How do oher families handle this? We have a 19 year old son who is HORRIBLE at picking out gifts and a 3 1/2 year old. Of course the kids are going to get gifts for Daddy from them and vice versa. Is that weird that I'm shopping with the kids to get a gift for their Dad? and that he is going to do the same?
Why in the world would that be weird?
As for whether dad is going to do the same---depends. What kind of guy is he? Kind & thoughtful? Then he probably will. If he's a cold, uncaring man, probably not.
But it shouldn't be about the reciprocity, right?
We always took my husband's kids to buy gifts for their mother. She rarely did. I still feel we did the right thing. It's important to show respect for their father, no matter what the issues were between the two of you. You don't have to go crazy financially but it should be a thoughtful gift.
The 19 year old needs to learn to think about the other person (in this case, Dad) and figure out what Dad would really like. That said, it might not make sense to overrule his choices because at least the dad will know that the kid really made an effort. And it's possible that you aren't always right about what Dad would like. (Is Dad all that great at choosing stuff for you?)
I think its great that even though he is your ex you do this. Its not about you or your ex... its about your kids. You are teaching your kids that its important to still show love and caring at this time of year by helping them out.
no, we do that I let the youngest (6) pick one small item then I normally get something else for her dad. My husband has 4 kids with his ex so they all pick something or we make something for her and then I get her something from them as well. we do the same for birthdays and mother/fathers day. I couple of mothers days ago I picked out a home deco set for her birthday from the kids and then a few days later she texted me and said your husband and kids don't have that good of taste Thank you I love the set. Since then we seem to tell each other or hint to things since the kids and her buy me something as well. I told her in conversation my crockpot broke the last week and she winks and said never know what santa will bring not my ex husband hasn't remarried yet and he normally does a "family" giftcard which I totally understand from a 37yr old single man infact I think he does better than most
Whatever works for you. My husband and I both have kids with ex's and are remarried. So we leave it up to their step parents to help the kids buy for the other parent. My ex barely pays his child support so I'm not about to turn around and spend money on him from the kids for his bday and holidays!!!
Not weird at all. You can't ask the neighbor to do it, lol. It's their father whether you're married or not. It goes to goodwill for all involved.
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
I'm the stepmom and I take my SD out to buy gifts for her mom for her mom's birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas. Her mom does not do the same for us, but that's okay. I do it for my SD, so that she can feel a part of gift giving.
The 19 year old needs to figure out how to buy gifts. Give him money and a list of suggestions that you work out together.
You'll have to take the 3.5 year old out, but remember--the gift should be from the heart so let your 3.5 year old pick out something you think is appropriate from him/her. Then it won't feel so much like you're giving a gift from you with your 3.5 year olds name on it!
Lucky for me my husband's ex was always very nice to me, but the turning point was when my SD showed up on Mother's Day with a gift for her mom that I helped her pick out. Evidently my husband never did that so she knew it was my influence. Now we have a great relationship and it works out the best for my SD!
Merry Christmas!
My kids always wanted to get something for their dad or we made him something. Dad didn't help them get me anything at first, he was bitter about the divorce, but he got over it.
Kids want to get their parents something and I think it only right that parents, even if they're divorced, help them do that.
Just my opinion.
I used to do that for my ex and then got sick of it because one, the kids need to grow up and do it themselves (the older two were around your son's age) and two the jerk would never do the same. I did it for about three years.
Now I just give the older two money for the younger two since they have no income and they go shopping. My sweet daughter demands the same amount of money from her dad for the younger two.
For the 19 yr old, he's old enough to shop. If you want, give him a set amount and tell him to go shopping or at least have him give you and idea from him for his dad. If their dad has no spouse or significant other, then I think it's perfectly acceptable. I took over for DH when we got serious, but before that his ex would shop with the kids for Christmas. I don't know if your ex will do the same, but that might be a discussion to have with him, at least for the little guy. Ask him if he intends to take the kid(s) shopping or if you should get your mom or someone to do so on your behalf.
normal and expected to teach the child the gift of giving. I'm taking my daughter out shopping for her dad/my ex after i let her breainstorm, i love her ideas, and then shes making something as well for him and everyone else who ussually gets her a gift
It doesn't really matter if he's doing the same. You're doing what is right for your kids and should be proud. Many parents try to sabotage their kids' relationship with their ex...but you are helping to maintian and even build it up. Your kids will remember that.
Good for you, Momma. Keep it up!
Totally normal for my little family! My daughter loves to get her parents presents (cool, out of the box thinking as well on her part) so we each financed it for the other parent. She obviously couldn't buy them or drive herself before. It's all good, he's even at my house for Christmas morning :)
