Ouch! Kid Too Honest

Tell her to simply respond "Good things come to those that wait."

Age is what you make of it, whether you are young at 60 or old at 29.

This is totally off the topic at hand but did bring to mind a hilarious story from my past.....

When I was 22, I was dating a man who was 36. Good looking, but was showing some typical male aging, some crows feet and his skin was a little leathery. I went car shopping with him one weekend and the salesman asked (with my bf standing right there) if the car was for me or my dad! I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pass out! Needless to say, that salesman lost that commission that day!

I wouldn't worry about it.
Fertility can be something that can go on a lot longer for some people.
I read about one woman who was something like 55 and menopausal and just thought she was putting on weight.
She was widowed but had a boyfriend and was fairly certain she didn't need to worry about birth control anymore.
Yep - she had a healthy baby.
Never took fertility drugs or even sought to have another child.
As it was she wasn't prepared to raise the child so her grown daughter (who was married and was raising her own kids) took on her sibling to raise.
A 10 yr old knows nothing about life.
In her own time she'll grow up and find out.
Don't sweat it!

At your age I am surprised that this bothers you so much. You must realize you probably ARE older than most of the other moms. It's not a bad thing, it's just a fact.
Explain to your daughter that you're sorry, you're just sensitive about your age and you didn't mean to upset her.
I'm 45 now, and while I still consider myself pretty fit and fairly attractive I don't labor under any false illusions of youth. I may be a middle aged woman, but in the eyes of young children, I'm sure I AM old!

Yeah, I wouldn't have chided her for mentioning it. Perhaps you could have said, "Yes, I got pregnant with you older than most moms usually do. God blessed Dad and I with a beautiful, healthy girl!" And just let it go.

Fact is, you ARE older than the average mom. So what? You're healthy, look great, and have way more life experience than most younger moms, right? Why does this have to be a negative "reality check?"

You just told your daughter not to talk to you unless she had something complimentary to say. At 10, her conversation with her peers is about to get REAL. Be mindful of how you receive that.

Oh, yeah...what they said about (1) not taking to heart kids' (especially strangers) comments about things they don't know about and (2) building your confidence in who you are. I mean, you knew when you were pregnant how old you were, right? And you know that 10yos are getting into mean-girlness and think that even teenagers are fairly old. This is obviously a sensitive topic for you, and you need to work on it.

In the meantime, watch how you respond to your daughter. This is a critical time.

You ARE older than most people with a 10 year old. That's nothing to be ashamed of; if anything you should be proud of yourself.

Why is this a reality check? You are probably 15 years older than the average person with a 10 year old, so even if you look great for your age, you still look older than the typical mother of a 10 year old.

I'm your age, and other than disliking the recent realization that life is short, I wouldn't change my age. Stay proud.

I love Sara and Robert's response.

I'm 45. 45 isn't old. It's just older than a 10 year old. Heck, 20 is "old" to them. What was said wasn't being mean, it was being factual - completely different.

From your own words, you DON'T look old - (I've had people not believe me when I tell them my age (50's). So you're LOOKIN' GOOD. Be PROUD of it.

You're being overly sensitive about it - our society is so "youth crazy" it can make us feel crappy about aging. But I say screw that. You're a healthy woman with a healthy kid. Embrace that and forget about the numbers.

Your daughter came to you to find out why her little friend said this. You basically told her to be quiet.

I suggest next time you get to visit with her just say something along the lines of "Honey, I'm a little older than most moms. I love you and I felt bad about your friend saying I was old. I'm sorry I didn't listen very well to you".

Then tell her some options of what she can say when it comes up again.

I am a grandparent raising grandchildren. SOOOO, when I see an older woman with a younger child I often mentally go there instantly. I am usually right and we've grown our little group of friends who are also raising their grandchildren. But there's one time that I really goofed. So now I'm more careful about what I say.

I was checking someone out at the store and they were paying for a gymnasts classes. I asked her if she was the girls grandmother. No, she said, she was just older when she head her.

I was sooooo embarrassed.

You are her MOTHER. She should be able to say anything to you if you really want to keep the lines of communication open as she enters her tween and teen years. Although moms are people too, we need to check our emotions and reactions if we want our kids to come to us about important things.

And we also need to get over ourselves and realize, no, we are not young anymore and our children see us as old even if we don't see ourselves that way. Does it hurt a little? Yes, but am I going to act personally hurt and offended by it when it IS reality whether I like it or not! No.

In her mind, she was probably just relaying something. She's heard the story of her birth before, right? So try to keep a comeback in the back of your head. Like "I'm just that superfantastic."

I would go back to my DD and say, "I know you didn't mean any harm, but it hurt my feelings that someone thought of me being "so old". I'm sorry I got short with you about it."

I would not consider a 10 yr old's comment a reality check. I bet you look just fine. You also do not know if that child's mother had her at 18 so everyone past 30 having kids is really, really old in her view. I'm a SM and I've had people assume I was a teen mom because of the sk's ages. I try to take no offense.

Not a reality check. You already know that kids think we adults are ancient regardless of our actual age. To them anything from 21 to 105 is 'old.'

I'm 30. I still get carded. I look like a kid. Sigh. But to my children, who are 3 and 6, and their friends I am super old. They think their grandparents are also old. To them there are no adult ages...just old. How old is grandpa? They don't think oh he is 60, they think he's old. How old is mom? She's really old. She's like 30 or something...

I would have told my child that God gives us gifts at different ages. My gift was you. I wouldn't trade you for the world!!

Just because someone had their kid at 21 doesn't mean YOU need to. This is the same thing - if "everyone" is doing - why aren't you? Not everyone is the same....it's really that simple.

Doesn't matter how old you were when you had her, does it? don't let the ramblings of a child affect you. Keep loving your daughter.

My parents were married in their mid-30s, at a time when many people married in their early 20s. They were in their 40s when my sister and I were born. How many times did other people think they were the grandparents? A lot!

Your girl just thought her friend's statement was interesting. Children of ten think anyone over 20 is incredibly old. They don't have an accurate concept of age or time. I wish you could have laughed about it - thinking how much that girl's thinking is going to change in the next few years!

You probably look fabulous, and everybody appreciates it except, well, ten-year-olds. Let your daughter know she can talk to you about anything! Tell her that your vanity was hurt, but that you're over it now. (Don't be ashamed of your age, though. You're probably an inspiration to many other mothers.)

I mean, didn't Miley Cyrus just say that people over 40 are old and don't have sex any more?? And she's in her 20s! :)

Cheer up and consider the age of the source! Hugs.

Why are you offended. You are an older mother, that's the reality. I was a young mom and now I'm an old mom. Heck sometimes people think my older kids are the parents of my younger kids and I'm grandma. Grandma's come in young ages, they aren't all old and grey. Their faces when I say 'nope, they're all mine."

I don't get offended, why would I. I know the reality of the situation, and it's sad that your dd told you something, something small really, and you got hurt and in turn hurt her feelings...

Hi, Sally:

Weren't you the one that wanted advice about how to teach your child about bullying from other children?

(Although she said she didn't.....meaning your age)
Maybe you need to start looking at how you are offended by reality.
So what if you were an older mom. That is nothing to be ashamed of.
You chose to have your child at that time in your life.

You need to apologize to your daughter because she demonstrated aggressive behavior towards her for being real.

Good luck.
D.

Let this one roll off you. Kids are proud of their ages, and at 10, may not understand that adults have issues. Also, you're right - I remember thinking at around that age that 30 was impossibly old. Your daughter did not realize that she was sharing something that wasn't "nice" - your age is simply a fact to her and her friend. I'm pretty sure it was not a commentary on how you look, other than it is obvious you are older than most of the other moms they know. You may want to sit down with your daughter and explain to her our society's quirks in regards to women and aging, and how that works out in everyday manners. Be prepared for a response something like what I've gotten from my kids - "But that's DUMB." I agree with them, but they still need to know that making comments or queries about an adult woman's age is not considered polite in our culture.

I went silver-haired early, and I also had children relatively late. I live in a part of the country where many folks marry and have babies young. I am occasionally told what cute GRANDKIDS I have!

Please don't think I am being mean but I think you are being a bit sensitive. Like everyone else said, anything over 20 is old to a 10 year old. I do think you may want to talk to your daughter though. I am sure she didn't take it this way but make sure she knows that she can come to you and tell you anything, good or bad.

I am a young mom (20 with my first) and she gets just as embarassed and questions when her friends find out I'm 30 and she is 10. It's all good :).

Ha. What does a 10 year old know???? She probably thinks we're all old. Ok, I am. But you are not.

I remember a dear friend (3 years younger than I), who remarked on the occasion of my 30th birthday: "You're the oldest friend I've ever had!" Trust me, I found a special way to acknowledge her 30th!!!

Now, let your daughter know that your reaction even surprised you and that you have nothing to hide (your age for example). And go celebrate your life with her with a special walk or treat. Be well.

You seem a little over sensitive about this to be honest. Saying someone is old is usually not considered some huge insult. Age is just a number. Now if they had called you a whale, or ugly, or something, and your child repeated it, then I could see the need to have a talk about others feelings, ect.

time to thicken up that lovely resilient skin you've taken such good care of!
to a 10 year old someone in their 50s is at death's door. but so is someone in their 30s.
the reality check isn't about your looks, my dear, just your expectations.
lighten up!
:) khairete
old S.

Well, a friend of mine, had her 2nd child at about 46-47 years old.
It was planned. They wanted 2 children.
And, she does not hide her age.
She is now about in the mid-50's.

Then, I have a cousin, that at 42 said she's too old to have children. And she never has had, children. And won't. She got married, but never had children.

So its a matter of perspective, too.

Yes, you are an older mom. Congrats, it is very hard to get pregnant at age 45 and you were healthy enough to do it. This child may have heard her mom saying this or recently found out when woman reproduce.

Everyone things they look really young and most adults compliment us on our youthful look (no adult will tell you about age spots or wrinkles).

There is a 'beverly hills real house wife' named Lisa who takes great care of her looks. She looks to be in her mid 60's even though she has wonderful hair, skin and body. She claims to be younger, but she has so much work that she actually looks older in my eyes.

When my son was 2 we were at a hotel pool and a beautiful older woman was walking around in a bikini. He said 'grandma' because to him an older lady is grandma no matter how fake the boobs are. The lady was not happy and said 'I'm no ones grandma!'

Consider yourself lucky living on the coast (in CA and NY there happens to be a lot of older moms). My friend moved to Texas and all the moms are super young. My friend was 22 when she had her first and then 32 for her next. She feels so old in the mom groups in Texas for her second child. If she was back on CA on the coast (not inland) she was be average age in the mom group. Some older and some younger.

When I was a kid I remember thinking my best friend's older brother was sooo grown up. In reality he was 22 yrs old. My parents who were in their mid to late 30's were old. So don't think that everyone feels you are old; it's a child's perspective.

I get mistaken for my grandchild's mom all the time. I'm 55 and the kids are ages 1-11. It's hard to judge age so I just laugh and say 'Gram not mom'.

I know it hurts, but your daughter came to you with an issue she wanted to talk about. Please let your daughter know she can come to you with anything, hurtful or not, and you guys can talk it out. Maybe that was something her 10 yr old self couldn't keep to herself and it is your job to help her process it.

I know this conversation between the girls turned to discussing you, but I still think this should be about her and how it made her feel. You can discuss your issues and feelings with your friends. Help her with her take on this conversation. In the future, the teen years, do you really only want her coming to you if she has something "nice" to say??

All I can say is the girl is 10...to her everyone looks old. When I was 10 I thought 20 was old. Now a days my thought is no one is old until they are 70...and once your 70 then you are just awesome in my eyes.

Yes what she said was a bit mean but I think you need to do your best to just not think about it and no it was not a reality check

Aww, don't feel bad. A couple of weeks ago I brought snack into my daughters Kindergarten class. Later that night my daughter told me that one of the boys in her class told her that I looked old. I'm 39! I was like, jeez, maybe I should have put my makeup on or did my hair or something, lol.

That is neat! To have had her when you are "old" but even better, to look younger! Have fun surprising people as the years go by.

When my mom, back in the stone age, got pregnant at 39 with my sister, she gave birth at 40, when NO ONE was getting pregnant that old. One of the nurses thought my dad was the baby's grandfather when he came to visit my mom in the hospital.

On my honeymoon in our early 20's, we were coming back on an international flight. My husband is one year and a couple of months older than me. The steward told me and my FATHER where our seats were. Totally shocked, I sputtered "WIFE!! WIFE!!" The guy wouldn't come near us the whole trip.

These weren't children, so it could be worse...

My son told me that some kids in his preschool class thought I was "gross." Not sure what I did to earn that title! I am always coming/going to work when I drop him off so I'm dressed decently, hair done, etc. I'm not a real made up type of person but still. The only thing I could figure is because I am overweight, not morbidly obese but overweight. It did hurt my feelings. I did as you did, told my son not to pass on things that weren't nice but he didn't even really understand at the time. I tried to remember that these are little kids and they have odd perspectives. Does someone's parents know how old you are and maybe repeated it in front of a kiddo in the class? Any # above 20 sounds crazy old to them! Oh, and if it makes you feel better, one of my son's classmates asked me how old I was a couple of weeks ago and, before I could answer, one of the other kids guessed 55; I'm 39... That one didn't hurt my feelings as I could tell the child guessed a random "big" #! LOL

No-- the only reality check happening was what you already pointed out.... I mean, 10 year olds think that 16 and 17 year olds are very glamorous, but by the time you hit 30, you are 'old and boring' in their eyes.

Children also think the world revolves around them, their favorite tv shows, and the latest and greatest toy or video game. Why would we give this contingent any credibility anyway? ;) I'd just tell your daughter that you are sorry you got short with her, give her a head's up that NO woman really likes to be told that they 'look old' (this is just helping her understand how to navigate her world in the future) but that you understand why she said what she did. And that you are okay with who YOU are, because that's what's most important--that we are okay with ourselves.

I totally understand that it wasn't pleasant to hear.

My mom is 57. She has grandchildren ages 13 to 6. No matter how lovely and healthy you look, kids that age will see you as a grandmother type. It's not a real reflection on you or your abilities, so please try to shake it off.

Talk to your daughter again. Make sure she knows that she can and should come talk to you about stuff that bothers her, regardless of it being nice or rude, even if she thinks it will hurt your feelings.