How Do I Prepare for Visiting FIL with Parkinsons?

yikes!
no experience with parkinsons, but i strongly suggest you stock up on wine, for you.
khairete
S.

Can you ask your FIL directly? "Dad, what can we do to make your visit more enjoyable for everyone? Are there any particular things that make things easier or more difficult for you, so we know how to help or make things easier?"

My husband's step dad had a degenerative disease before he passed away several years ago. MIL was not very forthcoming with the extended family about the difficulties they experienced, and didn't ask for much help. But then got upset when no one helped, when she refused to tell anyone what was going on, how bad it was, or ask for any help, or even say what things would make things easier.

From what I remember and could surmise (she hid a lot of details), the waterproof mattress cover is a great start. I'd also include extra sets of sheets/mattresspad in the room, so if the sheets need changing during the night she has everything she needs available without having to stress over waking someone else in the house up. And include a lined hamper, so she has somewhere to put the soiled items. Maybe early in the visit, offer her unrestricted access to the washer/dryer whenever she needs it, and offer to show her how it works/where all the supplies are, or suggest where she could put soiled things for you to wash for her, without her having to come tell you "dad wet the bed, I need to wash some peed on items."
You want to be helpful, but you want to help them both maintain his dignity as much as is possible as well.

Ask Dad about his favorite menu items, or if there is anything he has difficulty with menu-wise, and either avoid those items, or be sure there are other options when those items are served. Find out what favorites they like to nosh on in between meals, and try to stock up on a few of them, if possible (and non perishable) putting them in a basket in the room they will use, with some bottled waters, perhaps.

I would take a look at your bathroom for sure. If it is not technically specifically designed for the handicapped, then see if you can figure out how to make it more safe for him. Would a chair for the shower be helpful? Are there rugs in there that might be an issue? A non-slip something for the shower floor that might be useful?
And of course, let him know directly, after they arrive, that if there is ANYTHING that would make things easier or more comfortable for him, to please let you know.

Good luck. I hope all goes well.

ps. I would also suggest, if it is possible, for your husband to offer to hang out with dad (or take him somewhere if he's up for that) alone. Either offer to take MIL out somewhere just the two of you, so she can relax, or offer her time for herself to do what she wants.. if she'd like you to take her somewhere (if she doesn't have a vehicle when they arrive), or accompany her somewhere, or whatever.
She is probably always "on" everywhere they go AND at home, and could use a break. Caregivers are often over worked, over stressed, overwhelmed, and overlooked.

I suggest you not purchase or rent personal care items. If he uses a walker or wheel chair he or his wife will arrange for that. I suggest that people who use a walker will bring it.
They will bring adult diapers, men's urinal, that sort of thing. I suggest that having them for him can be taken as you taking over.

Good to have items to protect your bed. As to food, have a flexible menu. I would use the same dishes you use for the rest of the family. Try to not do anything that singles him out. Him and his wife have been managing for years. They will continue to do the same at your house.

I suggest your MIL hasn't given you information about his needs because they have his care managed and don't want you to do anything different.

I had an uncle with Parkinsons and now a friend with it. My aunt brought what he needed when they visited. He didn't use a walker because he couldn't coordinate to use it. My friend uses a walker. She uses her own walker which a physical therapist has adjusted to fit her.

I suggest that the most important thing for you to do is relax. His wife will take care of him.

My uncle has Parkinson’s & my aunt always gives him his drinks, even coffee, in one of those tall plastic glasses that have a lid/straw attached. His hands shake vigorously and this allows him to hold the drink himself without the fear of spilling. You might be able to use it for soup, also.

If he has difficulty with walking/balancing, you might want to see about renting a walker or wheelchair. I believe you can rent by the day or week at a medical supply store. The medical supply store probably also has shower chairs that he would need if he has balancing issues. You might need to rearrange furniture so he has an easier time getting around.

How old are your children? You may need to give them an age appropriate heads-up on what to expect with Grandpa, so that they are not frightened. Good luck!

I agree that it would be a lot more helpful to know what his stage is and annoying that your MIL isn't being more forthcoming. Can DH ask his parents? My FIL has Parkinson's but he can still walk, make food, eat without help, etc. My friend's grandfather was bedridden and couldn't swallow at the end. There's such a range in the middle. Is there any other relative you can talk to? Can he speak for himself re: soup? Maybe wait til they get there and buy a few things he says he likes? I would get some Corelle, dishes if you don't have them already - our kids drop them all the time, and no breakage. I agree with the thought to get some sports bottles for him, and perhaps a selection of silverware with different sized handles for a better grip.

So sorry your MIL is not willing to be helpful. There is such a huge range in Parkinson's symptoms and the speed at which the person declines, so you really need a lot more info. If she won't help, ask to talk to him directly. If that doesn't work or if he's not entirely competent cognitively (some people with Parkinson's are, some aren't), see if your husband can get permission to talk to his doctor for an assessment of his father's condition. Who gave you the info that "it's rather bad"? Someone else in the family? Is there a caregiver who helps out with him - home health aide, personal care attendant, etc?

If he wets the bed, you need more of a plan than a waterproof mattress cover. What's going to absorb the urine? Does he wear an incontinence garment? You need some sort of absorbent pad, at least under the bottom sheet. You'll be doing laundry every day anyway, but see about getting the pads they use in nursing homes and hospitals - they are called Chux. Medical supply companies will have them. But you need more info. Other things to consider are tub rails, night lights, stairway guards, non-skid socks, and much more. But those ideas will come, hopefully, from an objective source like his physician.

It's hard to know what foods are easiest for him to manage - soup might be difficult, but so is cutting meat and maneuvering a salad fork. I'd suggest you learn more about the meals HE eats and be prepared to adjust your own habits a little.

Honestly, there's no way to prepare for this in a complete information vacuum.

You have some good ideas for a start, and Isn'tthisfun certainly gives you really good advice. If I were you, I'd buy a urinal like they use at the hospital for men. Give it directly to your dad while you're in the bedroom with him. Tell him that this is for whenever he wants to use it, but especially for at night when he might not want to get up. Don't be shy about doing this. I'll just bet he wouldn't wet his bed nearly as much at home if he had one. Have him take it home with him when he leaves.

I'd give him soup, but microwave his so that it's not as hot as everyone else's. Keeping things off the floor that he could trip on is oh so important. If you feel that he might need a wheelchair, consider renting one if he doesn't have one.

I would do what makes sense and be flexible. I'd also not try to placate your mother-in-law by pretending nothing's wrong. Part of the reason she is not helpful is that she wants to pretend this isn't happening. Well, it is and you might as well own it. Your father-in-law sure does.

Good luck!

ETA: My dad has a neuro-disorder that causes shaking - and it's NOT Parkinson's however we treat it like Parkinsons...he can use his left hand without a problem. His right? Well - let's just say if it doesn't have a lid on it? It WILL get spilled. My dad is also blind in his right eye. So depth perception is a problem. Does your FIL have any vision problems? If so - keep paths clear as toys can't always be detected with impaired vision.

While my dad was here this summer - I did NOT use plastic plates or anything like that - he didn't carry his plate to the table.

Llama

Well....it's hard when his own caretaker won't tell you what he uses.

I would ensure I have two waterproof mattress pads and a second pair of sheets. You know what? I'd also have some "depends" on hand. There's no reason why he CANNOT wear them, correct? That would make things easier on you.

Parkinson's is a funky disease. How far along is it? If it's advanced? I would have lids for all of my cups - the shaking can get bad and cause spills.

What does your husband expect?
What does your MIL expect you to do for them while they are there? Is she looking for YOU to care for him or will SHE care for him? I would think that in order to have a good time, expectations MUST be set PRIOR to their arrival. You NEED to discuss this with your husband. If she won't talk with you - she SHOULD talk with her son.

IF you have no expectations other than stress? It will be a stressful visit. Talk with your husband and let him know your concerns. Ask him to PLEASE reach out to his mother so EVERYONE can have a nice visit!

Good luck!