How Many Visits from Out-of-town In-laws Is Reasonable?

I think that if you MIL wasn't staying with you when she visited it probably wouldn't be as hard for you and your hubby. I would take a deep breath before she arrives knowing that she loves her grandchild dearly and that she will go home again. Also, tell the nanny you are the boss, not grandmom. Tell grandmom if she wakes the baby, she has to deal with the baby when he is cranky etc. Also, it is ok to take away something from you child if you don't think he/she should have it. I just try to remember when grandparents don't respect my wishes that the more people that my children have to love them, the better off they are.
It's just a tough spot and I don't envy you, but I think we all go through it to some extent.

I think it's great your Mother In Law is willing to make the long trip to see her Grandchild. It shows she has interest and wants to form an important bond with your baby.Allot of grandparents out there don't take any interest.What does it hurt if she wakes the baby to play.Or gives the baby a toy? You fear lead?She's obviously raised children so I don't think she's a dumb bunny when it comes to raising children.She's more experienced than you at raising children.You also mentioned you have a nanny.I would think it would be more important for the baby to bond with a relative than with a stranger that most likely won't be around throughout their life.When she comes to visit take advantage of it and go out with your husband.Let her enjoy her grandbaby.Stop being controlling and selfish.I can't believe a stranger (nanny) is more important to you both then the baby's own grandmother. I feel for the woman.

Wow- first I would like to apologize for your current situation- I have a similar problem with my mother in law and its so difficult to manuver through the situation- depending on her personality(over bearing, phoney, just plain mean-but only towards you-??) not sure what your'e dealing with however, it would be best to discuss the situation in detail with your husband and forge an alliance with him- you want make sure your mother in law knows for sure that both of you guys feel the same way when you discuss the situation. try to be as diplomatic as possible(although I know how difficult that may be) let her know how inappropriate it is for her to give your staff the day off, let her know while you want her to enjoy watching the baby grow up- visiting 10 times in one year is not only excessive-but disruptive- I would give her examples of how and when she crossed the line and explain to her how you would appreciate if she respected your wishes(you and your husband)and if she wants to purchase a gift for the baby it would be appropriate to consult with one of you and if she chooses not to do so let her know her gift will not be given to the baby if deemed inappropriate. I wish you the best- I know how much grand parents love their grandchildren however, being a new mom of twins- I've gone months without speaking to my mother in law because she is very over bearing and at time just plain old mean to me which I have a hard time dealing with because I have no ill feelings towards her- anyway, I sincerely hope your'e able to resolve this soon.

tina

I think it's great that she gets to visit so often as my parents live far away and usually only make it out once a year. With that said, they now stay at a hotel when they visit and it has done wonders to improve my husbands relationship with them.

Perhaps your husband should talk with her alone. She may respect it coming from him more and he probably knows the best way to deal with her and she may feel less defensive if you're not there. I would say that if she is going to be visiting a lot then she needs to respect that fact that you and your husband are the parents and that she needs to comply with your wishes. Maybe you and DH can sit down and figure out what's most important and what you can let slide when she visits so she doesn't feel like you have a bunch of unreasonable rules.

I totally agree with the poster who said to take advantage of her visits to get some time alone with your husband!

This is a sucky situation. My in-laws were a lil crazy when our first child was born. I can say it gets better as they get older. You and your husband need to sit down and have a heart to heart conversation, but remember this is his mommy. I would state the rules to him and then the next time they visit, I would sit down with her and let her know. Regardless of the defense she puts up say what you have to say and the way things need to be. If she gets mad she will live and get glad again. She needs to respect your wishes and when she doesn't listen put her on the hot seat and let her know that you will limit the visits if she can't respect you and your home. When she is there make her feel important and utilize her. Go out and enjoy your hubby, or shop alone, relax. Also, 10 times in a year is nothing. Stand your ground, but let them share the time with you. Grandparents are so important and the bonds they share with your child is unbelievable. Find a middle ground , don't drive yourself crazy.