Iis Your Husand a Dolt?

My wife appreciates when I tell her she's found a piece of clothing that doesn't compliment her to her full potential.

My hubby just told me I have to remove the beautiful plants I put in last year that are growing so nice because when he gets to replacing windows he's putting in window wells. Why didn't he say anything last year after I put them in and why did we make a flower bed there then?

Did you really want a Star Wars top? Unless you are a Trekkie I would think that was a little strange too. I wouldn't waste a lot of time stressing over this, if you want it, get it and wear it proud.

Really, and I am not trying to offend you...but I think you are acting fairly immature and doltish yourself.

I, personally, would LOVE IT if my husband wanted to go shopping with me, showed an interest in my shirt, or would BUY me a shirt. I think you ought to count your blessings.

I honestly can't believe you berated the poor guy for half an hour because he gave you an honest opinion on clothing and then didn't buy it for you after he said it was weird. You acted like a brat! And whose opinion matters when it comes to how you look BESIDES your husband?

And for the record...my husband is not a dolt (an idiot) and although he does things sometime that irritate me (did you really peel three onions and then leave them on the counter overnight? Again?!?) I would never call him a name or yell at him for half an hour.

I don't get it. How was he offensive, or doltish, or a buffoon?

I would much prefer my husband to tell me the truth than what I wanted to hear.

No, my husband is not a dolt. A dolt is a stupid person; an idiot. I think it's pretty extreme for you (or anyone) to consider your husband a dolt simply because he did not like a shirt you picked out and was honest enough to tell you. I think you overreacted. You should have asked him what he thought was "weird" about it.
As far as him taking it out of the cart, maybe he was under the impression that you were going to go along with his opinion. Had you not huffed off you would have been there to ensure the shirt was purchased anyway. You should not have spent 30 minutes nagging him. Next time, stay and talk to him and have a calm, even exchange, not a monologue, and when you do so make the conversation about the two of you NOT about what "everyone else" does. Best wishes.

I didn't think that him telling you he thought a shirt was weird is the same as being a doltish buffoon, or even mean.
He didn't insult you, he thought the top was weird.

If I'm reading this correctly, you put the shirt in the cart anyway and he didn't pay for it. In other words, he made the decision for you that you weren't getting it. I can see you getting upset about that part, but I don't see the need for a huge fight over it.

Some men pay zero attention to what their wives wear. Your husband paid attention and had an opinion that wasn't what you wanted to hear. Like I said, he didn't insult you personally, he didn't like the shirt.
I don't think he deserved a half hour lecture over that part.

Just my opinion.

Ah yes, a man gives his honest opinion to his wife.
And is then genuinely surprised when she didn't ignore his advice.
And is now probably further confused by her volatile behavior.
Poor guy :(
p.s. unless you're a single college student under 25 years old I think your husband did you a favor by talking you out of the Star Wars top!

Hi E. -

I only have an ex-husband and he is certainly not a dolt!! I swear I have more love and respect for my ex-husband than many situations I read here.

He did not mistreat you but gave you an opinion on a top. He is your friend, your husband, your partner...I think it is OK to give an opinion of what he think looks good on you. There could have been a discussion before you walked away offended. He did not insult you personally or put down your character, it's a top.

Don't let it ruin your day or make a bigger deal of it. Don't let these things accumulate.

I like the truth too, what he said wasn't so bad.

I'm confused, he said the top was weird, and then he called it a Star Wars Top? (tee hee) He didn't buy it and you thought he was going to? But you had gone to find something else...I don't see where he spoke meanly to you- he called the top a name not you.

My husband is way more of a dolt than that. But I laugh when he makes fun of clothes I like because the male perspective on women's clothes is funny to me. Once I thought I was so cute in a "ribbed knit top" and he told me I looked like I was wearing a sock. BA HA HAH!

The doltish phrase my husband uses a lot is "You got any money on you?"

I've told him so many times that A) He should try carrying some cash like a big boy and B) NOT TO TALK TO ME LIKE I'M A BROKE YOUNG DUDE IN A BAR. Just a peeve of mine. He still does it though.....after 11 years of asking him not to....just the other week I suggested a restaurant and his reflexive answer was "YOU GOT ANY MONEY ON YOU?"
eye roll.

I wouldn't have been at all offended and been glad he said something. He didn't say anything about you personally and you hadn't bought it already and there was no turning back. I'm confused on this one. If my husband tried on a shirt I thought didn't look good, by all means I'd tell him. And I expect the same from him. Do you want your husband to like how you look or keep his mouth shut when you're buying something unbecoming?

I second CupcakeSweet! My husband is well respected along with his opinion.

So you basically told him that MEN ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO....have an opinion? Isn't he allowed to have an opinion that he can share with you? Why would you be offended that he thought the shirt was weird, you didn't design it, did you? He didn't say anything offensive IMO. You were immature about his comment, when you could have said something like, "Well I like it so I think I'm gonna get it. I'll just wear it when you're not around."

If he had said something along the lines of "If you get that shirt you'll make me look like an idiot hanging around a Star Wars weirdo," then I might have been offended.

I just realized I didn't correctly read the part about him "not buying" the top. If it was in your cart and he overrode your purchase, that's not cool. Giving you his opinion? That doesn't bother me.

My husband is a terrific shopper. I like shopping with him, and he likes to go shopping. I don't like going shopping by myself - it's boring. Or maybe I don't like to go shopping, but I like to go with him because we're spending time together - I'm not sure which.

He is actually really good at telling me what looks good on me and what doesn't. But he doesn't say anything if I don't ask.

He did buy me a great cocktail dress that I am a little shy of wearing because it's pretty low cut. I decided to only wear it when I'm with him, rather than if he's not with me, just to make sure no one would think that I'm on the prowl LOL!

Dawn

she was just making a funny joke about the dolt, no need to get upset!!

and yes my husband wakes up every morning seeing what he can do to make me made..lol

my husband works over night 3 days a week so he has to sleep during the day, with 3 kids home and, for some reason i am yet to figure out he wants to sleep on the couch but turn the t.v. to 1 on the volume and expects everyone to keep quiet, now how do i keep a 8month old from wanting to talk his head off and bother DADDY when he is within arms reach and eye level, but wants to be woke up at a certain time, and when i do he says let me sleep, so i do the next time then he says why didnt u wake me up, why did u let me sleep so long................OMG shut up and pick one or better yet go to that dark bedroom we blacked out for u and turn the alarm on.....

thanks i feel better!1

My husband and I don't call each other derogatory names (not to each other nor when we speak about us each to anyone else) - it's demeaning and hurtful.
We can have differences of opinion and still respect each other.

Ha ha ha! Purple is my favorite color. I was thrilled when found a cute purple blazer on sale at H&M. It was just the perfect shade of purple, and it fit me perfectly except for the sleeve length. I bought it, had the sleeves hemmed, and wore it for my husband. He told me I looked like The Joker. I never looked at that blazer the same way again. I still wore it though ;-)

I appreciate honesty, when something doesn't look flattering. His choice of words may not have been the best, but do you really want him to lie and say it looks good? Now, I don't agree with him taking it out.

No, my husband is honest. He wants me to look and feel good. If something doesn't look good, he is nicely honest about it. I appreciate that.

Also, no he's not an idiot. I have found that many men are only idiots, because women treat them like one.

I think it was passive aggressive for him to conveniently leave the top at the register. I have to say though - my husband doesn't go too many places with me - he's a hermit and makes any of my friends feel weird with his odd/crass comments. He hardly speaks to me anymore unless he wants sex or it's about the kids. If I'm upstairs he's downstairs and vice versa. I'm expected to plan for all occassions, cook, etc. etc. There are tons of things that need to be fixed or done around the house but he doesn't do them - things get done if I do them only. He rarely puts his clothes in the hamper - just hangs them up after wearing them so I bet each pair of pants/shirts/etc. get washed like twice a year.
(so, you ask why I married him - we didn't live together before we married - I didn't realize a lot of this - and at one time he was not so socially awkward/rude. i've wanted to leave for awhile but have a hard time figuring out if I could be a single mom - at least w/him I have two extra hands if necessary).

So, hopefully that made you feel better - maybe your husband doesn't sound so bad now!!!

I think the offense was his not purchasing the shirt. he can voice his opinion, if he must, but then to overide your choice to buy it? i dunno..thats just wrong

I don't get why you are that upset. I think you overreacted big time to what he said.

But let me think, you had the shirt in the cart thinking he was going to purchase it, but he didn't, right? Okay, that would make me a little upset, but I would just go and buy it anyways.

Well there's some lucky ladies who have good-shopping husbands here. Mine is not. He huffs and sulks and whines just like a three year old if I take him shopping for anything but hardware.

I think your husband treated you like a child when he didn't respect your choice and purchase the top you put in the cart. If my husband had told me I looked like a weird star wars character I would have laughed. I have a feeling that your husband must have delivered his critique in a not-so-helpful tone of voice to have upset you so much.

I'm sure you are being sarcastic with the dolt thing.
Husbands are a bit weird at times, but I do rely on mine to give me his opinion on what I'm wearing or buying (if he happens to be with me) I dont usually take him shopping with me when I buy clothes. I do better giving him the fashion show at home after the fact. If he hates it, at least I know that I probably wont wear that particular thing when he and I are going somewhere together, I save it for outings with friends or mom :)

Wow, so if I'm understanding this right, you chose a top to buy, and he decided not to buy it? If that's the case, you are not being hypersensitive at all. I would be seriously offended if my husband did this to me.

That would not have bothered me but my husband can say some doltish things. Like asking what's for dinner and when I say IDK he says I should cuz "That's my job". Ha!

i think everyones missing the point that he overrode your decision and J. didn't buy it. That would annoy M., not the comment at all.
I have 2 catergories of clothes I buy---For him and for M.
I'd be happy to hear the comment and then decide if I want to get it for M. even though my signifigant other doesnt find it attractive. For M. I like dressing to attract him most times although sometimes I like dressing "grungier" and he doesnt like this but I do...so I would've taken it into consideration and decided if I was buying it to attract him or simply for M. if it was for M. I would've nudged him and made a joke at him and got it anyway...if it was to attract him, mental note made, and I'd put it back and still probably nudge him and be silly

Anywho putting it back was a tad rude- not horrible but a little rude

Well, he must not have found it flattering for you.
He shouldnt have taken it out of the cart tho.
Next time, leave him in the car.

They are all like that.
They don't have a barometer for "nice".
I think it's because they don't think before they speak.
Plus they are very simplistic: eat, burp, sleep. Ha ha Kidding..sort of.
They are "one task" oriented. For instance, they can mow the lawn but
not watch the kids while they mow etc.
I think they are a good balance to us.
Men & women can work very well in a marriage showing different sides to things.
I love that my husb can fix my car but cannot understand for the life of me why he can't put away his shoes (5 pairs of his in the living room all spread out does not constitute a new place for our closet.
I would have purchased the shirt anyway.
You can always go back and get it.
I will ask my hubby if a short I'm thinking of buying looks terrible on me but now I pretty much know what looks bad on me. AND I know what I want.
Don't be offended by him. Just leave him at home next time.
Or don't ask & buy it anyway. Know what YOU like on you.
Try to think of a positive trait he possesses or try not to give it another thought.

Yes, doltish and beyond! But he does make us laugh a lot.

Really?? That's the worst thing your husband does? And you get offended by an honest opinion about a blouse?

Okay, I reread your post --- he passive-aggressively refused to buy the blouse. That's a little bit doltish. I don't like passive-aggression, so I would have preferred him to do something like say, "Honey, I know we can find you a better top than that one. Let's find one that we both like." Or something like that, not just refuse to buy the blouse.

That said, at least he has an opinion about what you look like.

I actually value my husband's opinions on clothes. He will speak up if he thinks my top or pants or shoes look weird. I am thankful that he does.

I do not however take him shopping with me for clothes. If I bring it home and model it...and he really doesn't like it...I will return it.

He works in the design industry and has a really good eye for what looks good and what doesn't.

Now he has forgotten my birthday three years in a row...that was a bit doltish...but I have learned to live with it.

I don't exactly see how this makes your husband a dolt/simpleton.
Seems you over reacted

This is nothing, my husband does some real dolt things that are just beyond simpleton. Things that would drive anybody crazy. Like opening all the windows and then putting on the AC. In the day time closing all the shutters so it's dark and saying he can't take the light and then as soon as it begins to get dark outside turning on every light and lamp in the house whether a person is using the room or not. These are just two from the top of my head. Of course, I go around shutting them off at least a few times and then he stops turning some of them back on. If I leave and come back at night - you betcha, every light inside and outside is on, including in our little cottage guest house which no one lives in. Now this is an example of being dolt in my opinion.

Lol! I tried asking my husband about clothes and let me say that after pulling him in the dresser to help me. 'Cuz I figured he's probably more visual right! Noap still no help, so ive kinda stop askn him what he think or I blow him off if he wants to say something.

I can say my husband has never complemented my dressing. It's been like that from the day we met. Its hard to get use to, specially if your use to being complemented :-\

I do not take my husband clothes shopping for this reason!!! I buy and wear what I like. He wears his Levi's he has always wore TO EVERY OCCASION !! So he cannot comment unless its to say I look HOT!! lol!

Am I missing something? He didn't say anything aside from his opinion. It didn't seem mean spirited. Sounds like you over reacted. I wish my husband would go shopping with me. He just says to send him the bill. Gsh he is pushing the baby stroller and paying? Girl don't lose your good thing being over sensitive. IJS...