Grandma Refers Tomy Kids as HER Babies.......

So funny, because my mom has always called my twins her babies. Just let it slide. She is so proud of you, her son, and the babies and loves them so much. Take it as a sign of how much she supports you. I pay no attention when my mom does it.

My MIL calls my girls as "Mia Bella" and "Mia Berda" (berda is slang) which in Italian essentially means "my beauty/my beautiful one." My mother calls them "my girls."

It doesn't bother me. Even when I don't get along with my MIL so well it doesn't bother me. She doesn't mean anything against me by it and it's a term of endearment. She's not trying to pass them off as her daughters or anything.

i really don't see the big deal in this...i've encountered many grandma's (including my own mom and mother in law) who call their grandkids their babies. Just be very happy that she absolutely adores them and wants to be a huge part of their lives..you are very lucky.

because she's proud of them....

seriously - you are getting riled up over a trivial thing...enjoy the fact that she wants to be INVOLVED in your kids lives....do you know how many parents would LOVE to have active grandparents?!

She continues to do it even after being told not to - who knows!! Maybe she has the beginnings of Alzhiemers - but really? I wouldn't freak over this...I think the more you make of it the worse it will get...so instead of trying to hammer a point home - just ignore it...you are giving her attention when she says this....so instead of beating a dead horse - ignore it.

Let it go. She obviously loves them and that's a good thing, right?

When she comes over and says, "Give me my baby" have your husband sit in her lap. THAT is was her baby.

Tell her that even though she probably isn't doing it to hurt you, you gave birth to them and deserve the credit for it and you would like her to use the term "grandbabies".

____@____.com often come down hard on the younger generation and say that you will not be told what to do as a grandmother. I think the self absorbed and self entitled generation includes grandmothers without boundaries.

Edit again at TwinMama - I am sorry that a few of your posters made such ugly assumptions about how you feel about your MIL and calling you possesive and entitled. I understand about wanting boundaries even though you really like someone. Boundaries are what keep a relationship flourishing, kudos to you for wanting a healthy relationship!

I always call my grandchildren my babies. I am so proud of them and they are so precious and special to me and my heart truly bursts with love for them. I cannot explain to you how it feels to be a grandmother, to know this child is your own flesh and blood, even though you didn't carry them, and how you'll do anything within your power for them.

You'll know someday❤

My mother always referred to my daughter (her only grandchild) as "her baby". I didn't care. I wasn't the least bit bothered by it. It wasn't like she was trying to undermine my discipline or any of what I was doing in raising her.

This Friday will be the 1 year anniversary of my mother passing away from cancer. My daughter will be turning 4 soon and likely will grow up with no memory of my mother. If my mother was still around today and was still calling my daughter her baby, I still would not care. It's not as if she were saying she is not MY baby. Unless your MIL is crossing other boundaries that she has no business crossing, or meddling in other intrusive ways, I would let it go. It does not sound like a battle you can win. After reading some other responses though, I supposed to does depend on intent - but I am just not sure how much you should take this personally, or make it out to be a negative thing.

Hmm, I call my granddaughter my baby too. My DIL is pretty willing to share the gene pool with me. Without me she wouldnt have had her baby. I think it's pretty common, my grandma always called me her little girl, it never bothered my mother.
I think you just dont care for your MIL or you are feeling like you have to compete with her, and trust me YOU DONT... so let yourself off the hook. She is not "the other woman", she's your kids grandma and your hubby's mommy. Cut her some slack and be proud that she's proud enough to call your kids hers.... if they were horrid little brats she might not wanna claim them ;)

She is not going to stop saying that.
It is probably a 'term of endearment' for her.
Not a literal, meaning of it.
Pick your battles.
Yes it is irritating though.

Pick your boundaries and with other things.
If she is the pushy type.

You know they are not 'her' babies.

My son is 15 now.
My Aunt, whom he calls "MawMaw" has always referred to him as "My Boy".
They adore each other.
I don't care what she calls him - she loves him unconditionally.
I wish my parent's were alive to know him. I would not care what they called him either.

Your Mother In Law loves her grandchildren.
She is proud of them and proud to be their Grandmother.
Of course she does not really consider them literally babies - I.e., she is not confused and thinking she gave birth to them. But they are her Grand BABIES - hence, they are her babies.

She is obviously thrilled to be a Grandmother - that is a blessing.

Good Luck
God Bless

[sigh] Sorry, but it feels like you just don't like her. Possibly most everything she does irritates you.

You are so lucky that your kids have a grandma that loves them to pieces and wants to be in their lives. A little generosity of spirit might be in order.

I am a grandma and I call my son my baby and my grandson my baby occasionally. No one cares, except that they like it. :-)

It wouldn't bother me. I am not sure if my mom ever did this when my boys were young, but if she did it would have been fine.

Oh, my Mom does this. As did my Grandmother in Law. As does my Dad. Every time they see my kids.

Sometimes, we verbalize ownership of things/people as a way to articulate our emotional investment/ownership.

Your babies are not, literally, her babies. I doubt that she *actually* thinks your babies came out of her womb. However, they ARE her child's children. She's a part of them, both physically and emotionally. And they are a part of her. She's leaving the grand out of grand-babies, but it means the same thing.

Isn't it funny how mistranslation happens even when we speak the same language?

ETA after your So What Happened: Bingo. You know why her comment rubs you the wrong way. So then it becomes a question of, "How do I gently place boundaries, and get my needs/wants met while also allowing her to have a relationship with my children/her grandchildren?" Good luck!

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That's no big deal -it's just a term of endearment! Every grandparent I know does this including my parents. My mom did it all the time when she was alive. I think you should find a different battle if you need one.

Oh how I wish my own mother and mother in law would spend some time with my kids. I guess you have the exact opposite problem.

I think your issue is that she is imposing on your turf soooo much that this is just one more think that irks you...especially since you,your husband and your own mother have asked she not do it.

Sounds like boundaries need to be set to give you space before you explode. Talk to your husband about the boundaries you need to have set...and then have him talk to her.

Good luck! Remember you are their mama...everyone knows you are their mama...and that it is probably just an endearing way for herself to refer to them. Enjoy "YOUR" babies...they grow up sooooo fast!!! You are so blessed to have double duty!!!

I have been known to call a small child I know very well "How's my little darling?" or some such. It's not possessive at all, it's just a way to express affection and a sense of connection. I've also heard people relate to other people's dogs in the same way, "Oh, my little poochie, I haven't seen you for weeks!"

I don't think you're weird for being bothered, but it's probably so habitual for your MIL that she'll have a very hard time changing. IF she were acting possessive in other odd ways, THEN you'd have something to worry about.

Hmmm, I don't even KNOW if my mom even remembers she HAS grand kids.

Sounds like a "champange problem."

I agree with the other posters...she probably doesn't mean "my babies" in the true sense or in ownership but as in "in her heart". They are her grandbabies...and that is probably all she means.

Apparently like w/ many MIL's, they do have some boundary issues. I would address that issue and then the "my babies" probably won't be such an issue.

My MIL does the same thing, but now that they're not babies she refers to them as "her girls". She leaves messages on our answering machine like "Just calling to check in my girls! I miss my girls!!" It doesn't really bother me - nice to know she loves them, right? And while I know they have a good relationship, the two little people who spend the majority of their time with ME are MY girls, and they know it. I'm pretty sure I'll soon get the phone call where she says "It's summer vacation, can I have my girls for a couple of days?!" By all means Grandma, take them away!! :)

Ditto Sunshine! I feel that some grandparents need to understand that that boundries and "entitlements" apply to them as well.

TwinMama -
Congratulations, I am the mother of twins, also. Here's my thought on your situation, for what it's worth. As frustrating as it is, in the great scheme of things, it truly doesn't matter. If she's a loving, involved grandmother, you are a lucky Mama and your children will benefit. If you've already told her, and she just isn't getting it, I'd say let it go. You are the twins' mother. You know that. She knows that. The twins know that.
Take a deep breath, and try to let it go. Enjoy those babies!!

I understand how you feel. My MIL used to try to get my daughter to call her Mama. She always signed her name "Mama" on any cards she gave my daughter too. It used to irritate me so much because my daughter initially started to call her Nanny like my nephew calls her but I don't think my MIL likes that name so she would always refer to herself as Mama instead. Wouldn't have been such a big deal if that wasn't what my daughter called me and if she wasn't taking care of our daughter during the week while we worked (she was around her every day). She also used to try to take over and act like her mother at family functions and that bothered me too. That all stopped when we put our daughter in preschool.

Good luck to you. :)

I do that for my nephews, I call them "my babies". My aunt does it for my daughter and my sister and brother's sons. I guess it's just how our family is. Maybe that's just how her family is and she doesnt realize it is hurting your feelings?

My mom calls my daughter her baby- always has. It's just an expression of her love for her. I call my nephews (my BFFs boys) my boys and my other friend's little girl my baby too. I am very close with the Moms and their kids and love them like my own. It doesn't mean I think they really are my kids but it's just an expression of my love for them. It doesn't bother any of us. We all know who Mommy is for each of the kids and that we all adore them. If I were you and your husband I'd let it go. Its so not a big deal.

My friend is also annoyed by her grandmother doing this. I mention this in part because 1) her grandmother is controlling and 2) now has dementia. If this is par for the course for your grandmother, you may want to weigh whether or not she'll change and what you will do (like say, "No, they are MY babies" or restricting time with them). You may also want to see if Grandma has any other mental lapses that may need an evaluation. Friend's Grandmother can't even be left with the kids for a minute because she tries to carry them (when she can barely walk) or feed them inappropriate things, etc. I think if she's barging in and not treating them like grands, you need to evaluate the overall picture and make boundaries as necessary.

It is probably her term of endearment, but it IS SO annoying! My dad does it, says there's grandpa's girl or there's my baby. It's like NO mommy's girl and MY baby. It brings the possessive qualities out in us haha.
My dad has an issue respecting the same boundaries your MIL does. He listens depending on the day, but it is really irritating. I'm right there with you. My mom will say Hey baby. or hey "name" which I like better.

I will probably do the same thing w/ my grandkids! I'm certain she doesn't think or mean to imply they are her actual babies. I'm not even sure if I would notice if my mom or MIL said that. It seems sweet to me! To me it is a little weird you are bothered by this, but it is how you feel. In actuality though, you know they are your babies and they will always know you are their mom. In the big picture this is pretty trivial...she sounds like a doting grandma to me.

Hi TwinMama,

I am so sorry you are dealing with this!!! I completely understand!!!! It is the most frustrating, irritating, offending thing---I dealt with this issue briefly until I nipped it in the bud. I told the person that I know she thinks its cute and sweet to say it, but I dont. I find it offensive. I told her she either calls them by their name or a special name we agree on, or she doesn't get to visit at all. That nipped it in the bud right there. I didn't have a choice in how to word it because anything less than what I proposed, would have been trampled on. SO I had to do the extreme--you may not. Tell your MIL that you are upset and you will not be bringing YOUR babies by anytime soon. Tell her that you are tired of the names and it hurts your feelings. See what she says....GL

M

My parents call my kids their babies (it does bother me a little when my dad says it because we have never been close and he wasn't around when I was little) and my sister and BIL call them mijo and mija, which in essence means my boy/girl. I call my nephew and nieces my babies too, even though they're older and live in another state lol. Its a term of endearment, and it probably just bothers you because she is an over bearing person (same as it bothers me a little when my dad says it)

Just count your blessings that there is another person besides you and daddy that love your babies that much :)

My mom does the same thing with my son. She'll call/email asking how her boy is. It used to annoy me but I let it go. The only time I corrected her was when she asked me how OUR boy was (as in mine and hers!) - that's when she crossed my line.

I understand your frustration, but you need to pick your battles with your MIL. This one would not be worth it to me. She'll probably do something far worse in the future that would warrant a major discussion or blowup! Let it go and wait to use your ammo when she pulls something too scary for the kids or you. Trust me, she will. I have one of those MIL's too. :)

My mom & sister both refer to my kids as 'their babies' and my kids are 10 & almost 12 years old! It doesn't bother me, it never has. It's nothing more than a term of endearment because they love them so much. I know it's annoying & it's more than just her terminology, it's her as a person that's bugging you. My advice: be a duck & just let it roll off your back. It truly could be worse. My husband's mother didn't see my kids at all until they were 6 & 7 years old & she lived only 40 minutes away from us, so try to be thankful she loves YOUR babies, ha!

I agree, you just dont like her and everything she does bothers you. She just loves her grandkids, thats all. My mom calls my kids her babies too. Im glad she loves them so much.

I think it's pretty normal. My parents call my kids "their babies", I call my niece "my baby" and my nephew "my baby". I think people will know it's obvious they're not HER children. Would it bother you as much if it was YOUR parents calling them "their babies"? It seems like maybe just one more thing about your in-laws that bugs you (and trust me, I totally understand the "annoying in-law" issue). I do have to admit that if MY in-laws started referring to my kids as "their babies", it would bother me, even though I have no problem with MY parents doing it and I *know* that's a double standard, because, like you, there are many things about my in-laws that bug me and this would be yet another thing. If I adored my in-laws, they could call my kids anything they like and I'd probably take it as a compliment and love it...

I call my grand daughter my baby at times. Usually when she arrives early morning with my daughter, all wrapped in a big blankie pretending to be a baby. My daughter will say, "look, I found a baby" and we get all silly and I say " ooh I lost her in the yard,,give me my baby" They walk in sometimes and I say, "oh goodie heres my girls!".. It doesnt seem to bother my daughter. I dont call myself mommy to her and when she accidently calls me mommy I always laugh and say "Im not mommy,silly,, Im grama!" and she gets all silly and flustered and imbarassed and says, "I mean grama". So I know my place in the generational line. At times when M. is trying to do something or get out the door and grand daughter is clinging or hangng on her, I say "here, give me my baby so you can leave". and no one complains. But, 1 of the other gramas has asked to be called Madre', and my daughter is not so happy with it. Madre' means mother in Spanish and she insists on making the grand daughter call her that instead of her first name or grama, or grammy. It just bothers my daughter to have someone else forcing her own little girl to refere to them as her mother when she isnt. If it bothers you so much I think its ok for you to ask the grandmother to please not call your child "her baby" and if she continues, you can get angry and remind her how much it hurts you. Its not a big deal to me, but if it is to you, for whatever reason, its really rude of her to keep doing it.

That is a little annoying, but choose your battles! You don't want a minor annoyance to grate on you until it ruins your relationship. Trust me, I've seen it happen. I know a lot of grandmas who call their grandkids, "their babies"... and technically, they are right.

Unless you and your husband think she is crazy and would try to take the babies as her own, then I wouldn't worry about it. And if she is crazy, then I wouldn't let her around the kids no matter how she referred to them :-)

All joking aside, it sounds to me like she is a loving grandmother and does not mean any harm. It is irritating, but if she isn't encouraging the kids to call her "Mom" or something, then I would let it go.

maybe you're not wierd for being bothered by it - i don't know, it might be kind of annoying...but i definitely think you're overreacting. i can see from your "what happened" that this isn't really the main issue...i would give it a rest about this particular problem. keep in mind that if this woman was the perfect MIL and the perfect grandmother (in your eyes), you'd probably be fine with her calling them whatever she wanted, right?

I think in this context, although it may be annoying, it's okay. I have read some stuff on here about grandparents and boundries and it's scary! ;) If it really and truly bothers you maybe you can just keep correcting her, nicely, each time and tell her straight up, ya know it really bothers me when you say that, do you mind stopping! I don't know if that will help, but maybe it will make you feel better!

You've got lots of responses, but I wanted to add my thoughts.
I have a mother who lives about an hour away....I wish she would call my kids "her babies". Heck I wish she'd call my kids period. She was up a week ago to drop off her dogs for me to dog sit and she didn't even acknowledge her grandchildren, no hugs no kisses, no nothing. I think she did say goodbye and she might have responded to them when they spoke to her but that's it. I wish she loved them, took time to get to know them, even acknowledged them. So, I guess what I'm saying is be grateful for her and the love she has for YOUR BABIES!

BTW, my MIL will sometimes refer to my kids as her babies, it has never bothered me, actually I love it!

I am a first-time Grandmother (my Granddaughter will be 3 months old on the 17th. of this month). Since I had a lot of time to contemplate the new arrival, I already knew that I would be called Gran, and decided that just as I am called 'Mom " by my three, grown daughters, , my youngest (new mother), should also be entitled to her new name as "Mother", and that I would always refer to my Grandchild as : my Grandchild, Livy, our Grandbaby, etc. Just as I bore my three daughters---and still love it when I hear Mom---- my daughter now has the right to enjoy her new status---and I will not take any names that I am not entitled to "Gran is a thrill for me, and I will not refer to my Grandchild as my baby!

My MIL calls her grand daughters her babies. Of course they are! I'd never think of correcting her because I think it's sweet and I think it's wonderful that she's involved and loves them so much. In fact, she's taken care of all of them while all of us parents work, so she's certainly earned the term. Don't be jealous; just realize how lucky you are to have a MIL who loves your kids to bits. I'm always so sad reading posts on this site where the grandparents don't give a hoot about their grandkids and rarely see them. Which would you rather have? :)

My husband just called his mother (she was on speakerphone b/c he was tied up and couldn't hold the phone) to tell her that I need to have a c-section tomorrow for our 1st child. So here I am, somewhat devastated because I had hoped to avoid the OR, she starts talking about everything that is happening to "her baby" tomorrow. EXACTLY what you are talking about. I am so there with you. It is NOT your baby. It is my baby that is being cut out of my body tomorrow.

Then again, this is the woman that referred to my wedding as her "big day" and how she couldn't handle any stress on her "big day" and needed me to do a bunch of stuff for her and her family.

Well, normally I would be pissed at her until she started telling my husband about how her PSYCHIC said that it would be better for the baby to be born a cancer because that means her baby will be closer to him than me, but if the baby went past tomorrow, he would be a leo and then her baby would be closer with me. Nut JOB! Thank you for completely discrediting yourself so that I didn't have to do it for you!!

My mom did this for a while and mostly everyone else couldn't care less, but me. It drove me crazy so I said something to her and she is improving. She still does it on occasion but I am able to let it go because it usually is a real accident. She knows it bugs me and she doesn't want to upset me. Just keep at it. And I for one think your not weird for being bothered by it. ;-) Good Luck.

I am with Twinmama. If this is your biggest problem, you are a very lucky
girl. It really is a figure of speech. I call my grandsons "my boys, my babies." I know they are not mine. I love them sooooooooo much. Be
grateful you have someone who loves your baby the way she does!!