So, this actually has nothing to do with me, I'm just curious as to what your reaction would be.
A friend of mine (we'll just call her A for the sake of this) that I went to most of elementary school and all of high school with is a crafty gal. She makes a lot of baby items, and is really good at it. Today, "A" posted a picture of her dad with someone's dog (I don't know if it was hers, her sister's, or her brother's) with the caption "The only grandchild he will ever have." Now, personally, yes, I was curious about why that might be. I always thought this woman would make a fantastic mother. However, I would never ask her why, especially not on a public forum. However, another girl we went to high school with (we'll call her H) actually asked, "oh, are you not going to have any kids?" in a comment on that photo. To me, that was an awfully personal question to start with, let alone to be asked in a public manner. If you had been in "A's" shoes, would you have felt that it was overly personal? ("H" is not a close friend of "A" nor do they communicate on any sort of regular basis.)
Queen - I get what you mean about if she didn't want to talk about it, then don't put stuff up there.
Bug - Obviously, since I see Queen's point, I see yours, too! BUT, the reason I find it to be kind of a sensitive/personal question is that you never really know what people might be going or have already gone through possibly TRYING to conceive. I have several family members that have had miscarriages and fertility issues. So, I guess that would be familial experience guiding my perceptions/behaviors. Oh, and her response was that they don't plan to have any kids, so I don't think it was done in a joking way.
Toni - Sorry!! I tried to make it make sense. It makes sense in my head, but sometimes things don't make it from my brain to the rest of the world well.
I think A was fishing for a reaction. It's called 'vaguebooking'.
I have one friend who has this MO on facebook. I ignore it. I would have ignored this one too.
I agree that it is an overly personal question to ask in a semi public forum, however, friend A opened herself up to it with her caption. I think she might have been intending to discuss it, or at least expecting that someone would read it and ask about it.
Making a statement like that opens you up for questions. If she didnt want to talk about her choices to have or not have kids, she shouldnt have put it out there on the internet. That said, I think a comment like 'oh, he has your eyes' would have been funnier.
.
First of all, A chose the public forum and should not be upset by anything that anyone asks in that public forum. The moment you choose a public forum, regardless of what the afterthoughts may be, nothing is sacred or private. You asked for it, you are gonna get it.
Why are YOU taking it so personally?
I think saying that opens the door for questions. If one doesn't want to talk about it, why would they state that publicly? Oh, and it could have been a joke. I joked about that with my parents (their dogs being the only grandkids) before we had a child. We knew we would have at least one.
The casual wording of the woman's question suggests she was a bit curious, not looking for a detailed answer, or back story.
Like I said, if she doesn't want to talk about it in any form, she wouldn't joke about it. Don't you think? I actually don't think asking if a person intends to have children, is an inappropriate question...personally. It's not something I ever think to ask, but I wonder why people find that offensive???
OMG! She put it out there to get a reaction/attention. H fed into it. 2 of the most annoying things that I see on FB, honestly. Ploys for attention and nosy questions that would not normally happen in "real" life.
it was a bit forward, but the comment on the photo did encourage it.
if i were her i'd reply in a courteous but noncommittal manner, and if i wanted to forestall further such questions, take down the provocative caption.
khairete
S.
My friends would have been :
Thou shalt procreate
Then I guess those WEREN'T your birth control pills your mom was replacing with tic tacs
Down with breeders!
Dude. You are a breeder.
Shhhh.
So when ah we going to get grand babies?!? You DO know what you're doing, right? Right? All my friends are bubies! You should have married that nice doctor you dated before. He was a nice one.
_______
So, in short, nope. I wouldn't be offended.
HOWEVER, unless I was flipping them kaka / giving them a hard time ... Like you, I wouldn't bring it up. MOSTLY because that might be their way of coping with infertility/adoption waits/divorce, and just because they brought it up, I wouldn't run with it. Unless I KNEW it wasn't infertility, imminent divorce, etc. And then I'd start in for laughs.
I think you're putting too much into this entire situation. Not your choices, not your body, & not your post!
Relax! Friend "A" opened the door wiiiiiiiiide open on this issue. We have no way of knowing whether it was thru humor, thru stirring the pot, or simply an open/honest communication. In all of this, it's her life & how friend "H" responded affects only herself & "A". Peace to you.....
It sounds to me like a mess of people over-analyzing everything. It was a picture with a grand dog. Apparently they felt like they should have a caption and thought that one was funny. Then someone wants to comment but can't come up with a good comment. Then here you are asking if it is a personal question.
So to answer, no it wasn't a personal question it was just the best response they could come up with.
If she posted the picture and put that caption on it she knew people would ask...so I don't think SHE thought it was too personal, some people are really open and want and will share everything with people. I would be curious too if I saw this and this was a friend of mine, but I don't think I would ask.
I'm just curious what her being "crafty" has to do with any of it? And I agree with everyone who said she opened herself up to questions by posting something like that. Was SHE bothered by H's question or just you?
Yeah, she opened herself up to this. And H is probably one of those "open mouth, insert foot" kind of gals.
Too bad all the way around. And A now has everyone thinking the same thing, though most are tactful and won't ask out loud why she isn't going to have kids...
Dawn
No. I wouldn't. As "A" if I post something stating that I'm not having children then I would fully anticipate possible questions about it. However, I think "H" could have just safely made the assumption that "A" wasn't planning on having children (that was pretty obvious by the posted picture) and needn't bother asking.
Why/What are you talking about? This post does not make much sense.
I agree, that IF I was going to ask about her post, I would have done it through a message or email..
I just would not have wanted to take a chance, there was a very personal reason. But A, put it out there.. I hope she realized it leaves everyone wondering, why.. Choice, physical.. I would be curious.. but i would not ask unless I was super duper close.
I think that anything that I post publicly can be questioned publicly. In fact, I'd find it odd if NO ONE had said that.
Whatever her TTC issues might be, she opened the door with her caption. I think that it would have crossed the line for someone to say, "Oh, so you miscarried?" or "Oh, your IVF didn't work?"
I just told my husband the other evening. "I am over people being annoyed by children". To me the caption on her dads photo reads at first annoyed. As in children annoy her. But it could also be a heart broken she cant have children type of caption. (adoption?? thats another subject). Now the friends comment asking I would have judged the girls actions as being neiave or agressively wanting to be friends. But I would not have thought much of it at all really. To me putting it out there for all to see that this is the only grandchild he will ever have is putting your awfully personal matters in a public manner in the first place. if she wanted to keep it priviate she should have thought about this before placing the comment on the picture.
Any information you post publicly has the potential to be commented on and questioned. The manner in which she posted it sounds as if she were inviting comments.
I think the whole thing was in a funny, free-spirited way. I don't think she was serious. If she was, she was a little daring to put that kind of comment out there if she wasn't prepared for others to answer/ask her. I don't think whether someone is going to have kids or not is a secret or should be such a private thing. If she puts it out there for people to ask or judge, then she is wanting some sort of feedback regarding it. I think it was meant to be funny--nothing more.
