I Need Help with My Sanity on Figuring Out of My Husband Cheated on Me ??

Yeah, something's not right here.
Get some marriage counseling and if he won't go then lawyer up and divorce him.
If you can't trust him and he doesn't care - I'd 'free him' so he can go 'watch tv' with who ever he wants and I wouldn't have to care about what ever he's up to.

Since he lied about where he was and who he is with I don't think you can trust that his relationship with his coworker is truly platonic.

I'm sorry.

He's lying to you about his whereabouts? Why would he do that if he's not ashamed of what he's doing? Why is he watching TV at someone's house instead of being home with you? Going out for drinks/dinner before leaving a job is fine - and you say you are fine with that. But lying about where he is, who he's with, and what he's doing?

He's emotionally cheating even if he's not having sex with her. "Nothing happened" means "no sex" and maybe "no touching/kissing" but, to him, it also means "no telling the truth to my wife."

I'm sorry you are going through this. Get marriage counseling right away. If he won't go, get it for yourself so you can figure out the next step. Don't be desperate, don't be scared - be strong, be resolute, be firm about taking care of yourself.

once the lies start it's almost impossible to establish trust.
the fact that he's lying about where he's been is very hinky, and presumably you have a tv so that's just stupid.
sorry, hon. you've got a dirtbag.
go talk to an attorney.
i wish you all the best. what a hard thing to find out at this time of year, and with kids involved. i'm so sorry.
khairete
S.

Even if he has only watched tv with her so far, this relationship is on the way to becoming something else. Lying to your wife and spending a lot of time with another woman is the beginning of an affair.

My ex cheated on me, and in hindsight the first signs were not being where he said he was going to be, and unusual or atypical behavior.

This needs to stop. You need to draw the line in the sand, and stick to it. Husband, it's her or me. And be prepared to leave. See an attorney.

If he had nothing to hide he would have told you where he was going. Something is up.

If there was nothing wrong with it, then why did he feel that he had to lie about it in the first place? If they were just hanging out and watching TV, he could have invite you along, right? Or, next time, he can invite her to your house to watch TV with you and all the kids there. Cause if there's nothing to hide, why not?

You already know the answer, he is lying to you. If your marriage has any chance first he must be completely honest with you, and then you both will need a lot of counseling.

If, when confronted, they try to turn it around on to you by saying you are crazy or how wrong you are for not trusting them, that is a huge red flag.

Been married 13 years.
If my husband thought it would be a good idea to go to a woman's house and "watch TV" without telling me about it, there would be hell to pay.
Sorry. There is such a thing as having friends of the opposite sex, I have a few in school...my husband has a few at work. That's it. They stay at school or work. But if my husband blew me and the kids off to go hang out with his girl friend then there would be serious problems.
The kicker is that he LIED to you. Had he told you about it, or taken you with him to meet her and then you all became friends (which my husband and I have that!) then there wouldn't be an issue. But he lied to your FACE. Grrr...
L.

No, it is not normal for a married co-worker to go to the home of a co-worker of the opposite sex to watch TV, with no one else there, multiple times, and send Facebook messages all night long. It's just not. It has been a while since I had a close (straight) friend of the opposite sex who is also a co-worker. When I did have such a friend, we did get together a handful of times outside of work. I always told my husband where I was going and who I was going with. We only went public places and we met there. I always invited my husband to come along, he always invited his girlfriend. My friend and I shared a couple of interests that our partners did not really enjoy, so they were both happy to let us hang out for a couple of hours without them. I could be 100% upfront with my husband because my co-worker and I had nothing to hide. In fact, I always told myself that if anything popped up that I didn't want to tell my husband, I would stop hanging out with my friend. If he feels like he has to lie to you, something is wrong. I'm sorry.

i have been married to my dh for 19 years. we had a discussion prior to getting married that i had two deal breakers, if he ever put his hands on me in anything other than love and if was ever unfaithful. it's easy for me to look at this from the outside so please don't think i'm being dismissive.

my bottom line?? always trust your gut. my other bottom line?? in my experience, the minute the mate calls the one with the suspicious concerns crazy is the first nail in the box. first of all, it borders on abusive and secondly, it's always a deflection. i agree with the posts below...you need to pull yourself together and talk to an attorney about what your options might be. also, the two of you need to engage in some marriage counseling to get to the bottom of this and to teach him that calling you crazy and thinking his spouse is stupid is unacceptable. if he doesn't get that...then affair or no affair it's despicable.

don't let him treat you like that...you deserve better. i am so sorry you're dealing with this but now is the time for big girl pants for sure. you have my thoughts. S.

IMHO, he's cheating. You need to start setting yourself up to leave him or kick him out, one or the other. As as for counseling suggested by Sharon W., if we needed a counselor to get to the bottom of this or to tell my hubby that calling me crazy is unacceptable, then forget counseling and just get to the attorney's office. Some things shouldn't need a counselor and how you treat your wife is one of them!

I would ask him if you can go too, if he's friends with her and nothing is going on then letting you go too would show it's not a sexual thing between them.

I'm wondering if this post is even real.
THATs how odd it is that he'd watch tv at a coworkers house.
Does your tv work?
There you go.

M.,

Welcome to mamapedia!

You don't trust your husband. I'm sorry you are going through this.

My husband and I have been married 18 years. he has e-mails and messages with people from work - both male and female. The difference is? he doesn't hide them from me.

My husband does NOT go to a female's house alone to watch TV.

It appears that your husband is deflecting and creating a situation where you are doubting yourself. Stop being desperate. Stop being scared. Breathe. What's your action plan? What do you want to see happen? What do you expect to happen?

You need to deal with the situation with expectations. Does it mean you hire a private investigator to spy on your husband? That right there tells me that your marriage is basically over. You don't trust him (and rightfully so - he lied to you about his whereabouts). Do you want your marriage to continue? You might have to start over and rebuild because the trust is gone.

Get a plan in place. Find out what you want and what you expect to happen. If you want to stay married? Your husband needs to agree to marriage counseling and NOT lying to you.

Good luck!

You need a marriage counselor. Find one.

Of course it's not normal for coworkers. You are in shock and he has you doubting yourself. No one I know is OK with a spouse lying and hanging out in opposite sex coworker's homes alone at night watching TV. He is guilty of spending inappropriate time with a female coworker multiple times and lying about it. Have they actually had sex? Without video proof you don't know, but he is guilty of being 100% wrong already. Best case scenario if nothing happened he's acting like a selfish, hurtful teenager with no respect for his wife.

You need to try to remain calm-as in not defensive or frantic-and demand that he handles this with you and with her. "Nothing happened" is not good enough, because something is happening, he's lying and doing something he shouldn't. Does he plan to keep doing it? Or does he plan to quit seeing this woman even if it means quitting his job?

I'd talk to someone who knows him about what your most effective first step should be based on his personality. But sounds like you need to tell him to quit seeing that woman (and she's a huge creep btw for hanging around someone's husband like this) and see if he complies and how he acts.

He does not sound sorry though, or like he has any clue how to behave like a married man, so I'd be ready to speak to a lawyer. It is definitely time for an ultimatum. You or her.

If he is REMORSEFUL and honest, and stays away from the woman and does his best to make it up to you and never acts shady again, then counseling would be a good first step if there is hope.