I need creative ideas for stopping a flower thief. Four years ago I had a beautiful baby boy who died 5 days after birth. What would have been his 4th birthday is coming up on July 8. He is buried with my grandparents at Holy Cross Cemetery in Malden, MA. My Mom says that he is in the "not so nice" part of the cemetery. Nice or not, I make silk flower arrangements every 2-3 months with a picture of my baby in the middle of the arrangement. I also put a laminated note in the flower box begging people not to take the flowers. I explain who the flowers are for and say that someone can call me and I will make a flower arrangement for them "DON'T TAKE THIS ONE". Well, more than half the time, when I go to bring the new arrangement, the old one is gone. They leave behind my pathetic note and my baby's picture. I have talked to the cemetery workers who say they are not removing any flowers and that people are jerks (they used a stronger word).
My FIL saw a news report where someone set up a video monitor to catch a flower thief at a cemetery but I can't afford that kind of technology. I wish I could, or put a little GPS in there, ya know like a little Lojack device. Ugh. I just bought all the silk flowers for his birthday arrangment. I can't stand the thought of someone taking them. This is the only thing I can do for my baby. How can people be so cruel!!!!????
:-(
K.
Have you talked to the cemetery? Usually the grounds workers at cemetaries are instructed to remove all flowers on a weekly or monthly basis.
K.,
I hate to "point fingers' but, I would bet the farm that the cemetery employees are removing the flowers...despite what they are telling you. Find out about the "rules" regarding how long and what kind (IE; fresh, silk) can be placed on the marker.
Because you have already been asking questions, get a friend to call and inquire about their rules. Tell this friend to act very un-concerned and nonchalont....I will bet that they will probably say something to the affect of how often and WHY flowers are disposed of....it is probably the reason your pictures and cards are left behind.
I am sorry this is happening to you.
Just a thought, perhaps some sort of stone or concrete statue would suffice? Maybe you could have a piece engraved to sit right in front of the marker?
At my dad's cemetery, they remove fake flowers after a month or so, because the flowers get dingy and such. They may be telling you they aren't, but odds are, they are.
Maybe try real flowers next time. Think of the little butterflies and ladybugs that will visit the real flowers!
Also, I'm so sorry to hear of your sweet little baby. Just know, that in my beliefs, he is still very much alive in spirit and probably peeks in at you from time to time and you will be able to take care of him one day.
Oh, what heartache, K.. I'm so sorry for your little lost love.
You could try a note stating that there's a camera aimed at the gravesite. The problem is that people might not believe you, take the flowers, and experience no consequences. That might only further encourage some people.
You could take a sweet bunch of real flowers when you visit. They won't last as long, and as they naturally wilt, they won't be attractive to thieves.
You could consider whether reframing the problem could help you emotionally, because much of our personal suffering is in the thoughts we carry about any situation:
Your baby isn't tethered to the gravesite and won't notice whether the flowers are taken. Isn't he really with you, in your heart and love and memories? That's where he will always be the most real, for the rest of your life.
Most other cemetery visitors have no idea who your child is even if there's a gorgeous bouquet on the grave, so the arrangements you put there are primarily for your own heart's ease. After you're gone, you don't know whether the arrangement is left in place for an hour, a day, or a month. Can you just hold the image of how beautiful it looked, and what it signified to you, while you were there at your baby's graveside?
Particularly if the grave is in a "not so nice" section, others who grieve may be people of little means. Could you consider the arrangements a gift that can be passed on to others suffering their own needs to honor their dead? I have found this particularly healing with a couple of thefts that I suffered over the years. I saw myself gifting "my" treasures to someone who received them gratefully, or who then experienced a little more happiness or comfort.
What you can do for your baby is to love him, now and always. That has so much more value than any gesture, no matter how eloquent.
I so wish you a calm heart and mind. Blessings.
So sorry for your loss.
Question: Is your arrangement weighed down or tied/staked down somehow? Could the wind or incremental weather blowing it anyway from the plot? Or Is it sitting on the grass in such a way that lawn-mowers might snag it?
Dear K.,
I'm so sorry for your loss and for your heartache.
Having been involved in the cemetery industry for many years, it's my guess that the flowers are being removed by the staff.
It seems to me that someone low-down enough to steal flowers or vandalize in a cemetery wouldn't have a heart for leaving the photo and your letter.
Many cemeteries have policies about how long things can be left at a grave site. That goes for fresh and silk flowers, mylar balloons, spinning wheels....
It's not done to offend anyone, but to maintain the grounds.
There may be some confusion as to what the cemetery policy is and the possibility that someone is actually "stealing" your flower arrangements. It's possible that the groundskeepers see your note and assume that you are leaving it for someone else and when they remove the flowers as part of their jobs they don't connect it because they aren't stealing. They see something that's been there a couple or three months or however long their policy is and they remove the flowers according to policy. That's different than you going back the next day and your flowers are stolen. They may think that's what you mean by someone stealing your flowers. I don't know for sure. Just a thought.
My family in the south goes to the cemetery once a week and adds new arrangements or takes the old ones down. We have both the upright monuments and the in-ground bronze markers. The cemeteries are beautifully maintained and manicured and while the staff doesn't mess with personal momentos, etc, they will remove old arrangements after a time especially if they've been rained on or start looking shabby. That's why my family goes every week. Plus, my cousin does professional floral arrangements and she makes a new one for everybody each week.
That's just their thing. We never make a trip back there without going to the cemetery. It would be unheard of.
Oh gosh....now that I've blah, blah, blah'd.....
I googled and found this link for you.
It talks about clean up and how long things can be left at Holy Cross.
I hope this helps.
Again, I think there might be some confusion and my heart really goes out to you.
Best wishes.
I've got lots of experience with the cemetery industry. Flowers are a BIG issue for them. Is the marker an upright granite or a flush to the ground bronze type? "Cemeteries " have upright granite stones and "Memorial Parks" have flush markers. Cemeteries are more tolerant of flower arrangements, etc b/c they cannot mow over the upright markers. Memorial Parks are all about the appearance (uncluttered, uniform) of the park. If you have an upright marker, I would plant some nice annuals, etc. If you have a flush marker, I would bet it's being removed from the vase by the staff for mowing....
I'm sorry you're in this situation and I'm sorry about your son.
I agree with Denise. Have you talked to the cemetery management? Maybe they are moving them for mowing, especially in the summer. If someone is stealing them, it is very surprising. Since the 70's and 80's with the advent and peak of the video games to numb the mind, there has been a sharp decline in empathy and a rise in uncaring attitudes. If this is the work of a thief, it would be nice to expose the culprit(s). If the cemetery management assure you that it is not their doing, that is a good idea concealing a GPS tracking device inside the flowers, so when they are on the move you know where they are going? It would be nice to nip it in the bud. No pun intended.
It would come under the expression: asset tracking: you can plot the real-time asset (flowers) location on a map and closely monitor movement. Like tracking your pet for example:
http://gpstrackingsystems.biz/gps-pet-tracking-options/29/
http://www.brickhousesecurity.com/gps-cargo-asset-trackin...
I had this same problem with my late husband's grave. As others mentioned, it might not be a thief. This may help: https://floweranchor.com/how-to-keep-cemetery-flowers-fro...
Where my mother is buried, the employees remove the flowers every Wednesday and mow afterwards. I'm surprised they leave his picture.
Suggestion: Take a trowel with you and plant one spreading, low growth ground cover. Don't let the cemetary people see you. Others probably won't dig it up and it will make your child's grave more special.
Hope you can feel better.
I am so sorry you too are having this problem, K.. I have the same thing happening at my parents' gravesite. I've contacted the local police in the town where it has been happening and he said that it happens more than I'd ever imagine. He stated that it usually happens when people come from out of town to visit graves. He stated they steal the flowers and take them where ever they are from to either sell or whatever. This may sound callous but it's been happening so often at my parents' grave until I'm tempted to take razor blades and lace the entire Styrofoam base with multiple razor blades for whoever is intentionally stealing their flowers. I bet they will think twice the next time! I know that sounds cruel but not as cruel as what they are doing to our loved ones who cannot defend themselves. Good luck, dear. ❤ If you decide to use my idea, remember to be careful when you decide to switch the flowers out so that you don't hurt yourself.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. I know it's discouraging that people feel free to take things that are not theirs. Maybe it's adults who are doing but it could just as easy be some foolish kids trying to be cool and making mischief. Kids can do some really stupid things all in the name of fun sometimes.
I'm just going to give you my personal opinion and the feeling I have in my heart . . .
I don't think there's a lot you can do to keep your flowers from being swiped. Just know that the gift you are making to memorialize your son is made from your heart and he knows where your heart is at and what you have been doing for him. He doesn't need the flowers to remain there 24/7. He knows you love him and the act of making the flowers and place them on his gravesite is enough. It would be nice if the flowers stayed where they are intended but, there's just somethings you can't control, especially when you are talking about things left in public spaces. Try not to let this get to you.
Sending you prayers of love and strength.
Oh, how aweful! You poor thing! I don't have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that my sister just lost her 5 year old son and I know it would break her heart to have someone do this to her! I am so sorry for your loss and I hope that the horrible person doing this either gets caught or decides to quit!
Is there any way to cement down a clear flower box or something like that, with a lock on it? I am so sorry, people are jerks, but this goes well beyond that!
