Great Grandmother Got Offended When She Was Told She Was "Old"

Granny needs to get over it!

I will never forget the day when my son was playing cards with his Gr Gma & he grabbed the pad/pen & said, "Here, Grandma, I'll keep score. You probably forgot how to add". OMG!!

Being a fiesty old lady, she grabbed it back & said...."I've forgotten more than you'll ever know. But I do remember how to keep score". LOL

Or how about the time when he sat & held her hand....so he could roll the "worms" under her skin. Yep, those big old blue veins!

Or how about how all of the kids in the family used to jiggle my Mom's flabby batwing arms while she drove. Oh, so not nice!

In her generation, ladies did not discuss ladies' ages. It was considered very poor behavior on the part of a child to do so as well.

So yeah.

:)

She is old, 87 with great grand children. Even if she was 60, she would be OLD to them, and that is not rude. Maybe she's having an off day. I'd just let it go, tell the kiddos that great grandma doesn't want to be called old, and that is respecting her wishes.
Hugs going out!

I'm 69 and my grandchildren remind me that I'm old often; when I forget to do something, when I can't hear or understand what they're saying, sometimes just for fun. I am old, especially in their young eyes. And I consider being old a good thing in many ways. I would not take offense.

I suggest that your grandma is perhaps overly sensitive but at her age she's earned the right to be. At the same time, children have the ability to observe and describe what they see. Also an OK thing. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's not your responsibility to make sure the kids be less forthright. Honesty is an important trait. Nor is making Grandma happy your job.

I would just tell the kids, if they're old enough to understand, that Grandma doesn't want to be called old. I'd validate their observation while teaching them that now that they know she doesn't like that word to not use it with her. Teach them manners while accepting that they did nothing wrong. Remind Grandma that they are just kids making an observation and suggest she try to not take it personally. Then let it go.

Your kids will, no doubt, make some other comment offensive to Grandma since she is so sensitive. That's life. You don't need to fix it.

I just read your SWH. Geez, Grandma is overly sensitive. You've talked with the kids but at 3 and 4 they won't understand. I'd just let it be. Grandma is "old" enough to take care of herself. Being snappy is just part of being alive and your kids also need to learn to not take such things personally. Your explanation to them was all that they needed.

Well, apparently to her, "old" isn't polite! LOL

Make sure your kids know that.

Who can really know how they'll feel when they're "Old"? :)

LOL, I'm with her, let her be young at heart! You're only as old as you'll let yourself be! She certainly sounds like she's still full of piss and vinegar, I'd go with it, maybe that's the key to the fountain of youth ;)

She's 87. It's my guess that she's "old school" (no pun intended), and being from the south, very much about manners.
My grandmother was a very proper Southern woman in Tennessee. Kids just didn't say things like "you're old". It wouldn't have been considered polite any more than saying to someone "you're fat, you walk funny, you have wrinkles," etc.

Now, my grandmother lived to 94 and in the few years before she passed away, she became very depressed at times. She would say, "Back when I was 85, I could still trim all of my hedges by myself. Back when I was 85, I could still stand on a ladder and wash all my walls by myself. When I was 85, I could still use the tiller and do all my planting and harvesting in my garden by myself". All the things she realized she couldn't do herself anymore really upset her.

I'm not saying your kids did anything wrong, but sometimes we are as old or as young as we feel. Maybe great grandmother isn't ready to "feel" old and doesn't want anyone pointing it out to her.

Kids do notice things, but it's also okay to teach them that sometimes they don't need to blurt out the truth because it might hurt someone's feelings.
You are young and thinking how grand it would be to live to that age.
She is nearing the end of her life and likely doesn't need to be reminded of it.

Realizing someone is old is an astute observation.
Verbalizing it might not be taken so light heartedly.

Just tell your kids that saying Great Grandma is old isn't polite and it might hurt her feelings. Very simple.

Best wishes.

When my grandma was in her 90's, she called other people in their 70's "old farts". She told my kids she was 21 and they believed her because 21 seemed pretty old to them. My girlfriend refers to the guys I date as "young men"... even tho she and I and these young men are all in our 50's. I guess we are all in denial!

Even so, I'd want to make sure my kids knew they did nothing wrong by calling great gma "old". This might be a good time for a lesson in tact: using gentler language or refraining from calling people "old", "fat" or funny looking. Yes,we all need to learn that just because something is true, speaking it out can hurt other people's feelings. It's not our fault. But we can be considerate of others by learning some kinder ways to describe them.

LOL. Great Grandma is very funny to me. She is old. The kids weren't trying to be rude or offend her. The only thing you can do is to let the kids know they hurt her feelings when they pointed out the facts that she is old.

My father said something to me yesterday that was very rude and he's and adult yet I don't hold it against him, heck he's old and mentally challenged to boot. That doesn't mean what he said didn't hurt, it just means I am handling it like the bigger person.

Kiss Great Grandma for me. I don't have any of those left in my life. She is precious and priceless.

I'm in my early 50's and have nine grandchildren. Do I get called "old"? Yes! Does it bother me? No.

I kind of use is as my excuse if I forget something or do something stupid, we all know it's because grandma's brain is old!

I'm sorry, I would have had to just say, "Duh -you ARE old!" I'm glad your grandma has a young state of mind -I think it's wonderful, but 87 is old. White hair and wrinkles are signs of old age. I think it's fabulous to embrace it, but to get offended over really young children saying it to you -that's beyond ridiculous! She should have been around small children enough at this point to understand that they don't speak with a lot of "filters"!

You could have just been honest and told her to kids that age anyone over 30 is old. Sigh. When my son was in the first grade he had a substitute teacher that was over 6 ft tall. I was helping in the class and sitting next to him when he looked up at her and said, "wow, you're huge!" She was angry and snapped, "I beg your pardon, I am tall NOT huge!" I had to laugh since it was said so innocently and in the eyes of this little 6 yo she was huge! Heck, she was huge to me too! Mind you she was thin as a rail so it couldn't have been misconstrued. Humor grams and let her know that you hope to look and feel as young as her when you have the privilege of being a great grandma!

Well, hell she IS old. Your kids were just telling the truth. At 3 and 4, you can hardly expect them to know and understand tact. It is a good time to start talking about tact and how to not hurt other people's feelings though.

I would just explain that you are working on teaching them manners, but you also teach your children to be honest.

She is 87 she needs to wake up and realize she is old (nothing wrong with it just fact). She also needs to learn to just be grateful she has lived to see, spend time with and know her GREAT GRANDCHILDREN (that should be a red flag of her age right there). I have seen in my own grandmother that getting older can be difficult but snaping at a little kids who was just stating fact not trying to be rude is not acceptable and i would not hesitate to say so.

The truth is, she's older than she wants to admit.

I would tell her, "Grandma, I will ask them to not call you old, but please remember that to a child, any adult is generically old."

Maybe someone else said something that day. My grandmom no longer drives and it bothers the heck out of her. She hates a fuss and to her our offers to drive her places is "making a fuss."

This just happened in our own family with 88 year old Grandpa, but I was the one making the comment.

Gramps has been tripping, and falling, and going to the nurse's station at Leisure World to get bandaged up, so I bought him a wonderful, very light weight cane and put it in the back of my car and the next time we were out and about, I handed him the cane, asking if he'd like to give it a go, and he retorted, "No, that will make me look old!!!"

And I said, "Grandpa, if you can't look old at 88 years of age, when can you look old?"

We have not discussed his age since.

BTW, your children sound sweet and healthy and normal. Grandma is having an off day.

Ditto Marda!

And I am asked a few times a month if I'm my kids Grandma, as I'm 51, turning 52 this year, with the front turning grey. And I also have people think I'm still in my early 40's, because I'm naturally shades of light and dark blonde. So, my hair color is rather 'in' right now. Grey, blonde, brown. Theresa is right, the older generation did not talk about their age. But hopefully our generation can change that.

No woman wants to be called old-especially when they feel 25 on the inside!

I agree with Marda completely. I'm 64, color my hair but have an older woman's face and body, can't keep up with my 6yo grandson physically, and he sometimes mentions, factually or teasingly or adoringly, that I am old. It's just the truth. But I didn't go through adulthood believing that women lose their value when they lose their youth or looks, so it doesn't bother me. On the other hand, my mom has always worked hard to look younger than her age, so she might be bothered by it even though she's well into her 80's.

If Great Granny is offended by the truth, it may be because she either believes that old women are seen to be washed up and useless, or perhaps she's unconsciously fending off her mortality. As Marda suggests, it's not your job to "fix" it for her.

She's not "with it" enough to realize that to a very little child, she's very old. Actually, to me (I'm 36), 87 is very old. I'd say just like you did "They weren't trying to be rude, but you are TO THEM. And to you, they are very young". Don't sweat it.
I read your SWH and that sounded very innocent to me.

Who likes to be called old? If she was fat and your kids told her so would you be saying she was weird for being upset?
Tell your kids that in our society no one, especailly a woman, likes to be called old. It's easy to say you don't think being called old is an insult but the fact is in our country it is considered an insult or at least condescending.
You have no idea how you'll feel in 60 years and that doesn't really matter anyway. It's about how she feels and she has earned the right to not be called anything she doesn't want to be called!

The other day my son, who is 2, but speaks really well, was in the nursery at our church, and the ladies that were in there were mother and daughter. The daughter has teenage children, so you can speculate about the women's ages.

As the mother (or grandmother) was holding my son, he pointed to her turkey waddle, saggy neck, and asked "What is that?!" Okay, seriously..... harsh.

When I went to pick him up after the service, they were Rolling, telling me how adorable and funny he was. The two of them were totally cracking up!

Nothin like having little kids around to make you feel young!!

KATIE

I would have had a problem with her snapping at my kids for stating fact. That's what I Iove about kids. They call things how they see them. They took the visual clues they had and formed an opinion. They haven't learned about sensoring & being politically correct. I had a great aunt that called everything how she saw it & was told I was to respect that because she was "old". Well respect kids because they are young. I'm 36 and I call myself "old" all of the time. Yeah, it will probably be different when I get there, but I hope I wear my years with pride & I definitely hope I don't start snapping at little kids (not picking on her, just have seen a lot "older people" do this) I hope to live to be her age & to be healthy at the same time.

I'm turning 45 on Sunday and my 9 yo calls me old, so 87 DEFINATELY is "old" to little kids. =0) I would just tell great granny they didn't mean any disrespect, just stating the facts as they see them. =)

I'm 57. I'm not 'old' but I am experienced and wise. In my religion older women are revered for their wisdom. I am Wiccan and the triple goddess Maiden-Mother-Crone shows the three stages of a woman's life. Crone is meant for a woman who is post menapausal and these ladies are respected for their age and wisdom.

Tell grandma she is a survivor and wise.

It sounds like she is having trouble aging and is a bit touchy on the subject. I would have a talk with the kiddos and explain to them that she is sensitive on the subject and to not use the word :"old" anymore around ggma. I would validate their thoughts and feelings and give them an alternate title to give her. Like age is only a number and yes people are older looking with white hair and wrinkles, but we shouldn't point it out.

How old are they by the way?? This info would help to answer your question better.

M

That's an unfortunate response. Kids that age aren't rude, they say things like they are. And 87 is old, especially compared to 2 or 3. It sounds like she is uncomfortable with the fact that she is getting older. Which is too bad - in most cultures, reaching old age is a good thing. And being a *great*grandparent is an honor and a priviledge that many people don't get to enjoy. I'm with you -- I'll be thrilled if I am blessed to know my great-grandchildren!

My great grandma lived to be 105. She refused to go into a nursing home until she was 102, because "those were for old or handicapped people". Lord help you if you dared to call her old (Even when she was too weak to get out of bed, she would manage to pick up a cane and hit you with it).

My great great aunt is the same way (Except she is only in her late 90s). A few years ago she had to have a hip replacement. As soon as she got back from the hospital she was out in her garden diggin' away. We live across the road from her, so every time we saw her out there it was our duty to go over and remind her that she was supposed to take it easy. Well, of course she didn't stop and she ended up breaking her leg out there. When she got home from the hospital from that, she was right back in the garden. Her son ended up forcing her to live with him in town because she just didn't know when to quit.

My grandpa (My son's great-grandpa) is in his late 80s. He still comes over to our house every day (He just lives across the field) and drives the tractor for my dad.

My grandma (My son's great-grandma) is in her mid-80s but you would never know it just by watching her. She never stops. She has to be doing something all the time.

My other set of grandparent's (I don't get along with them and haven't spoken to them in a long while) are also up there in age and are just as active.

I hope I still be that active when I'm that old.

i think it's great for kids to be honest. it's also great if they're nice. 'momaw's old so she's going last' isn't particularly nice. had they said the actual word in a less dismissive context she may have been fine with it.
khairete
S.

Hi, M.:
Yes, children are beginning to realize there are age differences.
Yes, my g granchildren have stated I am old.
One even asked an older woman about her neck having loose
skin on it.
If their g grandmother or anyone takes offense, just apologize and move on.
Good luck.
D.

I think your grandma is in denial. Just remind her that grey hair = old for a kid. Maybe mention to the kids to not call a person old or fat, etc.

Kids see the world in such a different way. On the first day of school I asked my 1st grader to describe his teacher. He told me that she is very nice, has brown hair and is tall. I was really surprised when I met her the first time - she's about 5'0".

You're not weird. Fact is, she's old. She's already past the average life expectancy. I know there are people out there who live to be past 100, but that's not the norm. And especially to little kids - she's old! Heck, even I'm probably OLD to them and I'm not even 40 yet. Great Grandma needs to be a little less sensitive.