My sister is 6 years younger than me, but we’ve always been very close. She is the youngest, the first to get married and the first to have kids. My brother and I got married the same year, and our kids are the same age. Our oldests just finished kindergarten.
My BIL has always been a bit of an outsider. He used to be very close to my brother and SIL, but overtime he has just isolated himself. My parents and my brother live very close. My sister and BIL live about 1000 miles away and would visit once or twice a year. When they did visit, my BIL would work on his computer during most of the visit. He would emerge every couple of hours to eat and would visit a little bit. Then he stopped coming altogether. My sister would visit with the kids, and he would stay home.
He’s incredibly insecure. He reads into everything that is said or done and tends to assume the worst in people. It doesn’t seem to matter how much we try to include him or try to show an interest in what he is doing. He feels like an outsider.
About a year and a half ago my sister called me and told me that she would no longer be speaking to the family. She also called my parents but not my brother. She and I talked for a bit. She said that the family has never accepted her husband and that he is often insulted and excluded. I argued with her telling her how ridiculous he was being and talked about everything that we had done to try and include him and get to know him better. She admitted that I really had tried, but her mind was made up. She repeatedly told me that this was not something he had asked her to do, but it was something she felt she should do.
My parents had been out to visit them several times and said they noticed him isolating himself more and more each visit. They wonder if he wants her to be happy and content with just him and the kids and maybe he doesn’t want her to need her family. Maybe she feels she needs to do this in order to save her marriage.
I don’t really know anymore. I know that I miss my sister desperately. I know that I want there to be something that I can do to fix this. I don’t know if reaching out to her would help or make things worse. Lately I just can’t seem to get it off my mind. I miss my sister. I want to be able to talk to her. I want to hear about her life and her job and her family and what the kids are doing. I want to be able to tell her about her crazy nieces and nephews.
I really miss my sister.
Should I reach out to her or respect her wishes to not have contact with the family?
I wou;d reach out to her. It's possible that she misses you too but doesn't know how she would be received at this point so she's scared to reach out to you.
I would have to reach out to her if she were my sister. Since your sister lives 1000 miles away it is not like you get together all that frequently so why would she cut herself off from phone conversations that her husband would not even have to know about. Strange. I think your sister is hiding something much bigger. I hope you can get her to let you back in to her life. Sounds like she may need you.
Send her a letter expressing how much you miss her and how your children need to be in each others lives. There is nothing like cousins no matter how old. Ask her if you two can communicate with letters if she doesn't want to visit. I don't have a sister but I always wanted one so I can understand how had this is for you. I wish you luck.
I think your sister has become "depressed" along with her husband. She is punishing her family instead of her husband.
I don't think there is anything you all can do to fix this if she won't go to the doctor and actually work on this.
I'd keep sending Christmas and birthday cards to them, along with pictures of the kids. Don't require anything of her. At some point, mabe she'll come around. Meanwhile, release yourself of feeling any guilt about this. She has made a really hard bed for herself.
Yes, reach out to her, and tell her what you said in your last paragraph.
Good luck.
Mail her holiday cards and be sure to include BOTH names on the envelope. Not email (it will appear lazy). Respect her privacy.
Why can't you call her? She said she wasn't going to speak to the rest of the family - not you. Do you feel like you can't speak to her if she's not speaking to the rest of the family. I really don't get why you can't call her.
Different perspective . . . are you sure you have the entire picture when it comes to your sister and your parents? Does she have any issues that go deeper with them than you may realize?
It is possible to grow up in the same family, with the same parents, and have very different experiences as siblings.
I'm not saying you're wrong about what's happening. There just may be more to it than you understand.
I would also resist the urge to "ride herd" on her with regard to your parents. If she wants to have a relationship with you, and maybe not them, I would consider it. You and your parents are not necessarily a package deal now that you're grown with a family of your own.
I'm the only one of my sisters to live far from our parents. It's lonely sometimes, and it is very easy to feel left out which further isolates that family member who lives far away.
You could be completely correct with your theory about your BIL. But I would be sure I try to understand the whole picture.
Good luck. Just stay positive with her, and loving. If it were me I would keep the door open with her without being intrusive.
Whats the question.I just read a story...
