How Do YOU Measure Success?

I read this many years ago:
Success is having the kind of home and family life you have always dreamed of and the career you have always dreamed of and the good sense to enjoy it.

Great question!! If my children grow up to be drug free, social drinkers, financially responsible, can hold full time jobs, are nice and respectful to people, and most of all, are happy, then they will be successful!! It doesn't matter what kind of job they have or how much money they make - as long as they enjoy what they are doing. I just want them to be well-rounded, respectful individuals.

I don't think I would have said what Angela S. said, but man is that a great answer. I'm going with that. :)

I will consider my children a success if they love God with all their heart, mind and soul, and if they love their neighbors as themselves. I will also consider them a success if they love their wives as their own bodies, and if they train their children up themselves.

Occupations are just a means . . . they are not the substance of the soul.

Great question.

Desiderata Poem:

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

I believe they can each be successful in different things. For some that is sports, for some it is academics, and for others it is different things...artistic abilities, happiness, etc. Overall, kids are successful if they are learning, growing (physically, emotionally, academically, socially), and being a kid. Their success as an adult should be measured by them. Are they doing their best? are they being responsible? are they pursuing their dream or dream career or their passion? If so, then I believe they are successful but it doesn't matter what I think. It matters only what they think and feel.

I think if you raise your child to be an honest, responsible adult (responsible for their own actions, trying to do the right things, making their own way as much as possible, etc) that you have done your job as a parent and nobody is perfect...you just do the best you can to help them experience life and realize THEIR dreams...that makes you a successful parent.

If my daughter can grow up, look herself in the mirror every day, and honestly tell herself that she is happy and is living a life that is authentic and true to her, one that gives her personal satisfaction and meaning, and she is making a positive difference to the rest of the world (however small) that will be good enough for me. I'd like to see her well-rounded, free of addictions, and not in an abusive relationship. I'd like to see her be able to earn enough of a living that she can support herself, and whatever kids she has, without having to rely on a man.

That post reminded me also of the other post on here yesterday about the dad that told his 5 year old son, who said he wanted to be a teacher, that he didn't think he should because he would not make enough money. While I agree that some careers are more lucrative than others, and it is nice to be comfortable to the point where you can pay your bills and save for the future and not struggle all the time, not everyone has to be a millionaire, or pull a 6-figure income. The world needs teachers, and chefs, and artists, and all other sorts of occupations. Everyone has different talents and strengths. What a dull boring world this would be if we did not have artists (writers, etc.) who could share their gifts. And everyone who ever became a doctor or a lawyer or whatever had to have teachers who helped them along. So long as someone is not a drain on society, especially because of poor personal choices, who is anyone to judge?

Hi S.,
For my son to be a success, I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY, FULFILLED AND HEALTHY, and as they say in Yiddish -- a MENTSCH -- that is a good human being who is kind and considerate to others....

I also hope he will always be surrounded by people who love him, feel fulfilled in his relationships, and feel that he matters and makes a difference in this world. Whatever that means to him.

Jilly

My parents were married for 30 years when my dad passed away.
When I was divorcing after a 7 year relationship, I felt like a total failure. I was certain my mom would be disappointed in me.
She told me all she ever wanted was for her children to grow up and be happy.
I have no measure of success for my children other than that; if they are satisfied and fulfilled with their lives then I will call that success!

My children better not grow up and be chefs!!!!!!
I couldn't resist. I know you're referring to the other post to which I still cannot bring myself to respond. It's sad isn't it?
How do I measure or evaluate my kids' success? In a million ways, every day, and every minute of the day. How? First of all, they have no one but me and dad. My side of the family sees them once a year, my husband's side almost never, yet they're so loving. Hugs and kisses and I love you's are a part of them. That's one achievement.
My dearest daughter has a hearing loss. In her young life of just 6 has had more surgeries not just hearing related but others too, yet she's is one bright princess. Scores the highest in her grade yet is the happiest kid on the block. She's my touch with reality and life.
My other one is my old soul. She came into this life knowing it all. She's just 6 yet she cannot sit and just veg out. She needs to have her brain soaking up. She wants to do math while we're watching a movie. She wants to make up a story while we're eating. She tell me she wants to be a doctor as long as she gets to live with me forever. They tell me they love me. To me that is a success. My kids are happy, and loving. Wish I could fix my daughter's problems. I can't but I can make sure I tell her daily she's my life and whatever she wants to be she will have my full support. As of right now, age 6, she wants to be a chef and open a restaurant because she loves to help me cook. I tell her make sure it's a french restaurant because mommy loves french food. hehehehe

I feel successful because my kids are now independent and doing fine. I love my husband and he loves me. I try to keep myself healthy and be nice to others and not become a draw on society. Not being in much debt makes me feel secure and successful. Hearing my hubby say "wow, that was a delicious meal" also makes me feel successful.
Getting my desk cleared at the end of the work day also makes me feel like "job well done" and I get a feeling of success from that as well.

This is a tough question I think since in today's society we have so much pressure on the stupid stuff like outward appearance of success which is nothing but ridiculous and defeating in my opinion. For my kids I have a pretty open opinion on what I believe shows them to be successful.

First - Their spirituality is first priority. With a strong foundation I believe it gives them the direction, morality, ethics, etc. that they need to make good decisions throughout their lives.

Second - Trying their best. This feels so important to me because with all that we do in a day, it is important to put you all into something or why do it? I couldn't care less if my babies are in the smart class or elected to student council or grow up to be rich as long as they make a decision, move forward with it and do their best.

Third - How they treat people says the most about who they are. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and I would hope my children would choose to be decent, happy, caring people to all they encounter.

After that, I would love for them to go to college, do good in school have financial success, but only for the reason that I want them to do better than I ever did in life. I guess I want them to have more than I ever had just because you want your kids to have an easy road, no struggles, etc.

I both read and responded to the same post you're talking about earlier this morning. I measure my own success by how happy and comfortable I am. I currently drive a nice, cushy vehicle that I bought used last year. Does that make me successful? No, but it makes me comfortable and was within my budget.

As for my kids, my rule is that you try your absolute hardest. All kids are different. My oldest excels at just about everything he tries to do. He does tend to get lazy sometimes which annoys me, but he still makes the High Honor Roll each marking period in advanced placement classes. With him, for example, last night when he showed me his 2nd marking period report card (he's in 6th grade) he had a B+ in his AP English class. I did question why he didn't get an A, but only because I'm certain if he had taken his time with some of his homework instead of rushing through it so he had time to play the Wii, he WOULD have gotten the A. He's more than capable & the B+ showed me that this past marking period he didn't give 100% like I expect him to.

My daughter is another story altogether. She really, really struggled learning to read. Granted, in kindergarten & 1st grade she did not fully apply herself and that combination I think with her having male teachers who allowed her to skate by for those 2 years caused her issues later on. She did spend a summer in summer school between 2nd & 3rd grade which helped immensely. She's now in 4th grade and she is in extra reading classes 3 mornings a week before school and 2 afternoons a week after school both of which are offered to students in need through the school district. She excels in things she cares about such as art, dance, and science, and she struggles still with reading though she does try very hard.

We can ever ask for more than for someone to give their absolute best and that's what I not only ask for, but expect from my children. I've explained to them that while I do make mistakes sometimes, I am the absolute best Mommy I can be for them & I expect the same in return. If that means that my daughter gets mostly B's & C's, then so be it, as long as she's trying & is a happy person.

i am happy if my child is happy. i believe you can't really be happy without stability - if my grown child had bad credit, debt, couldn't pay their bills, couldn't keep a steady job...yes, i would feel i had failed him. i would feel "I" was a failure, as much as him. but being in a more modest financial situation, and happy, is not only possible - it's fine. many people with "less" are SO much happier than those with "more". the trick is managing what money you've got. i am not from a well to do family - and i am happyl

I think that I measure success by the fact that my children grew up with manners, are able to think for themselves, self-supporting, happy and caring. They make good salaries but they were not forced into a position that they did not want. Let's say just because I wanted to be a dancer or lawyer doesn't mean that is what they have to be. I fell great that I can witness the continued growth as adults and that we enjoy each other's company. If they ask for an opinion I give it but I don't give them any more. This is all any person can ask. We only get one chance to go around in life so let it be the best it can be with what you really want to be.

The other S.

My kids are successful if they are proud of themselves. If they come home and show me something they did in class that they are proud of that is success. If they do something they've never done before because they were scared and were able to overcome the fear, that is success. If I can manage to get them to clean their rooms..... SUCCESS (oh wait that is more me than them) I think as long as they are confident in themselves and have the ability to do what they want to do they are successful. I think success should be measured in your own eyes not others. If you feel you have done everything you can do with what you are given you are very successful.

If my children grow up to be polite, kind and hard working that is how I will measure my success as a parent.

My perception of success for them has changed as they have gotten older. Mine are 19,17 and 11. Ultimately if they grow up to be responsible, mature, happy and kind people I will consider it a success. Each of my children are very different and I don't expect them to follow the same path as the others. I think it comes down to, do they know how to take care of themselves, do they understand the importance of compromise without compromising too much. Are they able to be generous. Are they able to enjoy the journey. Do they like who they are? These are the things I wish for them.

Well I feel sucees when my kids suceed with school and get good grades. When my kids treat people with kindness. When my children comfort each other without being prompted. Treating others the way you want to be treated.Yesterday we went to the library and my 6 1/2yr son went to the librarian if she had a movie. This was so out of his comfort zone. I was proud of him. I know its little but with some things its baby steps. When my kids make their beds without being told. When they show compassion for others.

S.:

for me? it's a fluctuating scale....

I measure MY success on their ability to perform and be productive citizens in our society...ones with morals and integrity...

I measure their success by their happiness....yes, i encourage them to do their best in school. I don't call them losers or stupid when they don't perform...i told my boys I don't care what they do - garbage men, janitors, etc. what they do as long as it's LEGAL and they are happy. Happiness means more than money....money only goes so far...happiness?? that can last a lifetime!!

I measure success by how hard they try, if it's the best job they are capable of then thats all I can ask for! I expect my kids to be responsible and respectful for themselves, not for me. I want them to make enough money so they can support themselves and their family. Thats my goal as a parent.

the notion that 'average' is horrible is oxymoronic. i've been scratching my head over this for years. if each child is 'excellent' at everything it raises the bar (which is cool) but just sets a new standard for average. average just means median, it doesn't mean mediocre. it also means that when everybody gets a trophy no matter what, that trophy doesn't mean squat. rather than handing out trophies like candy, we should be focusing on making sure there are opportunities for our kids to shine in THEIR particular area of expertise, not faking them out into thinking they're awesome at everything. or lousy at everything if they fail to measure up at one thing.
what some parents miss focusing on is that every child is average at some stuff, horrible at others, but every single child has an area in which they shine. it doesn't have to be a traditional talent. good grades are just one very very narrow way of measuring talent and ability, and with the current testing craze it's a very crappy measure of actual knowledge and (even more important) applicability.
the one thing that i can say was a success with my boys was the decision to homeschool them, not because they struggled in school or didn't like it, but because i wanted them to love learning and i don't see modern public schools promoting that one bit. i can't say that it was 100% successful (they like to veg out with video games just like every other kid and don't read much, to my endless sorrow) but it has translated into them making thoughtful decisions about their lives' paths, and, ironically, great grades in college. i'm pleased about that, but don't take credit for it and i would consider them successful if they had chosen not to continue school. kids need to grow up to be self-sufficient and able to make wise decisions that keep them moving forward in a positive fashion to be forces for good in the world. there are SO many ways that can happen.
khairete
S.

The post you are referring to brought tears to my eyes and continues to haunt me. My heart goes out to this young man.
I have a couple measures.
Does the child treat others with politeness?
Is he/she happy in their own right?
Are they comfortable in their own skin?

My son is a Navy Petty Officer. Did I want him to join the military? NOt neccessarily, I wanted him to go to college. He didn't and enlisted, the best decision he has ever made. I would still love for him to get a college degree, but he is happy, well adjusted, polite to others, and comforable. In my eyes successful.

I think my job as a parent is to try to help my kids reach their best selves, whoever they are. But, the most important thing is that they find happiness in their lives. If they are poor, but happy, that is fine. But, I want them to have the opportunity to do well financially, because I know (we all know) that being poor can be both stressful and painful -- and so not necessary conducive to happiness. So, I insist that they work hard at school. It's not about the grades -- it's that they put forth good effort and that they understand the material.