Every holiday I take my stepdaughter out to buy gifts for her mom or half-sister or half-brother on her mom's side. For Christmas we helped her buy presents for Mom, Sister and Brother. We also buy gifts for Mom's birthday, Sister's birthday and Brother's Birthday. I do this for my stepdaughter, who had told me that she feels bad when she can't give gifts herself and everyone else is exchanging gifts. I've secretly felt that it's her mom's job to take her out to buy presents for her siblings, but I do it anyway––not for the mom but for my stepdaughter's sake.
I just bought gifts for Sister's birthday and Brother's birthday, which are a week apart. Now Mother's day is next week! We are struggling financially and I know we just can't afford to buy her mom a gift, plus my mom, my husband's mom and grandmother.
My stepdaughter's mom is not the kind of person who appreciates handmade gifts. In the past we've given her calendars with her daughter's picture in it, jewelry that my SD has made (and it was nice beaded jewelry, not macaroni on a string), pretty framed photo, decorated mug––you get the drift. My SD has reported that Mom said "thank you" in a polite way and then never wore the gift, or used it or displayed it. My SD found her calendar in the garbage, although it was a year later so it was outdated. Her mom is not mean, she's just not into handmade things is what I believe.
I'm out of ideas. I would prefer to spend the little money we have on my mother and my husband's mother and grandmother. We are buying them both flowers and going out to brunch–they've all been a wonderful support to us and they deserve it.
Now my SD is also 9 years old and she has money of her own saved up. Is it mean of us to ask her to buy her mother a gift with the money she saved? She has $60 saved, and while of course we wouldn't ask her to spend it all, I'm thinking that we could give $10 an she could give the rest toward a gift. What kind of gift, I don't know. I did see some nice "real" jewelry in the $20 price range in the sale papers.
Any ideas? SD lives with us so my husband is the primary caregiver. They do not do child support or alimony. Her mom is nice to work with and not a problem.
Thanks for the suggestion of a card or plant! I saw some nice plants at the grocery store for around $5. A plant doesn't look cheap, it's a nice gift and my SD can decorate the pot with ribbons and stickers. With a handmade card I think we can go inexpensive and still give a good thought. Thanks!
I think you put in $10, she puts in $10 and you buy jewelry or a flowering plant or something. Sounds like a great plant to me!
Why not get her a nice plant or something? They don't cost all that much and your SD can paint a pot to put it in. It's homemade, it's special, and if she doesn't like the pot, she can plant the plant outside and ditch the pot.
YMMV
LBC
Why not scrap all the crappy 10-20 dollar gifts and just get her a card and some flowers? I know I would MUCH rather have that:) And I think that flowers are much more fun to pick out for someone than a bracelet or dust collector. I even have my daughter pick out flowers for most of her gift-giving occasions.
I applaud you for thinking of your stepdaughter and helping her not feel left out when gift exchanges are being made. Why would it have to be an expensive gift?? Why not a card ( hand made if she wants...so what is Mom doesn't keep it and enshrine it on the refrigerator? It's the thought that goes into it that counts for your step daughter) and a small bouquet of flowers from the grocery store? If you are struggling financially then you need to pare the gifts down to what your family can afford to do...not only for your Stepdaughters Mom and siblings..but for the rest of the family too. You can use this as a great teachable moment for your stepdaughter...about family finances and that it isn't necessary to go into debt to show your love and appreciation for others.
How about 1 perfect rose, and a big hug from SD? She can "hide" the rose behind her back, and then pull it out in a flourish. One flower won't cost much.
Or, if you have any areas nearby that she could pick a wildflower bouquet, that might also work (thought I suspect, from what you wrote, that the rose would be a better choice for this mom).
i think a card would be fine. if your sd wants to spend her own money, make it her idea, don't suggest it. just let her know that since she doesn't seem to really like the stuff you guys have picked out before, and finances are tight anyway, a card is just a nice way to say "i love you". your 9 year old sd is old enough to read the cards (most of them) and help pick out a nice sentiment. (she can feel like the card is from the heart, even if mom doesn't appreciate it)
Here is my advice: do not discuss her money with her or whether she should spend it on her mom. Explain your dilemna and offer to take her to buy a card (even those are a small fortune these days as I can attest to our search all weekend). And that's it. If her mother doesn't like homemade things 'oh well' and if SD does want to buy something, she can do so, on her own (I learned not to plant ideas-they just resent it), but you can skirt the issue by offering to go card shopping. The world is in financial straights, not just you and we all have to roll with it. If she has sixty dollars and she wants to spend some of it on her own mother, let her. In the meantime you are still a very nice step-mother and that's what counts.
Hit the dollar store in your area - you can probably get a vase and card there for less than $2. I just got a bunch of mothers day cards at our local dollar tree and the were just as good as the halmark cards - I got 8 cards for $4.00. Then get a bouquet at the grocery store, or perhaps a plant if they have more of a flower shop. You can spend right around $10.
Happy Mother's Day!
My granddaughter is 10. When she buys gifts herself she spends $5-10. I suggest a gift for her mother, who hasn't appreciated gifts in the past should be something inexpensive. When we, her parents and I, help her buy a gift for her brother, the price range is still less than $20. Kids just do not have enough money to buy expensive gifts. We want them to learn that they are the giver and the gift fits their place in life.
As for gifts for her sister and brother, if they're close, then I suggest that you can spend more money and buy a gift from the whole family. If it's just from your step-daughter it's inexpensive.
What will the sister and brother buy their mother for Mother's Day? Do they have help buying gifts? I suggest one way to consider how much to spend and where the money comes from is by considering what the sibs do so the daughter is on a par with them, if that's possible.
Our families philosophy is that the cost of the gift is unimportant. What counts is the thought behind the gift. That mother is missing out on feeling the love of a homemade gift.
And..... you certainly are not obligated in any way to spend the same amount of money on step-daughter's mother as you would on those mothers personally related to you who are of great help.
Later: I agree that a card and grocery store bouquet of flowers is a warm, thoughtful gift that doesn't cost a lot.
A thought that might influence your decision is how do you handle her gift to you? Her gift to her birth mother should probably be similar to her gift to you if her birth mother is the jealous sort.
My bottom line would be to spend only a reasonable and affordable amount with emphasis on the sentiment of the day instead of the gift.
We don't buy any gifts for the kids other parent. That is the job of the other family. Like my ex husbands bday was easter, we didn't buy him anything from his kids...his wife stopped by and had the kids sign a card for him (whoo hoo!) and they called him (it was our weekend and holiday to have the kids) and that was it. If they want to give their dad something, I have told them they need to tell their step mom so she can take them shopping. Maybe if he paid his child support, I wouldn't feel quit as strongly about this. But frankly, I understand you want to help her, but that is their place to make sure gifts from her are in place for their side of the family, not yours. I would just have her make her mom something this time and then before the next bday, email the dad and say hey, money is tight for us right now, do you mind helping daughter buy something for her siblings so she doesn't feel left out? then it's on them from now on. Good luck!
Nope, I think it's perfectly acceptable to ask your stepdaughter to pitch in towards the present for her mom. This should be the start of a new thing. Just explain that money is tight and that she'll have to save up and contribute a portion of the gifts for her mom and half-siblings from now on. Let her pick what she wants to give her, and tell her mom that she payed for it (or part of it) herself. If her mom is unappreciative, maybe she'll decide it's not worth getting her anything.
Times are tough on all of us, I do not think it is wrong to ask SD to pitch in...I think a card and a nice bunch of flowers would suffice, seeing how she doesn't seem to be appreciative of any of the other 'things' you guys have bought for her.
While times are tough, one gift isn't going to make or break your family and I think Mother's Day is not the time to pull out of a good tradition that you started. The woman is her mother - just like your mom is your mom and your hubby's mom is his mom. My opinion is to continue what you started - don't let your stepdaughter see you draw the line at her mother.
