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My husband's ex has always done her best to hamper his relationship with his three children. She is mentally ill and is inconsistent with her medication and therapy. She has led a very emotional and dramatic life, to say the least. Since their divorce 8 years ago, she has threatened to take the son away at least 4 times, has fraudulently reported my husband to dcfs claiming he abused all the kids (and told the kids he did, which they refuted, and dcfs filed the claim as fraud and nearly took the kids away from her), has refused to provide any school or medical information about the kids, has commited mail fraud and tampering with my husband's mail, and so on. Other background information is that she has denied visitations for weeks at a time, has stolen money from my husband, has moved several times, has had men in and out of her life which are supposed to become "other dads" to my husband's son, and has fits in front of the children telling them what a horrible father he is. I have been married to him for 7 years and he has always been there, always asked to see his kids, always been involved, walked on eggshells regarding their mother to them, and is a truly stand up guy and has been a better father to my boys than my ex has. Recently, he and I had counseling sessions with his two older children, girls age 17 and 20, and it was revealed that they had stored up a lot of negative feelings based on things their mother had said and done through the years. My husband has talked to counselors in the past and it was revealed that the kids are fine, and they are having problems due to their mother and their reactions to her. The youngest, a boy who is 10 seems to have been effected most by the goings on in that home. We have talked to counselors about him as well, and he repeatedly gets the ok that he is fine as well and does not need therapy. She insists the kids do. The latest thing she did is what I am really writing about because it has crossed the line way too far. She denied visitations for a while, then when the son started becoming vocal about coming, she allowed them again. Keep in mind she has physical custody but they share joint parenting. At first she would not allow overnight visits because of various reasons. When overnight visits were allowed again, she was forced to let my husband know that the child was being seen by a psychiatrist and was taking Proazc and melatonin. She said it was for his anxiety. Well, she has told us in the past that he has had autism, add, adhd, bad innoculations and reactions to red food dye. None of these claims are substantiated and he has miraculously recovered from all these disorders. Also, he never once displayed any of these at our house. He has never had any problems with school either. His problems clearly stem from her and the home. I believe she thinks the doctors and pills will replace her need to parent properly and provide a stable home life. She told my husband it was only temporary and he would be weaned off them soon. That is a lie because my husband was right on the phone with this psychiatrist to meet with her about this whole thing. She said there was no such plan to wean him off. She also disclosed that this "mother" had informed her that she had sole custody, which is why my husband was never informed of this and never a part of his case workup or anything at all. Now my husband is so upset, wondering what he has missed out on and not been told of or included in because she is claiming she has sole custody. This is a huge thing that she did! How would you react to this and what would you do? She has done some nasty things before, but this just takes the cake. She hid about the medicine, lied about it, and did not inform the psychiatrist that the boy has a father with whom she shares joint custody! We are absolutely convinced that the problems are hers and not his and that he in no way, shape or form would need these medications if he lived in a stable environment, thus, at this point my husband cannot support him being on these drugs until he knows it truly is the child and is biological and not environmental. Any help or suggestion is appreciated. Thanks moms!
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Get a lawyer and take her to court, and petition to have your husband get physical custody of his kids. They can now subpoena the psychiatrist who was told the mother had sole custody which was false.
Just so you know though, that even though the child may not need those drugs, if he is not allowed to take them while at your home, he can suffer severe withdrawals.
In the meantime, I would take her back to court, as well as specifically speak with this child's psychiatrist and let him/her in on the mother's mental illness. she could perhaps have Munchhausen's by proxy on top of what she already has.
Take this woman to court, get a good lawyer. Be sure you document every single thing you can.
Get a lawyer. Even if you can not get full custody, you can get guaranteed visits or have him 50% of the time by court order, so she can no longer deny access. It sounds like maybe you should fight for physical custody, putting a child on psychiatric drugs who does not need them can be dangerous to both his physical and mental health.
Get the kids away from her. Now!
You need an Attorney....
have to prove she is an unfit parent... and/or negligent and/or a harm to the child.... and/or abusive...
Next, since the youngest boy is on all these medications... was your Husband/the boy's Dad, not 'required' to sign off of this or authorize it????
Or is he supposed to also JOINTLY authorize it/sign off on it?
Ultimately, document everything, get an Attorney... and also the Mom is lying to the Psychiatrist... that "she" has sole custody....
You/your Husband cannot do this on your own... you need legal help from an Attorney... get all your ducks in a row...
good luck,
Susan
I would be in a lawyer's office before I finished typing your question. First of all, I assume your husband and his ex have a court order determining custody and visitation. If so, the ex cannot simply deny visitation at her whim. Add to that she has falsified claims in the past and continues to make decisions for their son based on false claims of sole custody, I'd be petitioning the court for custody and the mother can be the one pursuing visitation. If she has a history of documented mental instability, that would really help your case.
One sidenote regarding melatonin..... it is a naturally-occurring substance and the herbal supplementation is used by many to help regulate their sleep cycles, adults and children alike. It is of course recommened to try other avenues first (establishing better bedtime routines, encouraging more physical exercise during the day, etc.) but melatonin is nowhere near the league of Prozac.
Get a lawyer, involve the authorities. Perhas the older children would testify?
My heart goes out to you, your husband and his children. The only suggestion that I can make is that you retain a family law lawyer ASAP and see if you can modify the custody orders so that your husband has full physical custody of your son. Full legal custody as well if that is all possible. From what you have written, I seriously worry about your stepson's safety with her. There seems to be a lot going on with your husband's ex but I'm concerned about a a syndrome called Munchausen by Proxy. Here's a link giving you all the info on it:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/sick/munchausen.html
I hope that you are able to resolve all of this soon.
Hire a lawyer! Today!
Good luck!
i hope this doesn't come across as sounding rude, but it was really hard to follow when it's one big paragraph.
if his ex has these mental issues, it's important to get her the appropriate help so she can get better- especially since she is caring for the children. additionally, maybe talk to the courts about having your husband get more custody.
I really hate to hear that you and your husband are going through this! I agree with JoAnn stop playing nice and try your best to get custody of your son. you are in my prayers and hope everything workd in your favor.
If the mom is really that bad then your husband needs to stop being mister-nice-guy. Get a lawyer, do whatever it takes to get custody. His son deserves to be in a loving, stable home. No matter what the cost get a good lawyer and get that boy in a loving home!
i would talk to an attorney about getting custody of the kids and use the information that she gave the psychologist. - sole custody, etc as info.
get a lawyer and try to get primary custody.
I agree, get a good lawyer and take her back to court...at least for more visitation!
This requires legal intervention. Why on earth does the boy live with such a dangerous person? Those psychoactive drugs... we know that they do affect the brain in some ways, but we have NO IDEA as to the extent of how they affect other neurological functions (told to me by a neurophysiologist who works for a major drug company). She could be hurting him forever... in many ways.
Call a lawyer. DOCUMENT EVERY SINGLE THING and take her to court to get that poor boy away from her. I am curious as to why, after having the chidren removed from her custody in the past, you do not have physical custody of them?
Good luck.
Get the facts from the courts about legal custody and rights. They are better able to advise you. Also understand that any mother who has been separated from a normal life with her original family thru divorce or otherwise would have some emotional trauma. Put yourself in her shoes. I know her actions seem unwarranted to you from the other end, but she may have never gotten over her divorce and that has taken many forms, including lies to you or her ex-husband (her enemy) but your friend!
