I am a single mother of two children. My daughter is 5 and is severely autistic, and my son is 4. I have my son in preschool to be around typical peers so that he doesn't learn my daughter's quirky behavior. Now my problem is that he plays mostly with girls and acts like a girl at home. He wears my daughter's clothes and shoes whenever he can get his hands on them. When he plays pretend, he plays mermaids or High School Musical, but always wants to be a girl character. I try not to make a huge deal out of it as he is only 4 yrs old, but naturally I'm worried. My family is 90% women and he has no male role model in his life. I would never want to stifle his creativity or imagination, but I know how cruel kids can be to effeminate boys! I've bought him train sets, cars, super heroes and he likes them enough, but still prefers his "girly" games. What should I do?! I have so many challenges already with my daughter...is it wrong to just want something to be easy?? HELP!!!
I am concerned because kids are cruel!! It's not that I want to put labels on my son, I just want him to be socially accepted! My brother was an effeminate child and is gay, and he was tortured by kids growing up. We all want our children to have the best lives possible and I would never want my son to have to endure incessant harassment!
Let him play with what he wants. He will grow out of it. It does not seem to bother parents when their girls are tomboys but it does why does it bother parents if their boy wants to do girl things. I do not think you should worry about putting labels on things at this age. Just go with the flow.
Listen to him, he will tell you what he needs. It will not hurt him to play "gilr games" or have girl friends. Let him be who he is.
Awwww....I understand. No O. wants their child to have a lifetime of anguish. Does he do any activities that are boy-oriented: soccer, t-ball, karate? That might help. Is he into Disney's Cars movie or anything like that? He'll find his little niche. Try not to worry too much. God bless.
I totally understand your concern, but at four, it probably isn't a problem. Young children play what they are familiar with, I was married to a funeral director. My boys played "funeral parlor" complete with playing the "dead guy" and putting each other in pretend caskets! My daughter used to totally freak her babysitter out when she drew "dead people" and explained how they died. We joke about it now. My boys are 19 and 16 now. They didn't turn out to be serial killers or anything, and none of my kids want to be a funeral director. They grew out of their macabre interests (thank God!). Just try to keep a sense of humor about it, and just keep exposing him to different things he may discover he likes. Take him on nature hikes, collecting insects, rocks, etc. Go bike riding. Enroll him in a martial arts class, whatever. It is so much fun to explore different things with our children, and discovering what they like!
Can you sign him up for t-ball or soccer or something through a rec department. That might get him playing around more boys.
I understand your concern and I understand that this is a more of a wanting to protect him request rather than a trying to force him to be something he's not inquiry.
4-year old boys do play with girl things and it doesn't always have anything to do with sexual preference or gender identity. It's just a stage that boys go through at one point or another. I think what may help is to try to set up as many playdates as you can with a few of the other boys at your son's preschool that way you are helping your son foster a better relationship with a couple of them and will hopefully spend more time playing with them at school. When you are at home, spend some time with your son playing with the toys that you bought specifically for him and even incorporate that play into his usually dress up or girly play if you need to until he becomes more interest in them.
I have to tell you, because your son is more sensitive than others, he'll probably will be the boy that all the girls will have a crush on in kindergarten. He's probably going to end up being a heartbreaker.
could you maybe enroll him in sort type of "manly" class? like tae kwon do? if he's not interested though, not much you can do but it may provide him with some male role models and male friends... and a good discipline!
alos, in case he isnt interested, don't push him. you dont want him to get the idea that something is wrong with him!
There are more females in my family then males. My son was 6 months old when his father went on his first of many tours in the middle east. My kids have grown up with him gone more then he is home, so in many ways I am raising them as a single mom. My son was always the kid playing with the girls. He just prefers their company. Now he is 9 and he has a few friends who are boys but still hangs mainly with the girls. Lately I have noticed him wearing his dad's cologne and when I asked why he gets embarrassed. I found out a week ago he and one of his little girl friends seem to have more then a friendship going. I explained to him what I think is acceptable at his age (no girlfriends in this house at age 9) and that I understand he likes her but they will need to remain friends and continue playing in groups as they always have. My rather long winded point is he will find his identity as he grows up. My son was bullied because he is very bright and kids called him a nerd and teachers pet. I would never have told him to answer the questions wrong or not answer at all. Kids will pick on him that's just the way it is and he will learn to deal with it because that's the way kids are. Be there for him and by all means if it gets to a dangerous level intervene. Try to remember that he is growing up and facing the same challenges we all faced and let him be himself. Good luck!
I understand your concern. Kids are a lot meaner these days, and they pick up of "girly" behavior pretty easily. I would say don't worry, just let him play, but talk to him about bullying and teasing, so if he is or might be teased in the future he can tell you. This might just be a phase too, my friends kids at that age was all into boobs. So much so he would put on his moms bra and walk around sticking his "chest" out. He grew out of it (same kid also carried around a baby doll). Good Luck and I hope things get easier for you!
at 4 my son loved nothing more than putting on barbie heels and a princess dress. i told him there was nothing wrong with it, like his sister dresses up as a fireMAN. but you can tell him that if he wears it outside some people may say mean things and think he's being silly, but leave it up to him.
my son is now 4.5 and i'd say only 1 x every few months he'll do it.
dad was against it but i convinced him to keep his mouth shut.
very age appropriate.
and if you are worried he's going to be gay, no matter what you do he'll be gay anyway.
if you're worried he'll be a gentler soft boy, let him; he'll get all the girls
: )
Hi, I would just let him be himself. Honestly, if you are worried that he is gay then no amount of male role models or super heroes is going to make any difference. If he is just being creative, he will likely grow out of this. I think it is most important that he knows that he is supported and loved by his family for who he is. Kids can be cruel. If your brother experienced this, ask him what he would've wanted from his family if he had to go through childhood again. He probably knows better than most.
