Some days I just dont feel like I am the best parent to my kids. Last night we all had a meltdown. I picked my kids up from the sitter at 5, as soon as we got in the door at 530 my daughter just lost it, I held her, put her down to play, changed her, tried feeding her baby food than a bottle, she didnt want any of it. At 615 we started our normal routine of taking a bath, pjs, story, bottle than bed. We get up early so kids go to bed early. She normally loves bath time but she wanted nothing to do with it so I just washed her and put her to bed. She started to scream even more. Than her brother chimed in ( they are 11month old twins) So now both kids are screaming & I have no idea what to do next. At 8pm I gave up. I left them in their cribs and went to bed. I honestly dont know when the screaming stopped. My husband got home at 930. I tried talking to him about it but I was so emotional & upset I couldnt. I really dont know what else I could have or should have done. My husband suggested calling his mom but she stresses me out so much more that when its just me & her I feel like I could harm someone.(mostly her) So having someone come over isnt really an option. I am trying to get an appt with my dr to figure if there is something healthwise (mental or physical) that can be done to help me. In the mean time is there anything else I can do? Anyone else out there ever feel like they need & want a break from being a mom? Please no critisim I'm just looking for advice from someone who might have been through something similar.
Thanks for the answers so far. Today she is my normal little girl, Im allmost sure she was just over tired, my husband is going to contact our sitter toady and inquire about naptimes ( he is home with the kids today) My inlaws live 45min away in another city so by the time I got there it would be too late and driving stresses me out. I should add that I am part of a local twins club but I cant bring the kids my husband gets off work at 900 & meetings start at 7. I would ask my inlaws to watch the kids but my mil will not put the kids to bed or keep them in bed.
THANK YOU ALL! I'm relived to hear that I am not the only momma out there that feels like she needs a break from mommyhood sometimes. I do intend to see the dr to see if there is more than just a bad day to this. I should add that my husband does as much as he can and is very supportive, he just works long hours so that we can make ends meet.
Oh no! The good news is y'all get another chance to do it better today, and the next, and the next!
One less than Banner Mommy Day does not a Bad Mommy make! Cut yourself some slack, take a deep breath, and dig in today, or tomorrow! In the end, it evens out, I promise!
:)
If anyone would critisize you for this, they dont have kids themselves. Everything your feeling is completely normal. Dont be so hard on yourself. You def need more you time!
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first of all, don't be so hard on yourself... we ALL(now, some won't admit it) have our moments! it's MUCH better to just set them in their cribs and let them scream when you are becoming that frustrated. i know my 3 single birth children drove me up the wall at times, so i can only imagine the stress that would come with twins. maybe you all just had a bad day? it happens. if you really feel like this a lot, by all means, see a DR, maybe you do have some postpartum depression/anxiety. letting your little one's scream in their crib when they're fed, clean, and not ill does NOT make you a bad parent!
ETA: and let me tell you now, i have personally put my babies in their cribs to cry at times. when i've done all i can do, and they're just gonna scream whether i hold them or not, they can just as easily scream at their walls and not cause my blood pressure to raise to seizure inducing levels!
This sounds pretty normal to me. Normal people grieve. Normal people get angry. Normal people get frustrated. Normal people feel overwhelmed. Normal people have bad days. Normal moms have bad days. And normal 11-month old twins have bad days.
Mental illness, post-partum depression, etc is very, very real and should be taken seriously. However, we've slid into the idea in this culture that *any* emotion other than being happy and calm is pathological. I have a rather big problem with this. If you genuinely feel something is wrong, by all means get help. But please don't feel there's something wrong with you because it's painful to you when your kids have a coordinated, extended meltdown.
Read the book "She's Gonna Blow!: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger" It is one of the few books that deals openly with the dark side of mothering.
It is legitimate and healthy to want breaks from being a mom. Find a way to do this. I certainly understand wanting to strangle your MIL (I often want to strangle my mother), but can she provide free childcare? Can you arrange trades with a friend? Start a babysitting co-op? Have a day (or a half-day) when your husband takes the kids and you get some time off?
Be forgiving with yourself. The kids are safe. You made good choices. They screamed for many hours, then went to sleep, which is what they probably needed. You stayed present for 2.5 hours of screaming, then left them in a safe place (their cribs). You removed yourself to protect your sanity and the safety of the children. This is a healthy response, and the one recommended by all the "experts". You did well.
Blessings and good luck. The next 2-3 years are likely to be pretty tough. Toddlers challenge most moms. You've got two.
You are not alone. You had an exhausting day and wanted to bring your babies home and have a lovely evening together...and what did you get?? A total meltdown. It is frustrating and tests your patience and dashes your dream of a nice evening together.
Do you feel this way alot?? Do you have girlfriends to talk to? I find that when I am able to spend a couple hours having some fun and chatting with my gal pals then I feel better.
I would try skipping the chat with MIL if she frustrates you...would only heighten your problem. Find some girls in the same boat as you and get together...or call a friend and chat often. Women need to talk things out..we talk endlessly..it is therapy...hence a forum like Mamapedia...I don't know of Dadapedia.(but then again...maybe there is!)
You mentioned picking them up from a sitter at 5. I am assuming you were at work. If so..cut yourself some slack on your emotions. You had an exhausting day then came home to immediate neediness of 11 month old twins. You have twice the amount of neediness than most of us have to cope with at one time. Your little ones are also exhausted by the end of the day too. Maybe try easing up on the schedule in the evening...do crockpot dinners for awhile and just relax with your little ones.
Best of wishes and good luck. You are doing good mama!! And yes...I do want a break often from being a mama. I am going out tonight for dinner and a movie with my sister. Take a break too. Sometimes just having a break scheduled on the calendar breathes new life into my day. I can cope with alot when I know that break is coming in a few days(or in my case tonight!!) Take care TwinMama...hang in there!!
I think all parents need a break every day. Seriously! We also need time with our partners and our friends. We all go through this stage... I recall one day when my son just wouldn't.stop.crying. It felt like the worst day I had ever had and my stress only made his crying worse. It was a sad and scary cyclical day. Best advice I got... put them somewhere safe and go sit outside for a few minutes. They are going to scream whether you are on the front steps or in the next room, so go somewhere that you can clear your head (but are still within range).
Take 30 minutes a day for yourself. It sounds selfish at first, but take a long bath, go for a walk after DH gets home, grab coffee with a neighbor. Do something small for yourself and you will feel like yourself sooner! Make a date with your DH, get a sitter and go once in a while. Have dinner with a girlfriend and just talk.
Take a deep breath mama. It's all good. How is she this morning? Back to herself? 11 month old is a prime age for teething. My kids always got worse at night. Could be gas, could be teething, could be constipated. Try to rule these things out and get at the source of the crying. I know that you don't want your monster-in-law coming over, but do you think you could take the twins to her for a scheduled visit a few hours a week? Of course you're worn out! Twins! I can't imagine how tired you are. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Maybe try to find a mothers day out program near you. Everybody needs time to recharge. Don't feel bad. You are a good mom. You are prefectly normal and being stressed out doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. It means you are human and you need a nap. We're all sending you hugs and prayers.
I'm pretty sure all mommies have those times.
I know I do.
There are some days where, in my mind, I feel like running away.
Like daddy comes home, I just get in the car and leave.
I would never REALLY do that, but sometimes I feel it.
I love my family, but not every day is perfect
Try and find some time alone. I know that sounds impossible, but even if it's two mins. There are times where I put both my kiddos in their beds to have chill out time. I step outside and just breathe.
If you can do that, it will help tons.
Yes, a Dr. is a must. It sounds like there could be post-partum, or some other depression. (I'm not a Dr, so obviously it's just my opinion.) I am not apposed to letting a child cry, when there is nothing else to do. However, it's possible your children screamed for hours. That's just not right, or healthy for mom or babies. Hopefully, today will be better.
Well all I can say is bless your heart! I had an exremely hard time letting anyone help me when my son was young! My husband included! My MIL is my neighbor, I love her dearly and we are super close now, however at that stage of the game I would have rather clawed her eyes out then hear another well meaning comment that only made me feel incompitent!! My son was VERY needy and I breast fed til he was 15 months, so I felt quite crazy! Looking back now I realize I was way to hard on myself and the well meaning people around me! Give your self a break honey! We all do things as mothers that we are not proud of, but you did not harm your children or put them in any danger so don't worry about a bad day! Maybe on the nights that meltdowns begin the second you hit the door you can skip the bath and supper, just go for something easy, maybe all they needed was your undifided attention?? Who knows, maybe not! But what I can say is my son is three and a half, I hold him every chnace I get! Because the days fly by and before you know you will be sending them off to school!
Good luck! Lots of hugs! And give yourself a break, i am sure you are an excellent mom, if not you wouldn't be questioning yourself!
Honey don't be so hard on yourself! All mom's have days like this. Heck just this morning my nearly three year old walked into the kitchen with my brand new pair of glasses...and one of the ears was completely bent backwards. I will admit I lost it and yelled, "Raven Damn It", loud enough that she started to cry. Gotta tell you yesterday was hell, as she was whiney and refused her nap. She smeared poop on the wall AGAIN, and cried at the littlest thing. Then last night she was up every hour till midnight. So yeah, this morning I was a little on edge and I snapped. It happens to the best of us, if anyone one here says they haven't had a day like that, they are LYING. :)
My favorite saying is "This too shall pass." Just think of it that way, yesterday was awful, today might be awful, but come tomorrow there is always hope that it will be great. That is the joy and pain of parenthood.
((((HUGS)))))
You are a good mommy for putting them in the cribs where they were safe.
Sometimes we have these days.
You may be suffering form post partum depression or similar. I do hope the dr can help you figure it out. It is nothing to be ashamed about. Get the help you need.
Do you have a friend that can come help, maybe a teen that can be a mother's helper? I had a mother's helper after #4. She was a Godsend. She would read to the girls while I did the baby, or she would help with my son's homework, do dishes, help with laundry. She was a neighbor's daughter, I think maybe 15.
You did exactly the right thing. When you're at wit's end, put the babies where they can't get hurt (their cribs) and get yourself some calm-down time. Crying won't hurt them.
Thinking of you! We all have those days, and they stink! You did the perfect thing for you and them! A little crying on their part won't hurt them. Get out of the house sometime during the week without your kids if you can. You deserve a break! :)
Your feelings are very normal! Sometimes I just want to get in my car and keep driving! I love my kids and you love yours, but we need breaks -some more than others. Don't beat yourself up. It can be guilt-inducing I know, but know you're one of many! Yes, the extra income is great, but I primarily went back to work full time because I couldn't deal with "all day every day." It's made life and time with my kids much better!
I've had these times with my kids. At one point, my son at 2 years old would not go to bed. He would be in his room at 8 pm for bed and kick his walls until 4 am every night for a month straight. I thought I was going to lose it. I've definately had moments of just breaking down because I couldn't handle my kids. It got alot better for me when I could say to myself, Ok...at 8pm. tonight I get to put the kids down and have the rest of the night to myself. I do it every night and I don't think about the awful day I just had with them. I take time for me and me only (well my husband too). I have been antidepressants twice. You know if you need help. If you feel down all the time, even when your kids are happy and being good, then you do need help.
Girl, your question alone speaks to me that you are a great mama! Think of how many parents don't even care and you want to be a good mama even when it's HARD.
You got AMAZING advice from the great mamas here. Sending you a hug!
i felt like i was reading my life story just now...lol. I have 3 boys, our oldest is 2 1/2, and our TWIN boys are 8 months old....it is always super hectic at my house. i had to quit working after the twins were born due to all of our boys have a health issue. because of this my husband had to pick up a second job working overnights 3 nights a week. so most everything falls on me. and there are days i just want to scream and run from the house and never look back. i dont though, thank God. I had to go to my doctor for medication, i am having issues with a mood disorder. so i understand. i'm here if you ever wanna talk. of course you have a few months on me as far as the twin experience. = )
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