How Do You Explain Why There Is No Dad?

Is he is child care? It's interesting how all the sudden he realized he is supposed to have a dad and he doesn't. Does your child have men in his life? Meaning an uncle? grand father? even a trusted male friend? I think all chldren need a man and a woman in their lives. I am not saying you should be married so pelase do not misunderstand, I am trying to say that he needs a trusted loving man in his life. Their are groups such as big brother that can give a positive role model to spend quality time with him. Your son amy be young I don't know but at least that may be an option far as he gets older. Good luck!

My heart goes out to you A.. There is obviously a void and perhaps you can find a way to fill it. I don't know much about big brother's but again that is an option. Do you belong to a church? We have been going to Discovery ( it is a family christian church) and they resources and support network is amazing. We have never "joined" becuase we would need to give up being Catholic, which we will never do, but they still constider us part of the family. I don't even think you have to be members of a church to seek out help. Also isn't there a support group called parents without partners? I am not sure if there is one in your area, however they may be able to help, or get you in touch with someone who can. Maybe ask in the daycare or preschool that he is in to find out if they know of any resources out there that can offer you support, and help your son deal with this in his life. If I can come up with any other ideas, I will email them to you. Please remember that you are a stong woman. Someone recently said that brick walls are only stop those who don't want something bad enough. If you put your mind to it, and seek out help, you will find a way.
Best of luck to you and your sweet boy
Diane

i would be happy to help be a support for you A.. my daugher is 6 and she has a dad, knows him but dont want to talk to him or see him. she recently told our neighbors that her dad was dead...that was really hard. i am not sure which is worse. having them know them and not be there or not know them at all. i also have a 17 year old who's dad was never there for him due to drugs and alcohol problems and is not there physically now and my son once sat on our steps everyday after school when he was 5 waiting for his dad to show up for weeks. his dad promised him he would come on tuesday at 5 and for weeks my son waited for tuesday at 5 and his dad never showed up. just let the little guy know that you love him sooooo much and that some boys and girls (although they have moms and dads), some moms and dads have things they are dealing with that makes them not able to be there. it is tough at that age, but just love him and he will be ok. i have a great 17 year old that if you are local may be able to mentor him....hes awesome (just an idea). also, have you ever heard of big brothers...this is a great place to start for him and of course, take him to church if you are a christian. this will also help him stay on the right path and not blame himself. hope this helps. K. :-)

I don't know if I'd press the "Daddy loves you" issue too much because your son may grow up and find out the opposite and be crushed.

You might consider telling him the truth something like:
"When Mommy and Daddy are together we have angry words between us. We realized that that was not good for you, so we aren't together, because little boys don't need to see grown-ups have angry words"

If you're adventurous, one day you could dress up like a man with a fake moustache and say, "Hi, I'm the Dad today! What do you want to do?"And then go do "Dad" stuff - ball game, scratching, farting under your armpit, etc. (Ha ha)Ask him what he wants Dad to do and do it - whatever that is to your son!

Then find places hwere he can have good male role models, especially when he goes to school.

Hi A.,
I'm so sorry for this situation--it must be heartbreaking for you. I like the previous posters idea of a "father figure" guy, but sometimes you just don't have that option. I commend you for this difficult job you are doing of raising your son alone and I'm sure it's really hard. I would try to explain that all families are different, some have a mom, some have a dad, some have a mom and a dad, etc. Point out families that you may know that have "other than typical" members. He's probably, at 4, really missing a dad to do typical "boy stuff" with. Ask him why he wants his dad and see if you can fulfill any of those wants. I think it's horrible that his dad has nothing to do with him. Do you think that may change? It may even be too confusing for him to enter the picture now anyway. I hope at least he is being financially responsible for his son. Are there any mom groups in your area? Do you have any married friends that the two of you could spend some time with? Maybe a friend of his whose dad can sort of "pinch hit"? I'm sorry for this hard time you are having. God Bless.