I am very happy to come across this website! I am praying someone here can relate to what I am going through or at least offer some words of wisdom. My daughter is 7 and I am still struggling with her staying dry at night and sporadically during the day. I can count on one hand how many times she has woken up dry in the morning. I would love to hear how everyone else copes with their older kiddos wetting the bed. I have been told numerous times by her dr that its just something that she will outgrow and to be patient. I never get upset with her over it other then the nights where she "forgets" to go to the bathroom before bed. I deal with it matter of factly by having her wear a pull up to bed which for the longest time was the best solution but as she has gotten older, she has started to out-pee the pull ups(goodnites). I am not sure what other products if any are out there that could help.
With that being said, I dont know if I should compare the two issues but, there are days where she will simply be too busy playing to stop what she is doing to go to the bathroom and ends up with wet pants. I just have her change and clean up her mess and go about with the rest of my day. This happens typically 1 or 2 times a week, depending how active she is on a particular day. Having a daytime accident isnt motivating her to stopping or taking queues from her body that she needs to go. She just simply changes and forgets that it ever happened. It really doesnt phase her that she is 7 and shouldnt be doing it. To her its, "oh, its just an accident, no biggie I'll just clean up".
Her dr doesnt seem concerned about it and advises me to put her on a schedule which is fine but its a tad bit difficult to put a 7 year old on a bathroom schedule. Also, I have brought up her being underweight (not even 40 lbs yet) with her dr thinking her weight might have something to do with her having accidents and he again advised me that her bladder is in proportion to her body size. I can also go on about how difficult it is to even find clothes in her size but thats another post all-together!
Sorry for rambiling and going on and on. I would love to hear from other moms out there that are dealing with the same issues as I am and how in the world you cope without pulling your hair out! I just dont know what else to do. Having to wash sheets daily on top of buying pull ups is becoming somewhat stressful. Thank you again for listening and I am praying for some good advise and wisdom.
L.
Thanks Heidi! I remind her till I am blue in the face during the day. The majority of the time she will go. The times she has the accidents, she just simply ignores me or just says OK mom, I will go but never does.
Her dr has mentioned medication but also stated that she generally doesn't prescribe any meds until a child is 8 or 9 and then shared with me about possible side affects. I will consider giving them a try when she is older if she want to. My friend brings over boxes of puppy pads that I lay on her bed that protect her mattress which helps. Its her sheets and pajamas that end up wet. Again, I don't know if its because of her being small or that they just don't hold all night long but more often than not, we usually have a wet bed in the morning. I get the small size for her and I have tried the next size up which surprisingly were way too big! Even one size up was a huge difference. She hated them because they were too bulky and she couldn't sleep. She actually prefers wearing a pull up to bed to avoid wet sheets in the morning but they just don't cut it. I believe the small size starts at 38 lbs which is just over what she is now at 36 lbs but I didn't think 3 lbs would make that much of a difference. She hates that she wakes up with wet sheets and will make that clear to me as soon as she sees me in the morning. I hate seeing her so miserable in the morning. She isn't a morning person to begin with so adding this to the mix is not fun. Thank you again for your advice!
L.
Thank you Margie. I am happy to say that she has never had a mishap at school thankfully. I think she pays more attention there and tries harder so none of her friends or peers find out. That is what perplexes me more about it. If its only at home, that tells me she does have control and chooses not to go to the bathroom when she has the urge to go. Again, I handle the accidents as best I can and remind her to make sure she listens to her body next time and go as soon as she feels the need to go. In regards to the night time, I just have her wear a pull up to bed which she is perfectly fine with because she HATES waking up in wet sheets and has started to hate them because she still it wet when she wakes up. In all honesty, I feel that pull ups and the ones for older kids just aren't meant for night time, especially for the older child. But, when you have an older one that throws off the weight scale of the majority of them, that makes it more difficult to find a product that works with her topping out at a whopping 36 lbs. I feel like I am in a commercial! LOL The puppy pads I use work well and prevent any wetness to make it to the mattress. She doesn't really move around at night and 2 will cover her bed nicely. Not to mention that my friend gives me the puppy pad for free. My daughter would be willing to try anything, as I am, so we could have happier mornings.
L.
Patrica, she has no sensory issues. Thank you for asking. I feel with her, and I hate using this word, it is laziness. She knows she has to go but wants to keep playing or finish up what she is doing before she goes. She holds it for too long or "forgets" that she has to go until its too late. I love the watch idea. I have tried one of those egg timers but she will either pretend not to hear it or simply turn it off in hopes of going to the bathroom but get distracted on the way and never make it there. I know its still common for kids her age to have accidents but not 1 or 2 a week. That is just my opinion though. I don't know anyone in my family that has this problem with their older one, nor have any of my friends mentioned it to me about theirs.
L.
Military mom thank you.... I myself also do not know any friends or family that have experienced this with their older child. I think I would find it more concerning if she were having more frequent accidents, say 2-3 a week. I don't want to make it seem like I am OK with her having accidents in the first place but I do let her know that I am disappointed that she didn't stop whatever it was that she was doing to go to the bathroom. As I mentioned previously, I hate using the term lazy but I am almost certain that's exactly what it is. As far as school, she has absolutely no problems there and the last accident she had at school was in kinder. I also question myself as to why she isn't more bothered or embarrassed by the fact that she had an accident but, if we are at home, it just doesn't phase her as much as it should I believe. For now, the only consequence I have for her is that she is grounded from what she was doing at the time....watching tv/movie, playing etc. Other than that, I don't know what else I can do other then more constant reminders from me. I don't yell or spank her for it but I have gotten down to her level and told her that she is 7 and that she knows better. I don't know what consequence if any would motivate her to stop other than what I am doing already.
I will give the poise pads a go. As long as it doesn't make it too bulky for her, there shouldn't be a problem. When I went up a size in the goodnites, after the first 2 nights, she refused to wear them because she said she couldn't sleep. Not to mention that they were way too big for her and she also let me know that. I will definately give them a try.
In regards to her being underweight, again, her dr isn't concerned. She eats like a horse! I mean she will have seconds and sometimes thirds at meal times. She just has a high metabolism. She does have pediasure that she takes in the morning and at night. Her dr did mention that if she started to lose weight, then she would be a little concerned but as of right now, she is perfectly healthy.
L.
Thanks B....Your right, night time and day time are different issues. I know she is just a heavy sleeper and doesn't wake up for anything so I never get on her about her still wetting the bed. As far as the day time issues go, I feel I can help or motivate her to stop. As she has never had an accident in front of her friends or peers, she hasn't felt embarrassed by the fact that she wet herself. I know exactly what you mean when you mentioned the times she is to use the bathroom and I try to follow the same rules here, especially when we take longer trips in the car like more than 4 hours...I have to force her to use try to go to the bathroom every hour or so. She will hold it and practically run to the bathroom when we stop somewhere. She does give me the look when I remind her to go at home like I shouldn't be reminding a 7 year old to go to the bathroom. More often, I will get the "but mom I will geeze!" and "I am 7 mom, you don't have to remind me!" When in all honesty, I do have to remind her. With that being said, even when she gets mad at me for asking her, it still isn't a motivation enough for her to say hey, I need to go when she has the urge instead of waiting.
She hasn't worn a pull up during the day since she was 3. I am she would be hurt and devastated if she had to wear a pull up during the day. I hate making the excuse that it only happens 1-2 times a week when I know that's 1-2 times more than she should. I don't know if something like that could be used as a consequence, it might change her mind about being OK with wearing one to bed even though they don't work in the first place.
L.
Don't worry about the night time. One day she'll wake up dry and be mostly dry from that point on. You can fight it, wake her up, limit drinks, fight an uphill battle, but until her body is ready to stay dry...there isn't anything to be done except put her in a pull up and keep her mattress dry.
I have an almost 12 year old that's probably had a total of 15 dry nights in his entire life. Due to some extreme pain and urgency issues when he was a toddler, he did have some imaging of the bladder done. I say this to point at that we are 100% sure there are no structural defects, other than an extremely thickened bladder wall that was causing him pain to "hold it", pain to the point he would just go in his pants, in the car, wherever to relieve the pain. We have learned to avoid food/drinks that we know irritate his bladder wall, especially when we won't be near a restroom. Thankfully, that has largely resolved, and he hasn't had a daytime accident in MANY years. I will say, once in a blue moon, my 8yo daughter has an accident - maybe 3 times a year, usually she gets to laughing too hard or gets too busy and waits too long - I'm guessing that's more the situation with your daughter. That ticks me off something terrible, and I don't hide it. It's been several months, so hopefully we are done with that.
Your daughter having an accident with such frequency makes me wonder if she's constipated, that is very often the cause of Day wetting in older kiddos. Something to look into for sure. If it were mine, I'd tell her straight up - you're too old for this unless it's a medical problem, so next time you wet your pants during the day, we are going to the dr to talk about it - then do it.
As far as night wetting, she can't control that, nor can you. Accept that and deal with it. It would be like you wanting her to have a different eye color, or be taller - it's just not something she can control. Put a waterproof cover on her mattress, then a softer mattress pad over that to avoid the crinkly sound, then her sheets. Goodnites makes an adhesive pad you can put on top of the fitted sheet, you can just pull that off when wet and not change sheets. I'd stop the puppy pads, they've got chemicals in them, and you need to protect the entire mattress anyways.
Our pediatrician suggested meds when our son was about 7. Or better put, he let us know he was willing to prescribe the meds(desmopressin). We opted not to try them at that time. When my son was 10, and we were changing sheets 3 mornings a week, he asked to try the meds. My husband did some research(fortunately he's a pharmacist), and feels the drug is very benign, so we tried it. It essentially replaces the hormone in your body that signals your brain to stop producing urine at night. This usually happens in very early childhood, but for some folks it's at 16 or 17. The meds haven't stopped his wetting, but the volume is drastically reduced - I don't think we've changed sheets due to wetting in over a year. It seems like one of the big side effects is headaches, but fortunately my son has no side effects.
I was never interested in alarms or extreme fluid restriction. I'm not up for disrupting my sleep and his for months on end with an alarm - when they work, it's prob coincidentally when the child's body starts producing the hormone. Sleep is too important to all of us to play that game. Also, my son is a state ranked competitive swimmer, I can't restrict fluids and dehydrate him after a workout - that's just cruel.
So - my advice, get a handle on the daytime accidents - either behaviorally or medically. Set an alarm every 30 minutes for her to potty. See her Dr.
For the nighttime, learn to deal and not resent or get angry. Would you be mad and make comments to her if she was diabetic and needed insulin? It's the same thing, a medical condition she can't control - thankfully her medication is a mattress pad and pull ups. Look into the meds if you want. Breathe - this will pass.
Please listen to your doctor. Don't push her. Don't fuss at her about the bathroom. At night when she's getting ready for bed, just make sure she toilets before brushing her teeth without making it seem so "critical".
The daytime toileting will get better as she grows. She'll "feel it" better as she puts on weight. You not being happy that she's not upset over wetting herself isn't going to help her. It can only cause her anxiety, and that won't help her "feel it" either. It WILL make her feel awful about herself. You DO NOT want to cause that.
If this happens at school, peer pressure will make her go to the bathroom even when she doesn't realize she needs to go.
Talk to the ped's office about what product to get for night time.
Why is having her put her sheets in the washer stressful? You are teaching her to wash clothes. Stop being resentful over her wetting the bed. She CANNOT help it. It's not like YOU are sleeping in the bed with her. Make sure you have a plastic liner on the mattress.
There are kids who do this up until pre-teen age. My niece is an example - she wet the bed until she was 12. You need to know this and accept this. It's NOT a failing on her part. It's not behavioral. Don't act like it is. Take your ego off the table here. This is about HER. Not about you.
Night time and day time are different issues.
Night time bed wetting can sometimes continue into early teens.
Any pediatrician will tell you the same.
There's nothing you can do to age her bladder any faster.
Day time issues - not paying attention - is usually resolved a little younger than 7.
By 7 kids are usually embarrassed if they wet their pants when with friends.
Generally stick to what you do with younger kids,
Before you go anywhere - use the bathroom
After you get there - use the bathroom
Before you leave - use the bathroom
Soon as you get home - use the bathroom, etc
You get the idea.
The bathroom will be an ever present fixture in her life till she gets the hang of it.
And if she's not listening to you - go get her and escort her to the bathroom.
When our son was about 4 or 5 - we knew the location of every public bathroom for miles around in every plaza, in every mall.
If worse comes to worse - there's pullups - day or night - when ever she needs them.
She won't be going off to college and still be having accidents.
Eventually this will pass.
It's hard but try to be patient.
Great that you reached out to hear other stories so you can ease up or change some approach.
For a friend it worked with their kid to start some routine by coming home wash hands and at the same time go to use the potty.
They did a snack time 1 1/2 hours after coming home and combine with going to wash hands and using the restroom at the same time before sitting down for a snack.
Repeating this pattern at dinner and go a last time when brushing teeth made their relationship with the child happier.
This way you can stop to remind her offten and the stress will come off of both of you while enjoying the day.
Snack time or meal time will keep her on schedule without making it obvious.
Good luck!
Please ask your doctor to do a quick blood glucose test on her. Frequent, uncontrolled urination beyond the age of potty training is often a sign of type one diabetes.
I have to admit I don't know a single person who has a child at "normal" development who is still having daytime wetting at 7.5 yrs old. How is the school handling this? Even more disconcerting is the fact that your daughter seems unperturbed by this. Add to this the fact that she is not even on the chart for weight, raises some pretty big flags. Has your daughter been tested both for physical and neurological issues? I think I would start there.
As far as the leaking through problem you can put a Poise pad inside the Goodnites and that might solve the problem. Shouldn't be too uncomfortable for your daughter and you may even be able to jump to that next size since the pad will take up some of the room and solve some of the gapping issues.
I would also check with your insurance to see if they will cover the Goodnites as daytime wetting over the age of 5 is an actual diagnosis (diurises or something like that) so they might cover the cost on that.
Good luck!
I can't speak to the day accidents. But if it was me if she's not wanting to stop playing make sure and ask her if she needs to go and remind her she can go right back to playing but if she has an accident she has to stop playing. For the night accidents she may be a heavy sleeper. My son wet the bed. The dr didn't worry about it till he was about 10. That's when she sent us to a specialist and put him on meds. Once we got those figured out he didn't have accidents often. We took him off at 13. The specialist said it had to do with his hormones. The one that that tells you to wake up at night or to hold it at night works with a hormone that was not producing correctly. I think at 7 they probably would not put her on meds. If she's peeing through the goodnights get the pads that you can put under her as well that way it's less laundry. You are not alone!!!!!
Add: Have you put the pad on top of her sheets not under them? That way she lays straight on them?
My daughter was about 10 or 11 when she finally got dry at night. We only used the medicine for nights when she was staying at someone's house after she got really self-conscious about wearing a pull-up.
Check out https://bedwettingstore.com/ for a whole variety of things to help. We tried the alarm, but I'm not sure it was what got my daughter to stop wetting the bed. However, one of the best investments I ever made was to purchase what the site calls 'Waterproof overlays' that sit on top of the mattress and sheets. We just got the regular size, and I like the ones you tuck in because they stay in place better. I recommend getting 3 or 4. That way, if it gets wet in the middle of the night, your daughter can switch it out without bugging you. Now that my daughter no longer needs them, I've used them when I'm on my period in case I have a leak!
This is probably the last thing you want to hear, but...with her being a bit smaller--something I found to be the case with one of my preemie boys was that, if they're up for it and don't get upset about it, at nighttime an actual overnight diaper was always more reliable for us that the pull ups were.
Of course it's highly dependent on how relaxed she is about it of course. But, if she's willing, I'd say it's something to consider if she's been out-peeing the pull ups. I don't believe their designed to be quite as absorbent as a diaper would be all through the night.
As far as the daytime accidents go? I'd just continue to do your best with constantly trying to remind her to try and go to the bathroom. Even if she's adamant that she doesn't need to, it's always worth taking a few moments just to try. Additionally, without trying to sound alarmist here...have you considered maybe having her checked for a UTI?
Does she have any sensory issues? She may not be able to consistently read the cues her body is sending her. There are some kid watches that you can set to vibrate to remind kiddos to go to the bathroom. They are able to pay attention to how their body feels when the alarm goes off. Might be worth asking your doctor about, and maybe they can write a prescription for the watch and have it covered by insurance.
I did not have this, although my best friend did - and her hubby is a doctor, and they went by the outgrow it advice, and it was true, their kid did. Older than yours. Same thing though - would get too busy to notice, and would have an accident. Kid was ok with it - my friend just made sure to pack extra clothes for school.
I think it's more common than you think. Teachers don't seem too phased by this. Two of my kids have had urgency to go pee - and that's because they didn't seem to realize they had to go. One of them had a few accidents early on around your child's age, or maybe a tad younger, but in school.
I think you're handling it great by the way. I like that there's no shaming. I always feel badly when I hear some kids get stressed - because I don't think they have a clue. Their bodies just have to grow and mature.
We had some teachers who would remind kids (the class) to go before recess, etc. so not as to single kids out - it was often all that was needed for mine. When one of mine was particularly bad (having to run to get there), she would remind him (discretely) a bit more often.
As for the night time wetting - I know you can buy (for seniors for example) these pads that go on top of sheets, but they don't shift around. That way, you just whip it off in the night and sheets aren't even affected. Very absorbent. That might be an option? Maybe check a home health care department.
