I'm Feeling SO Sad!

It is a form of "empty nest." Because a child's 'need' for their Mom... is becoming less.
But that does not mean they do not need you. They are just getting more self-sufficient.
Which is good.
Which is normal.
Which is normal development, per his age.

I feel like that sometimes, per my son, who recently made 4 years old... and is growing up and becoming less dependent on me, but yet he is still a real Mommy's boy and very affectionate.
But I get sad too sometimes... seeing him grow up... because he is my 'last' child. And I miss the days of when he was a baby....

I can relate to you.
But its good... our kids are growing up... it is a new "rite of passage" for a Mom. A 'milestone' for us.... too.

But, they still are very young.. .and need us, and just keep up the good rapport and 'relationship' you have with him... the routines, the traditions... the daily things that you and he share that are special.

One day, he won't even believe in Santa Clause or the tooth fairy either. That is also a 'sign' of them growing up... apart from us... and being older.
My daughter is 7... but she still believes in Santa and the Tooth fairy... although sometimes, she has spurts of not really believing in it. So sad... to see them "loose" a part of their child-like innocence...

Anyway, well I can understand how you feel.... I get like that too, sometimes.... but my kids are still so affectionate and want to hold hands as they walk with me... and they still tell me "Mommy, you're the best Mommy in the whole wide world...."
Just the other night, my girl told me "I like you Mommy... your'e cool.... your'e a good Mommy.... " and it made me cry inside. Despite her growing up... she is still a child... with a good child's heart.

all the best,
Susan

Yes we all have those feelings. as I walked my son to his first day of Kindergarten, He said "I just don't want to hold hands" Today a mother dropped her youngest off at kindergarten, he gave her a wave without really looking and she said wistfully "I wish he would cry" I'm sure she also happy he's not crying and clinging and having a rough time ..... but...

Forgot to say I cried soo much after my daughter's high school graduation. Hugged her 17 times as she went out to celebrate with her friends "MOM I'm not leaving for college tonight!" but then I was OK when she did go to college (only an hour away) so maybe it hits each one of us at different times

It's a little like mourning.... mourning the things that were and will never be again. But, there are SO many wonderful moments ahead.

I sent my oldest off to college a few weeks ago - and I've been SO depressed! We were terribly close and I miss her terribly. But I am extremely proud of the young lady she's become and can't wait to see her spread her wings and fly.

My son is 15. And he came and laid on the couch and sprawled all over me the other night - a teenagers version of cuddling!

My youngest is 8. She has to sit and cuddle with me before bed every night or she's not happy. And, still begs me to read her a bed time story.

Every moment of their life is every changing... so there will be mourning, but also much to embrace!

Sounds like you have done a wonderful job so far with your little guy. I'm sorry that you're sad...I've never felt like that, but I just wanted to tell you that he sounds like a great kid, and is right where he should be. Try not to let him know that you're sad, just praise him and love him, and treasure these early years. My DS, my only, started high school yesterday, and barely grunted to me how it went when he came home. He opened up later, but I didn't expect such coldness but I know it is age appropriate. Good luck, and keep strong.

We all feel this way. They are not babies anymore! .. The good news is that there are going to be times when he does need you. Take advantage of it.. Big long hugs.. sniff his head.. tell him he "smells like himself"..

I sometimes say, "I need a hug!" and our daughter will give me a hug. Or we will all be together in the living room, but I will say, "I need us all to be close" and we will all race to the sofa and sit t close to each other and hold hands..

Our daughter is now taller than me.. She likes to say, very dramatically "Mother, give me your little hand." Or if we are standing next to me she will "drape" herself over me and say "Motttthher!" and envelop me in a hug.. I ask if "I can smell" her "head to make sure it is really still my baby"..

Be proud that you have done such a great job with your little man. You have given him a great gift, but he will always need and want his mom in the end..

Are you kidding? I started to cry from your story so don't beat yourself up. It is a bittersweet time when we watch our children go through a transition and in turn is often a transition we weren't quite ready for.

You know, it's okay to tell him how you feel...let him know how you are so proud of him for wanting to be such a big boy and being able to fall asleep by himself, but that it was a special time for you too and even though you're a big girl, you would love it if once in awhile you could still cuddle until he falls asleep. I think it would mean a lot to him to know how you're feeling and (as helpful as us other Mamas can be) I bet he'll make you feel so much better.

My son just started pre-school and I am feeling little tinglings of difficulty with the transition too so I do empathize with you.

OOO (those are hugs coming your way),
S.

When my son turned 5 he said he couldn't kiss me goodbye in public anymore, he gave me a hi-5! I cried all the way home. He's growing up momma and although they act like they are too old to be taken care of,they surprise you by cuddeling up with you on the couch, or giving you a secret kiss when they think no one else is looking. Your doing a great job and raising a great independent little boy.

Be proud you have done such a good job with a communicative, secure, and brave son. He still needs you, just for new things and frankly harder things. It is okay to have some sadness for wha tyou have put behind you, embrace it, hav e afew good days of crying, but don't let it sidetrack you. This is wha tyou have spent five years working toward.

I just sent my firstborn to firt grade yyesterday - her first time on a bus and her first time at a big new public school. I sobbed when I got home. But I try to focus a lot on the girl/teenager/woman I want her to be and look at whether I am being successful to puttng her on that path. When I see her succeed or overcome her own fears, I am excited for her.I plan to be active on the PTA, be a reader in her clasroom, and start taking golf lessons with her in the spring. So even though I am losing out on some of the little baby stuff we shared, I am plotting my ways to stay active and included inoher life :)

And it helps I still have a 2 year old to cuddle with.

Omg!! I want to cry just by reading what you wrote. I have just started back to work from maternity leave and I miss my 3 month old daughter soooooo much, but that isn't the story. I have a 6 year old boy that loves to sleep next to me still but when he is at school, I can't kiss him in front of his friends. He told my boyfriend and I that of the 3rd week of school. He turned around to face us and whispered to us not to kiss him and to just say bye to him. I wanted to cry. My boyfriend laughed and picked him up and hugged him. We just have to pick and choose our battles. My mom told me don't worry bacause they will always need their mother so enjoy some space while it lasts.

Hi Daria,

Yes, I've felt this way. My twins are now 8 yrs. old and I recently experienced these feelings AGAIN! I feel it's bitter sweet..... I am sad for what once was YET I am happy that they are becoming more and more independent as each year passes. I can only say for myself, but I feel the reasons I get sad is because I am not needed as a mom in the way I once was. BUT I remind myself that I am STILL needed as a mom but in different ways. I miss some of their cute discoveries, phrases, etc... that they said as toddlers and think that I will never experiences those times again with them or with other little ones since I am not having anymore kids. (My husband has never wanted anymore.)

I don't feel as sad as in the past because I remind myself that I am doing a great job and experiencing fun things with my kids presently that I could NOT of experienced with them as toddlers. SO.... I suggest that you pat yourself on the back for doing such a great job as a mommy to him for the last 5 years. Praise yourself for teaching him independce, confidence, etc.... It is so healthy for him to be able to want to do "big boy" stuff such as being able to fall asleep on his own and going to school on his own.

Have a wonderful day! Don't keep yourself tied to the past.... enjoy the present with your son and his accomplishments because these things have happened because of YOU!

Awwwww.....c'mon mom.....you've been preparing him for this day for 5 years! He still needs you. Roots and wings!

yup.
when they started eating
when they stop nursing
when they start walking
when they use the potty
when they go to school
.......

you are doing a great job of raising a wonderful, confident, self-assured little boy who is just developing in some very positive ways. He will "need" you in many many ways for a long time to come, but will probably not be "needy"... which is exactly what you want, right? (lol) His confidence comes from the fact that he knows you will be there for him if he ever (and when he does) need you during the tough times. It is sad going through these moments... I completely understand... I just sent my girl off to Kindergarten yesterday and choked up with sadness, and probably excitement, loss, change, etc. (she was SOOOO excited!!). Just remember that the stages that pass bring more fun stages to come... and cherish those before they change up again :-)

This just means that you have done an excellent job preparing your son. I took my 5 year old to K last week and she was much the same. Super duper excited and not needing me. It is ok to feel a little sad. And even cry a little bit. You are going to have to find something to do to keep yourself busy. Take a class, learn somthing new, train for a marathon, whatever. And make a special routine, tradition, handshake something before and after school. You'll get thorugh this. Good luck!

That is what happens when parents do their job properly. Of course, it's difficult to watch your children cut the cord and becoem independent. I cried the day I dropped my son off for kindergarten. He was 4 and ready. I was not. As he walked to his classroom, I turned around and started to cry. My husband laughed because not much makes me cry.

This is SO much better than my husband's cousin who is 45 and still living at home, without a job, and his 80 year old mom makes his meals, cleans the house, does his laundry, pays for his cat AND buys him expensive electronics. The guy is going to be in for a shock when his mom passes.

Be so thankful that you 5 year old is on the road to success and independence. Great job mom! Hang in there. ;)

Yep - it's perfectly normal. It's part of the SLOW *sometimes painful* (for us!) process of letting our kids grow up. You should be SO proud that he tells you what he's ready to handle without you and expresses love at the same time.

Be delighted that you boy has started to grow up do not be sad be prowd dont dwell on yesterday think about tomorrow what a wonderful day it will be find other things to do with your time if you can volenteer somewhere good luck mother of 4 grandmother of 7 A. no hills

i feel exactly the same way.. my son is 14 and off the high school.. and every step... going to preschool.. finishing kindergarten, going full day to 1st grade, graduating 8th grade.. just in june.. i was so sad... its like college is around the corner.. now h.s. i hate it.. he is growin up.. to quick... where does the time go.. i am trying to enjoy it.. and see how happy he is.. i know when he goes to college and gets married..i will be devasted.. just keep close to him.. my son and i go out to lunch or something once a month and talk a lot.. but he is older.. and cutting the ties... ugh..

Every mom goes through this at different stages. You do an excellent job and watch your children go into mature boys/girls. You are very happy with the people they are becoming, but very sad at the baby you lost. Perfectly normal.

Try to get involved doing big boy things with him that he couldn't do before. As he grows your relationship changes. As he needs you less and less on a time consuming basis use that time to do things you always wanted to do. So you are growing as a person as well, not just a mom.
You'll make it. Go ahead and cry, but just not in front of him. :-)

Yay! Lucky you! This happened to me with my youngest as well. Before I put her to bed I rocked her for a few minutes in the chair in her room. One day out of the blue, when she was 3 she said, 'I'm too old to do this'! Congrats Mamma, sounds like you are raising a healthy happy well-adjusted boy!! (btw, last week I dropped my oldest off at college for the first time; talk about knots in your stomach!)