He's off to Japan a Week from Tomorrow

Yeah, what they all said. I just want to add, I grew up in Japan, although I'm American. It is a fantastic place. Safe, clean, everyone is polite and goes out of their way to be helpful, signs are in Japanese and English (and Korean and Chinese), public transportation is efficient and easy to use (small children regularly ride the trains alone), the FOOD is amazing, the sights are beautiful and plentiful and I could go on and on. If this is his first time away from home, he couldn't have chosen a better place. Tell him to have a fabulous time and I'm super jealous he gets to go (I'm not going back till October and it's killing me!!).

My mom took my kids out of state when they were younger for almost 3 weeks on a vacation. I WAS SO HAPPY!!! It was such a nice break for me and although I missed them, they had the best time ever. So just try to focus on the positive and let the rest go. He's going to be fine and will have the greatest memories ever. Good luck.

ETA: Oh yeah - in 2013 - BOTH of my kids were on the other side of the country traveling with my parents for 6 weeks....we spoke EVERY DAY. It was fun. It was sad. My husband and I had a great time! :)

My oldest son was 8 years old when he went away to sleep away camp for the first time. He was gone 7 days.

The time FLEW by. Yes, there were times it felt like the day was 48 hours long. But in reality? The time fly by and he had a BLAST!!!

This is a time for you to focus on yourself, your other kids, your husband. Heck I cleaned the house!!

My best tip for you is to not make this about you at all. Be happy for him to have their experience. Don't text him at all unless he texts you first. You don't want to be 'that mom' who is on the trip because she's texting all the time.

While he's out of the house do whatever you want. Eat ice cream for breakfast, clean the house or don't, go out to lunch with friends, basically your time is your own so do whatever you want.

Relax!
Don't put pressure on him to text too much.
In fact, drop the texting plan and tell him to take as many pictures as he wants.
He's going to be BUSY!
And you should be too!
He'll be on the other side of the planet.
I think it's fine if you arrange a little trip of your own at the same time.
Getting out of the house will be good for you too.
Go spend a few days on a beach or at a spa or take in Las Vegas.
Get in touch with who you were before you became a mother because in 4 or 5 years he'll be off to college and you're going to need to figure out what to do next once you're finished with active parenting.
To be a parent is to slowly put yourself out of a job! (it's what my Mom always says)
Enjoy yourself!

It's common to feel anxious when our kids are away. I suggest the anxiety is related to the fact that we don't have any control over what's happening. I'm still sometimes anxious about my daughter having her own life. She's married with kids.

One of the ways I deal with anxiety is what you've already done. I look at all the positive things related to the trip or with me, my daughter's home, her kids, what they're doing. I remind myself that this will be OK. Then, I distract myself so it's easier to not think about the situation. I sometimes use positive statements such as she is OK over and over. I get busy as a distraction. Right now, I'm working on clearing out my house that I've lived in for 40 years. I don't think about my daughter except to say that I can take this to her house. LOL Humor helps. Learning yoga and meditation works too.

When you start to feel anxious, remind yourself of all the good reasons he's gone and how much fun you'll have hearing about his adventures.

ETA: Let him enjoy his time away and to experience all of the world around him and the new sounds and sights he will see. He will probably come back with a camera or phone loaded with pictures for you to view. There will be stories that he will tell you now and later in life about his trip. Wave him off and wish him well with his friends and the tour guides.

Take the week off and doing some thing for yourself like a spa visit or a day or two at the hotel and swim in the pool. This is the beginning of him separating from you to become an adult.

Original: You said it all. Start doing things you did or stopped doing. Your job raising your son is almost over. All that you could do to put into him to be an adult has been done. You are now seeing just how much he can do on his own without mom hovering over top. In a few years he will be going off to school away from you.

It is hard to let go but you have to. Children are meant to be with us for about 18 to 20 years and then fly off on their own. As a parent you continue on with your own life being it going back to school, getting a job, taking up hobbies or resuming hobbies that were put on hold while child was home.

Parenting is a facet of your life not your whole life. As I say, "My children are my life but my life is not my children." They are a part of who I am but not the all. I was a woman before I became a mother and a woman before I became a wife. So I have to do things for the woman in me and no one else. It does get easier and life becomes so much better knowing that you have done your best.

the other S.

PS My children are grown and live in different nearby states and have their own separate lives. They enjoy each other from afar and have a relationship which is cordial. Each calls when they have a question on cooking or traveling or life. Otherwise, I stay out of their lives and live my own.

Is there something that's concerning you?

The first time mine went to camp, after the first night (one of mine is not a great sleeper) I relaxed and knew it would be fine. I was concerned for my child. So I could pinpoint my concern in my case, and knew what it would take to make me relax. To this day, even if I know he can manage, I sleep easy knowing he got through that first night.

So is it something similar? You mention you're freaking out a bit but can't pinpoint it. Maybe try to. Because if you can address your concern, I think these 10 days will be easier for you :)

What an awesome opportunity for your son. He will have a wonderful time :)

My 13 year old went across the country for 3 weeks last summer. Of course I missed him, but I kept myself too busy to dwell on it. The 3 weeks flew by. It helped me to know that he was having a great time where he was and that the time was also flying by for him. He will be gone again this summer and I am very excited for him.

Honestly, I coped by sending him off to things before the age of 15. But in your case, that's kind of like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped. So I get that this is really, really hard for you.

Let me help you (I hope) by saying that this trip is more than fun for him. This is absolutely vital for him to develop skills he's kind of behind in learning! You spelled them out - independence, confidence and self reliance. That means you have to resist (and I mean RESIST) the urge to text all the time! Accept that, if there were bad news, you would absolutely hear right away. So no news means he's engaged, involved, happy and learning!

A 15 year old who has never been away for more than a week absolutely needs to jump in with both feet before he's an 18 year old going away to college for months and months!

What I would do, if you are financially able, is get a life coach to help you figure out what else you are and want to be, besides a MOM! I know you don't want to be the person who has an anxiety attack at college freshman orientation when the dean says, "Look, your job is DONE. Don't call the professors to ask for an extension, don't call the health services department to find out if your kid had treatment for strep throat or a consultation on sexual activity/contraception/STDs, don't call the RA to find out if your kid is getting along with his roommate. You're getting the bills, and nothing else." (And yes, I heard this at my son's orientation, said with loving firmness at an excellent college with a great residential life program.)

I'd work with the coach to find out what other areas you are "helicopter-y" in. Are you doing your child's laundry? Stop. Teach him. Require him to do it. Are you nagging him about eating vegetables? Stop. Put the food in the fridge and let the boy get sick or fatigued if he's determined to.

Have you seen the articles from business leaders and HR managers who are fielding calls from helicopter parents of 24 and 25 year olds, saying that Jimmy needs a raise or Susie needs a more supportive supervisor? If only those parents had practiced more distant parenting when the kids were 12 and 15 and 18! So start now, and get a jump on those days to come.

I think it's like quitting smoking or giving up caffeine or ripping the bandaid off. It's gonna hurt like hell in the first few moments...or weeks...but then it will get easier! You want to become the parent who can happily and confidently say, "I have no idea what my kid is doing at this exact moment, but I trust that he is fine and making good decisions. I trust the job I did as a 'mentor' and 'training supervisor' and now he's got to make it on his own and make some mistakes." Breathe, get a coach, have a shoulder to lean on, and you will get through it. Yes, yoga and meditation and all those things can help, but only if you are secure in your thinking. I'm not sure you are there yet - so work with someone who knows why you are feeling what you feel, and who helps you get the right mindset before you get to yoga class!

My 18 yo is in Disney World this week. It is the first time she has traveled without us. I figured I better get used to it since she is moving into her college dorm in August.

I hear you and sympathize...no advice though😊

My 10 year old went a week to summer camp without parents. Not exactly the same as going out of the country, but was away from my care. (eeeK)

They had to climb a pole to a stand that had a zip line. Nothing below to catch you. I am not going to lie, it freaked me out. I just had to not think about it and let it go.

He came home fine. He added to my anxiety by telling me that he didn't weigh enough to make it go fast and that he slowed down to an almost stop, and shared how tall it was, how long.

You sound like your a good mom. Smile and remember its another day of outward smiles and inward screams. I did distract myself with tending to our other children, meeting with family for dinner at their home. Good luck to your peace of mind.

Wow what a great experience for him.
Both of my children are gone right now. They left June 19th and will return July 16th. They are on a fun trip with Nana and their cousin. Then when they get back they leave July 17th thru July 31 to go to Grandmas in California.
They are 11 and 13.
They have been doing this for a number of years. They have a great time, we do chat.
Hubby and I use the time to catch up and reconnect. I also make time for girls nights and I admit I also catch up on the numerous TV shows I have recorded. lol. Both hubby and I work so we do that as well.
He will have fun and you actually may as well. Many blessings to you

My 16 year old is gone for 10 days right now. Yes, it's weird but I, like you know that this is very healthy for everyone so I'm sucking it up! :) We raised them to be independent right?

How ironic, this question. I can relate to you 100%. My daughter was 14 when she went on a 2 week volunteer service project to Japan with the local YMCA. I was convinced that she could not survive without my presence and daily guidance. I was so wrong! It was a great experience for both of us. She had a great time and this was a good exercise in independence and confidence building.

Is he overly nervous? You don't want to transfer your anxiety to him. We moms have a way of doing that. While he is away having an amazing time, devote some time to yourself.

I'm so glad she went. It was a milestone in our relationship. She's was way more independent at that age than I was. I learned a lot about myself also. Good luck!

I have taken groups of students overseas 6 years in a row, so here is some advice from the other side of it. These tours are exciting and exhausting. Every moment of every day if full and the kids are so tired at the end of the day. Wifi is spotty and he probably won't have much time to respond to you at all. Expect that going in. I usually post a message in the parent facebook group upon arrival and tell parents to expect to be out of the loop a lot. He needs to be present on his trip, not homesick. There are chaperones and an experienced tour director so he will be safe and well cared for. I have seen for myself how much these trips help students grow and mature. He will come back to you. Just let him enjoy the experience.

no, not yet, but when my kids are presented such opportunities, they will definitely go. as for getting bored or missing them? i will. and i will also enjoy a glass of beer and a good book, totally me time.

If it's any help, and you're still reading -- the fact that his destination is Japan is a good thing. I went there for eight weeks as a summer student in high school and have been back since, and have found it safe and the people helpful to us foreigners. Not sure if that helps you with the "helicopter tendencies" (I have those too!) but maybe it's some reassurance--? Your son sounds level-headed and responsible, and you did excellent "due diligence" research about the tour firm, so for yourself, schedule plenty to do each day he's gone--have a lot of appointments that YOU need to get done, doctor, dentist, whatever; see old friends for coffee or dinner; go see movies that aren't appropriate for a teen but that you'd like to see....Stay busy and the 10 days will go faster!

I have not had more than a week away from my kids (ages 6 and 12). But I do think about it in a much different way than you! I suggest you think of it this way: A whole 10 days of free time! Date nights every night! You and your husband can go out for dinner and to hear live music. You can walk around the city or eat at 9pm if you want. You can go see a late comedy show and have a martini! You don't have to cook for a kid and make sure they are being driven to whatever activities going on for 10 days. Luck you!!! You should plan some fun things to do together that you normally would not do with a kid. You son is going to have a fabulous time and if you can get your brain to think differently you will too! Have a great 10 days. Plan something fun for yourself. PS - Remember mom, in 3 or 4 years your son will be off at college living with peers and handling ALL his own problems and daily issues. This is terrific practice for him.

Updated

I have not had more than a week away from my kids (ages 6 and 12). But I do think about it in a much different way than you! I suggest you think of it this way: A whole 10 days of free time! Date nights every night! You and your husband can go out for dinner and to hear live music. You can walk around the city or eat at 9pm if you want. You can go see a late comedy show and have a martini! You don't have to cook for a kid and make sure they are being driven to whatever activities going on for 10 days. Luck you!!! You should plan some fun things to do together that you normally would not do with a kid. You son is going to have a fabulous time and if you can get your brain to think differently you will too! Have a great 10 days. Plan something fun for yourself. PS - Remember mom, in 3 or 4 years your son will be off at college living with peers and handling ALL his own problems and daily issues. This is terrific practice for him.