one of his ways he shows he is attracted. Nothing wrong with it in my opinion if small kids can't see. I also love it if it's a more loving gesture too..hugs, kisses, cuddling etc

Sounds kind of disrespectful, unless you like it.

It's normal in our house. He is pretty good about making sure it is in private, and not in front of our DD... But oh yeah, there is a lot of casual fondling in our relationship.

How I respond is based on my mood at the moment. Sometimes I just tell him "not now," and he will stop. Sometimes I might smile, or return the favor. Sometimes, we will just randomly keep it up here and there and build up some steam until bedtime. ;)

I hate when my husband does it especially if I am working on stuff

Yes, my husband is a fondler. I can't stand it. I can't untrain him, even though I try. I would love some sweet, tender shoulder rubs or normal hugs. But no, I get boob grabs from behind while I'm trying to load the dishwasher. Sigh.

I've never thought about whether my reaction was normal or not. I assume most women are like me, kinda exasperated by it, but maybe not!

Yes. He's sometimes too frisky for his own good. I like it.
He knows he's taking a chance each time because of my (sometimes) severe mood swings. But if I don't like it, or think it's inappropriate, he'll get a little slap on the shoulder or something, usually accompanied by a "Stop it!" and a giggle OR a *severe look*.

I have boundaries. Just because I don't mind being reminded through touch that my husband wants me doesn't mean I don't have boundaries. If you try to hug me when I first meet you, you'll be sorely disappointed.

For sure always!!! Lol.