How Do I Explain Absent Dad

That is really tough. Try to let your daughter know how much you love her and focus on that. You don't need to make excuses for him. Just try to have her focus on you and the fun times you have. Good luck with everything.

I can totally empathize with you! I have a similar situation, except that my son is much younger, so it's a little easier. One trick that I've found to be helpful- I never tell me son ahead of time when he's supposed to see his dad. Also, whenever he's leaving after a visit, we just say "see you next time" instead of "see you next wednesday," or whatever. This way, the child doesn't have a set expectation. Of course, they're still aware taht daddy really isn't around as much as he used to be and it breaks your heart when they ask for him, but it's one of the small things that I use to get by. I hope it works for you and I'm watching to see what advice other moms give b/c I could use some of the same!

I am sorry you and your daughter are going through this. As bad as your relationship with your ex may be, I think you both neeed to sit down and talk about what this is doing to your daughter. 4 and 1/2 is a very brilliant age (my daughter will be 5 in July) and I am amazed at what all she picks up on. My husband works an average of two jobs recently he had three for about a week. The movie store job ended up firing him becuase they didnt have enough hours to put him on the scedule. He came home and was mad that they didnt call him before he went out there. Its about 1/2 to 45 minutes away. Well our daughter overheard him and she went and told Nana that the movie store "Kicked him out and told him to go home". I am just using this as an example for you.

I am sure your husband worked crazy hours when you were together. She is probably wondering why he is working like this now. I seriously would talk to you ex and tell him that even if you two can't stand each other he need to make time for his daughter. He isnt hurting you, he is hurting HER!!!!!!!!! Explain that she is a very smart little girl who is probably thinking his not coming around is becuase of her. If he doesnt react to that then I personally wouldnt want him in her life. I know he is her father but he can't be a come when he wants father. He is just going to hurt her. Explain that to him.

Shoot if you and his moms get along have her talk to him,. Tell her how his not coming around is hurting her granddaughter. If my husband is being stubborn about something, I implore his moms help. LOL! Especially when it comes to the kids! Nana doesnt mess around. If her dad doesnt want to see you then see if you could drop her off at grandma's and he get her from his mom. I am sure any grandma will take her granddaughter so she can spend time with her dad. Well most any grandma.

The worst thing you can do is constantly lie to your daughter. She is going to figure it out and will probably blame you even though it isnt your fault. I know we are talking about a 4 year old but they have great memories. Hope this helps. If you need to talk or vent or anything. I am hear to lend an ear.

K.

I used to tell my daughter that her father loved her very much,and we made it a point to let her form her own ideas about her father. She knew he had other kids as well which made it difficult and made her to feel left out. Now that she is older she does have a relationship, but it is limited. Good Luck and enjoy every minute with your daughter. They grow up so fast. www.livegreeneasy.com

That must be very difficult. I think I wouldtry not to tell her ahead of time that he is coming to get her untill he is almost there or you are leaving to go to his house because no matter what the excuse is that he can't come if it is happening on a regular basis she will stop listening to the reason and take it personally. If it happens to regurlyshe may start having anxiety beforhand wandering if she will be let down this time so if it is possible I would wait to tell her about the visit untill you are sure he'll be there. I don't know if your ex-husband will listen but I wiould try to talk to him about not letting her down and being unreliable and what that will do to her in the long run. I wish you the best I will pray for you this is a very sad thing for kids to go through at that age and I wish you could make people see what there doingto there kids by doing this.
good luck

been there and sealing with that now, my ex husband works many hrs, but in my heart i believe he is able to do more, he very rarely has them and my son longs for his days with daddy, my girls deal with it diffrently, they jsut know daddy loes them regardless of his maybe lies, or what not.
i right now am on non speaking terms with him, which in all makes life hard because we have three kids so i actually had to mail him a letter to touch base with him, how pathetic? anyhooo
when i would speak to my ex, he would say when he was comming, i learned to not say a word to the kids until he was knocking at the door 1. it would hurt them if he didnt show.2 it was a big happy suprise for him when he sis and noone hurt cuz they didnt know, there where times he didnt come sooo try that.
i no matter how much i cant stand my ex, at the time, he is there father. if and when they are sad or mad at him, mostly my son he loves him more than life, i always tell them remember this i know how much daddy loves you, no matter what. i try because this way it will never come back on me, bieng div, and bieng a nice ex wife is hard. i loved my husband and i hurt 6 yrs later and its hard to not show my tears and angry in front of them, i have and i get so mad at myself. its best to be the better one. take care and good luck,

M., my heart goes out to you! That has to be so hard! But I think what you are doing is the right thing. You can try speaking to your soon to be ex about it and see if there is a way to keep things civil enough to take care of things together that regard your daughter. If that isn't possible, I think you can use the work story for a bit, see if things change with a little time. If they don't, you will have to gently explain that it isn't her fault but Daddy can't always come for a visit. Good luck, and keep us posted.

My sister in law and her baby's father are not really on good terms mostly because he wants a slave for a wife and wants to do what he wants but he is in and out of my nephew's life alot and he is going to be five in August but the only thing she can tell him is that daddy is not here now but will be with him as soon as he can. It's not neccessarily a lie but he is only going to be five. The only thing I can tell you is that your soon to be ex need to understand that sometimes picking him up is not being a full time father. If neccessary, bring that up in court and he will either be there or he won't. If he's not than all you can say is daddy isn't here right now but daddy will talk to you when he can. I wish you the best of luck. I see how frustrated my sister in law gets when my nephew is hurt but one day he will be old enough to understand the situation and make the determination for himself. I think the same applies to you too. God bless.

Hi M.,

I think some men do that, because they feel if they take their child, then u can do what ever u want. and go out and they don't want u to go out, their not thinking of the child feelings, I was a single mother of 5 when when me & my husband split, he would always either come late for the kids or not take them at all.Then eventually I met someone else whose was glad to spend time with my children and take them places, this was a wak up call for their dad who felt like he was being replace, then things started to change and he spent more time with them. Hope all works out for u.