How Should I Handle This?

I have no problem disciplining or helping other people's children especially then they harm my kids. If I were in that position I would have taken her hand firmly, bent down and told her something along the lines of "no we don't do that. That hurts." Its basic and to the point. Friends or no you've got to protect your kids. Besides it takes a village.

That baby girl needs a good old fashioned spanking. My boys are bad but they don't get a reward afterward. There really isn't anything that you can do unless you have a REALLY open relationship with your friend because she might take any kind of comment wrong. I suggest that you buy or suggest that she buy the book by James Dobson called The Strong Willed Child. My mother used it on me and swears by it! People usually don't get offended by the term "strong willed child"like they do how bad they are. Good luck!

I think you should say something to your friend but I don't think you should expect that it will change anything. Parents that don't discipline their children just don't get it. Sometimes I wonder if they really understand that THEY are the reason their children are so bad. It might not hurt the next time "Kayli" does something like this or anything that is not normal behavior for you to do what you would do with one of your kids and put her in time out or whatever else you would normally do. My friends all know that if I am around their kids will be held to the standards that my kids are held to and I will correct them if need be. Most of my friends appreciate the fact that I treat their children no differently than I do my own because I also love them the way I do my own. I do not have any experience with a "Kayli" but my best friend's oldest child has a tendency to have to much 13 year old in her 6 year old brain and huffs and puffs and rolls her eyes and for some unknown reason she gets away with it most of the time (not w/ me, I give her a talking to about how she should treat her mother and how eye rolling is rude). Good luck tonight!

T.,

When it comes to kids this is a touchy subject. Be careful if you say anything, because it could jeapordize your friendship. If you don't say anything then you will probally avoid her and maybe then she will get the picture. I have cousins who are the same way. Anytime someone says something about their behavior and discipline they think other kids are just as bad. They can't beleive someone said something. Use caution. I have chosen to avoid the problem. Not a solution, but I am not sure we would have a relationship otherwise. Good luck.

If you and your friend have been friends for such a long time - I would tell her how you feel and why. Keeping this to yourself will only harm your relationship. She may not see that you were so hurt, especially by her lack of discipline.

IMO if you don't say something it will only build resentment for that little girl, and really she is the innocent one.

1st let me say NO 2 people raise their children the same. 2nd I feel she needs to step up to the plate and correct her daughter when she behaves this way, and in NO way were you or are you wrong for feeling the way you do. Not only did she have lack of concern for your child she showed a lack of respect to you. I know you love her and this is weighting on you bad, but you do love your child and no matter what you had/ have with this friend it is your job as a parent to watch your child and when they misbehave to correct them. You should let your friend know that you were upset most because of her actions towards her daughter when she acted out this way. You also feel there is nothing to gain from letting her get away with such behavior. Children really do want to be told what to do and what not to do. I also strongly advice that she or you should never say bad than their name. The child is not bad it's their actions that were bad. Kids don't understand that's what you mean and they think they are bad and continue to act out because their self a steam is getting lowered.
I am saying that she should have corrected her daughter and that been the end of it, but because she didn't you should have jumped in and took up for your son and told her daughter that you would not let her treat your child in that manner.
If her mom continues to look the other way and not take your feelings into account than maybe you should step back for a few weeks while you really look over your friendship. Also, You could maybe spend time with her one on one and stop spending time with her when you both have the kids.
Now do give her the benafit of the doubt and let her explain why she didn't correct her child than follow up with how that hurt you. Maybe she is really going through something that she hasn't came out and told you yet.
We never really know what is going on in someone's life.
However if she doesn't try to make things better and show more respect the next visit or outing than you may have to stop spending time with her.

I have a 16 month old and I am 26 years old, so for me to say I have been friend with someone for 14 years is a big deal to me. I so bad wanted to hang on to our friendship although it was getting really bad there for the last couple years I did everything from looking the other way to making excuses for the lack of respect she showed me. When I had my son she start the comparing her 10 month old to my 6 week old I then and there stopped everything and after not talking to her for a few weeks(let me say I felt there had been a death because I hurt so bad from walking away.)I started to see a big change in my attitude, instead of always been negative and on defense I start enjoying so much of the small stuff. Which I needed to be doing anyway. Thats when I knew the friendship needed to be over. I won't lie and say it was easy because it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I still love her and I simply told her we were in different places in our lives right now and I still loved her and if I walked away now maybe in the future we could pick back up but if I stayed being friends with her and being unhappy with her actions and she wasn't gonna change then than I needed to go before I felt I didn't loved her and feel the same anymore.
I told you this because although we still don't talk we still care about each other and it is best sometimes to back off and live your life and if later they fit bback in than thats great but sometimes they don't.
You will need to make alot of decissions for you and your child that aren't gonna be easy.
I sure hope everything goes well and wish you all the best, if you ever need to talk of to vent please feel free to email me anytime~____@____.com~T. D

I understand that you don't feel right telling your friend how to raise her children, but now it has affected your kids and your friendship. If she is really your best friend you need to have a talk with her. Tell her how it has affected you without attacking her mothering skills(this will only make her defensive). Try something like "I know Kayli has a lot of energy, and she didn't mean to hurt my baby, but I would appreciate it if you talked to her about it." Keep in mind though, that if these are the patterns she has set out for her kids, there is probably not much you can do about it, and you may have to take them like they are, or sacrifice some time spent together. But the fact that you were in the bathroom crying and she didn't know tells me that it's time for a heart to heart. Hope this helps.
-K.

I would say something to your friend, but be careful how you say it. I would explain that Kayli needs more guidance and instruction in how she is supposed to act. To get Kayli to not be "bad", she needs to be told that what she is doing is wrong, otherwise she won't know the difference. When Kayli misbehaves, there is no reason to yell at her. Just calmly tell her that she does not need to scream, run around, pull things in the store, scratch people, etc. Explain that that is not how we act in a store, that scratching hurts, etc.

My mom had to babysit an almost 4 year old girl the other day. This girl would get upset & yell & curse! My mom would calmly tell her that she did not need to scream, that she was right there & she couldn't understand what she was saying when she screamed. If she wanted something, she just needed to ask. The little girl I think was surprised of my mom's reaction, and she calmed down.

Also, tell your friend that she must be consistent. Maybe you could offer that next time you two and your kids are together & Kayli misbehaves, you could say something to Kayli & show your friend what should be done in the situation. Your friend may not know what to do.

Good luck!