How to Handle Sibling Routines

I would definitely try to wean your 3 year old off the breastfeeding or you're really going to have your work cut out for you! Just my opinion!!!
Lynsey

hi J., i nursed my daughter until i was about 4-5 months pregnant, i was ready to tandem nurse when the baby will be born, however my milk decreased tremendously around 3 month, the nipples hurt Soooo bad that it felt like someone is cutting them off, and my daughter started to loose interest slowly. i explained to her that mommy hurts, and that milk is for growing baby inside... she understood that at 25 months, so it was very smooth and simple transition. however she still co-sleeps with us, i didn't really make any serious attempts to move her elsewhere, instead we purchased king size bed:) and we'll see what happens next (i'm due in 2 weeks)

so if you wont be able to wean your child before getting pregnant, it may happen naturally or you may really want to stop yourself because of all the pregnancy discomforts, good luck and it will all work out.

i'm also stay at home mom, without any help at all (my husband works till late night) so i have to do everything myself, i'm sure it will be challenging at first but you'll figure it out.

It IS a challenge to have more than one but soooo worth it. If you want child #1 weaned, start working on that now. There is a chance that both will awaken during the night but you'll figure out how to deal with it. I have 3 I'm co sleeping with now, the 5 yr old sleeps thru everything. I have a 3 yr old with health issues, so he sleeps the worst out of everyone. My baby is 6 mos now so he doesn't even cry when he wakes up anymore, he just wakes and nurses and goes back to sleep. All in all it's pretty smooth, if only my middle one could sleep better, poor thing! And yes they do entertain each other during waking hours, and they do fight, and they do play, and I love every moment of every day and feel so blessed to have these 3 little people in my life!!! It's alot of work but it's a labor of love and I'd do it all over again if I had to!! p.s. It's alot harder going from NO children to one, than it is to go from one to two!!!

p.p.s. I wanted to add one more thought... I did tandem nurse the first two, and it was exhausting, so I weaned the older one. Some moms do it pretty easily, but most I've talked to found it just as exhausting as I did. When I was pregnant with #3, I did wean #2 before the baby was born.

p.p.p.s. If the older child does want her own bed but wants to stay by you, is there room to put a mattress in your room? I did that with my 5 yr old & it worked out well.

I SUPPORT NURSING 100% AND I AM WEENING MY 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER OFF NOW(TURNED 2 mAY 17TH)iT SHOULD BE KNOW PROBLEMING GETTING YOUR 3 YEAR OLD OFF. sHE IS OLD ENOUGH TO TAKE REJECTION BETTER. 3 YEARS OLD IN MANY OPINIONS IS THE MAX TO BE BREASTFEEDING. I NURSED MY OLDEST TILL HE WAS 2 1/2 BECAUSE I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN AND ADVISED BY MY DOCTER TO STOP BECAUSE IT WOULD TAKE A LITTLE NUTRITION AWAY FROM MY GROWING CHILD IN ME. GOOD LUCK!

It looks like you've received a lot of responses already but I'm giving you mine because we're in almost exactly the same situation.

Sleeping: We coslept with our daughter for the longest time and finally "kicked her out" of our bed. She has her own big girl bed that she sleeps in and it is rare that she's in our bed. Although now I sometimes end up in her bed. She still doesn't make it all the way through the night but she doesn't really wake up-it's more of a restlessness.

Nursing: My daughter is three and a half and I'm done with it. I've gotten my daughter down to nursing only at home now-no longer in the car-which turns me into a human pretzel or while we're out. She also goes to "school" twice a week and she's fine without nursing.

I did like the suggestion someone wrote about gum. My daughter's 4yr. old cousin chews gum and I know my girl would love to be able to do that.

Good luck!

I personally did not have problems with my then 3 yearl old twins and new born. They were done taking naps by the time they were 3. My youngest was breast fed till 2 and a half. She wanted to go to nursery school and understood that going to school was for big girls and she needed to move on. She wanted to chew gum. I said to her if you are old enough to chew gum (Trident) and want to go to school then you are old enough to stop breast feeding. She was cool with that.

Well considering you are not about to deliver #2 you have lots of time to plan. I would imagine your daughter will already have stopped nursing altogether by the time you are pregnant. The co-sleeping, well I would talk to your daughter about 1/2 way through your pregnancy and ask her if she would want her own bed at night in her own room. You may be surprised. I am sure co-sleeping has given you a stronger sense of bonding, but as your daughter gets older you may ask her own opinion. Obviously there will be times your and your husband are alone in your bed and your daughter is elsewhere, or there wouldn't be a possibility of a #2!. Good luck and I am sure this will be a tough but growing experience.

Oh my sakes! Get that 3 year old off the boob and out of your bed!!! Do it now before you have another or you will get absolutely NO sleep and then you'll be good for nothing. Get her established in her own room with her own bed, that way you can concentrate your efforts on the newborn (I'm referring specifically to nighttime routine...sleeping & feeding) If you do this now, then NO you won't have a problem with the toddler waking with the newborn at night or interfering with feedings. It will be hard, but do it now!..you do not want to have to try to "wean" your toddler from the breast or bed while you have a newborn to deal with!!! Just trust me...I have 6 kids...and I've pretty much been through it all!

I would stop nursing and co-sleeping with your daughter asap....only because you don't want her to feel replaced when the new baby comes...on the other issue of scheduling...as a mother of one child we(as a whole) tend to let our baby dictate our routine, as a mother of more than one child YOU will have to dictate the schedule...put baby down when the toddler goes down at naptime...wake up baby in the morning when everyone is up...(obviously newborns sleep and eat all the time but by 3-4 months when a more stable pattern forms)... I am a mommy to 5 little boys...I had my 3rd 4 months before my oldest turned 3....so I know this can be done, I've been doing it for 9 years now...Our family schedule mostly rotates around the school times(morning wake up/breakfast) so if your daughter is going to go to pre school I highly recomend sending her in the am...that way on days she goes to school you and baby have time together(or baby can nap w/o telling sister to be quiet all morning) and on days when she's home you're up and doing things that way when naptime comes in the afternoon..everyone is tired...also as the older one outgrows naptime encourage quiet time by having her lay down and listen to a soft cd...this way she will have down time, it will be quiet enough for baby to fall asleep and if she is really tired she will sleep too! Good luck and enjoy!

Hi J.,

It seems to me that if your planning baby #2, by the time you get pg and have the baby, your toddler will be 4 at least. I would think your routine would be pretty straightforward. Your toddler will be in pre-school at least 3 days a week, so that will give you extra time to catch up on household chores, shopping, maybe a nap, etc...I would think this wouldn't be too bad.

My husband and I had our 3 babies in 4 years (our oldest is 5 now), that is a bit challenging at times. I am at home also, with no help and manage as best I can - I predict you'll do great. You really can't expect too much from yourself...you're one person doing the best you can and it really is good enough. :-)

It's a wonderful experience to see your children interacting and laughing with each other - I wish the same for you some day!!

J.

PS - If I may offer one more thing at the risk of soundign harsh...stop nursing and get your 3 year old their own bed...it's time...I know it's hard, but it's best.

Hi, J.. I have three boys, a 3 1/2 yo, almost 2 1/2 yo and a almost 9 mo old. After a while, I got my second and still sometimes it's hard, to get him to nap when the first one goes down. But, you will haveto see if they are the type to nap some children stop napping by the time they are two or three. I am fortunate to have both napping at the same time. My third is still young yet which I am not going to try teaching to nap when the others do and sometimes he naps when the other two are. You haveto take it as time goes by and you will learn. They play together and other times they fight and you haveto make sure you don't show favoritism because that can cause rivalry. So, be fair to both children, or all of them if more than two children. They may need to get out and play or kept active to nap. Not always the case too. What I did, because my first two were 1 year and 3 wks apart, I put my first one in the playpen which was big and nursed the second one. But you haveto learn as you go along wwhat works best for you and your family. I'ill pray for God's wisdom for you in raising your children. If you need someone to talk to or too much for you withou any help, e-mail me or send a personal message through this mamasource and I'll get back to you. Okay?

you will be fine mama:) my daughter is exactly three years older than the baby. by the time the baby comes, i would guess she will be weaned, which i kinda would encourage. seeing how much newborns and babies nurse, that could be an issue that you might want to avoid alltogether. the worse thing would be for you to be feeding the baby, and she gets upset wanting to nurse, and you need to chose- NOT GOOD!!!
at 4, she most likely wouldnt need a nap. and with no nap, you will make sure she still gets to bed at a decent time. we actually have our 3 yr old all in bed around 7:30 prior to the baby. with a nap, she doenst fall asleep till 9. the earlier the better, since then if the baby is having a rough time, i know my older daughter is already taken care of. and then after the baby is asleep, i can have some time for myself and cleaning.
we co sleep. we did have our 3 yr old in bed a few weeks with the baby in a bedside cosleeper, but the baby did better in our bed inside a snugglenest co sleeper, and it just wasnt big enough. we transitioned her into her bed, again i think it would be best to do prior to the baby so she doesnt feel replaced. i know some may keep older children in the bed, but there are some safety issues with sids, and also we wanted that special private time with the baby as we had with our older daughter. if she were here to, the baby wouldnt get that one on one. we layed down with the 3 yr old till she fell asleep, then we said we had to go clean up and would be right back where she fell asleep, finally we just said goodnight and left her to go to sleep alone. the whole transition was a few weeks.
if you keep the toddler with the baby, i would suggest getting a bed rail, have her sleep next to it, then have the adults next to the baby. my daughter never woke when the baby did, but we never put the light on.
its easier with the second since you know what you are doing, and you have everything. its harder as you have to divide your time. with the 2nd, i cannot answer her cries as immediately as i did with the first, but no one is supermom. if its hunger or changing the baby gets first, if my toddler is hungry and the baby just wants to be picked up, i feed my daughter first. prioritize without guild, you can only do so much. i would just suggest not to overextend yourself. we stopped doing swimming as there was no way i could go with the baby and be in the pool with my daughter. you just have to accept that your older daughter will adjust, any changes will be harder on you than her. before the baby comes, just lighten up your schedule and the extra activities you do so your daughter doesnt correlate the baby changing everything. have her be active in the pregnancy, and use the babys name(i would really suggest to find out the sex so you can plan, buy presents, and use the babys name with her to form a bond while in your tummy), and dont over baby her. dont worry about schedules as you will go crazy. you are now a pro, so just use your judgement. in a few months when your baby decides its own schedule, you can do more with your daughter.
also, if you are interested, you can always start a little preschool, which would free up your time, and entertain the toddler. good luck, its so much easier, and yes, the babies all stare at the big kids more than the mommy!!!

My children are 21 months apart. In the beginning the baby slept a lot so I found it very easy. My son slept in my bed too and he did not wake up when the baby cried (although the baby did not cry often in fact I had to wake her to nurse her). But once she was a few months old and had more awake time she was taking 3 long naps, I made sure that the middle nap took place at the same time as my toddler napped, this way we all napped. This worked great and I was able to keep it up for about 1 yr.
My kids do entertain each other but they also fight a lot too. I established same bedtime routine, bath book bed and I sometimes did them together if my husband was not home to help.
Having two children is a challenge but I would not have it any other way.