What Is She Thinking

What was she thinking? She was thinking that she needed someone who she trusted to watch her child for 3.5 hrs a week and was willing to accept 20-25 for doing it. Can't blame her for asking.

If you don't want to do it just say no and move on. No reason to make her feel bad about it

Yeah $20/hr is insane, and you're the one being a jerk kind of for being "put out". If you don't want to /cant do it, just say no and don't be offended. Geez...

I hope you answer in a businesslike way, because this is a business arrangement, not a friendship arrangement. Oh, I see that you did. People are funny.

This is a classic case of "she can ask anything she wants - YOU can simply say no thanks." Don't get offended. Don't even waste any more time thinking about it. "Sorry, I'm not available to babysit your son." There, done.

Wow! I can't imagine criticizing someone when they just made you an offer/asked for your help. Why in the world would you be offended? That's silly. If you don't want to do it, say no thank you. No need to be rude.

What was she thinking? Probably that she trusts you and you might be willing to help her out.

You are "laughing" but don't possess the courage to tell her the real reason you won't do it. It's not a scheduling issue, you are a self admitted time snob and feel you are worth much more. Leave phone messages in the future as well, use your time wisely and be direct.

"What is she thinking?" She's thinking she can call someone she knows to see if they will watch her kid. She is probably in a bind since actual "babysitters" won't do just a couple hours a week, they want something more consistent. So she thought she would call around to all the SAHM's she knows to see if anyone could help her. I feel bad that you are so upset about something so little. It appears you are only open to helping those in your immediate close circle so if you don't want to do it, just say no.

I dunno, I babysat many children when my kids were young at way lower than the going rate. I like to help people. It was nice for my (3) kids, and nice for the mom acquaintances. Not sure why you feel so put out by the concept. Shrug.

:)

Honestly I think $25 for only 3.5 hours with one kid is reasonable. Who pays $20 an hour for babysitting one kid? That is insane.

As to what she was thinking, I am sure she was just thinking that since you are a stay at home mother you may have the time and need a little extra cash. I hate when working mothers assume I have all this free time just because I am a stay at home and try to take advantage, but that is not what she has done because she offered to pay you. I don't understand why you are taking some huge offense to this? If you don't want to do it then just let her know you are not interested and leave it at that.

If someone asked me to do this I would not be offended at all. I would decide if I wanted to take on the extra child or not and then I would give a simple yes or no answer to the asker. She is not being unreasonable, but your reaction seems to be.

I'm a professional child care provider with 20 years experience and I usually charge about $15 at the *most* for babysitting services, and that's when my son isn't present AND it's multiple children at their home. Why? Not to be rude, but *it's not rocket science*. Most families I know-- we just trade care anymore or help each other out. If we can, great, if we can't no hard feelings. The kids play and we build community and all is well.

By the way, you aren't laughing it off. I mean, if you value your time so much, why are you wasting any more of it with this? Just because *you* think you are worth $20 per hour doesn't make her jerk for asking.

ETA; Per your SWH--- you are bored, so you are taking someone to task publicly for offering to pay you to do a job? Because you are *bored*? Wow.... that says so much....

First off, if it were me, I'd think that she emailled me by accident and I'd ignore it completely. Perhaps the email was for Jane or June instead of J. and it autofilled your address. I don't know, but slow your rather dramatic thought process a moment.

If she emails again, politely respond and decline.

I don't think you should say anything to her about how unreasonable you think she's being, because that's a rather melodramatic statement. There's no reason to infuse unnecessary drama into this when you can be polite and decline.

I do think you're overthinking this. She doesn't need to know all of the reasons you don't want to babysit, just that you don't want to. I don't know if she's being unreasonable but, you've not given any other reason that she's being unreasonable other than that you two aren't especially close. I wouldn't be offended, just slightly confused.

ETA: Why did you tell her you weren't available on the day she needed? Why didn't you just say that you aren't interested in babysitting at all?

You're setting poor boundaries and using poor communication. Keep in mind that if you set poor boundaries or are unclear, the resulting drama is your fault, not theirs.

I don't think you need to teach her a lesson, just say that it doesn't work for you.

Did you ever think she respects you as a mother and trust you to watch her child?
Maybe it's worth $25 a week to her whether she uses you or not to know she has the option of someone she trusts to watch her kids?
I think you'll be waiting a long time to find someone to pay you $60 for three hours of babysitting a week.
I certainly wouldn't be "offended" or try to make a point. If I didn't want to do it I probably just say thanks,but no.

Just say no. No, she's not being unreasonable, she's just asking you a question.

Truly, no one pays $20 per hour for babysitting. Those in child care that are PROFESSIONALS only get just above minimum wage if they're lucky.

I think it is totally reasonable for that amount for that time frame. That's what I pay. I pay $20 for one kiddo and $30 for 2 kiddo's. That's more than professional child care gets for school aged kids. In Oklahoma they get $11 per full day for school age kids. For a full day of care, over 10 hours is normal care.

Everyone knows how I feel about babysitting. They are sub-standard care givers when compared to professional child care providers who have degrees in early childhood development or other child related fields. So to pay someone that's just watching the kiddo and not doing preschool or better with them, well $20-$25 is absolutely the amount I would pay.

She called you because she knows her child is safe with you. She called because she knows your standards and how you treat little people and that's how she wants her child treated and taught.

It's a great compliment that she considered you. She respects you fully with her child.

Just tell her that you don't do babysitting but perhaps give her the name of your own babysitter or someone you know that could use some extra money.

When I am left scatching my head wondering what someone might have been thinking, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. She probably thought of it as more of a favor, with a token payment, rather than a contact for services.

Instead of saying that she is being unreasonable, you might want to say,

"Sorry, I won't be able to care for Joey at this time. It's not going to prove a good fit for our household. FYI, the going rate for sitters is $10-12 an hour around here. You might want to keep that in mind as you look for alternate care."

Best,
F. B.

Then, tell her no. You say that you you used to be close. Sometimes it doesn't take constant communication to feel comfortable picking up right where you left off. She started with a number that wouldn't put her in a bind. She didn't say that she wasn't open to negotiation. In fact, you haven't given her an opportunity to say much of anything. She just put the idea out there.

I can be a bit of a snob myself about certain things, but I try not to make that someone else's issue. There's no need for you to be nasty and let her know that she insulted you with that offer. She's looking for childcare and thought of you. Either you're up for it, or you're not. Period.

PS. 3.5 hours a week averages 42 minutes a day, Monday through Friday. I'm not sure if this is what she has in mind, but on the surface, 20-25 bucks doesn't sound unreasonable for that. He's not an infant; he's 5. Since you haven't been in contact with her, you can't know that he is "free-spirited". It just seems that you have read a lot into her initial contact, giving no respect to the fact that you actually used to have a close relationship. Maybe she's focused on what you used to have while you're focused on the fact that you no longer have that.

Would I be offended? Nah. I always try to remember something my grandmother told me.... don't be offended when no offense was intended. Your "friend" didn't go out of her way to offend you. She asked you to do something for her and asked to pay you. When I was a stay-at-home mom I got asked things like this occasionally. I just simply said "no" because it wasn't something I needed or wanted to do.

By the way, if you do the math it comes out to pretty darn close to minimum wage in Illinois. For watching a kid in your own home who would probably be a playmate for your kid for 3.5 hours a week.... seems pretty reasonable to me actually. And if she doesn't make much more money than that, it probably seemed pretty reasonable to her.

What is the big deal. She asked because she had nothing to lose. Say it does not work for you. that's the end. Oh and that is reasonable,for 3.5 hours for a 5 year old. No one would ever pay $20 an hour for an in home sitter.

J....

So she wants to pay you $25 for let's say 4 hours of "work" - that's $6.25 an hour...sorry..no go.

I would e-mail her back and say - Hey J. - did you send this e-mail to me by accident? I've not heard from you in ages!!

If you DO NOT want to babysit - then simply say NO. Send an e-mail back and say "I'm sorry, J. - I really can't add another child to my home during the week!" Don't ignore it. Don't be rude. Just say NO. Sorry. It's really easy....

No you shouldn't be offended. This world is too full of people that say they are offended. And she thought enough of you to want you to care for her kids. Just tell her no, it doesn't work out for your schedule. End of story.

I actually wouldn't say anything but "No thanks - I'm just too busy to add another child into the mix." The truth MAY be that she thinks you are a great mom and handle things so well that she can trust you to take care of her child. She has nothing to lose but asking, and you might actually say yes.

But of course, you won't say yes. You do NOT need $20 a week for doing anything.

Your friend is just taking up for you by saying you should tell her she's being unreasonable. I'll just bet your friend wouldn't say that to anyone. It's one thing for her to tell YOU to do it - another thing for her to be so ballsy...

Be glad that the woman is someone you don't see or hear from often. It makes it easier to say no. And though you aren't a babysitter, you are really good with children - people who know you, know this. She probably really respects your abilities with kids. Don't slap her in the face for that.

How can you be bored with all you do in your house? I don't get that...

I wouldn't say anything. Maybe be flattered that she would consider trusting you with her child. If you aren't interested in babysitting, then its not really the amount but just that it isn't how you want to spend your time or how you want to earn money. She might have thought that it would be worthwhile to you or that you would like a little extra cash. You said you coupon, maybe she thought your trying to save/make some money.
I do pay more then that but I think its a reasonable rate, especially if you were watching other kids. But really like you said, you aren't interested. I would just let it go and not worry about it. It sounds like you graciously turned her down and I think that's all that's necessary.

I used to watch kids for random people in our parish who needed help. My kids were even all school aged at the time. Never asked for a penny but then I really didn't need money.

All you are doing asking for more is saying I need money.

I don't blame her for asking and I don't blame you for saying no. She probably figures it couldn't hurt to check with you. For all she knows you'll never notice another little one running around. :P

I wouldn't have done it either.

ETA: I wouldn't say anything to her, other than no, it doesn't work.

As a SAHM I always appreciated the extra babysitting work. If I could provide my kids with another kid to play with for a couple of hours while I did my laundry and made supper, and got a little extra pocket money to boot I was happy to do it. I am used to having a houseful of kids, so extra kids don't stress me out, and five year olds don't really require a lot of care. They just play while I go on with my day. I don't see this as an unreasonable request at all, as long as I was going to be home anyway. I casually babysat for friends, friends of friends, former co workers, neighbours and acquaintances, and I usually took what they were willing to pay. It was all bonus to me.

You're probably not the first person she asked and sounds like you won't be the last. She's probably just checking with every person she trusts, close friends or not. It's still better than getting a stranger.

Just politely decline. Let her know it doesn't fit in to her schedule. She'll figure out soon enough that she's way under the market.

Why would you be offended? I can't imagine paying $20.00 an hour for babysitting, that's ridiculous. Maybe she wanted to take a class or needed that time to take some time to herself. She probably figured it wouldn't hurt to ask. Doesn't sound unreasonable to me. She asked, you said no, no harm done.

I'm thinking that you may have been her last resort. She probably asked all of her close friends, relatives and neighbors to no avail. I would have told her that your schedule is too hectic and erratic and the fact that the boy doesn't really know you and your rules, you'll have to decline, but best of luck in finding someone. I wouldn't make her feel bad, as that accomplishes nothing for either of you.

I found it odd, too, though. :)

Offended, no. Amused (bemused)? Yes.

"Thanks for thinking of me, but that won't fit in my schedule at the moment." I don't think she is being unreasonable. If my schedule allowed it, I would probably do it- throwing one more wild boy in my pile doesn't really rock my world! My kids would have fun, I would get an extra $100 a month, that's a bill I don't have to worry about. For me, it would not be unreasonable. Telling her your opinion beyond no thanks is not really helpful. Now if she calls you in a few weeks and says "do you think what I am offering is reasonable?" then let her know your thoughts.

My sitters don't make $20 an hour, but most adults I would ask to watch my kids would do it to help me out...not to make money.

I think you were wrong to not be honest with her. Don't feel bad saying no, but you should have been honest instead of trying to spare feelings. It will only cause you more problems in the future.

If you can't do it, you can't do it. But if you can do it, you should. Why? Because that's what people do for each other. They help each other out in a bind.

I'm sorry that she didn't return your calls, but she might be dealing with a lot right now. Maybe she or a loved one's been sick. Maybe there's been a lot of stress at home. Maybe her husband is going through something at work. Who knows.

Everyone needs a little help once in a while.

You did the right thing - politely saying you are unavailable.

I just hope the next time you need help the person you reach out to is more understanding than you were.

I know I am late to the game, but I spend about 35 per day at a daycare for my 2 1/2 year old. That could be from 6:30 am - 6:00 pm. It's not, it is actually from about 9:30 - 4:30, but I am just saying, that it is for a full day.So to me $20-$25 for a half day is not unreasonable.
Your friend that charges $10 seems like a lot if it is for people on a regular basis. Once in a while, I could see, but most daycares around here only charge $40 - $45 for an INFANT for a full day. I would be paying your friend $70 per day, and my daughter is there for a shorter period than most kids!

Bottom line, I would do it if I were a SAHM and it worked with my schedule. Little extra money in my pocket. Plus a friend for my kids to play with. If it doesn't work for you, though, just let her know.

I'd simply let her know that I am definitely not interested. It sounds like she's pretty desperate to find someone. By being direct about your unavailability, it allows her to move on and find someone who is open to the idea.

Some people do pay $20 an hour for babysitting... Just to correct one poster. Depends where in the country you live. Chicago isn't cheap. But I wish you hadn't emailed her back but just ignored her email. She can't even call you back but can ask you this? That's why I wish you hadn't emailed back at all. Or like Wild Woman said - ask if her email is a mistake. Anyway, I think it's ridiculous not so much bc of the pay but bc she doesn't even call you back and hello - you have 3 kids at home and homeschool. She really thinks you have time and need the $25 that badly??? Ridiculous.

your response is healthier. she's quite out of line, and really out of touch for what childcare costs, and rather shockingly forward in presuming upon a pretty slight acquaintance.
but your friend is pretty far off course. it's not your job to educate this woman. your only responsibility is to make sure your own boundaries are quite clear.
khairete
S.

My sitter charged $20 for watching kids a whole day and $10 for half a day or less. And that wasn't a "friend" rate - that was her rate for all kids. She understood how much of a pinch childcare put on parents who had to work and wanted to be part of a solution. She takes care of infants through whenever you think your child can stay home alone. She did reserve the right to tell parents if the child is too much and it doesn't change, she just can't keep watching them because it interferes with the other children. So I don't think she's being unreasonable, she may just be trying to see what you say next and may have had someone who watched her son for the amount she offered to give you (the person may be unable to care for her child now for whatever reason). If you already offer baby-sitting services regularly, then maybe tell her what your rate is. If you quote her different than other parents, then you're being unreasonable and she will find out.

I would actually do it..just a one time thing. I would figure she was in a real pickle and had not many friends.

Another friend told a story that their contractor called because his wife when into labor early and had no one to watch his 3 year old. She was shocked and sad that this family had nobody close-by to watch the child. She did not even consider them friends (her husband did).

edit: I just notice 'a week' I was think 'next week' like a one time thing for her to get a biopsy or something. I would not commit either. I do not like being tied down.

As my husband says when I complain and want to tell someone off to the them know they are unreasonable "She is a grown woman and chooses to act that way."

edit: I have paid $25 an hour for a sitter to watch 2 kids.

I pay $37/day for my 2 year old daughter to attend daycare all day long, so $25 for a 5 year old for 3.5 hours may not be so unreasonable.

I think she is reaching out because she is desperate. You could say 30$ no less but for one child in your home asking $20 is way too much. Sorry but I pay my sitter 10$ for all three of my kids plus too in my home.