Help with Twins Coming

My son is 11 and my twins are 5. The best advice that I can give and I have received is to get them on a schedule right away, say in the middle of the night one gets up for a feeding, wake the other one up and feed then otherwise you will not get any sleep at all. I had family that was over to help out a ton. Get in touch with a good moms of multiples group, check out www.NOMOTC.org and search for a group close by.

another vote for checking http://www.NOMOTC.org to find your nearest parents of multiples club - online forums are great but there's an added bonus to getting in touch with parents of multiples in your area - support groups, advice from BTDT parents on area-specific things like which OB's and pediatrician offices are twin-friendly, etc.
The first few months are exhausting but somehow you find the energy to keep going. We had my dad and my MIL stopping by occasionally to bring food for us but otherwise we were on our own. My first ventures out with my babies were to the New/Expectant parent support group of our local Multiples club (a lifesaver IMO - going out with two babies is a lot less intimidating when you know you'll be with other parents who totally understand what you're going through).
My main pieces of advice are: 1. try to maintain a sense of humor (our babies were born on thanksgiving day and part of our coping mechanism was making up our own words to Christmas carols, like "Hark! The Herald Baby Screams!" or "What Child Is This, Who Will Not Rest?"); 2. Remember that our kids are more resilient than we realize - there's so much parenting advice that seems to paint doom and gloom scenarios for the consequences of not picking up a crying baby instantly or whatever that it's easy to get wrapped up in anxiety over whether you're doing everything "right".

S.,

Congratulations, how exciting.

I don't have twins, but I work with many families who do. What really really helps them is having a solid routine. When you feed one, wake the other and feed them. I think you really need to be quite strict with the routine initially especially as you're going to have to make time for your 4 year old.

If you can get help, then I certainly would.

R. M. - Parenting Consultant & Children's Sleep Specialist.

Congratulations! My twins are almost 2.5, and we have another baby coming in about 3 months. My first piece of advice is to find a local twins club (visit www.nomotc.org to find one). I thought it sounded dorky at first, but I cannot imagine being pregnant with and raising my twins without the support I've received from the other women who have been there, too!

The first months will be a challenge, no doubt about it. Keep them on the same schedule. When one wakes to feed, ALWAYS wake the other. Even, if you feel like they just ate, always feed them together. This kept my sanity and allowed me to sleep in the beginning. Otherwise, you feed one baby, put it down, then the other eats, and by the time this feeding is done, you have about 20 minutes before it's time to start all over again. If you're breastfeeding (which I did), this cycle takes even more time.

I had my mom for a week, but after that I was on my own. My husband went back to work when they were 11 days old. He worked 12 hour shifts twice a week, so for the first month I had my cousin come over for a few hours on one of those days. There were days I cried - call someone as soon as you feel the stress coming on!

When the babies were four weeks old I ventured out for the first time by myself. After that, I went out EVERY day. I needed to for my own sanity.

Even though they are individuals, in terms of their care, treat them like one baby. Change diapers at the same time, feed at the same time, bathe on the same nights, try to get them to sleep at the same time. These things will help them to develop the same schedule, which my twins have always been on.

Most importantly, know that you CAN do this! It is an amazing journey and I would do it again in a heartbeat!

My twins are now 6, my oldest is 12 and my youngest is 4. I'm not going to sugar coat this - the first three months were VERY hectic, tiring, and at times, frustrating. I see the value in schedules, always have, unfortunately babies do not always listen. For example, I would try to feed them at the same time - my daughter latched fine, my son didn't. I ended up feeding her and them pumping for him and by the time his bottle was gone it was time to feed her again! Of course my husband helped but we did not sleep much in the beginning. If you can get help by all means take advantage of it and don't feel guilty whenever you can do something for yourself. I also advise spending some quality time with your oldest and involving your son with the babies' care so he feels a part of it. I personally did not find the moms of multiple group helpful or fun but any resource you feel comfortable with is a plus. And yes, go out often. If not for a particular reason, just to interact with other adults. Caring for twins + one can be overwhelming. Good luck!

Hi S.,
Congratulations! There is almost 4 years to the day between our older daughter and our twins. Our older daughter was/is fantastic when it comes to helping with them! She played little mother and still does.

The best advice I can give you is this: Use what help you can get. Get the twins on the same schedule. When they sleep, you sleep if you need it. Remember they are individuals. They will have totally opposite personalities. Don't neglect your son; incorporate him into everything you can so that it's fun for him and not all about the twins.

We ventured out when the twins were about a month old. How did we manage? Hehe...my arms are still pretty defined. Strollers are a godsend and remember that there are 2 parents.

Again, congratulations!

Congratulations! It sounds like you just found out---give it a little while and it will sink in more and not be so scarey. My son tured 3 a few days before we had our twins. My inlaws and then my mother helped for the first 2-3 weeks. I had lots of frozen meals prepared ahead of time- also very helpful. When people asked what they could do, do NOT be shy! I always asked for food! There is a fantastic book by Elizabet Lyons called "Ready or Not Here We Come." That was really helpful. I also had the blessing of having my parents live only an hour away. One day a week, my Dad would pick up my oldest and take him for a day and to sleep over. It gave my oldest a chance to get away and it gave me some down time. Good luck and enjoy them-it is wonderful. kepp posting questions for us and we'll help you feel your way through it!

Hi I have twins but I don't have an older child I just have the twins. They are now 5 and in school. At the beginning I did have help. My mother in law was here for 2 months helping me with the kids and preparing food. It was a great help but by the time the 2nd month came I wanted to know I could do it myself so I had here come occasionally. I had a c section that had become infected so I had trouble walking let alone picking up the kids. I couldn't go upstairs to bed either I had to sleep down stairs on the sleeper sofa for 3 months. Venture outside?? Well besides going to doctors appointments I didn't go anywhere until they were about 3 months. I did go to my mother in laws once when they were 3 months, grocery store was very limited as I was afraid of them getting sick. At the beginning I couldn't go anywhere with out help. So I had a neighbor that would help me go places, friends and of course my mother in law. You manage just takes some time getting used to it and trying to handle the kids and daily activities. YOu will enjoy them I promise. They are best thing!!! And be for warned that everyone will ask if they are twins. We got that every time we went out and yes it still happens. We eventually bought shirts for them that said YES we are twins. Then people stopped asking but when the shirts got covered they started asking again. LOL Well good luck to you. Any other questions feel free to email me. ____@____.com

J.

Congrats S.!! How exciting. Twins are wonderful. I have almost 3 year old b/g twins and a 10 month old. I heard lots of people say to get them on the same schedule and yes, if you can., absolutely do it. It eventually just happens.. at 5 months it all clicked for them and for me and they are still exactly on the same schedule. One thing I can add is just to take it one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time. The first 3 months are really difficult and if you can get help, do it. My husband and I watched the babies at night on shifts. Once he went back to work he took the 7 to 11 shift so I could sleep for a few hours and then I watched them from 11 until the morning since I was home with them.

You'll love it eventually! They are truly a blessing. Oh, and once you do venture out, expect TONS of comments from people. Your 3.5 year old will be lots of help though. Enjoy it.

My older daughter was almost 3 and in full-time daycare when our twins were born, so we kept her in daycare full-time for the first 5 weeks (since I didn't have any help at home), and then 2 full-time days per week after that. It helped to keep her active, since she wasn't used to sharing me, and she totally wasn't used to me being too busy to play with her!! It was also good for me, because I had to get the twins out of the house to go pick her up - so I got used to being "on the go" and out of the house with 3 kids. So if your son is in preschool or daycare or any activities, I advise you to keep them up. Or if he isn't, it may be time to start. It's not easy, but it will be good for him & good for you.