I Hate My Husband Most Days

Hi A., i am sorry you are dealing with this on top of Alex. I know how you are feeling a little unfortuntaly,im having issues with mine on top of finding out christians tumor in now in his spine. thinking of you often. sending you a big hug from one worrid mommy to another.

Hi A., your story is heartbreaking, and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm sure we all wish there were something we can say or do to make it all go away. All I can do is offer you my honest opinion on what I would do in your situation. You say your son only has a matter of time left, this is something you can never get back, go apply for low income housing, in as many developements as you can, and quit your job today. Don't wait for your husband to take over, it's never going to happen. Spend what time you have left letting your son know how much he is loved, and helping your other child adjust to this whole situation. I'm not sure of your full situation, but things can be replaced, it's hard, but even if you have to walk away from a nice house and cars etc you can always work later to replace anything, what you need to enjoy now is the time you have left. If hubby doesn't want to work let him do without everything, I'm sure he probably comes to you for cash turn him down and get rid of him. Once the bank is closed he'll either move on and leave or grow up and work. Best of luck to you and anytime you want to talk please email me at ____@____.com.

Honey I don't know what to tell you about your husband. Did you ever try appealing to his parents to try to get him motivated? I just know that if I ever had a problem with my fiance, I could go strait to my in-laws and they would help me motivate him in the direction we think he needs to go. Sometimes its hard taking directions from a person thats your equal (i.e you). Thats just a suggestion. I don't know if this would help or not but I work from home and maybe you could benefit from doing so also. It would allow you to stay home with your son and be able to help support your family. Just another thought. Good luck with your husband and son. I'm sorry that your son is sick like that, I'll keep your family in my thoughts!

www.momtomombiz.com

Hi A.,
My husband rubs people the wrong way too. What made you fall in love with your husband? You are going through a lot right now and so is he you both will handle it differently, but you both need each other more than ever now.
You can not change another person they have to. You need to love him for who he is. If you need more time with your son then tell your husband you do, and ask him what can we do so this can happen, put it in his hand let him feel that he is the man of the house and is able to support you.
Its hard to let go of the control but maybe its time to trust God to carry you through all of this, my prayers are with you and your family. Treasure every moment you have and smile everyday, because that smile will be carried to someone else:)

First I have to say that I can't imagine what you are going through with your son, it must be awful. It's even worse to have to worry about a no count husband. Honestly, I think that once someone shows you who they are believe them. He has shown you that he is selfish and doesn't really care about working and making things better for his family. So I would definitely relieve the stress and leave him. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, but when one partner isn't pulling their weight it's time to let them go before he brings you down with him. I just left my baby's father because he does work, but he never ever gives me ant money for the kids. He buys himself clothes and rents cars and all kinds of things that make him happy, meanwhile my kids are wearin hand me downs from cousins and I'm askin my mom to help buy diapers. Trust me you can do bad all by yourself. Good Luck Sweetie, My prayers are with you and your family.

A.,
I don't know if you have a "religion" or what your views are but my suggestion would be to find a Bible believing church ASAP! If you are a Christian in any sense of the term you should get your family ina church. Most churches that are "born-again" and believe exactly what the Bible says and nothing else will encourage your husband to be a leader and a man. You will both find comfort and encouragement, as well as a shoulder to cry on. The Bible is very clear in telling men how they should treat their wives and families and that they should be the head of the household, and there will be plenty of good examples for him to follow at a good church. If you already have a church and this stuff is not taught and he is not being uplifted you should leave it! I know this sounds crazy but when I was pregnant my husband and I started going to a church like this and almost immediately he stepped up and started being a man. He proposed, quit smoking, stopped drinking, looked hard for a good job and now he's the perfect husband and role model for our daughter. God can change people, we can't. Trust the Lord, he loves you and wants what's best for you! God knows all your problems, talk to Him, he'll ALWAYS be there for you, he wants you to know and love him the way he knows and loves you.

I am sorry to hear about your son. There isn't a way that you can get a man to work full time if they don't want to. My ex-husband was the same way he never wanted to work and if he did get a job he would work for maybe a month or so then quit. I was the one to work full time and take care of the 3 kids and him. So as much as you wanna make him work you can't unless he wants too.

Hi A.,
Well there is not really much you can do for someone who does not want to do anything for themself. If he is not willing to get a full time job to help support the family then there is no use in making him get one he is not going to do it. And for him to blame him for not working for time due to his sons medical problems that is not good, You would think that his son being sick would want him to work full time just so that he can be taken care of his sick son and do everthing possibal that he can do to make sure that his son gets the best medical attention possibel. But with that said I hope it helped I am not to good with things like this. I will be praying for your son and your family. I hope he pulls through this cancer. If you would like to chat you can email me.

Hi A. :)

Based on what you've written, I can completely understand how you would be so frustrated and at the end of your rope.

Have you tried going to counseling? Either for yourself or with the two of you? Sometimes it's really helpful to have a moderator on board to help each of you hear and understand where the other one is coming from.

I know it's hard to bring someone else into it, especially when "family business is kept in the family". Of course, years ago when your parents were growing up, that probably made sense because they probably had family or had parents themselves who had family that served as counsel during times like this. But nowadays we don't rely on our parents, grandparents, aunts, whoever as much to see us through the tough times, and in the end the only people who lose are ourselves. You don't have to do this alone - it's ok to ask for help. There are extremely high stats of divorce for couples who have been through situations like yours, often because they won't talk to each other. Not talking anything fancy either - could be a free service such as a pastor or work program or other family service.

I'm a big believer in exhausting all resources before ending a commitment, especially one as big as marriage. Yes, sometimes divorce is the best thing you can do for your family. But with your son being so ill, it would be so difficult for you to grieve both the loss of your marriage and your son. (Yes, even women with the worst marriages/relationships in the world find themselves grieving when they're over!) So, for yourself and your son and your daughter (who is already going to go through a lot just by watching it all unfold), my suggestion is to find whatever means you can to communicate the urgency of the situation to your husband. I'm sure he's a good man at heart - there was something about him that made you believe he was worth marrying. This is got to be taking a toll on him too, and some men (people, really), are just paralyzed by intense situations and need step-by-step guidance to get through it.

My very best to you... (((((((HUGS)))))) this must be so difficult.. .

-R. Z

I'm so sorry to hear about your son I will pray for him!!!!!As far as your husband goes I no guys like him and they have ben that way their whole life and they haven't changed at all.You think he would want to work to take your kids to do the things in life while your son can still enjoy it.I'm sorry to say this but I would tell him you need to get a job and stick with it or you and the kids will leave.I wish nothing but the best for you and your kids and I will pray for your son.

First let me say I am so sorry to hear about your son. What a terrible thing for a child to have to go through. I wish you comfort, courage, and strength. I will keep you and your son in my prayers.

Second ~ How SELFISH of him to make this such a hard time for you. I understand that he probably wants to spend as much time as possible with him too, but since he wasn't working full time the other three years then I think he is just using the illness as an excuse not to work. Not one thing aboutt his situation is fair, and it sucks. Does your family live close? Can you take your children and live with your mom and dad for a while? I have found that most guys won't straighten up until they see what can happen if they don't. It seems like you already know what you are going to do once your sons ordeal is over, but you shouldn't have to deal with this extra stress. My heart is breaking for you. I would get out (if it were me) and go somewhere where you feel comfortable and give that boy every bit of love, time, and attention that you can. I cannot imagine what you are going through right now knowing that things are just going to get worse. I'm sure you have friends where you live, but if you ever need to talk, vent, cry, yell, scream, you email me and I'll give you my number. ____@____.com

Is there any possibility that there is state aid for people in your situation? I would look into it.

R.

I can't really give you advice on what to do. I think you already know what your options are. I just wanted to give you a hug. No one desreves to lose a child. It's just not fair (((((A.))))).

Unfortunately, people only change when THEY want to change. You can't make your husband do anything he doesn't want to do. It's unfortunate that he is making excuses for his short comings. I'd say just try to work together now for Alex's sake, and then part ways at a later time.

Guy sounds like a total loser, tell him you will go to his mother too get her opinion. If that doesnt phase him talk to his guy friends about your husband not being willing too support his family. it will get too him quick your discussions and should belittle him enough too stop being such a loser. You can always leave him if you can afford too. Just telling you how it is hun, keep your chin up, you deserve so much better.

First of all, I want to say that I am so sorry that your son is battling cancer. That alone has to be incredibly hard. The only suggestion that I have as far as your husband goes, is to maybe go to counseling,if you both would. My husband and I have made real progress in the past. We also went to a Christian marriage group and that seemed to work best for us. Neither of us are religious, but a family friend recommended that we go to it, because we were on the verge of divorce. The class focused on roles in the family and head of the household and things like that. There was a lot of open discussion and closeness within the group. Also, could you just stop working and get some sort of assistance for a while, so you are able to be there for your son?

A.,
I don't think anyone can really give you advice on this, I have lost a child and it is the hardest thing to go through. I also have a husband who does not stand up and fullfill his role as a husband. The best you can do is what you as a woman knows how to do, love your kids, and hard as it is, take care of yourself. I don't know much about you, but prayer, know that God does answer prayers, not always the way we want him to, but I came to faith in God through losing my daughter, and learned not to leave family things to family, it was hard but I had to learn to open up to family and friends, to ask for help, to look for help where I may not have before. I also learned to let go of the resentment and anger I felt toward my husband, because it was eating me up, he will probably never change, but you can change your circumstances. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Lazy is just lazy. You can't change someone if they are just lazy. As for your son I am so sorry. I lost a baby before it was ever here and I mourn that loss everyday I can't imagine the agony you are going through. In his defense just a little remember he is feeling it to maybe he has depression. Before divorce try individual seeing a therapist at least then you can say you tried everything. If he wont his bad kick him to the curb.
Good luck and I pray for you and your family.

You can't make anyone do something that they dont want to do. You have a lot on your plate with your little boy being so sick. I see you said that after everythig is done with you are divorcing your husband. I really think that you should ask him to leave now, you dont need the added stress. Your time could be better spent with your son and making sure that he has the best time while he is still hear. I am sure that there is yelling and such going on and that is not healthy for anyone. DO yourself a favor kick him to the curb and focus on you and your children. There are support groups that can help you with what you are going through,and hopefully you have friends and family that will help you. My heart goes out to you, a parent should not have to go through what you are going through, but you sound like a very strong person. My prayers are with you and please remember that you have to take care of you too in all of this. God bless you and yours.

Hi A.. You can't get somone to work who won't- especially in this job market!! I've been trying desperately for over a year and I am getting nowhere!!

It sounds like he has some issues he needs to deal with. or, he's just not a nice person!! Bottom line- if he doesn't want to change and they way he is is unacceptable to you, there really isn't much you can do about it except to find a way to get your needs and your childrens' needs met.

Take care. My prayers are with you and your son,

-J.

A.,
I'm so sorry to hear about your troubling situation with your husband. I'm not really sure what to tell you on that, but I wanted to tell you I'll say a prayer for your family, especially for your son.
I would encourage you to look into glyconutrition. I know someone who has liver cancer (an adult) and when she was diagnosed almost 15 YEARS AGO they gave her a very short amount of time, but she's still here, due to treatments AND glyconutrition. She still has cancer, but she's been able to see her children grow up. Anyway, if you want information you can email me at ____@____.com or send me a message here. You can also go to www.glyconutrition.org if you want to read up on your own.
God bless your family,
E. :)