How Do You Tell Your Mom You Don't Trust Your Dad??

I think there has to be more to the story. If what you mentioned happened in my family, I wouldn't think anything of it. But my dad never did anything even remotely inappropriate to us growing up so I certainly wouldn't ever make a jump from helping my kindergartner wipe to something sexually deviant. My 5 year old sometimes whines and asks me to wipe her (I politely decline!). You said you reminded your daughter to wipe and that's how this whole thing came about so she isn't past the stage where help is completely inappropriate. Honestly, making that jump seems so extreme to me that I would label it something well past being overprotective. It makes me think there is something else out there.
Did something happen to you or someone you know? You may be projecting those feelings and becoming over-zealous about the issue. If something sexual happened to you from your father, I would think you would never have dropped them off in the first place. Think back to how your father was around you and why you don't trust him and talk to your mother about that. I wouldn't tie it to these incidents because they sound completely harmless to me and I'm sure they would to your mother also just like you thought. At the same time you can't discount your feelings about why you don't trust him, I really can't imagine it's because of these two incidents, so you have to figure out why it is you don't trust him. And while you are trying to figure it out, get another sitter!
Hope this helps!

My daughter is 4 and half and potty trained for over 2 years. However, she sometimes will wipe the back first and reach for the front. So I kind of 'hover' and make sure she wipes the correct way. I also give her raspberries on her tummy. If your Dad is that old he may not remember kids developmental stages as well as you. My first reaction was that you are over-reacting.

My gut reaction is your over-reacting UNLESS there is more to the story as other posters have suggested.

Like another poster, my stepdaughter totally regresses when her grandparents are around. All of a sudden she can't do anything by herself (and she's SEVEN!) and she'd ask for help in the bathroom if they'd let her. If your daughter said "I have to go to the bathroom" her grandpa might have said "do you need help?" and if she was my SD she would have said "Yes!"

My husband gives his daughter raspberries on her belly. We don't think anything of it. Nowadays I think we have become a society who is afraid to touch too much because of a fear things might be misconstrued.

In our family the males of the family do not help the female children with things like going potty or taking baths. Perhaps you can just say you'd prefer if your mom helped your daughters with such things.

And if your fears are based on more than the two incidences mentioned above, do not let your daughters be alone with your dad.

Have the good touch bad touch talk and include your parents. You said you dont trust your dad which is huge, but ask yourself why. You need to talk with someone who specializes in children counseling on how to talk to your kids about proper touching, maybe the school social worker. Whatever you do dont let this go.

On the surface, I don't see anything wrong with what your dad is doing...he may just think she still needs help in the bathroom and as for the raspberries, it sounds like it's just his way of playing...that being said, I've learned that our instincts as mothers are our best tool and something we can not ignore...i agree that you should have the "good touch bad touch" talk and involving your parents might help the situation.

If your gut tells you something, you need to listen.

I do think that discussing this with the family would cause a big stir and should not be done right now.

I agree with the posters below, but I have another suggestion to add...

Good Touch Bad Touch. It is time to sit down with your girls and discuss this. Discuss it alot. They are old enough to understand it and they need to know that it is ok to tell a grown up NO! I was molested by a family member at an early age. I didn't know that I could tell her no. I thought she would always do what was right. I was wrong. My children got the Good Touch Bad Touch speech early on. Rule is that no one touches your pee pee or bottom without you asking for their help. If someone tries to help you say...NO, I can do it. This is a topic you need to start now and keep going with until they are into Jr. High. Make it stick. You will feel better if they have this knowledge. Knowledge is power!

Good Luck and always trust your gut!

Maybe you can mention to your mom that you dont want your daughter to regress when it comes to going potty, so remind her to not have anyone help wiping her. See what your mom says. I'm sure this is so hard for you. good luck mama!

Does your dad know she's completely potty trained? My daughter is and still when grandma visits, she makes my mom go in with her and help her. I think my daughter loves the attention. She totally regresses when grandma is around. My dad is not involved so I don't know how she'd be with him. Never ignore your instincts but I would guess that he went with her because he thought she needed or wanted him there. The only thing I can think of you saying to your parents so you don't sound accusatory is to tell your parents that your 4 1/2 year old was asking for your help in the BR because of grandpa helping and that you are trying to encourage her to be a big girl and do it herself so if she asks for help in the future bla, bla, bla... It may spark a conversation so you can better feel out what happened. Good luck. I hope this is totally innocent, fun grandpa stuff!

You should approach this from both sides. On the side of your dad, do not tell your mom until you know or are certain that it is true. On the side of your child, take her to see a specialist or counselor who can help determine whether or not anything inappropriate happened. It sounds like it can all be easily explained, and you should remember that the elderly are more likely to treat children as if they were younger than they are.

I don't trust my dad either. He never did anything to me but he is sometimes creepy. I won't leave my daughter in the house with him if I'm not there. I refuse to wait until after something happens to change my approach. Good Luck, trust your gut feelings, nothing is worth having something happen to our daughters that could permanately damage them psychologically.

There doesn't seem to be other signs.
For now I would go over good/touch bad touch with her and keep the conversation going (very subtle) after visits. If you feel better supervise the visits to see how they interact and how your gut feels.
How is your fathers health (memory), etc.? Medications, strokes, etc can affect judgement.
Maybe in a joking fashion talk to your P's. Like maybe, "You know what she told me? yadda yadda..Did she really need help? FYI we don't help her at home anymore so it must've been a bad potty...now a days you never know how people interpret when they hear a child say this...." Then you open the door without insulting anyone.

My parents are old and don't remember all the stage appropriate stuff. Somtimes they do more then they need to. Things have changed now a days.

If she starts playing more with that area, gets a lot more curious about it, gets more UTI's or starts acting out around her GP's then there is a problem. Just trust your guy and keep the conversation going after each visit.

If you want more info also check the website for missing and exploited children. They probably have a link for more signs and symptoms to look for.

Gut reaction...overreacting. My parents and In-Laws give our kids raspberries all the time. My kids are much younger, but that's just how they play. I've also seen my kids "get" grandma and grandpa to do things for them that they can do alone...they love the attention from them. Grandma and grandpa are more than willing to do things that they know the kids don't need help with and love being able to have that bond with them.

Unless their is more to this, I think it's innocent time at grandma and grandpa's house that your taking too seriously. BUT...you know your dad and if you feel there is something inappropiate going on you do need to address it. My opinion is one from an outside stance...I don't know your dad, family, history, etc.