Frustrated - Central Falls,RI

So sorry ;(. Addictions are terrible! Unfortunately the person has to hit bottom to have the ability to get better. "Hitting bottom" can be incredibly low for some. Explain to you son that daddy has a sickness called alcoholism. It's very hard to get better from. Unfortunately studies show that boys do better with involvement with their fathers, even when the father is poor quality of a father. Hard to understand. So some supervised visits are better than none. It's horrible to watch.

I would keep a journal of these incidents, and maybe next time call the police. If he isnt fit to be a parent you must be viligent in showing the courts that. I'm sorry for what you are going through!

I would be looking for ways to get his visits revoked. Document the drinking episodes. It's not safe for him to take your son for even one day. My MIL is an alcoholic, and even if she only sees the kids once in a blue moon, she cannot stay sober. She begged and begged me to let her babysit (I actually didn't know back then how dependent on drinking she was-figured she would naturally not drink in THE DAY TIME) and I got back from a day of errands at dinner time. She had already drunk a large bottle of wine (not the normal size, the big fatty) all to herself. WHILE WATCHING MY 3 KIDS! One of which was at the "everything goes in the mouth" choke-able age and she knew I was nervous about having anyone take their eyes off of her. REALLY??! You NEVER get the kids and the one time you do you cant' stop from DRINKING? No way. Never again.

It's not good for your son to grow dependent on this person. My husband has MANY personality issues that stem from the drunk mom. Best to cut the cord. Your son won't remember these times crying at the window, but you don't want this to continue.

That just sucks. What a d*ck. I'm glad you are getting rid of him. Too bad your son cant.

I am so, so sorry. Continue being the strong woman you obviously are and keep on hugging and loving your little boy.

Your husband needs to get himself checked into a program pronto or he shouldn't be allowed visits with his son. Maybe that will be a wake-up call for him or maybe not. Certainly the family court would find this behavior to be dangerous to your child and suspend these supervised visits until he is sober.

It is his loss in the end. I know that your heart breaks for your son, but it would be breaking even harder if he had to continually witness his Daddy inebriated and stumbling around. Kids are smart. They can feel the tension in a room. They know when something is not right and when Mommy is upset.

Just keep your eye on the prize, which is your little boy. Continue to make him feel special and try as hard as you can to keep him separate from this situation and any anger and resentment you feel toward his dad. Luckily, he is only 18 months and might not understand why Mommy's mad, but eventually he will and he surely feels the stress and anxiety associated with Daddy's addiction.

Are you attending any Alanon meetings?? It might help you see that this is his struggle and his alone.

So sorry. 8(

Peace.

It is totally messed up. Hardbreaking. He does care about you guys or he would not have driven 350 miles to see him. He needs to get help and only he can make that happen. i hope you and he find a positive male influence when you are ready. They do exist.

Document the times this happens. Just writing dates, times and observations in a notebook with a date is fine. Be specific about his behavior (smelling of alcohol, slurring words, stumbling, etc) Next time you go to court ask the judge to put it in the court order that if he appears intoxicated for a visit, it is cancelled. I'm sorry you and your son have to deal with this. It is hard. Explain to him when he can understand (at least 3-4 at first and probably several times in increasing detail as he gets older). Maybe an Al-anon group would be a place to get support. Even though it is hard, you are doing the right thing for your son by leaving.

So sorry you have to go through that. You and your son deserve better. Hope things work out for you and your ex gets the help he needs. Hang in there mama!

I'm sorry, LM. This is obviously why you are getting a divorce.

Stand strong. You are doing the best you can.
Dawn

Yes it may be an addiction but it is also a choice! Let the courts know.