I have a 6 yr old son he is on meds for adhd. He behaves for other family, friends and at school but when its just me and him he is completetly out of control. Because of this I dont believe he has ODD because he does behave for others. Last week he took money out of my pocket after I told him he couldnt have a toy out of the machine at the resteraunt. I told him no karate today. he pushed and hit me. at that point I had enough I told him he will sit on his bed and have no privillages. the only time he was allowed to get up was for school, bathroom, baths, and breakfast lunch and dinner. no exceptions.. and also took karate away that day. No TV video games outside play toys, etc.. nothing else seemed to work. they say put him in timeout for 1 min per age but that does nothing for him he will go right back to misbehaving when he gets out. he hits kicks and pushes me and also backtalks ALOT!! everyday its the same rude and violent behavior if he doesnt get his way. I dont ask much of him just to do what hes told to do use manners and control his temper. i dont think that is too much to ask of a child when I do so much for him. Ive already talked to his pediatrician and they just increased his adhd meds from 50 to 60 mg. any suggestions would be appreciated.. looking for a creative way of discipline so it doesnt sound preachy and a broken record.. thanks
I would not take away his karate class when karate can be a tool for him to get out his aggression and to get some focus and learn discipline. I have trained in karate for almost 10 years total, partly because I have ADD tendencies and karate helps me focus for the rest of my day. If I was having a bad day, taking away my ability to go to karate class would put me over the edge....really, I'm not exaggerating.
I don't know anything really or "officially" about ADHD but when I worked at a camp the kids with ADHD did act out in front of strangers as well. But if meds aren't working on his at home behavior, I'd definitely be looking for discipline techniques.
I have a theory that kids behave worse around parents because it's "comfortable" and they know their parents will forgive them. My 5yo SD does this too. She's a perfect angel for teachers, friends, babysitters, and even my mom (still) but with us, her mom, and both of her other sets of GPs will throw big fits.
One person on here told me to start taking stuff away from her until she ends up with an empty room and then keep that stuff away until she has a crabby-free day etc. I've started this with her favorite stuffed animal and it seems to work. I've never had to empty her room or anything like that because usually when I threaten the stuffed animal she knows I'm serious.
But that might be something to try. I don't know if you want to pull him out of karate but if you're ok with that you can just say that he can't go unless he's had no fits that day or that week or whatever. Otherwise you could try it with other things like desserts, toys, TV etc. Good luck!
I'm not sure if you're not mentioning spanking because it's not politically correct, or because you haven't used it. If you have used it consistently to no avail ignore this, but time outs rarely work on difficult kids.
Constant removal of things is much more cruel than a split second of discomfort for kids, because they are constantly being deprived of positive activities, not benefiting from the positive interactions with loved ones and friends while being kept home, and losing things they care about. I get it that the point of discipline is to be unpleasant enough to deter the behavior at a warning the next time-but if it isn't, then it's not effective.
Kids, especially with ADHD , don't really care about a warning that they wont' go to a fun activity, because it's sort of abstract, it's in the future, and it's no real skin off their nose, because they'll be pretty comfortable at home anyway. Your son hit you, and pushed you, and you sat him on his bed. Yes, it got long and arduous, but really, sitting on a bed, is not so bad.
And if he gets mad and throws a fit about losing the privilege or item, then what's the discipline for that? And talking back? You need something quick, firm and effective that does not end up leaving him home, resentful and bored because he isn't doing things that could enrich him.
Check out his book, it's really effective and great for boys this age: Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. You don't need to get angry, but you do need to be firm, consistent and concise. You're right, DON'T PREACH AND BE A BROKEN RECORD. Calm brief waring, and the outcome is up to him. He's gotta think fast and care about the outcome.
Sue has a good point.
Ignore the negative, reward the positive. Little talk. And when I say "ignore," that includes putting him in his room (where you can ignore him) until he can behave.
I think the consequences should be immediate, and as related to the offense as possible. So if he acts out in a restaurant, you immediately leave (no matter what part of the meal you're at -- get a doggy bag), and take him home, and put him in his room with no fun stuff. Let him read a book or something.
But karate is good for him, and not related to the offense, so I don't think you should take that away.
When he is being good -- give him LOTS of love and praise.
I see some of this behavior in my 5.5 year old son. He is high energy but no specific diagnosis (I don't think he is ADHD since I have many kids that are). He gives me the hardest time since I am with him most. He is fine at school. I do take away favorite toys and put them in "time out" and give time outs in his room (mostly this works because my son hates being alone in his room, this had little effect on me as a kid).
I have read so many parenting books that the shelf collapsed. Ones on disciplining a defiant or strong willed child may help you. Consistency with rules and consequences helps a lot but is hard on the parent to be really consistent all the time (I struggle with this too). If it is just too hard to make changes on your own get family counseling to support you in making the changes. Also if you can find time to give your son one on one positive attention it may help. I know it hard to be positive and patient when you are frustrated...but if you can do it then it may help improve your relationship with your son. Again, struggle with this one too. After struggling all day over discipline it is hard to be positive.
I really like - and have had a lot of sucess with tomato staking. (raisinggodlytomatoes.com) On the left of the page is tomato staking advice
It is basically have your child shadow you every step of every day, they cook with you, clean with you, you go to the bathroom with them, they with you.
It will drive you crazy for a few days then suddenly like magic, you learn to enjoy each other - he sees what you have to do, you see things that he likes to do and say - you converse with each other.
My son likes it so much that he asks to be my "shadow" sometimes as a "punishment"
I agree that you shouldn't take away karate. It is beneficial to him. Have you talked to his karate sensei about it. I know our sensei will talk to the whole classs about something they should/shouldn't be doing and have, in the past, spoken to him when I was having a particular ongoing problem with my son.
Just a heads up about spanking. With some kids, like mine, that completely backfired the 2 or 3 times we did it. He would have a complete fit and behave even worse after, yelling, hitting, etc.
We have always done the losing privilages, items, etc. as well as "noticing" positive behavior. We have tried a lot of things. Sometimes one thing will work and another won't sometimes it's the other way around.
