How Do You Know? - Millington,TN

We just decided to have our third child. After two kids, lots of people asked if we were done or if we would have more...so I spoke to lots of moms about this.

The general consensus was that when you are done you know it. If someone asks if you want to have more kids you will say 'no.' If you say 'maybe' then you are probably not done and you really do want to have more.

As for our own personal decision, I knew in my heart that I wanted more kids, but I kept thinking about the practicality of it all...(new car, change in bedrooms, longer before I went back to work....) But in the end, we realized that all of that is short term and what mattered is what we wanted for our family!

As for the financial part, don't worry about that. You will never feel financially ready for one child, let alone multiple. Just set your priorities and don't let the worry of money stop you.

Good luck with your decision!

I always wanted one more. I had 3 children, 2 girls and a boy, and I knew that although we were certain our family was complete, I still wanted one more. I could just feel it in my bones. 11 years after the last one my husband asked me what I wanted to do with myself know that the kids were all growing up. My answer?? One more baby! He finally agreed and at 39 I gave birth to my second son. Today my kids are 24, 21, 16 and 5 and after the little one was born that feeling just went away. Gone! I am a little sad sometimes that the phase of my life is over, but if you gave me the choice, I'd turn you down every time now. You just know when you are done. You feel it in your heart.

It was intuitive with me. I was with my kids and I felt that someone was missing. When my youngest was born, I no longer had that feeling. Also, the first time I held my youngest he looked straight at me. Later I described that moment to other moms, and they said their youngest had done that too. We have six, btw, all boys, and I just kept going until I felt our family was complete. As for finances, the strange thing I found is that we became materially richer, as well as emotionally richer, with each child.

I read some of your responses and I think mine is a little different...

My husband and I were both in agreement that we wanted 2 kids when we first started our marriage. Our main reasons were that we wanted more than one so they had a sibling, we felt two kids (4 in the family) was a good number logistically (i.e., fits most cars/houses/resturant booths, etc), we had our first at 30 and didn't want to be raising children into our retirement, and - as silly as this may sound to some - we felt it was important that we not contribute to the overpopulation of the earth. (yes, you can laugh if you want). So, when I gave birth to my second, I elected to have my tubes tied. I intentionally did this rather than wait because I didn't want to talk myself into another one when my original reasons have not changed. Yes, there may be a time when I pine for another one, but I still think my original reasons are the most sound. I know some people may think our rationale is cold and heartless, but I personally think major life decisions need to address reality!! (I mean, how many of us know people who rushed into marriage without a thought to how they were going to make it work only to find out they couldn't??)

Ultimately, I think it was the best decision for us. Good luck with you and your decisions!!!

I have to agre with Cindy
This is something that you and your husband have to discuss
I love kids and we have 3 sons. Did I want to keep trying 4 a girl? Yes absolutely, however after 3 we knew that financially it would NOT b a good idea, :(
So, yes talk to him about this,
Good luck :)

2 is a great number, esp having a boy and a girl. I wanted to try one more time for the girl, which, looking back, was really stupid, because, there are no guarantees. I got my girl. If we had had one of each, we would have stopped. Life is hard these days, and money is tight. Kids need lots of help growing up and getting out on their own. If we were rich, maybe there would have been more, but I had horrible pregnancys and really felt done, and he was happy with 2 and then 3. I think you'll know, but don't wait until the others are big, as you will be starting all over.

We 'knew' before we even had kids. We knew we only wanted two. We wanted two kids that could play with each other. We knew that we could afford two, two in a home, two in college, two weddings, two cars, etc We made that decision before we even started and it made it easier. Now, we surely could have had 2 of the same sex instead of our boy and girl and then one of us may have wanted another to try for a different sex. I would suggest thinking about how life would change for you if you had another. Would you have to move? would your kids have to share a bdrm? Can you afford another child? can you afford college for 3 if you plan to help them pay? are you ready to start over and have a young one again? My husband and I joked about another and one thing he said was that he is ready to move on to the next phase of life. To be able to travel and the kids be more self sufficient. When you have a new born, you are mostly giving your time to that little one. When they get older, they can feed themselves, dress themselves, brush their own teeth, put themselves to bed, sleep all night, etc Our kids are 6 and 4 and life is truly getting easier. Two kids play together well, I was one of three growing up and one is always left out.....just think about the future and maybe that will answer your questions. If you are ready for another, go for it! I wish we were younger, had lots of money and a bigger house....I would have had 4. :o)

We talked about it but I had medical complications that the doctor urged us to not get pregnant again. We took his advice and are blessed with our three sons.

I wonder this myself. We have three boys, and they drive me completely batty, but all I think about is how I want more children (girls or boys). So, we're not done at all, though I'm not fertile so it takes a while to get pregnant. I don't know of many people who were sorry they had their last kid, even if it was a surprise. I do know of some who wished they had had more. As far as finances, learn to manage money. Listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio and read his books. Then you won't make the mistakes that most people make (all of whom are broke, regardless of how much money they have), and you'll be fine on most any income (the number one thing is to not run around buying new cars). Ultimately the best thing you could do would be to pray about the decision. There could well be another person who is waiting to join your family.