Help - York, PA

Okay-I so I have been going through a terrible time and felt like I didn't want the world/ community to know- Try dailystrength.org- It helps me a ton!

I am so sorry, I can't imagine how you feel. Please hang in there, life goes on after a bad relationship. What makes you think he will get custody of the kids? If you really think about things and it is really over, you can lean on friends and family and day by day it will get easier. Please don't hesitate to contact me privatly, if you just need someone to talk to. I am a good listner. T.

First things first. You are not going to die...you will get through this. Did something happen tonight to set him off, that he would say he's done, out of the blue? I think you both need time to just cool down and let "excitement" of the situation pass, and then look at the situation when things have calmed down. I don't want to say that things will then be OK, but at least then maybe a little more clearer as to where to go from here.

I wish you luck. If you need anything...we are all here to help!

C., I am so sorry. There is never an easy time to be blind-sided by divorce. And right now you are probably not getting enough sleep anyway, plus you have to deal with this.
There are lots of things to deal with, and it sounds like you are truly overwhelmed.

That is NORMAL. You are not going insane. The future you thought you had has suddenly be ripped from you, and your self-definition is changing, as well as your whole life. OF course you are feeling lost, at loose ends, and don't know what you'll be hanging onto and what you won't be hanging onto.

I married at 24 had 2 girls, one at 27 and one at 29, got divorced at 30, and re-married at 35, and ended up having 2 more girls around age 40. Yesterday we celebrated out 19th anniversary. Life is NOT over. Life as you have known it is over, but you are certainly young enough to have the time to heal, and then find a mate who will be faithful and committed to you and the children. REALLY.

So look around the house, and start making your list. What do you want ? Custody of the children. (I hear that one loud and clear.) Insist on it. Then take stock of the rest. You will be taking with you 75% of the family, so you should look for 75% of the assets.

If you don't have a career, look around and see what the options are. (Maybe not yet, but when you are more ready.) If you could do anything you wanted to do, what would it be ? Is there a way to get there ? Who could babysit while you prepare for that new future ? (if you need to go to school, or do an internship to get there.)

But before you get there, you feel like your life is falling apart, and you want to die. Okay, yes, your life as you have known it IS falling apart. But you have 2 children who love and are dependent upon you. I remember feeling so badly that I wanted to die, too, and once I had the kids in the car, and actually had to fight the wheel, because something inside me wanted to steer into a telephone pole. It's a scary time in life because so very much is out of your control. But HANG ON TO LIFE. This is not the path you chose for your life to take, and everything is uncertain right now -- who will get what? how will you live? How will the kids grow up ? etc. -- Remember that this state of confusion and loss is TEMPORARY. You will grow beyond this. You will become a much stronger woman, a better mom, and a healthier person over time, but you have to give yourself the time, as painful as it is.

Alot of people bury themselves in new relationships right away, and avoid truly healing. having an infant means you are rather tied to the house, so there's a little less danger of this happeneing, but remember that you have to work to become healthy, in order to raise healthy children. And I assume that is goal #1. (or 2, after becoming healthy yourself).

My sister and her husband pulled me through. We used to have supper together once a week, at her house or mine, and being with them made me feel like a "normal" family, even if we were a family in trouble/in transition.

The bottom line is that children can grow up healthy in single parent homes. My girls, who were 3 and 1 at the time are now 27 and 24. The 27 year old is an educator, working on tall ships, and sailing all over the Atlantic, getting rave reviews by her co-workers, and having the time of her life. The next one is currently working in France. She returns back to her "real life" in a week, and returns to school as a 2nd year --no longer a rookie -- high school French teacher and ski coach in the winter. And neither of those careers were forged with big bucks behind the kids. I found lots of free experiences and opportunities for them, and I encouraged them to dream and follow their hearts. And now, that I am most often the stay-at-home mom I never was for them I live for the adventures they share when my cell phone rings, and I worry that I won't be anywhere near the example to my younger girls that I was to the first two.

I know it feels like a tunnel. It's dark, and it's lonely, and you don't have any headlights. Just keep groping your way through. Know that God loves you more than anyone can, and while you can't feel his presence in the tunnel, He's there loving you and making a path to bless your family as a single parent household. It WILL happen. The amazing thing, is that while the tunnel has no light, and the end is nowhere in sight -- you will hardly notice when you suddenly exit it. Very suddenly the light shows and then you're back outside in the sunny world -- and then at some point, you look back and say, "Wow. What happened to the tunnel?"

REALLY. It happens. Just keep putting one tired and weary foot in front of the other. Hug your children, and let them know beyond a shadow of a doubt how much you love them. Protect them. Nurture them. And just keep walking. One day, one minute, one footstep at a time. It's going to hurt more than you could ever imagine, but you are going to become someone very special: A SURVIVOR. and with that you will be a stronger, healthier person, and your children will be very proud of you when they are adults.

Feel free to write the trauma to me. I've been there, and I won't fear it. We can only know for certain by looking backward, and you aren't there yet, so you can't KNOW the way I KNOW, but I do know you will get through this. So, try to get through it in a way that will help you to grow and heal and become a better person yourself. :-)

Barb

Dear C.,

I don't know what religion you are but I've been on what's called a marriage encounter through the catholic church. My husband initially REFUSED to go and was dead set against it. I talked him into it and he ended up liking it and getting so much out of it. At the time of our encounter I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with our second child!! It was either ...go on the encounter and try to work this out or...time to talk divorce. We made it through and are much stronger as a couple for experiencing that weekend and re-committing ourselves to eachother & the family we've built.

Good luck with everything.

-M.

Hi C.,

my name is D. and I am a SAHM of a beautiful daughter who is 20 mos. I have to be honest, I have never been through this myself but my best friend just went through this last summer. Her husband left her last August for another woman. She is the mother of 3 boys who at the time were 5, 2 and 10 mos. There are several things I've learned through helping her. 1. Do you have a best friend or relative close that you can call at anytime (and I mean anytime....I got a call at 9:30 at night one night and she was a mess. My husband and I had to go over to her new place and feed the kids b/c she hadn't been able to get them dinner she was so upset.) 2. Do not expect yourself to be a super woman. you are going to need to grieve. you have suffered a loss and it will take time to heal. 3. As hard as it can be, try not to bad mouth your husband to your kids. It just puts the kids in a bad spot. 4. try to keep the lines of communication open....my best friend and her husband are now back together. 5. FIGHT. go to family court now and file a petition of support and of temporary custody so he cannot take the children at this point. I know here in PA you do not need to have an attorney to take this step. You can file on your own...now if it goes further and he tries to fight you an attorney is a good idea but go today to file the petition. And remember, you are a wonderful person who deserves to be loved and to have the marriage you always wanted....don't settle for less. we're here for you. if you need to talk to me, please send me an email on the sight with your email address and I will respond giving you mine. Good luck and God bless.

C.,

I know that right now things seem like there is no hope for the future but trust me it will get better.. I broke with my first husband and we had two small children 2 and 6 months.. I was devistated but I knew it was for the best..All we did was fight. I made up my mind that it wasnt the end of the world and for my kids I had to be strong. I got a decent job.. still had to have some help from the goverment but I worked hard to get away from their help too.. I went back to school and got an education and with in about a year I met a wonderful man who excepted not only me but my children also..we gave the kids a choice as what to call my new husband. One chose Dad the other chose his given name. We now have one that belongs to both of us.. My ex-husband is also a friend of the family now. I guess what I am saying is............ Dont give up on life there is always a better day some were out there, maybe not today or even next month but you are the only one that can make a better life for you so look on the bright side and do what you need to do to show your husband that he is the one that is loosing out on a good thing!! :)

Good Luck, H.

C., do I know you. THis is M. AKA Manny from York moms group?

I am so sorry to hear what has happened. If you need someone to talk to please do not hesitate to contact me since we are both in York. We can have coffee or something. Hang in there, you will get through this.
Manny

I was there.....6 years ago. My daugter was 1 1/2 and I was 23. It was one of the hardest things I have been through. To be honest with you, if you both can do this friendly, it's going to make it so much more eaiser. I spent close to $10,000 in lawyer fee's. My ex wanted joint coustody. Our daughter no longer knew who he was and I wasn't gonna allow him to have her every other holiday and 2 month in the summer. It was finally decided that they would have to go to cousoling till the counsoler deemed our daughter ready for a personal relationship with her. It's now been 7 1/2 years since he has seen her and good riddons....he is nothing.

I know that my situation will be different to yours....but none the less....it will be hard. You will need to get a lawyer....no if's and's or but's about it. Get support from your family....you will need it. And above all else...remember this....you CAN and WILL make it through this....you know why??? Because you are a MOTHER and a WOMAN. Right now worry about you and your wonderful kids.....worry about what's to be down the road later....you can do this!

I was able to find a lawyer who did a free 30 minute consultaition....I'm sure you can too.

If you need to talk....feel free to contact me. I'm here for you and I know what you are going through. Stay strong.

-L.

I have no real help, but wanted you to know that you will get through this, like any other woman. I would want to lie down and die to, but you don't have that option. Your 2 kids need you. ANy man that would walk out when you have a 2 young kids and are pregnant is not worth fighting for. You need to confide in friends and family and find a good lawyer. you need to establish early some legalized financial support. DOn't move out of your house if you are living in one. Let him go find someplace. Find a lawyer and contact friends and family to support and love you. Good luck

I know what you're feeling. And I want you to know it's workable. My husband has threatened divorce 7 or 8 times now in 2 1/2 yrs of marriage. In our case, I try to remember that deep down he (and everyone else in the world) just wants to know they're loved unconditionally. WAY easier said than done! He definitely has issues, mainly insecurity and depression that comes out as anger. So if I say anything about our problems he feels insecure and gets angry! Only by the grace of God has he realized his problems and has actually sought help.

You have a tough road ahead of you. Working it out will be hard, but I believe divorce will be even harder. I've had some friends at church say it's worth it to stay together. It's hard to hold onto that payoff but I'm trusting God to get us through. Let me encourage you to keep trying if you can. Men are impulsive, he sees a problem and wants it to end NOW. They don't typically see the long term. Men and women communicate soooooooooooooo differently. It takes alot of time and trust and books and friends and counseling and tears and even medication for a husband and wife to be on the same side. We're human. We need constant help. I wish I knew more about your situation and please email me if anything I've said clicked and you want to talk some more.
R. M.

Hi C.,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I know that this is very little information for me to go on, what you have listed above, but you definitely are going through a rough patch with having kids that are so young. Having one child at 2 months old is difficult on a relationship and when there is another child as well it must be much more difficult. I have only one child now, 17 mos old, and my husband and I definitely have our battles. It is always a power struggle, for us it is the competition of who has it the hardest. He started his own business this year and he works his butt off and I own my own business with my father (I work from home too) and I also raise our daughter and clean the house and cook the meals - you know how it goes! So when I'm exhausted and irritated with everything or he is exhausted and irritated, boy do we butt heads! I have thought many times, how can we ever have another baby? We want another child and I don't see how we have time for ourselves now! My husband hates to change diapers, does not help out with the baby stuff nearly as much as I think he should, but since our daughter is older it is getting easier. You definitely need to try counseling before you give up. Your children definitely will be better off in the long run if the two of you can work things out. I know it seems impossible at the moment, but fast forward to when they are older how much easier it will be on them not shuttling them back and forth between households, etc. I have friends and family members who have put their kids through the divorce (yes, it is about the kids not just the parents!) and what I have seen is so sad. Unless he is abusive or definitely cheating, I think it is worth trying to work things out the hard way - communication and giving a lot more than taking. Your nerves are probably already shot from the kids, having a husband to deal with is even more stress. But it will be so much harder without him there than with him there. I hope this helps and I'm sorry I don't have personal experience to go on. I know I hate it when people give me advice and they have no experience! Good luck and force yourself to remember the happy times and know that there will be happy times in the future!!!!!

~A.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'm not in your situation, but my husband and I were having some problems recently. We've worked on them, but it's still taking some time. One thing that I did was go to the bank and find out if I would be able to afford our home if we split (we have 3 kids). It gave me peace of mind to know that I would survive (with sacrifice) financially, and I think that it helped my mindset about us. If things are definitely beyond repair, make sure you take care of yourself financially so that you can show you can take care of your children. As far as another woman taking over your role as mom, that will only happen if you let it. Good luck.

Hopefully your husband will cool off and change his mind. Don't get all worked up looking ahead. You are their mother, no one else. You just make sure that they/he knows that. I wish you the best of luck and always know that there are people to talk to.

ok confused you pregnant with 3rd? you say 22 mths and 2 mth old and pregannt ?

C.,
First of all - breath! Really, take a few slow deep breaths. Next, acknowledge yourself for reaching out for assistance and support and know that you will be OK.

Where to go really depends on what you mean by "we have tried to work on our relationship" - what specifically have you done in this area? What is his reason for ending the marriage? Is there already someone else in his life?

It is difficult to provide you support without having greater clarity around the facts of where you and the relationship are right now. I have much I could share with you, and would like to focus it to support you in the moment. Please do e-mail me back regarding my questions above so that I may better support your request for assistance.

In loving service,
G.

C. - Hang in there, hon. What a horrible situation. But, be strong for those kids. You will have some bad times ahead of you, but try you best to show your daughter (she'll be watching even at 22 mos.) that Mommy is strong and in charge, and that Mommy is always going to be there for her. Get yourself that good lawyer, lean on your friends and family.

One of my good friends just went through two years of of separation and divorce and its finally over. She has come out of it, with her head held high and a much stronger lady who now knows what she wants and doesn't want in a future relationship (btw she has met a really great guy already!) And her daughter is doing so well for all that her father put them through - the creep.

Good luck dear.

Hi C.,
I'm sorry you are going through this. The fact that he would walk out on a wife, toddler and infant does not say much for the character of this particular man. Maybe he is overwhelmed with responsibility and this will pass. Maybe it's more. I don't know. All I do know is that your children will be a huge source of strength for you and you need to make all moves to ensure that they are stable and healthy and happy. With or without dad living there. Don't put the cart before the horse and worry about what may happen down the road. Deal; with the here and now. Always treat him in a civil manner, especially in front of the kids. Get an attorney if you can afford it or get in touch with legal aid. Once he moves out, decide on a visitation schedule and stick to it. Document any changes in the schedule or his cancellations.
Hang in there, girl. Be strong and you will get through this time.

not sure how to help but to say use your family and friends as support..this has gone on for a while and you and your children need to get to a better place. stay stong and focus you can do it .marriage is a constant work as is parenting..focus on your kids and make a plan ..you can always call me for help i am always around ..T. ###-###-####

I only have two words for you--LAWYER UP! Get yourself a good attorney.

I can also suggest finding a good counselor--your pastor may know someone, or the attorney might.

I'll be praying for you and your children.

Hi C.,

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Is your relationship truly over? Could it be frayed nerves and a lack of sleep from trying to care for two very young children? Is your husband willing to try to fix things? It sounds like you might not be ready to give up on your family, maybe you guys can discuss your concerns and go see a couples'/family therapist to help you. You have two children, giving up on the relationship should be a decision made after a lot of thought and consideration if you can try therapy it might help both of you make an informed decision one way or another. If your husband is not willing to go, it might be helpful for you to see someone. The feelings you are experiencing are normal given the circumstances, but do get help. It will take time to heal, but it can be done and with the right help you will make sure that you are taking care of yourself in order for you to also be able to take care of your kids. Don't isolate speak to your friends and family and get support! Good luck.

C.,

I'm so sorry to hear about your current relationship status. It's always devastating when a marriage is ending, good, bad or otherwise. I would get a lawyer quickly if I were you and see if you can work on some kind of temporary custody order stating you have custody until the divorce hearing or whatever they are called. This will give you peace of mind. Don't worry, judges normally never split up the children and the mother. You have to be severly unfit for the judge to take the children away from you. And I seriously doubt you are.

I want you to know that I'm a stepmother to two wonderful little girls. And while your soon to be ex-husband will probably have new relationships with other women and they will be in your childrens' lives, you will always be their mother. No one can take that from you. Please don't feel defensive if your children love this other woman. Children's love does not divide, it multiplies. There is plenty of love to go around. Just think of it as one more person to love your child, and wants what is best for them. In everything, hold your head up high. Your children are watching you and learning from you. Be gracious, kind, caring and strong and your children will grow up to be the same.

Good luck and God bless!

Hi C., I feel so sorry for you right now! It breaks my heart to hear about split ups, especially one sided ones. Is there any way your husband would go to counseling? There are obviously things that need to be discussed between you two, otherwise you wouldn't be so upset. At the moment, focus on your babies, focus on one thing at a time. I know when your upset, we tend to let our mind wander like crazy (I know I do it). Feel free to email me if you need to talk. I'm sure you'll get alot of support from the ladies in this group.
Take care -T.

C., I am so sorry to hear this. Now is the time to get help from family and friends. Have them take your kids so you can re-group,cry, be sad,then Pull yourself together and rejoin your kids who love and NEED their strong mother. Please don't say you want to die , your kids NEED YOU! I know you must feel like life is turned upside down but it will get better. You are a mom and you have the support of Mamasource moms to help you through this. Please feel free to write back if you need to talk.
M.

C., I think now is the time to get as much family support you can. You said that you tried to work things out did you ever seek counceling? Remember they are your children you gave birth to them, yes they might end up with a step mom but you will always be their mom. I'm sorry that you have to go through this my prayers are with you. R. C

I am genuinely sorry to hear about your situation, C.. Although I can't say that I understand how you're feeling, I can say that I can only imagine -- and that to me feels hard enough.

Since I don't have any personal experience to draw from here, these are some suggestions that come from my "womanly intuition," if you will:

(1) Get yourself an attorney. Since you mentioned that you have tried to work on your relationship and that has not been successful, you need to seek legal consultation so that you can be guided through whatever comes next. Do your research. Check message boards. Look for recommendations. Find someone with whom you feel comfortable. Just don't hire the first person you call. I'm not sure how an attorney gets paid -- if you have to lay out money or what -- and I'm not sure what kind of financial situation you are in. You might need to reach out to family to explain your situation or work out something with the lawyer you hire so that maybe he/she can be paid once you and your husband come to a settlement on your estate.

(2) Unfortunately, there are no guarantees that your husband won't meet someone in the future. Sounds like you're unsure if he's with someone now. Regardless, you must know that you CAN NEVER and WILL NEVER be replaced by his new significant other. PERIOD. You are Mom and that's that.

(3) I hope you look into speaking with a counselor or social worker or psychologist or psychiatrist. No, not because you're "crazy" (I think I'm pretty normal and I've seen many over the course of my life), but because you need to work through how you're feeling so that you can be there for your children AND yourself. Again, do your research. See who will accept your insurance.

(4) And lastly, please please please please don't just sit back and listen to your husband if he says that you don't need an attorney. I'm not saying your husband is a bad man; however, it's human nature to want to make sure our own needs are met. He is going to look after himself -- AS SHOULD YOU. Just because you hire an attorney doesn't mean you have to get nasty or belligerent. You are just making sure that decisions will be made in the best interest of you and your children. DON'T FORGET THAT!!!!

I wish you the world of luck, C.. This is a tough situation -- one from which you are going to learn about yourself and life. And although it seems strange to say this, you can emerge as a stronger person and as a wonderful role model for your children if you make sure you stay confident, strong, and healthy. It will be tough, but with the right people around you to support you, it is possible.

T. :)

C., I know you are feeling like you're going to die, but you WILL get through it. I would suggest getting counseling to work through it. Do you have family support? There should be NO reason that you won't see your kids. YOU will ALWAYS be their mother---no matter what. I care for kids all day and spend as much time with them as their mothers do, but when Mommy comes to pick them up they are so excited to be with her. Please try not to look down the road at what might happen. You have enough to take care of in this moment. Just concentrate on healing your heart now and loving your children. You will get through this. The future holds some wonderful things for you. Do not be afraid! I will be praying for you. You have a lot of support here.

Sending love to you,
K.

Alot of info is missing here-such as the length of your relationship w/ your husband?, the closeness in family bonds?,is this the first time he's called quits? Can you support yourself w/o him? Any family friends nearby to help you in these trying days ahead? Are there financial stress or other matters b/w you guys? All these are some shedded light that you need to ask yourself.
Secondly, as scary as it may seem right now, Try to remember this...you lived before him and you can live after him. I know this sounds easier said then done, but if you can tell your self that you can make it just one more day, then it's one more day you can achieve at being you! You are strong, you are willful and a beautiful person for being you. You work on keeping yourself and your children well and sane during these trying time. If need be, pack up the children and yourself and stay at a family memebers house or friend whose willing to take you. Build from there.

Best wishes.
M.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree you need a lawyer ASAP, as well as a counselor or someone to help you get through this. Remember that PPD can come up anytime in the first year, so if you are at all unsure if you have PPD, call your OB right away. This would be enough to make anyone feel like they were losing their minds, but you want to make sure that you aren't really! :-)

If you have a pastor or rabbi or someone, call them now. And take care of you-- ask for help, and take it. Your kids need you now more than ever, so you have to take care of yourself.

Pull yourself together and be strong. Try to move on. Do you have anywhere to go (parents ect)? You are vulnerable now because you just had a baby and that's probably why he feels he has the upper hand.

Your first priority right now is your children and yourself. As a mother, there is no reason you should lose your children unless you have been horribly negligent. Do not worry about who he sees in the future right now. If he is already seeing someone, you definitely won't lose your children, because he's an adulterer and responsible for the break up. These are negative things you don't need in your head right now. I doont' know what all of your issues are, but if you want to keep your kids, you need to be strong and focus:
Be a kind attentive mother. Even if it means ignoring him. Do not fight with him anymore. Be civilized until he leaves or whatever he's going to do. Don't give him a single reason to hold anything against you as a mother from this point forward.
Get your OWN divorce lawyer (consulting with one can be free)and learn all your rights and the proper course of action. Once he sees you are covered and prepared for this, he will improve his behavior too.
Keep the kids out of harm's way. Do not fight!!!
I'm very sorry to hear this for you and I wish you all the strength in the world. You will get through through this and be happy one day. Your kids are your future.

Thats a very dificult situation. I would strongly suggest either relationship counseling or just counseling for you if your husband refuses. It sounds like you are in despair and really need to stay sane for you and you're kids sake.
I know things seem desperate right now but there is help out there and many people have gone through the same things as you.

Please try to calm down. I realise that this must be one of the most hardest times of your life. But try to focus on the positives around you - you are blessed with two precious gifts. For now try to focus all your energy on them and take some time off from other things that you think you cannot help.

Dear C.,
First let me say, you can and will get through this, if for no other reason that you have to for your children. #1 file the petition for temporary custody & support (2 separate issues in PA ~ so you'll have to file the petitions separately). #2 you probably already do, but tell your little ones you love them as often as possible. #3 don't discuss ANYTHING in front of the kids. Even though they're little they'll be able to feel the tension between you & your soon to be ex. #4 find support. Obviously, you've got plenty of support here, but you'll need friends & family from your everyday life to help you get through this. If you attend church, now is the time to reach out for support there. If you're part of a MOMS Club, again, now is the time to reach out. You've shown tremendous courage already by acknowledging in this forum that you need help, but since you probably don't know any of us offline, you'll need "real" people to help you. If your husband said it's over, does that mean he's out of the house/apartment? If so, have the locks changed ASAP, so he can't just waltz back in whenever he feels like it. If not, find out why he's hanging around if it's really over. It's not good for you or the kids to be in limbo with him coming in & out. If possible, when you file the petition for temporary custody, try to establish a time that he can see the kids. You didn't say whether or not you're nursing the 2-m/o, but if you are, he's obviously not going to be able to have that one for more than a few hours unless you're around, too. I'll be praying for you. If you need any help with the petitions, feel free to e-mail me. I helped my husband file custody modifications twice with my step-son. It's not nearly as complicated as the lawyers would like to make you think it is.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know friends that have had similar things happen and all I can say is that you will get through this. Your kids will need you to be strong and they will provide you with the happiness you need to deal with whatever happens. I guess I would offer a few thoughts:

1) Figure out if it's really over, was this a heat of the moment or was it a long time coming?? Is counseling an option? If it's really over then....

2) GET A GOOD ATTORNEY!!! Not someone he recommends, but someone that will look after your interests.

3) Don't trust ANYTHING he tells you. If he can leave you with two young kids, he basically just cares about himself. So, don't let him ever convince you that he's looking after you. If he was, he never would leave you with two kids!

4) Surround yourself with peeople you CAN trust to give you guidance - family, friends, a laywer, etc.

5) Never worry about someone else taking over your role, you are the MOM and that will never change

6) Please focus on what you really want, I know it seems hopeless, but if there were problems in your marriage you may be better off without him. You may not be able to realize that now, but you'll discover it over time.

7) Take care of yourself, especially mentally and emotionally. I know you said in your follow-up that you have settled down. But depending on what happens you will be going through a range of emotions on a daily basis. So, you need to find people you can vent to, talk to, cry to, anytime you need it.

8) And right now, your kids are the ones that will need you to be strong and to get through this with dignity and self-respect. Always remember that the person that does the right thing always wins out in the end!!

I wish you all the luck in the world in getting through this!

Hi C.,

I know this is way late but I saw what you went through and wanted to write. I just posted something similar about myself. My husband has recently moved out and says he doesn't know if this is what he wants anymore. I know the feeling of wanting to hurt yourself. I feel it all the time, but we have babies huh? and they need us to be okay. I really don't feel okay and it is so hard to be strong for them. I guess i just wanted to see how you were doing with it all. please feel free to send me a msg. I hope you are doing okay. Just know that you are not alone even if it feels like it. I know that talking to people going through similar things helps. Be well.

Hey C.,
I'm so sorry you have to go through this, it really sucks. I know it seems overwhelming at the moment but it will become managable at some point. Your children need you here- no man (or human being for that matter) is worth your life. You are too important for that. I am divorced as well. I have a great therapist who I've known for years- e-mail me if you would like her information- ____@____.com. Therapy is so helpful especially in these situations. Good Luck!
P.

While he may just have said that in the heat of the moment, you need an attorney ASAP. If you don't have the money for one, please contact the Women's Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh (if you are in the Pittsburgh area) or your local women's shelter. The one in Pittsburgh has attorneys who volunteer free legal aid to women. Even if you never follow through with a divorce, you need to know what your rights are and what you need to do should a divorce become inevitable.

Please, do two things. Contact an attorney and call your doctor to let him/her know what is going on. You are still at a point where you are susceptible to post-partum depression and even if you weren't, this is definitely something that can cause depression. Your doctor can help you monitor how you are feeling to make sure you don't sink into depression. The doctor can also recommend someone to talk to such as a psychologist/therapist or a support group for you. It is definitely worth the phone call.

Anyhow, good luck. I hope this message helps. Keep your chin up and know that there are better days coming. There is so much to look forward to with two young children. Every day brings a new smile to your face with their little successes and discoveries. That isn't to say that it isn't a lot of work and emotionally draining at times. But it is so worth it.

Best of luck to you.

Hi C.. Marriage can be so extremely tough sometimes. I went for counseling over a year ago to work on things with myself that I knew were affecting our marriage. My husband just recently starting going for himself and we meet with our pastor together occasionally. You have these seasons when you just have to Do Something, or else...if your husband isn't willing to continue to work at it then it is not going to get any better. I know I am being blunt but it is just the truth. I am so sorry you are in this situation with two young children.Please don't give up hope on yourself or your children. You have to be there for them to love them and support them through these times. God has a plan and a purpose for you. You will make it through this time. Do you have any family or friends around that could come and be with you today to help you with the kids and just b there for you? Please keep us informed with what is going on. Ready to listen. leah

Okay dearie,
Time to pull yourself together!! You owe it to your kids to stand up and face the facts. It may seem like your life is over but soon you will see that on the other side of all of this mess is the beginning of a new life for you. We all face challenges but you have the power to decide who you become from here. You need to be strong for yourself and your children. They will take their cues from you. Find your focus. Find a kick boxing class and unleash your fury!!! You are not the first person in the world nor the last. Don't give this man that kind of power over you. Now go find what really makes you happy and turn it into something great!! Best of luck from someone who has been there.