A recent poster asked what makes a good MIL. I read the answers with interest because I just became a MIL, but most answers were from a DIL's persepctive (since this is a mama site). So what do you think your husbands would answer about what makes a good MIL? I'm sure some things are the same - letting them live their own lives, respecting their decisions, no unsolicited advice, etc. But what do your husbands really like about your mothers and what do they dislike about your mothers?
It's all the same - both husbands and wives MUST be treated with respect by their MIL's. No bad-mouthing to the family, no disrespect in any way. It's all the same.
My husband seems to like my Mom. He says he does anyway - AND he picked her for us to ask (to come) when we needed help.
When she is aware of issues between us, she does not automatically take my side, and she never brings these issues up to him or holds them against him.
She asks if it's OK to do things with the kids (never assumes what she wants is OK).
She offers advice when ASKED (and we do ask).
He also really likes the peanutbutter balls she makes for Christmas and she makes him his own container every year. : ) (that seems trivial, but it means she is paying attention & trying to be thoughtful).
There are things he doesn't like - she does occasionally say things about our parenting (that are in the advice arena) that are WAY out of line, but if it gets intrusive, I always say something to her.
I think a BIG part of what makes a good in-law is for them to have a relationship with their adult child that means the adult child can speak up on behalf of his/her spouse, self, and children without being dismissed or penalized in some way.
(I'd ask his Mom for advice too, but I think she'd poison me if she thought she could get away with it. And I don't want any advice on that.)
Staying out of kids lives, and be there if and when they ask for help or
your opinion. Just love them~
My husband LOVES my mom's cooking! And the fact that she respects his decisions.
My husband calls my Mom, "MOM". Yes, for all the reasons mentioned, but I think he lacks the comfort from his own mother who seems to rather be 21 again and my Mom is happy with being Mom.
my hubby and mom love sharing a good bottle of wine then picking on me :p
I think SIL's prefer MIL's who treat them like they were thier own sons(unless their moms weren't "good moms" and they aren't close). They like to be "babied" when they want and left alone when they want. They don't want a MIL or FIL who gets in the middle of him and his wifes arguments but rather ones that will just support them as a couple, be there if needed, but doesn't interfere.
My mother has been dead 5 years, but was alive for the first 15 years of my marriage. She got along well with my husband and he thought she was a good MIL. The only thing she really did that got on his nerves was to aggravate me! There was only one time that they had a disagreement. She really never criticized him or interfered in a big way, didn't think her way was the only way or take it upon herself to tell us how to run our lives. She thought well of my husband, was fond of him and let him know it. She was a much better MIL than mother ... sadly the same cannot be said for my own MIL.
