I absolutely adore my kids (3 y/o and 10 months) and am lucky enough to be able to work from home and spend my days with them. But, lately I've been feeling my patience running short, and my temper quick to rise. What do you do to keep yourself calm in dealing with the "dailys"? You know, the daily temper tantrums, "no's", not listening, sibling arguments, power struggles, etc. Most of the time I think I do a pretty good job keeping things in check. But lately I've been feeling like I lose my temper so quickly and have caught myself snapping at my kids and overreacting to situations. How do you keep yourself sane???
I take a nap or go for an appointment, but sometimes it is soooo hard.
The not obeying drives me batty.
I take a bowl of icecream and lock myself in my room for 10 minutes. When I come out I am a whole new person. I figure expanding my waist line is better than killing the kids :)
Take 5, 10, 30 minutes for yourself. Me personally, I put myself in time out (Sorry, watch your brother, you can't talk to me now, Mommy's in time out)... I'll either lock myself in the bathroom or go outside to the screen porch. I breathe, maybe smoke a cigarette, BREATHE MORE, and go inside. I make dinner prep time, me time. NO ONE is allowed in the kitchen, no one can ask me or bug me for anything (go ask your FATHER!!!!)... I play music, take my time making dinner, have a drink... it's like hitting a 'reset' button... I can go for round 2 after dinner, feeling like my head's back on straight :)
See problems coming and prevent them. In each situation, give yourself 2 choices of how to respond, then pick the kinder one. The one more likely to lead to a relationship in which the child actually wants to see me when she's 5, 20, 35... The next time, do even better. Soon the kinder option becomes more automatic.
I don't. I lose my patience all the time. Sometimes for very good reason. I explain to my kids when they take something too far that it is not fair to me. If I lose my temper and act badly, or if I overreact because I am a bad mood, then I apologize. But I think it's important that kids learn to recognize that their behavior affects others. I am sure you are legitimately ticked off at them sometimes, and you don't need to be patient at the extent of your own well-being. It is okay to tell them that.
That said, of course, you need more patience with your kids than perhaps with other people. Walk away if it gets to be too much (put the baby in the crib with a toy). Hide in the bathroom and take a breather. I have taken to walking away form my arguing kids, an dgetting a cold beverage and sitting down. My kids eventually follow, and say, "Mommy, what are you doing?" Of course, an infant makes this a little tougher, but it is okay to say, "I need a break." Most things do not need an immediate solution. I am also a big fan of plopping a non-complient child in her room and closing the door. If a child is not listening, I will not waste too much energy engaging in a fight.
Kids are good at escalating things. The louder they get, the quieter you should get. Remember, you set the tone! Don't let them take charge.
I either walk away or count to 10 slowly.
I just read an article in the August 2011 Parent magazine entitled "Lessons From a Zen Mommy". Her advice was what I'd been looking for. I typed them up & stuck them on my fridge. I can't find a link for the article, but here are the lessons...
Do what you’re doing while you’re doing it. (Be in the moment.)
Leave no trace. (Clean up, keep things tidy & orderly)
Take just the right amount.
Practice patience.
Develop rituals.
Count your blessings.
Remember to breathe.
Sometimes you lose your temper, you are human, right? Yeah yelling all the time is bad but not yelling at all is just as bad. Some times you do walk away. At least in my house if I walk away I am pissed beyond words. They jump into damage control mode. Kinda funny to watch really.
Also make sure you get some me time. When I was a stay at home mom the hardest thing was never having me time. My ex was a tool he thought he was the only one who needed me time. :(
One thing to check is whether you are getting enough sleep. When my kids were small, I would have "me" time by staying up late to watch movies. The mistake was that I was sacrificing my sleep. And it was more difficult to keep my patience. You have some other good suggestions here, too. This is just one question to ask yourself.
At this stage when they are so little you can't put too much on your plate and tend to them and be sane. At times I have to work from home. On those random days, my kids go to daycare. I can't do both. I don't care if I am at home. I can't keep my sanity when they are fighting over a My LIttle Pony and I need to answer work emails. Or they NEED me to help build them a fort and I have more emails to answer. When I work from home I work. I can't be in mommy mode. I am only human and doing both will make me crazy.
personally, i have to take medication, BUT, i have some mood disorder issues. i would maybe try to have a day for yourself, or if you can even take some time every day, maybe a trip to the store or library by yourself. read, talk to someone...some days i have to call my mom and just vent it out. i have a 2 year old and 7 month old twins, so i get the impatient deal.
Breathe, then take a day off. Manage it any way you can... just because you are a mom doesn't mean you are a slave.
