Frustrated by the Shrieking!

I think you were right the first time telling him no. Maybe ignoring the behavior might work since attention is what he wants.

L.,

Welcome to toddler-hood. My 16 month old daughter does the same thing. The best thing that helps her is to give voice to what she's doing when she screams. "Mommy, I'm frustrated that this toy isn't doing what I want!!" "Mommy, tell brother to give me back my book/toy/thing" This way you validate his feelings, and also show him how to voice his frustration/anger/fear/whatever.

If my daughter is screaming just to scream, then I look at her and calmly and quietly say inside voices please. If she's screaming in her high chair because she wants down I tell her to use her signs. She knows more, please, thank you, down, up, milk, all done, and a few others. If she still screams at me then I ask: do you want down? She'll usually grunt a yes. Then I tell her to "say" down please. After she signs down please I get her out.

Give your son the tools and be his voice right now, before he is verbal. It should end a lot of his screaming. Children at this age just don't know these "things" that they're feeling, they're too new. We as parents need to be their voice and teach them.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Our little girl has been a shrieker off and on since before she was 1 (she'll be 3 in October). Now she really only tries it when other kids are doing it, even though she now knows it's not allowed. "No" doesn't always work and "inside voices" is a good thing to say, but doesn't mean much to a 1-year old (yet I would still stress it so he will learn the appropriate level for indoors).

The main thing I would recommend is trying to divert his attention with other "silly noises" that are tolerable/fun. First, I would NOT recommend any raspberry/bubble noises, because you'll soon find that he is spitting all over the place (which is JUST as annoying and there is clean-up involved). When she was really shrieking bad and nothing was working (mainly because she just wanted to have FUN) we would say, "What other funny sounds can we make?" Then we would take turns making different noises: clicks, pops, "gobble-gobble", "la la la", etc. Also, I would do things like teach her the different of "quiet" and "loud" and have her learn how to whisper for quiet or roar for loud - things like that. Not only are you both having fun (and you're not losing your mind anymore), but you're teaching him HOW to use his voice and face muscles in different ways. Good luck and welcome to toddler-hood! :-)

UPDATE: I noticed lots of great advice about signing. We LOVE Signing Time, too! It can get a bit annoying to hear the songs over and over for us adults, but our daughter still loves it and now just broadens her vocabulary more than focus on the signs. Plus we can sing and sign the songs together.

The videos can be expensive, but PBS airs them every Sunday morning (I believe at 7:30am here in Seattle - check your listings). We have them all TiVo'd and have a total of 26 episodes on hand. You could also tape them, find a friend who can tape them, or check some of the videos out from the Library. I STRONGLY recommend the videos to ANY parent of kids from about 10 months on. They are one of the two or three learning videos we have used.

Our son started doing that about a month ago (at 10 months). It was ear-piercing! We tried saying "shh" or "no", but it only seemed to encourage him. We decided to ignore the shrieks and didn't look at him, say "wow" or "shhh". We would still give him the attention he was seeking, but would wait a few seconds to avoid an association with the noise. It seemed to work and he stopped doing it after a couple of weeks. Good luck and may your ears survive without permanent damage ;)

I have no advice, just to say I know how you feel! My daughter is a shrieker, and she does it for any emotion. Its been going on for almost a year, and nothing we tried made any noticable difference except for sending her to her room for shrieking, saying it hurt our ears, and then giving her words for the emotion. We still have a hard time driving for any length of time because she gets bored, and you cant put her in her room. She is 2 now and it is getting better the older she gets. Just letting you know I know where you are!
**I read some of the postings, and I have got to say that teaching your child simple signs for eat, drink, diaperchange, etc. works wonders for the frustration in communication. My son picked them up FAST and I learned he was hungry/thirsty ALOT, my daughter learned them but wasnt as eager to use them, and the screaming usually had to do with nothing she would know a sign for, but it definently made life easier in a lot of ways.

Hi L.,

Several others are right on- screaming is the only way the child knows to express their "need" or frustration over not being able to convey their need. It's just like a baby crying. I think it is important to do three things. One, let them know that screaming is NOT OK. The second is addressing or acknowledging the need and the third is to distract. In the car, for instance, "Please stop screaming. It hurts my ears!" "I know it's hard to sit for a long time, I get impatient, too". and then distract with "What sound does the cow make?". Please do everyone a favor and don't become complacent with it and just give up. They will stop if you address it. Good Luck!

L. I totally understand! my now 3 1/2 yr old boy did the same thing! we started working with him on signing and when he got down a few things like milk, hungry, sleepy & more the shrieking stopped. So in our case it was his way of showing his frustration with not being able to fully communicate his needs. Once he had the tools it was all good!
best of luck!
C.

Well I'm not convinced all little ones outgrow this behavior, so I will share that as soon as this started in my home, they got spats on the bottom, a firm 'no' with a frown and then I might hand them something different to do and walk away so they weren't controlling me... I needed to show i was the parent and the one in control. If this didn't work, they were timed out in their crib for a short time.... brought out when they were pleasant... talked to and then i expected them to be busy by themself for a bit. This is always harder with a first child as there are no siblings to help entertain... so it is nice if they can be part of a play group once or twice a week for an hour or so. Just some memories of how I worked on this trait... I also have an 8 year old that I adopted that came to us at two with this bad habit and we still have not broken it.... Oh how I wish I had her when she was one instead of two! It is much easier to break the habit as soon as it starts than when it is ingrained. Best wishes with your darling... you will figure out what works best for you. And a little PS... spend all that extra time working with your first one... you won't always have it with the other ones that come along... but they end up being your best and biggest helper/teacher with the younger siblings. Blessings, L. (mother of 7... 5 birthed, 2 adopted... so far :)

The four first posts are right on target. Try various combinations of the suggested techniques.

And if the shrieking is really painful, get a packet of those little foam earplugs. They will reduce the intensity, and you can still hear normal conversation. They are cheap and comfortable.

Good luck. This stage will only feel like it lasts forever.

When my son started doing that I would tell him that it hurts mama's ears when he screams like that so please stop. I was surprised that he responded to this reasoning. Good luck.

Let me first say that a very young child screaming is far and away different from an angry older child screaming to make a scene...Just to be clear.

Our son did this too, around the same age. He just got so excited, and the shrieking seemed to create a snowball effect...he'd keep shrieking and get more and more worked up.
It was especially challenging in public spaces, where people tend to believe all children should be quiet all the time, even babies.

I worked really hard to try to bring him back into himself. Redirecting his attention to books (my son's favorite) seemed to help. Whispering while singing a mellow fingerplay song also did the trick. Letting him play with something really small that he could swallow, like an uncooked black or pinto bean (they go through the digestive tract whole and are interesting for a few minutes), refocused his attention as well. The object was not to stop the shrieking, but to see what he could become interested in, and fine-motor activity made him focus.

I think very young children sometimes scream because they are A)bored and trying to stimulate themselves (just like colicky babies) or B) trying out this new and exciting sound. They aren't trying to "manipulate" us (ugh, I hate that word being applied to very young children), they are just trying to express themselves. I like that you are looking for causes instead of trying to correct the shrieking. Keep in mind, too, that kids can get very overwhelmed when they shriek, and need us to help soothe them, with hugs and "oh, boy, you are really loud! That's a loud voice! You want to tell me something!", matching their excitement, acknowledging their emotional state, and then, redirecting. If something doesn't work, try, try again.

This is not an area that I believe warrants a disciplinary response. I would never use punishment or withdrawl of love (also punishment) to try to "control" the shrieking. Why? Because then we turn the shrieking into a power struggle, and focus on the sound itself as opposed to what our children are needing. They aren't shrieking because they need to be hit or isolated, they are just trying to communicate.

When we recognize their attempts to communicate with us instead of just trying to shut them up/control them, our children have their feelings acknowledged and learn that they can come to us with ALL of their feelings, which is very important, especially when they are teenagers and we want them to come to us. I want my son to see me as a helper and guider, not as antagonistic to what he needs.

By the way, our phase lasted about a month. So it does go away. He's 15 months now, and we haven't had any recurrence. I believe that because we did our best to meet his needs instead focusing solely on the behavior. :) And while we do practice signing with our son, it's taken him a while to learn, so if you try it, be patient!

Sorry this is so long, but like I said before, it's very important for children to be able to express themselves and for us to respond in ways that make our relationships with them stronger. My best to you!

You are absolutely right to try to divert this behavior before it happens, but what if it's simply a matter that he wanted to play instead of going with you in the car? Keep a journal and see if you can identify his triggers. My daughter used to scream in the car (and bathroom) like this.

If you're driving, find a place to pull off the road (preferably a parking lot) and get out of the car and close the door, but stay right there.

If anyone stops to ask if you need help, say your child is having a screaming fit and it isn't safe for you to drive, and assure them that he is also safe. When he calms down (or wears himself out), get in as if nothing happened. I only had to do this four or five times before my daughter stopped altogether. But yes, it was usually 30-45 minutes of waiting, and a few of those times we were in a hurry to be somewhere.

When my daughter was about 3, she tried it again and I told her if she couldn't stop we'd need to drive to the doctor's because something was obviously wrong with her. She didn't like the doctor as well as where ever we were already going and that shut her up quickly.

Hang in there.

when my little guy turned one, he resorted to shrieking as well ~ we both survived! (he's already soon-10):D One thing I discovered was his frustration related to a brain working far faster than his mouth/tongue was able to perform... he had so much to say and no way to get it out with words! So, I gave him some ASL signs ~ MIRACLE!!! Once I figured out what "words" he needed (more, hungry, drink, play, all-done, stay, let's go, want/don't want) the shrieking *immediately* reduced. I hope this works for you... in the meantime, some compassion for the frustrated little guy he is will go a long way <3 and deeeeeep breaths for mama (repeat as necessary) :D

Hi! Our son also started shrieking when he turned one. He is now 17 months and it is better, but every now and then he still yells. The biggest thing that helped us to get over this was his sign language. He knew sign language before he turned one, but we really started reinforcing it with the shrieking. Yelling became his automatic response when he wanted anything. So, when he would yell, we would just shake our head no and ask him to show us what he wants our means. After a couple of weeks repeating this same phrase with every yell, he now will say please and point to what he wants instead of yelling first MOST of the time. He also now knows to say please if he needs help. If he is tired, we usually revert back to yelling.

Good luck getting through this phase-staying consistent with how you respond and letting him know that he won't get what he wants by yelling will help.

When my 4 yr old was about that age he also started screaming. I now see that it was because he wasn't able to communicate with me. He didn't have/know the words to do so. My sister suggested sign language for the basics: thirst, eat, more, thank you, please. Things like that. I used Signing Time (www.signingtime.com). There are now 12+ videos on different themes but the first 3 are really good for this age period. They are only a 1/2 hour but Alex and Leah do a great job. It helped my son a lot. It was amazing and I got to have a 1/2 hour of cuddle time with my son as I would sit with him and watch so that I would know the signs also. I hope that this helps.

As a mommy to not one but two sweet little shriekers, let me tell you first I feel your pain. Both of my daughters were shriekers. It started about the same age, and unfortunately I to found the only answer is to let them out grow it. It did help at times to ignore it but there are times you can't, say for instance in the middle of a restaurant when the entire place is staring you down. And my little ones are girls which I think gave them the ability to be louder and higher pitched than anything I know. I actually had a lady tell me in a restaurant that it looks like my daughter will be in the opera. Talk about climbing under the table. I really think it is just excitement of something new. They have this new ability to speak and make noises and it entertains them. Try ignoring it whenever possible but know that this too will pass just like the sleepless nights. Just another wonderful part of being a mommy.

Thanks for asking this question... our 14 month old just started shrieking about a week ago, and it's driving us insane! We'll definitely try some of the suggestions.

SNAP! After I read your dilema I could so relate to you. I have a 16 month old and I am having a hard time dealing with this. The screams make my ear numb. Can you please share the advice you get to me.

Thanks!!!!

I'm 35 years old, 2 kids, a daughter 3 years old and a son 24lbs - angry, frustrated little toddler!

One thing you could try is turning your back to him and walking out of the room. This has to be a consistent effort between you and your husband. If he starts shrieking in the car, stop the car, turn of the engine and get out. If he start shrieking in the stores, stop shopping and go out to the car, buckle him in, shut the door, and turn your back.

All this requires commitment and consistency. If you give in once, he will shriek longer the next time.

When he calms down, wipe his face, talk to him pleasantly, and resume normal activities, thus returning him to the family he loves. Give him big hugs.

This technique is behavior modification. It works because it is done calmly and consistently.

If you and your husband do it together it will not last as long as you think it will.

My daughter was a shrieker.

Good luck.