For Better or Worse...

WOW!! There is only one answer for that -- he needs to tell you what he wants. If he won't tell you, there's something weird going on with him.

Don't feel bad, everybody likes different things, so his preference doesn't mean you're no good in the bedroom.

Can I say he's a jerk?

I would not have sex with my husband if he told me that until he wanted to talk about how to make it better. Does he know what you could do to improve and doesn't want to tell you? Is it just the safety of routine that has him down?

Money problems can lead to all sorts of other problems. It is a negative dominos effect and can lead to tension, added stress, physical problems, and even sexual issues.

For me that point was when our problems were hurting the kids. I picked the guy, I married him I can deal with it even if I was miserable, which I was. The minute it started effecting my kids I was done and filed.

I would call it quits if my husband was mentally or physically abusive to me or my/our children and won't seek help.

If my husband told me i wasn't good in the bedroom - well, if he wants my legs to spread for HIM again - he had better start communicating on WHAT it is he expects and wants...and he better be listening when I tell him what I want...

You may be able to find a FREE CLINIC to seek counseling. You won't know until you try and talk to clinics and find out...

Financially strapped? That causes enough tension as it is...soooo I would HIGHLY recommend that you go to the library and check out the Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman books and get your financial life back on track...you'd be surprised at how much financial stress affects us physically, mentally and sexually...

Keep COMMUNICATING with each other...listen and be heard...it's not all one-sided....i understand that you don't trust him - he needs to tell you want he wants, desires and expects....but he MUST listen to you as well.

For me the point was when I realized that I was tense and miserable and hated myself whenever he was around, and calm, happy, funny, and a good mom whenever he wasn't. When I realized that the only thing I ever felt when he left a room was relief. When the sex didn't make me feel loved or special anymore. When I realized that his attitudes were going to do more harm than good to our kids. When I realized that I did not deserve to suffer forever, or to think I was not good enough to merit love and respect.

And though it wasn't easy, things have gotten better ever since.

Do you go to church? A lot of churches offer free counseling. I am sorry you are going through with this. I don't actually know where my tolerance level lies, I have never been tested. But I don't know if I would end my marriage because of that statement, although I would be very hurt. But, I am not in your shoes, nor do I know what else has been said. Sending warm thoughts and hugs your way.

What are you open to in the bedroom? Do you experiment with different positions or perhaps toys? Has he ever hinted at something he would like to try? I don't know if you have kids or what your job is - are you sometimes simply just too tired to really 'feel' it in the bedroom? If he doesn't romance you or have foreplay, of course sex may not be the first thing on your mind.
Think of some things that makes YOU feel sexy, and maybe it can translate into actions that will surprise him.
If sounds like your communication is ok, but he can't just stop there! It's leaving you hanging!
As far as calling it quits, I've dealt with a lot of s**t and I don't even know my own limit at this point. Each relationship has it's own breaking point, I think.

I don't see how he expected things to improve by saying that...my guess is that sex ahs't been "awesome" for a while and he just blurted it out when the occasion seemed appropriate (if there's such a thing for this kind of comment). I am the kind of gal that, if I dont feel loved/adored it affects sex immediately. Like, you can't push my buttons all day or criticize me or just drive me nuts with your mood swings and expect I'll be all warmed up by your advance, you know? So if you are anything like me, work on how you guys treat each other (ignore the comment for the time being), focusing on being more kind and thoughful and helpful...I bet it'll bring good results. My ex husband was an a$$ and, naturally (since I am an healthy person and don't like to be mistreated) sex went down the gutters, it was horrible when we had it so I was not going to repeat it. But it wasn't ME (infact with the next man was AWESOME), so much as it is not YOU right now. It's the relationship that needs to be cared for, the rest will fall in your lap. Good luck!

It doesn't make any sense that he said that to you and then had no suggestion on what would make him happy. If anything, men can go on and on and in GREAT detail about what they want from their women in the bedroom. He may have just said it to be hurtful and its not true, but if so that is extremely juvenile and isn't solving anything. You asked what we would tollerate before calling it quits so I will tollerate and work thru alot but these are my IMMEDIATE deal breakers (meaning I WILL file for divorce, no second chance!): Any form of cheating, hitting me or the kids in anger, excessive drinking and any form of drug use. I think anything else can be worked out IF each person is willing to do so. Good luck R., I hope you guys can work it out. (I had to edit cuz I thought this was R. D!!)

You need to sit down with him and have an open/honest talk. Give each other time to speak without interrupting and make sure you verify that you are hearing what the other is saying. Ask him for specifics of how you can improve and make an agreement to work on it and also ask him to talk with you about issues rather than make rude/abrupt statements. You also decide if you want this marriage to last, if you go into every argument or problem with the idea of a possible divorce in the back of your head you won't last. You have to get that thought out of your head if you want to make it last so that way you will have your mind set towards making it work and working through your problems.

OK...so did ya'll do laundry (ie: relations) before ya'll got married? How long have ya'll been married and how long has he felt that it was a problem?

Now "no good in the bedroom" can mean many things. Two of which are 1) I'm seeing someone else and she rocks my socks or 2) I am gay. There are many others but those are the first ones that came to my mind when you wrote that.

If it's technique, odds are a man will tell you. Yanno, honey I like it when you...*insert activity here* and so on and I've never met a man yet that couldn't say touch me here, or well, will take what ever body part and put it where he needs it to go and voila...gratification.

If he's not telling you what you can do, have you at least got an explanation as to why he won't tell you? Because I live by the following rule: If your spouse is turned on by you wearing ice skates and a wet suit, the next time they come home, be wearing ices skates and a wet suit and say HOW DO YOU LIKE ME KNOW?" (thank you Ice T)

Knowing what it is that you're NOT doing would at least give you a starting point.

Bottom line...tollerance isn't for anyone here to guage. We're not in the relationship and that's only something YOU can decide. How much is enough for you?

I am sending nothing but good thoughts your way!

I don't think this is a reason to call it quits. If he has issues with you in that department he could have used a bit more tact instead of being blunt about not being any good...Truly hurtful. He could have said I would like things to improve with our love life because I feel like things are boring...Can we try to do this or that. Since making that comment I do believe he owes you an explanation on what he means by that. If he loves you and is committed to you he should be open to discussing it. After the sting of that insult wears off and your wound has healed a bit.He needs to apologize ..I would be blunt yourself and ask him what he finds exciting. Sounds like both of you need to rebuild your trust. So sorry you were hurt...

Sounds like there is more to it than that. I would call it quits if my DH developed an addicition and wouldn't get help. Hurt the kids or cheated on me. Otherwise I am in it for the long haul...Hugs

You don't say how old either of you are, but I wonder if your husband is having problems performing and his way of dealing with it is to blame you? Example, if he is starting to experience some erectiol disfuntion, he may say it's your fault he can't get/maintain an erection, instead of looking at the possibility that he has a problem. You know "better to blame someone else than except responsibility"
There are many reason a man can have ED symptoms, certain medications, stress and testosterone naturally decreases as we age, starting in our 40's. I know a lot of men who are on testosterone replacement, many are police officers, fire fighters, doctors and many other "presumed" macho type men.
Whatever his reason, being mean is not okay.

how about reading some books and trying to be a better lover? I'm not sure why you would want to divorce because he told you the truth. Fortunately anyone can become better in bed - it's not that hard!

Read a few books, have a glass or two of wine, slip on something sexy and surprise him with your new abilities.

Good luck!

Pardon the pun but it just sounds like a 'below the belt' comment that he made because he took advantage of an opportunity to bash you when he could. Obviously that comment would hurt anyones feelings if it came from your SO. Im sorry that he said that to you. Is there any way that he did just take a cheap shot because he too is in the same boat mentally as you when it comes to your marriage? I am not making excuses for him at all because I believe what he said is way wrong but could it just have come out because he had a bad day or maybe you guys were already disagreeing about something else? I dont have any real advise as to how to correct this and obviously I cant say when you are done with your marriage but I truly hope all works out for you
Good Luck

First of all, I'm so sorry that you and your husband are having difficulties. Whoever first said that marriage is WORK, wasn't lying.

To answer your question on what I will tolerate in my marriage. I guess the answer for me is that I won't tolerate being disrespected. By actions or by words. I know in a marriage there are ups and downs and at times, let's be honest, we might not like our spouses very much. While I always love my husband, there have been times when I didn't like him very much. However, I've always known that he respected me, even when we are having a rough patch.

I think most people have said/done things that they wish they could take back. THings that were said in anger and meant to wound. Perhaps there was an underlying hurt or frustration that caused your husband to lash out that way. Who knows.

I do know this.....it sounds like your problems aren't related to this one event or comment. As hard as it is, I think you have to take a few steps back and examine your relationship and determine what positives are you getting from it. Do you feel respected, do you feel valued, are you happy? If the answer is no, then you have to decide if you are willing to put the work into it to turn those answers to a yes. And most importantly, do you have a partner who is willing to put in the work with you. It takes 2 people to damage a relationship and it will take 2 people to fix it. If your husband is unwilling to even discuss things with you, then I think you have to think hard about that.

I wish you all the best and sincerely hope you guys can work it out. Good luck!