HELP!!! What Do You Think Is Fair Between Individual Parent's Time?

I know exactly what you are talking about! It is so much harder for the mom to get time to herself than the dad. I think we do it to ourselves mostly, we feel guilty because we think time to ourselves is selfish when it should not be that way. My husband and I worked out a deal where I got to sleep in on the weekends for an extra hour and he would get to go to the gym. That didn't work out so well. Now every once in a while my husband will stay home while I go out shopping or do whatever I want to and then I will stay home while he goes to a movie with his brother. Once a month, I meet up with my friend after my baby goes to sleep and my husband stays home. I really don't think that once a week is too much if you have the time for that, it should be equal however. We are too busy to get to do that every week but every parent needs their time to relax by themselves so they can be the best parent and spouse that they can be. I would talk to your husband and let him know that you are feeling like you need time to yourself too and see what kind of deals the two of you can work out. Good luck!

I am in the same situation. I work Tuesdays and Wednesdays, my hubby works Thursdays-Monday. He goes out whenever he feels like and I haven't had time to myself in months (and then it was only an hour). Like you, I just don't know what to do about it. It seems like when there might be a chance for "ME" time, something "seems" to come up with he "needs" to go to a friends house.

SO, just to let you know, you are not alone in this. I know how you feel

Dear M.; I agree with Stacey - since it causes some strife to bargain with your husband or his mother, try to find another mom with a child the same age as yours (who you trust) and work out a plan to spell each other. I joined a baby sitting co-op when my kids were young. We had twenty five moms and traded hours but only in the daytime. If you can find a few like-minded souls to work with you can start a co-op, too. I can give you some guidelines from what I remember, if you like. D.

Once a week is not too much, in my opinion. But is sure is when you're not getting the fair balance!! LOL. It is typically so much easier for Daddy to find time for himself than it is for mom. They don't seem to have a guilt factor, ever! I have a lot of the same challenges that you describe, so I can relate to your irritation. But remember, it's just that- irritation. You both need time out and once a week is great. Making it work is a challenge, though.

Can you get involved with a Moms group that has a babysitting co-op so that you have the resource for yourself without feeling guilty since you share time with other moms?

I am involved with MOMS Club of Gilbert East and we have this option available.

No you are being wise. You need to have M. time in order to be a good mom and not resent your child. I love your child's name. Anyway, you need time for yourself and time away from your family to have healthy relationships. Even if you just get out for a few hours with some friends. If you are not comfortable with every week start with every other. Do bunco, go to a Bible Study, craft, scrap booking, the arts, find something you enjoy alone or with friends and get out. I should have done more of that when my children were young.
And have fun, life is too short, if you are stressed your child will pick up on it especially as they grow older.
Take care,
K.

You need to take time for yourself in order to be the best mom you can. I think your husband is on the right track! It is also good for kids to have a relationship with other people who love them. There is no such think as too many people loving your child.

It really does take a village to raise a child and grandparents can be a great part of that. You may not think that you need time for yourself, but you do. You also need to make time for your husband where it is just the 2 of you without your daughter. You may not see the benefit for a few months or years but it really is one of the most important things you can do for your marriage and family. My husband and I used to just go grocery shopping after our kids were asleep. We would have a sitter come over and the kids never knew but it gave us time to be together and talk to each other without distractions. Now our boys love when they can play with a sitter (we don't have family around) and it is a change of pace for them too.