....do it?
I ask because since we've upped our family to two kids, time for sex is pretty rare. I think he just gets so desperate, when he sees a window of opportunity, he looks at me with a crazy stare that makes me want to run into another room and lock the door. I adore my husband, don't get me wrong. But geese how about some seduction? Usually its a really creepy look and often accompanied with a point blank statement something like "we are going to have sex." He's really not creepy or controlling, so skip it. I totally get the poor man is massively deprived and had needs. Some times I need it too and get just as insistent. I just want to know if anyone else's husbands ask for sex this way. I had to actually tell him he was scaring me with his bugged out eyes and flaring nostrils, that I need a little seduction, kiss my neck or something that doesn't creep me out! Thank God he is taking this approach now. Just curious if mine is the only one who does this. How does your husband let you know its time?
Thanks everyone. I enjoyed your responses. I do agree, seduction is a luxury we cannot afford at this stage in life. Code words or phrases are along the line we need. For him a kiss on the neck is now his code for needing love, both of best worlds. Still, I do have images of quick and easy seduction that I would respond to better. I love rear hugs while I do dishes and hands caressing waist and hips... but I'll take a code kiss on the neck over creepy looks any day.
Thats hilarious! At least you only get creepy looks! Usually for me, my husband waits to the most inappropriate time to pants me. Im cooking dinner, doing the dishes, whoops, there goes my pants! He likes to grope a lot too. I feel the same way too, its like could you just kiss me instead of coming at me like a spider monkey?? Nope, he hasnt learned yet!
Mine just says, "Can we have sex tonight?" Or he comes up behind me, grabs my waist and pulls me to him then kisses my neck. But I pretty much have an open invitation any time I want too :) The seduction stopped once we had kids, there just isn't time for that anymore. He knows I want to when I shut the bedroom door and lock it.
my husband will often say, "We the people....." since I told him even the Constitution has a preamble. In return he's told me that he pretty much wants it all the time, so I'd never be remiss in offering. And in return for that, I've told him that doing the dishes, putting his clothes away, and actively playing with our kids (to give me time to do something else as luxurious as showering or emptying the dishwasher) ..... well, any of that is better than foreplay.
mine will do the dishes without being asked...oh baby, that makes me so HOT!
code words work.... It is what my parents did and now what I do... on a tangent, I was very embarrassed when I figured out what "bingo" really was.
Mine looks at me with one eyebrow arched and asks, "So, you interested?"
Mine growls at me...seriously!
Um, no.
My Husband does not do that.
But we have a cue word.... that we use.
So only we know, what one or the other is thinking. But the kids won't know.
My Husband does not look that desperate.
LOL
I don't personally, expect seduction, nor all the time.
Sometimes just doing it, after being all pent up is real fun.
Everyone being different.
30 years wed and I will tell you why we still have a fabulous sex life:
1. It is all about intimacy. Even when the kids were babies, we took the time for a kiss or a touch, a hug on his back while doing dishes or on mine when brushing teeth....It takes only two seconds to touch his arm as you pass by.
2. We like to say that we make love everyday and have intercourse whenever we can.
3. Honesty....I flat out told my spouse that the creepy grin thing was a turnoff not a turn on and that I would prefer that he just ask me!
4. When we were younger, shyer and less verbally communicative, we used the lamp next to the bed. If it was on, I knew he was totally interested in sex, off meant he wanted to sleep!
5. OK, we have been at this a long time so it is OK with me if he just asks me "are you in the mood my love?"
There is an old joke that women need a reason and men just need a place. In our relationship, it was opposite, so often I was the one to make the first move. How do YOU seduce HIM?
Have FUN and take it light.....in the long run these days are short. Don't lose touch of one another so that when the kids are older you don't wake up and wonder "who is this guy"?????
My husband comes to bed BEFORE I fall asleep...
OMGosh I'm laughing and blushing and gasping!! And now I wish he wasn't out playing golf cause I'd drag him down the hall and jump his bones!! yes even after all these years..... I'd like some warning and for the most part I get his hints but sometimes by bedtime he falls asleep and I stay up too late and,,,,well. we catch up later. We have always been fairly "touchy feely" with lots of hugs, and touches as we pass by eachother in the kitchen, or hall, or where ever. We say "I love you" many times just out of the blue. One day he was washing dishes and I had a bit of an idea, and walked up behind him and slowly pulled his gym shorts down,, and walked down the hall. I waited,,and waited,, and after about 10 minutes he didnt join me I figured he wasnt in the mood or didnt get my hint, so I gathered up the dirty laundry and walked back out on my way to the washer. There he was, in the kitchen still doing dishes, standing there with his pants down at his ankles. He had this smirk on his face and said it was about time I came back to finish the job! Boy did I!! Dont think he even had time to turn the water off! Another time I was at the table sewing and he walked up to me with this worried look on his face. He pulled the waistband of his pants out and said, "can you fix this?". I thought, maybe he had a rip in his pants and wanted me to mend it. Umm,, no, there he was "at attention" .. I turned off the machine and fixed it..lol. gosh, now that's more than I've told anyone in a long long time!
How does my SO let me know its time...
Does being in the same house count?
Aww heck who I am kidding, he can be 50 miles away at work and he texts me what he wants lol.
No, mine doesn't do the stare thing...more like a "hey come in the room for a second.." I walk in there and he shuts the door. =)
The "We the People" response cracked me up!!! Hilarious!
Good for you for telling your hubby what you need!
I keep explaining to my husband that spending some time with me, talking, helping me clean up the kitchen cuddling on the couch, etc are the best aphrodesiacs (sp?)
I'm sorry, but your description was hilarious and made me smile. :)
I can imagine him feeling a little crazed. I wanted sex the day after I had my third baby and finally talked my husband into it after about three weeks. I imagine a guy's only going to say "no" to a desperate woman so many times before she convinces him. :)
Anyway, I guess my husband's a little less scary at moments like that--more like, "the baby's napping and the kids are watching a cartoon if you want to join me uptairs for a few minutes." Most of the time we wait until the kids are in bed, though. He has complained that we aren't taking enough time and since I was pregnant there was really only one comfortable position for us, so we just got some fun "scratch-offs" and a new book to give us something interesting to think about while we're waiting for the kiddos to go to bed. :) Normally though I probably initiate things as often as he does, like telling him to wake me up when he comes to bed and then falling asleep in something skanky.
What you did was just right. Men are different, and he probably didn't realize he was "scary". Once you have kids, the "sex window" gets a LOT smaller and seduction takes a back seat to expediency. Just e honest and let him know what you need. Mine will ask, or I'll offer - I prefer daytime cause I am SO exhausted at night.
It is rare in our house. We both work full time, with 2 kids, and he is gone from 9am to after 9pm, so I am in bed at 9 and he comes to bed around 2am. I hate it when he wakes me for it. Like he just will get in abed and say something like, you want to have sex. Drives me crazy- with a 2 yr old and 6 yr old, i am too exhausted for romance!!!
Mine (Boyfriend not husband) knows I like it on the rougher side... So he waits till we are alone... And then he jumps me. Lmao!
Grrrr! I'm glad he is listening and taking a different approach with you.
I think I have a stronger drive than my husband does to begin with. He would say it's just because I'm a night person and he is "not very romantic after 10:30 pm." His exact words. Not mine :)
My husband is either so subtle in his approach either with a joke or a look or a passive suggestion, that if I don't respond or I just miss it entirely...it seems his feelings get hurt and he just gives up and slinks away. It's almost like he has a guilty conscience about wanting me or wanting sex.
I wish my husband would grab and grope (or pants!) me sometimes...that would certainly get me going more than googly eyes or subtle suggestions. I welcome the school boy, I'm so hot for you right now approach!!! I tell him all the time that there's nothing like a good, passionate kiss to get me going. And, like other women, I'm a total sucker for the hug from behind with a kiss on the neck. I get weak in the knees and it just leaves me wanting more.
I get that we're busy and tired and sometimes just need to get it done. If that's the case, I'd rather a few minutes of good, hard love than nothing at all :)
