I Lost My FIRST Name Too?

I don't look at it as LOSING anything, but gaining something GREAT! It's an honor to me to be my husbands wife and take his name. That kind of thing just doesn't bother me. I am not a possession of my husband's, we are partners and part of a family unit.

I don't get the whole "lost identity" thing. I didn't lose my identity, I'm still me.
I am VERY proud of my maiden name, and my son carries it as a middle name.

I don't like it either.
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It's amusing because my husband and I do not have the same last name.
I get letters and think "Who in the hell is Mrs. Max Henderson??? I'm Ephie Bolav! Is there something I should know?"

Hah hah. I am pretty attached to my name (which, for the sake of honesty, is not really Ephie Bolav).

I didn't change my name with marriage and my ILs always address my cards to Mrs. DH first name DH last name. Very old fashioned, but I smile because the card has birthday money, and hey, they remembered my birthday, if not my name. :)

Nope. Not even on my radar :)

No, it doesn't bother me.

I spent all my kids growing up years being Bonnie's dad or what ever the name of the child you want to use. Its a big "So What" to me.

At my wife's work, I'm K's husband.

It only bothered me the first time and if I was being called that when someone misbehaved.

Good luck to you and yours. (And don't sweat the small stuff.)

Honestly, I couldn't care less.

I'm proud to be a Mrs. Honestly, I'm very proud to belong to my husband and he, me.

Doesnt bother me at all. In fact, MRS. means "wife of" whoever the man is. So lets say Bob Smith married Sue Brown, she is now the wife of Bob Smith and should be called Mrs Bob Smith, OR be called by her first and last name Sue Smith,, or Sue Brown if she chooses to keep her maiden name. It would be odd to refer to herself as "wife of Sue Smith", since she didnt marry herself, but married the man, Bob. Im very pleased and proud to have married my husband and take his last name. I like when I am called Mrs.with his first and last name in formal, or profession, or business things. For my own personal things, such as corrispondence with sewing customers around the country,or just friends I have my own address lables with my first and last name(his last name), But I leave off the MRS, MS, or MISS alltogether. I didnt lose me when I married. Im still me, I still have my first name but I am now the wife of this man and I see no problem in showing some respect to a pretty terrific man. Married 38 1/2 years and still happy I can use his last name as mine.
ADDED: for all of you who complain about bills, contracts and such being just in his name, try calling those places, and then handing the phone to him, and have him tell the company to add your name to the records so you have the right to information and the right to make changes on the services they provide. I did it years ago and now when the cable goes out I can get tech help. I can call the gas co and ask for a current bill, I can call the bank and get the balance. Its not hard. Just take some time to have him put your name on the list so you are partners in the relastionship and get on with life.

Its not offensive at all. I married my husband, took his last name and now it is MY name too- not just his. Part of my identity IS being Mrs. Mike "B". I don't get what the big deal is. Tradition isn't always a bad thing. Oh, and I am currently barefoot and pregnant, but I'm not cleaning anything ;)

There are some things I think need to die and fade away. Not keep them up "just because it's the way things have been done".
It is based on wives being property of the husband. A women with no self besides the one her husband tells her to have. Women had no rights. A women was the sum of their family name, societal standing and dowry.
I do not use Mrs. A man does not have a title to denote if he is married or not, he is always Mr. but a women is separated into married and not married by the Miss or Mrs. Why the double standard? Why is it so important to so openly separate women into 2 categories but not a man?
The first name thing drives me insane as well. His name is not mine. I was given a name at birth, I'm sticking to it thank you very much.
Last name. I did take my husband's last name. My maiden name is incredibly long and has caused me trouble with legal paper work my entire life, it never fit or left me with no room for my first name. In school I was, at best, Katr "last name" because last name was always first. He's got a much shorter last name. We joked about coming up with a whole new last name that we would both take to represent our newly formed family. The only thing I don't mind matching is the last family name. I don't care what name you choose, the wife's, the husband's, hyphenate both.
But the rest needs to go the way of corsets and smelling salts.

Well, I've been Mrs. Husband's first name/last name - TWICE - and both times was quite proud!

I hope my son's future wives feel the same way (but that they stay married and stick to one LOL).

So no, it doesn't bother me, but I'm southern and maybe that's part of it (?).

Yes, it does make me po'd!!! I addressed all of our wedding invitations "John & Suzy Smith" - no Mr. or Mrs. I don't give a flying hoot what etiquette tells me I'm supposed to do. My name is my name and my husband's name is his name. I married him, but I did not change my first name. (ie, my name is Suzy, it is not Mrs. John!!!)

Yes, I realize it's petty, but the formal way is also really stupid and archaic and from a time period where the woman wasn't a person but a possession of her husband's. I am my own person, and I do have a name!!!

ok well I think that goes back to the " two shall become one" part of the Bible.
It's an old fashioned way of doign things but is still correct.
You are announced at the end of your wedding by the pastor as " Mr and Mrs _____"
It doesn't bother me I don't see it as loosing my identity but as myself becoming apart of something that is bigger than myself.

Drives me up a wall. I know that's the old fashioned way, but I am not Mrs. Jim. I am still an individual person. I did take DH's last name and I don't mind Mrs. Last Name. My own mother would address things to me as Mrs. Jim Lastname. Even after I told her I found it offensive. So eventually I would return to sender and say "no Mrs. Jim Lastname here". There's a Mrs. Lastname or a Mrs. K. Lastname. Eventually she got the point. His grandmother I would never go to that extreme with. It makes me cringe when I see it, but from her I just accept that.

I don't think I've ever received a piece of mail addressed to me that way. Usually if it includes my husband's name it's "Mr. & Mrs.". I doubt it would bother me, but then again little stuff like that rarely bothers me. Regardless, I hardly think that makes your bitchy. Now if you sent the piece of mail back with a nasty message that might qualify... :-D

Nah, it doesn't happen often enough. I kind of like how formal it sounds.

Now if it happened all the time I am sure it would get old.

I don't like being called Mrs., I don't like being referred to as Mrs. (my husband's last name), and I hate that everything is in his name. I love my husband but in a way, I feel as though a piece of me was lost when we got married. I mean, I can't even get info from the water company because the account is in his name. I hate it.

Added;
I do have my husband's last name and had no problems taking his last name when we got married 20 years ago. For me personally, "Mrs." sounds old to me and I just don't like being called "Mrs." for that reason. It's when people refer to me as "Mrs" (add my husband's first and last name, omitting my first name completely) is what I have a problem with. I don't like that and I did have to call various companies to have my husband "add" me as one who is allowed to get information. There are only a couple that will not give me info as per "policy." It's annoying since I pay all the bills.

That's improper. It's actually proper etiquette to address it as "Mr. & Mrs. John Smith" say for a wedding announcement or such.

I despise it! My first name is NOT James, it's S.. It's an antique that needs to stop.

That's why I didn't change my name when I got married. I am who I am and I am the same person since birth. No lost identity here!

No, not at all.. I have had people call my husband "Mr. L.! He loved it.. "

I loved when the children at our daughters schools called me Mrs. A.. Did not bother me at all.. They new the connection to our child. They could not call me by my first name, that was not allowed.. Just like they cannot call their teachers by their first names.

I think you need a glass of wine.

Hahaha! I hyphenated my name and already had property in my name before marrying him. My husband receives mail as Mr. (my maiden name).

I didn't like it a lot when I was married but when I was divorced it really pi**ed me off. And yes it did happen.

In some cases, it's just a sign of respect. If you don't like it, send a correction note saying:

Please address all future mail to MS. MOLLY ___________.

No need to stress over a small thing....I would suggest NOT correcting JUNK mail....just toss.

Precisely why I kept my name, first AND last, intact when I got married! Ir's a very personal choice of course, and I didn't do it for professional reasons, but I felt I already had a name... getting married didn't change that! I am one of those women who honestly did/does tie a name change to an identity change. I'm just personally not okay with that. Different strokes for different ladies!

Hi molly-

I feel your pain!!

When first married...ex was military and stationed in germany. Mind you...I was late 20's...masters degree...career for almost 10 years (and very successful BTW)...and as we were in some personnel office, "they" would look at my spouse and ask ,"what is your wife's SS#"...I would tell my (now ex) hubby...and HE would repeat it to them!!! KID YOU NOT!

I was standing RIGHT THERE!

Next came 'officer wives club'...and THEM saying things like 'I am Mrs. (rank of hubby) so and so....lol

TOO much!!

So...I send a cyber hug...been there...did that...

Best Luck!
michele/cat

Even when we got married I didn't address the envelopes as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith". I always wrote "Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith".
I agree with you, I didn't lose my first name either. Had I liked my maiden name, I would have kept it, but dh's last name is so much cooler! It wasn't even a choice lol. I joke with him that I married him for his awesome last name.

On the other hand, I am not necessarily offended by older people addressing our Xmas cards and such that way, it's what they were taught. I do what my feminist mother taught me, always call a woman by HER first and last name in a correspondence, she is not the property of her husband.

That's just old school. My husband's mom does this when writing to us (ala Mr. and Mrs J.. K...). I understand that though. I didn't take hubby's last name (which probably confuses her), and it would take a lot of ink to write Mr. J... K... and Mrs. K... W...

Depends....my son's friends call me Mrs.....

Oh--Are we talking about snail mail? If it's personal correspondence (an invitation, etc.) it is technically correct...and it depends on how they "got your name" if it's not personal mail.

Here's O. that gets me: My SIL will address our holiday cards, anniversary cards, etc. As Mr and Mrs XYZ. Not Jane and John XYZ (casual), Not Mr and Mrs. John XYZ (formal)......she just doesn't know.....

My mom gave me a box of old things a couple of weeks back. I found her report card in there and it was signed by my grandma (her mom) as Mrs. "John Smith". I giggled and chuckled b/c I would never think to sign my name as Mrs. John Sam I Am. te he.

If you changed your name, it is correct. I didn't change mine because I didn't want to give up my identity. Many people still can't figure out how to address something to both of us.

So me being Mr and Mrs. David Jones ?? Only two people ever address our envelope this way at Christmas and such .... my husband's grandparents on both sides! So no, doesn't bother me, since I know it's just the way they are generationally.

Actually, not too long ago I stared to use MY last name on documents.
My husband is not to happy about it but when I had to do a legal document and they gave me a hard time because I have NOTHING with my name on, I decide to have a few ID and bills to my name.
AND, I am not happy about the fact that MY last name is not in my younger kid birth certificate, why the heck no?!
I know, is the way things are here, but I would think after getting pregnant, gave birth, see our bodies change, waking up in the middle of the nights (the list could go on and on) we at least could see our family last name there.
Ok, I am done, ha!

The only time I get that is 1. my grandmother (who for years after my grandfather's death still used Mrs. Hisname Their Name on her address labels) or for a wedding invite, but usually only for an older couple and in the manner listed below. Neither of those really offend me. Even Grandma has mostly come around to Mrs. A. V. If it bugs you and you are close to that person, ask them to stop.

I think it depends on the person - I know someone who refers to HERSELF in this manner - myself HECK NO! I will accept it on invitations worded Mr & Mrs John Smith or if it is a Formal introduction Mr & Mrs John Smith, then add please call me K. or what have you. I am also confused and miffed as to when teachers stopped being Mrs. Doe and are now Mrs. Jane!

I ended up marrying someone with the masculine version of my name so when someone calls me by his name I tend to turn around as the names are similar sounding.

N. and Nicholas! We share a name! <3

No one ever does that to me. It is 2012 right?

It's proper yes u are recognizing ur hormone mood now just relax n except proper language it will be fine we don't live in now aday in proper language it will always be that way now if ur not married or going through a divorce u are welcome to feel this way no matter what have a good day

Updated

It's proper yes u are recognizing ur hormone mood now just relax n except proper language it will be fine we don't live in now aday in proper language it will always be that way now if ur not married or going through a divorce u are welcome to feel this way no matter what have a good day

Sure, we're one. I wouldn't have been married or changed my name, if I didn't like it.

I guess...I just don't really get your gripe...??? Seems like a waste of energy.