Hi, this is my first time writing in on Mama Source. I have a 3 month 3 week old baby girl who is wonderful! She is my first child. At times she has really bad tantrums usually around the evening time. I have read that this can be common for some babies, but the problem is that other people around me make it their business. It seems like everywhere I go I get an uninvited opinion from someone on what is wrong with my daughter. From the nosey guy at the Ikea store, to Mrs. Crabbitts (Bewitched) at the pool, people are constantly assuming they know what she needs...man is it annoying. The most common assumption is that she is hungry...even after I just fed her. I try to be pleasant and calm when I respond back to them, but I am worried I am going to eventually lash out!! I feel like saying, "excuse me but this is my child, and I know best." What do you girls think?? Has this happened to you and how do you respond? I just need to learn how to deal with it better...
Orangegirl
A....
I'm sure that everyone that gives you advice is doing it out of care and concern. I think all you need to respond with is "thank you for your advice" and be gracious about it. Who knows...maybe someone will give you an idea that you haven't thought of yet.
I am sorry to say it only gets worse and my best advice is to nod and smile nod and smile and then find somewhere, something or someone (YEAH MAMASOURCE!) that helps you release. For some reason new moms know not to do this but old moms don't even though they hated it when people do it to them - so I guess the one thing we have to look forward to is doing it to someone else some day and probly with out knowing it! I wish you much luck and patience!
It seemed like the minute the pregnancy stick turned positive people started giving me advice! Yes, this happened to me, and still does! (My son is 2 1/2.)
I remember being at the grocery store and he was wailing and a mother turned to me and says, "Maybe he's hungry." Ya-think?
Actually my son was just a nurse-a-holic and wasn't happy unless he was latched on. It wasn't hunger.. he just wanted mommy and Lord forbid I went into the grocery store!!
Now I am getting advice on potty training, the need to read to my child (Hello.... I was an elementary school teacher for 10 years), his nutrition, how I am "spoiling" him, and the problems I am going to have moving him into his own bed.. Yeah I blew that one. He still co-sleeps.
Two days ago an instructor at a mommy and me class told me I needed to let him color his page by himself. (She walked by when I had just fixed the crayon and was making it work.)
Doh!!!
Anyway, it is irritating! I wish I could tell everyone to shut up.... but I have had some GREAT advice given to me with great timing that I did appreciate... Like when a friend told me not to overreact to Boo-boos!
So..... I guess welcome to Mommyhood!
yes, I have experienced this. My friend says "every family has one". Mine is my husband's cousin. I found it especially irritating because she had ZERO experience with babies / kids, gets ALL of her information online and is a fearmonger. I have a vastly different approach to raising children then she does. While I was able to respect that she had different ideas she was unable to show me the same courtesy. Finally, I just told her to stop talking to me. I never gave her permission to be rude to me. It's ok to tell people they are being rude - sometimes they aren't aware. The cousin apologized and I can almost stand to be in the same room as her - almost. Try to find something funny about the situation and hang in there.
I inadvertently slapped a woman's hand before. And, she really wasn't doing anything really wrong. Just being sweet (in a bit of a loud way) around my daughters when they were younger. It was like a nerve reaction, I didn't intend to do it.
You're going to get opinions all of the time. It's difficult when they're crying in public places because you know your child is being disruptive as well. My first had a crying schedule, 7pm - 9pm on the dot, every day. (she's 14 now). During those days, my mother would call from the E. Coast at about 8pm my time, 11pm her time because that's when long distance rates went down. But, we couldn't talk because she was always crying.
Honestly, rather than deal, just schedule around it. You're aware of her schedule, try to find a way not to be in public if you can when she gets like that. I guess for me that was easy because it was late at night and her bedtime anyway.
But, if you do lash out, don't feel so bad. Blame it on your hormones & lack of sleep.
S.
A 3 month old cannot have tantrums. She is crying like that because she needs something or is uncomfortable or in pain. Was she too hot? Too cold? Does she cry and scream right after or during a feeding? She could have colic due to digestive issues. I would talk to a pediatrican about that.
If she is screaming right after a feeding it could be Gastro-intestinal Reflux, which is painful to have.
If she's being breastfed and acting like this, it could be something you ate that doesn't agree with her.
I think it is awfully bold of strangers to come in and give you advice when they dont know you unless they themselves as parents have gone through the same thing with their baby at her age.
Oh BTW do you look younger than your age, or was your body language in such a way that people thought they could come up and talk to you.
Learn to have "go away, i am handling my child" body language.
Is it tamtrums or gas????????????
Hi A.! My little baby was a crier and I got opinions from strangers ALL the time! It was annoying but I would just smile and say "thank you but he's okay" and take it with a grain of salt. I think people in general are concerned and trying to be helpful. Like someone else posted, you never know someone may suggest something you never thought or forgot to think of. And I'm sorry to say, the opinions of people will continue as your baby grows and wait until the toddler tantrums start, you'll get opinions left and right!
