How Do Deal with Peoples Comments

And YET... if you lived in half the square footage, and same number of people on a SAILBOAT...you'd be called extravagant.

Takes their mind off their own failings...gives them something to do...boredom...all kinds of things. That's the same reason's mamapedia is so popular.

My favorite answer to any and all intrusive questions is "Why do you ask?", if they answer, I usually follow it up with a "Hmmm." or a "Hmmm, interesting". This took some practice for me, as I am a pretty open person. But I find I am much happier if I don't answer questions that I don't want to answer, or feel is intrusive, or asked with alterior motives (i.e. oneupmanshisp!). Works like a charm in a multitude of situations! Try it!

It's possible that people are curious because they themselves can't imagine living in small quarters. They want to hear how you've made your small space work. I'm sure you have had to use your imagination and some ingenuity in order to have a somewhat organized living and sleeping space, right? Give fun answers like "Well, it's like we are camping and the best thing about it is that I can clean the entire apartment in less than an hour!"
.It might seem that people are being nosy, but basically it's probably more of a conversation starter than anything else. Don't be offended by it.
I've been in that situation before with two kids in a small space... I look back at it now as some of the more happier times in my life really.

Tell them you and your husband sleep on bunk beds and your girls sleep in the pull out drawers that go underneath. And then make a big deal about how much more floor space you get when you sleep like that. That should shut them up.
People will find something to comment over no matter what your living situation will be.

Oh, you just have to let it go. If it wasn't this topic, they'd find something else to comment on. People just need things to talk about. Seriously, sometimes people are just sitting around in a group, looking around thinking, "What else can we talk about?" and this is what they come up with. When my friends and I get together, sometimes one of us will notice a piece of furniture that looks new or that the furniture has been rearranged. Personally, I try not to think about the stupid (thoughtless) things I might have said to them when I was just trying to make conversation. We do really, genuinely care about each other, but we all have our moments when we're running out of things to talk about.

Don't take it personally. If it comes up again just say something like, "Oh, we're fine. It will be nice when we have a little more space, but we're making it work."

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i can't believe you had a 2 year old's birthday party in such an apartment either - i think "where's everyone going to sleep" is a pretty legitimate question...maybe you're insecure and feeling self conscious and reading more into it? i would just say (like i am sure you have been), "yes it's cozy. we're working with it, thank goodness it's only temporary!" i don't think people are really "concerned" or thinking you're a bad person or parent...i think it's just different than the norm most of us expeience, so we genuinely wonder how it works. honestly rather than judging you, my first instinct would be to feel for you. sounds challenging. good luck!

Way back when, we had a one bedroom apt too. I had a 9 yo, a 3 yo and a 6 month old. Sometimes ya do what ya gotta do.
THe family next door right now has maybe 18 people living in a 2500 sq ft, 4 bedroom house. THere are maybe 3 generations, 3 or 4 families. I think. I believe their culture encourages the members of the family to stick together under one roof and take care of each other.

When our first 3 daughters were young, the entire family hung out in our bedroom just about all the time. We usually had 2 tv's, one in the living room and one in the bedroom. But it was before the days of lots of channels or before we had more than one vcr. We didn't have dvr's and we usually watched the same things.

Even years later, when we did have more tv's, more channels etc... We still hung out a LOT. True, at this stage in our lives we love having SPACE, but my kids are grown and I run a business in the home!

You are FINE doing what you are doing and people really should mind their own business. It's one thing to just ask the question I suppose. How about you just tell them that right now you are so close you don't need more space?

I think it was Mae West who said something like "Other people's opinions of me are their problem."

I'd say "Don't worry, we make it work." and forget about it.

I agree, though... people say the darndest things.

Don't worry. People will talk whether you have one or twenty bedrooms. Humans are the only mammals that put their babies away from them while they sleep. I have never understood that. Just smile sweetly and tell them it sure is sweet of them to be concerned.....But please ...focus their prayers on the less fortunate. Tell them that you wouldn't trade this time or circumstance for anything in the world. Ask them how you are supposed to really cherish the easier times if you don't have a little struggle to compare it with. If their mouths are dropping open they are not friends they are frienemies. And you don't want nor need those people in your life. So find a way to gently phase them out if possible. You are on the right track.

Why does it bother you that people care about your family? I can only imagine that it bothers you so much that people are bothered for you and worried about your family because your situation does bother you even though it's temporary.

"Thanks for your concern. Luckily it's only temporary. We're coping quite well and choose to look at it as an adventure. So hey, how about those NY Giants?"

Act like you have the biggest secret in the world, like you are really billionaires but choose not to live like it. It'll drive all those busybodies batty.

Because people are nosey and care a little too much about things that they shouldn't. Its none of he business where it how y'all sleep. Your kids are little its not like you have your teen sleeping with you. My goodness. When I met my husband it was his mom and dad him his brother and sister all above the age of 14 in a 1 bedroom apartment
I couldn't believe it but that's all they could afford. They didn't all sleep together. Do what y'all need to do and I would tell them straight up it isn't their business!

You could tell them you are a registered member of the 'Rent is too damn high party.' Or tell them love grows best in little houses.
We are wasteful and arrogant sometimes. I know couples that live in 4,000 sq ft homes - just 2 people! You could fit a whole village of people in that kind of space. I always like to hear the stories of immigrant families working and living over the laundry or convenience store eventually saving enough to buy the store and bring relatives over. That's the American Dream. Having a Barbie Dream House shouldn't be.

I just wouldn't worry about the comments. Your looking after your family the best that you can in the given situation. Be proud of what you do and don't let anyone else doubt that. People always feel the need to 1 up others and make it seem that they are better then you. I just tune out the negativity and continue to be positive.

I just posted a question today too. =) Anyway, I have a similar situation. I do care too much about what people think...but we live in a two bedroom with 3 children. Boy and girl share and room and baby shares with us. It's temporary too as we should move within a few years. But I know how you feel!!!

Whether people are asking out of curiosity or concern. It's none of their business. Would they do the same if a child was being abused? Probably not, which is sad since your children are obviously not abused. I think the best answer is probably, "We manage" and drop it at that. NYC is way too expensive in rent. You might want to look up the song, "Grandma's Feather Bed." John Denver and the Muppets did a wonderful rendition of that.

It's really no one's business. It's temporary. The kids are tiny and there are worse situations. I'd either tell them that you're managing just fine, or that you and hubby sleep in your bed and the two kids sleep in their cribs. End of story. No need for excessive explanations. When my parents first had kids, they also lived in a one bedroom while my father finished his college degree at night, before they bought a house. They had 3 kids, age 3 and under, in the one bedroom apartment.

Let them know how small your carbon footprint is compared to theirs. Living in this amount of space is not unusual in Europe (and of course in much of the rest of the world). It's really none of their business.

I'd ignore them and not let it bother you. We're in the same boat. 1 br, 2 kids. Its hectic and messy but everyone is healthy and happy!
You live in a big city - its totally kosher!

Best, J

With regard to your question about 'why do some people care so much'--they don't. They simply want to feel superior by pointing out that their living arrangement might be more comfortable than yours. It's a sign of poor self esteem when people build themselves up that way. Just consider the source and ignore their ignorance.

Unsolicited advice and opinions are something that there is NEVER a shortage of! You've GOT to learn to let it flow in one ear and out the other or it will drive you CRAZY! Every comment you're getting now about how you don't have enough space will be balanced by another comment later about how your new place is TOO big or extravagant or....

So you answer with a polite, noncomital "Everyone sleeps well in their spot" and move on...

Personally when my son was 4 months old or 2 rs old there is NO way I could have slept without him within arm's reach! Even now at 3 1/2 he sleeps in the same room (on my nights off! When I work he sleeps at the sitter's)

We are a family of 5 living with 2 bedrooms. We have ideas to change the playroom to another bedroom when the kids want to be separated. I LOVE our apartment. LOVE. It fits us perfectly, and we have even considered expanding our family, again. We live in about 1000 sq feet. I am so put off when people come over and ask us when we plan on moving to more space. MORE SPACE? Why? So I can pay more taxes? Clean more? Have to buy more furniture? And stuff to fill it up? NO THANKS.

I'm quite happy (as is the rest of my family.) Ikea's motto is "A home doesnt have to be big, just smart." I could not agree more.

Keep this in mind: the bigger the house, the more "room" and "space" between family members.
It's not unusual in today's world of McMansions to have each member of the family to have the sq. footage needed by the whole family!
I've heard it said that small homes breed close families, so enjoy it!

Kate,

People will always find something to question. Whether you live in a studio or a mansion, either way-they would ask--how do you have enough/too much room etc. People are nosy--don't let any other comments bother you. Think of one thing to say to everyone like-- Hey, we appreciate your concern, but our kids are happy and so are we. Why do you care so much? That will stop them from talking. GL

M

People will always have their own opinions. It is not their life and you are doing what you have to in order to ensure a better future for your family. When they make comments and it bothers you say something. Tell them that you respect their curiosity or their advice but it is not really any of their business.

People don't care, it's just outside their experience and they speak without thinking and let their curiousity get away from them. And sheesh, it's NYC, I'm sure there are TONS of people living that way there. I actually lived in a 3 room apartment (bedroom, living room, kitchen & tiny bathroom) with hubby and 4 month old for 4 months in NYC. It was cozy, but nice.

People have been nosy since the beginning of time :)

Misery lovers company. Plain and simple some people dwell on the negatives. You and your family are happy and it works for yall, so BE HAPPY. I would simply dismiss their comments. Good Luck

When people ask you something that isn't appropriate or is too personal, simply say "why do you ask"? It doesn't matter WHAT their answer is, you just say back "oh, ok" and change the subject. They will know by YOUR response to their stupid question that they should not bring it up again. It works wonders! And who cares where you live? There is no competition, the only thing that matters is that you are doing your best for your family and if things aren't great right now, they will be eventually! Good luck!

People often feel threatened if you don't do things or make the same choices they do. We live in a very small house and I have had many comments like that. We choose to live within our means and not be stretched financially over a bigger house. On the other hand, my children have always gotten along beautifully because they share. They share a tiny room, they share toys, they share space. If it works for you, don't be swayed by others insecurities.

Kate,
My sister and I were raised by both our parents in a one bedroom apt in NYC. Many of our friends were also in the same situation, we were not by any means in a minority.

I think people today are more spoiled, more judgmental. Try to ignore the stupid comments and know that you are doing what is right for your family.

Good luck,
R.

Don't worry about what other people think! You are doing fine, better than fine! Sounds like you are doing the right thing, even if it were permanent I find nothing wrong with it if it works for you! In fact weshoukd all take a lesson from you. I believe we should all live simply so that others simply may live.

People do what they have to do and it is temporary.
In some countries, this is common and tradition.
AND many cultures, all sleep in 1 room and in the living room.

In Hawaii, many families live that way. A 1 bedroom apartment is all they can afford.
BUT... beware: that, some people will call CPS or something, because 'THEY' think, it is 'wrong' and inappropriate to all be living that way with children. And they think it is also 'over-crowded' and that parents should not be sleeping all together with their children.
I have heard of someone that did that, in my city.

It is not that people 'care' about you or others.
They are finding ways to complain... about you/your life/your living arrangements ... so that they can then go and gossip about it... to others after they have left your presence.

Its not that they are concerned. People like to gossip.

Many parents choose to co-sleep. There's nothing wrong with all four sharing a room - after all you only use it to sleep and change clothes in! Just disregard the comments and state the positives of co-sleeping; no having to go to another room to get the baby to nurse, no wondering if your 2yo has wandered out of their room, better bonding - make something up if you need to!

Just tell anyone who makes a comment or asks a question:
Thanks, it is working out fine for now. Time will give us other situations down the road.

It's none of their business truly and you do not owe them an explanation.
Nicely smile say Thanks and all is fine...thanks for asking.

Good luck on the new place when the time is right to move for you and your family.

We have a 3 bedroom house with our 3rd baby on the way. When we shared the news of baby #3, most people responded with, "You're going to have to get a bigger house!" instead of, "Congratulations!" I just smiled and said, "yeah" but I was thinking that they were being rather rude.

Everyone in the world doesn't live this way. There are people in the world that share one room. These people that you interact with are very sheltered and have small imaginations. There's nothing wrong with your living situation.

Its NYC, I don't think I would even be able to afford your rent for the place you have now!

People need to get a life. Its not like your kids are teenagers. They are young. They are most probably just uncomfortable with it because they know that they wouldn't be able to live like that.

My hubby could spend a week camping with nothing but a water hose for a shower. NOT my cup of tea!