How to Cope with Silent Treatment?

I agree that he is being passive aggressive to get a reaction from you. So he gets upset when you don't initiate Sex and punishes you until you do? If it were me I would just ignore him right back. It's like a child's temper tantrum. If the parent reacts the behavior continues. If you ignore then the person has lost control over you.

You don't cope. It is unacceptable behavior and not to be tolerated.

Your husband is manipulating you and using silence to try to control you. It's working too, because you're going to him, smiling, trying to get back in his good graces. He's an emotional abuser and doesn't care about your feelings. He likes it when you cry, because it shows him that he holds power over you.

Ignore it. Go on with your life, make your own plans with your kids. Let him see that your happiness doesn't depend on him. That's how I handled it. When he saw he was having no effect on me he stopped doing it. Probably not the right answer, but it works for me.

I agree with the mothers who suggested to just ignore him and make plans without him as if he's not even there. My husband tried this a few times and I just went on about my life with the kids, doing things without him and it nipped it in the bud! Now, I can't even remember the last time he tried pulling that nonsense. He needs to learn that acting that way only punishes himself. And if he takes your son to go do something without you, then use it to your advantage;enjoy the silence, go get a massage, or lunch with a girlfriend. :)

I couldn't agree more with Suz's response. My ex husband would do this continually. I lasted 9 years before I decided I would be better off alone.

He is punishing you for what he deems poor behavior towards him. You have to figure out how you are going to cope. It's not your problem, it's his. If you're going to stay in the marriage, you get some counseling and make sure you're strong enough to teach your two year old this isn't acceptable behavior. Your kid will mimick your husband. Fit throwing isn't attractive at two and it's certainly not when an adult does it. He's throwing a fit (even though it's silent) to get his way.

I am sorry you're married to someone who behaves like this. It is exasperating and depressing. Do NOT allow anyone to make you feel it's your responsibility to make them happy. Happiness is a choice.

Blessings!
L.

Enjoy the quiet?
The problem here is that you both view the silent treatment as a punishment.
Don't see it as a punishment and you've got it made!

Really what you have is a lack of communication and inadequate conflict resolution.
These are skills every couple needs.
Get some marriage counseling and see if you guys can improve in these areas.

Oh my heart goes out to you. He is extremely passive aggressive. You cannot change him unless he agrees to see a counsellor. On the other hand, you can work on it not affecting you so much. Remember, it is his problem, not yours. You are a good and worthy person. Don't let his bad behaviour make you feel crappy. Easier said than done right? Read about it, and if you can, talk to a counsellor about it. His behaviour is not your fault.

You can't change this, you can change,too.He is obviously controlling you by doing that and you don't have to let him. My first husband did this, it was joined with a number of other things and it is outright emotionally painful.But people don't do things if it doesn't work and it is working for your husband. He knows and will continue to do it unless there's no payoff.You might it clear that if he continues to do this you will be choosing a different response. It's a horrible emotional game.

Suz T is right.
Have you leaned about the 3 types of relationships in the world?
Child: Child ( 2 kids playing in school or a married couple with no adult communication skills)
Adult: adult ( adults dealing with each other as adults ( customer and sales clerk, boss/worker)
Adult: child this would be you & your husband, he's the "adult" and you're the approval seeking "child". Except he's acting. He's really the child.
Try to get your relationship to adult:adult

Good luck.

Why are you staying with him? He doesn't respect you or treat you well at all. There are two ways to change it:
1. Enter couples counseling and consider individual therapy (for each of you as well
2. Take your son and leave

Hi there. You are not alone! I asked my husband to go to a couples counselor with me for a host of issues, one of them being silent treatment issues.

I also began an online program called marriagemax.com. Believe it or not, you can see changes in your marriage by taking steps solo. I feel people are sometimes too quick to throw in the towel or try to manipulate back with ultimatums. Things are sloooooowly improving between he and I. Intact I am day 4 into a silent Treatment episode myself. I am not giving him an ounce if attention for his behavior. In the past I would ask him what was wrong, etc, only to be opening up myself to some sort of emotional attack. It would lead to a horrendous argument. I feel the silent treatment was his way of throwing a tantrum. So I treat him like a toddler. I totally do not give it any power. Eventually, I think he gets bored and lonely himself and returns to being himself. My hope is that these episodes will become less and less. Meannwhile I keep busy, do fun things for myself, continue counseling And read Mort Fertels stuff on marriagemax.com.

I think it sent my husband a powerful message when I went to counseling anyway but did not leave him....it confused him but also destabilized his control patterns. Hang in there!

By the way, my counselor said that my husband might be better off with a counselor of his own instead of couples counseling....but from my experience pressuring my husband into counseling did not help....

I'm sorry but this is not normal. You and your son don't deserve this. Get counseling asap.

He is pouting big time. Perhaps that worked for him as a child. He needs counseling, I am not so sure about the 2 of you. My assumption is that he was never taught to use his words and deal with his feelings. What are his parents like?

My grandmother gave the silent treatment and did it well! With that, her children gave the silent treatment. With that, I can do it well. I try to always make it clear in my head that what I am upset about is not that big of a deal in the big world and life will go around me...take a big breath and forge forward.

Just a thought, ask him about his feelings. When you do this, try not to cry, try to focus on him and see if you can get him to talk.

I'm going to play devil's advocate and ask how often you are intimate with your hubby? I read on this site that some women are only intimate with thei spouse/SO once every 10 - 14 days. Some even less.

I stay feeling connected with my hubby through intimacy. If we were only intimate 1 or 2 times per month, I would feel completely disconnected and he would not only feel disconnected, but rejected as well. Perhaps that's how your hubby feels - disconnected and rejected. I'm sure you've talked about this in the past, and nothing has changed with regard to frequency so he probably has nothing more to say to you on the subject. He just walks around feeling dejected.

You said that he does change for a week or two, but then it comes up again. Are you intimate during that time? More than once? Perhaps he sees it as he's trying but he doesn't see any effort from you so he goes back to the silent treatment.

I get that women don't "have" to have sex with their hubby's at hubby's whim but IMHO you should make SOME effort to please him on a at least semi-regular basis if you want him to do the same.