Intense 2 Yr. Old

I don't know much about autism, but what you describe sounds like that may be the cause. I know dietary issues can come with that. My mom works with Interactive Metronome and has great success with autistic kids. I saw several mom mentions Augsberger Syndrome. My mom has worked with that a lot. It's those kids that see the most progress. I don't know if there is someone who does it close to you, but the website is www.interactivemetronome.com If you're ever in the area, my mom works with out of town people quite often, and would be glad to work with you if you can come to the Denver area. I hope you are able to get some good help for her soon!

My daughter has aspergers(on the autism spectrum) and has a lot of these same things. Don't be scared, they stuff they have to help these guys is amazing. It could be a combination of things but I have been amazed at the improvement we have gotten from the different interventions out there. By the way my daughter had no issue with eye contact, every child on the spectrum is different especially girls. There are so many upsides to asperger's, they are smart (super smart) and so many other great things. I had to fight the doctors to get my daughter tested, girls just are not the usual Autism and there symptoms can be so different from boys. In Boise we have the Idaho Elks who does a pediatric abilities clinic. If you are in the area contact me and I will give you all the info I have. Good luck, I have two kids on the spectrum and would never have pegged my daughter to have it except for some through away comment at a conference, girls just look very different in there symptoms. I know a lot of parents have had a lot of success with diet changes on the spectrum so that could be something also. Good luck and please contact me if you need some advice on where to start.

It sounds like your gut is telling you something. It could be nothing, but you are concerned and want to make sure you get everything checked out. Keep talking to your doctor - if they don't listen, find another doctor for a second opinion.

Another option is to call Denver Options (they'd be a good place to call to find out the equivalent whereever you live) - they are a government program that helps parents evaluate children for any sort of developmental, behavioral, speech, etc. issue. We took my son there for a speech evaluation at two years old - they gave us some tips to improve his speech and information on red flags/things to watch, and then said come back in 4-6 months if things don't improve. It is a free evaluation. You fill out paperwork and meet with a team of child development specialists. They may send you home with information and new tricks, or they may say you're right, there appears to be an issue, here's how we can help.

If you have tried all the normal boundary setting and parenting techniques, as I assume you have since you provide day care services successfully and have another daughter without these issues, then you may want to explore this further. I am a strong believer in your gut instinct. Your daughter, from your description, does have some red flags for some developmental issues mentioned by other posters. You could try the gluten free/casein free diet, as that has been found by many moms to make a night and day difference in their children's behavior. You may have to wait for up to a month to see results as it takes that long for casein to leave the body's system.

We are seeing an acupuncturist who uses acupressure and NAET (www.naet.com) to assist us with my son's food allergies. She has tremendous luck treating kids with behavioral issues and celiac also if you're interested. She is in Denver. We are also seeing a naturopath in SLC who has expertise in food allergies and autism. After an extremely long questionnaire and intake, we decided on some bloodwork to determine supplements to help my son's immune system. I can send you the name of either of these people if you are interested.

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk and Liberated Children, Liberated Parents has been a lifesaver for my husband and I with our two year old. We read the books and took a class. I have the information of one of the instructors if you want to go that route too.

Good luck to you and your daughter!

Hi A.,
I don't know much about having an "intense" kid but common sense tells me she's got you wrapped around her little finger. When your two year old says jump, Mom asks how high. If this is how you want to continue to live then I reckon you're off to a good start. On the other hand if Mom takes back her authority and sets down some rules, I'll bet there will be a lot more peace and control of your daughter in your home. Keep in mind two year olds don't need to be making choices. You're the cook, what you serve goes...take it or leave it. If you're serving yogurt for breakfast, that's it. She can eat the yogurt when it's served or she can wait till the next meal rolls around. She should not be allowed to snack between meals if she didn't eat what was served for breakfast. If it's time to get out of the car, Mom, you are in charge of making sure she gets out of the car. At two it's not what she wants that matters it's what Mom expects. If you waffle on any of these issues that you face off with her on she wins the battle and you are left with egg on your face. Above all you must be firm and absolutely consistent. Do not waver in your stand or she will run you over at two, then twelve and so on. Regarding the health issues. My suggestion is that you do a little research (library or internet) regarding the effects of sugar, immitation sweetners,red 40, high frutcose corn syrup and white flour just to name a few. In my opinion they are as good as poison for the human body. Unfortunately they are in nearly everything we eat or drink. To start try to avoid what you know isn't healthy for your family (soda pop, doritos etc.)and subsitute with water (not flavored) and corn or potato chips as an example. I know this is long but I hope it has been helpful in some way. God Bless you, L.

I'm not sure about the fits, but the always having to have a set everything sounds like something that should be checked out. If your docs aren't listening, find somebody who will. She could just need to have it all the same to keep herself sane or it could be something more-a friend has a child w/Asbergers (Aspergers?) & those are his symptoms. He can't stand even minor changes to his routine. He throws fits like you're describing, actually. We went camping once-nobody slept for 2 nights because he was screaming all night long. It was the change in routine-from routine to none basically-that set him off.
Start charting bevhavior things-chart what she eats, drinks (I'd do just what she eats, not how much unless you do general "ate all of it, ate half of it"), when she has a fit, how long it lasts... everything. Dedicate a notebook just to her. Take it to the doc, let him check out how you're living. I'd get a referral to a therapist-to help you as much as her. They won't be able to do too much w/her besides play stuff probably, but they can certainly give you coping ideas.
Good luck!!

Look up Aspergers. She has a lot of red flags for it. It doesnt mean that is what it is but there is a possibility. As for the red dyes and every other dye on the planet cutting them out of my boys diets didnt improve their behavior. Maybe it works for some I hear it does but I am not sure if thats just some parents wishful thinking or if it really helped them cause it did nothing for mine. Nor did cutting gluten and well dairy products cause I cant remember the name for it. My super intense kids ended up being autistic. Dont let your doctors ignore your concerns. If they do switch doctors no matter what it is. You know your child best and know her behavior isnt right and that something is off. Fight for her because nobody else will.

That's pretty intense, and you sound accurate and credible. I would look into health issues like allergies. Take her for allergy testing. I know from my friend's child that a kid can have EXTREME behavior issues, be diagnosed with allergies, go on a proper allergen-free diet, and then be "normal" with all behavior problems resolved.

This particular child's Dad lost parental visitation because the Dad kept feeding the kid the allergen-foods, and the kid would become outrageous again (head-banging and stuff like that). The court gave him repeated warnings, and he finally lost visitation rights.

I only explain this to make a point that SOMETIMES this kind of behavior situation can be directly attributed to allergies. I promise, that boy is fine now.

If it turns out not to be allergies, I would contact Children's Hospital to find an expert who could explore this situation further. Your pediatrician's diagnosis was atrocious--and I'm a person who generally has tons of respect for doctors, but they're not all rocket scientists.

My son just turned 2 and we've been going through a similar thing. He wasn't particularly fussy until recently. THe same thing, "yes I want it, no I don't" and then the meltdown when we give up. I think it's a 2 yr old thing. It's hard to be patient though! I'm going to go back and read the book, "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp and see if I can refresh my memory how to deal with this behavior. Good luck! You're not alone!

A.,

My first advice: stop trying to pigeon-hole your daughter. When I keep hearing parents talking about reading all the parenting books... every child is unique. Please appreciate that your daughter is not like any other child. Perhaps that is why she hits you as so different. You got to experience individuality.

It sounds to me like you are having a "power struggle" with your daughter. Both of you are fighting for control. Perhaps you both get to slow down the pace that you are taking on the world. Simply breath and relax. Stop taking yourself so seriously and enjoy the world around you.

With my whole heart, C.
Owner of Loving Connections LLC

Our pediatrician recommended the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene to my husband and I. I've just started reading it, but I think you might find it helpful.

http://www.explosivechild.com

I agree with some of the other comments - you know your child the best - if you feel something is not right, keep working to get to the bottom of things. Good luck and hang in there!

I have 3 intense children! Now that they're a bit older (10, 8, 5) their intensities have taken different directions, but I completely hear you!! I've been through most of what you described, and with more than one child.

The first thing is that she is needing limits. Yes, she's fighting you on them all the time, but she is also craving them. That is one reason why she is going back and forth so much on her decisions. She needs help to make choices. Don't give her a choice where there isn't really one (ie to stay in the car - just take her out, or to get dressed or to take a bath). Instead, give her a choice of whether she will climb out of the car herself or have you take her out, whether she wants to blue or the green shirt, whether to take a bubble bath or a shower. The point is to give her two choices where you are ok with either choice. She gets a sense of control without feeling out of control (like no boundaries can do) and you still get to have things done within your limits. Her going back and forth could also be a way of testing you (will mommy still love me if...? or how far can I go before mommy gets angry? - not necessarily on a conscious level) Or she may be indecisive. When she picks something, stick with it. If she asks for yogurt, serve it for her. If she changes her mind, she doesn't have to eat it, but don't fall into her game by putting it away and getting it out over and over.
Now here's the trick - look for the positive in all of this. My daughter (my oldest) was VERY determined and wouldn't give in. I just kept telling myself this would be a good trait when she got hit with the peer pressure (and it has been helpful). My son (middle) has and is always in his own world, playing out some imaginary space battle or something in his mind - but he may be the next George Lucas or Gene Roddenberry. And he's very sweet and cuddly and always tells me he loves me. My youngest was very clingy and never wanted to be put down, but he's developed a security that allows him a lot of independence. There have been fights and tears and a lot of frustration while they're growing up. But I can see now that they are all VERY bright children and I would guess that your daughter is too - my experience has been that the very bright kids are often also very difficult; maybe their brain is going too fast for their emotions or decisions or whatever to keep up!

As far as diet, I have heard stories about red #40 since I was little. My mom swears that it was a big factor in my brother's ADHD (not causing it, but making it harder for him to deal with) but there is no scientific evidence. Go ahead and avoid red food dies and other artificial stuff if possible, but don't go overboard. In general, a well balanced diet with plent of whole grains and fruits and veggies, low on fat and refined sugars, is good for everyone. She will feel better if she is getting good nutrition and it may help her behavior too.

If the doctor isn't taking you seriously, you may want to find another doctor. A pediatrician should be able to help counsel parents through difficult behaviors and listen to parents concern. Even if he feels like its nothing, he should listen and work with you. My kids' pediatrician has always told me to listen to my gut - that mother's intuition can clue me in to something going on. Also make sure that you are listening to what the doctor is saying if he's trying to help deal with behavior. He's probably not saying you're a bad mom for struggling with these issues, but trying to help figure out what to do. Most behavioral challenges aren't going to be solved by a simple diet change or pill (I wish it was that easy! <VBG>)

I know I've rambled on a lot. If anything isn't clear or you have more questions, feel free to contact me directly. Just know that you aren't alone! There are moms out there going through the same struggles, and you can make it through!

She sounds a lot like my dd, who has sensory integration dysfunction. Once we took her off of gluten and milk, she was much better. (Milk proteins are similar to gluten so many times kids need to get off of both when they have sensory issues.) My recommendation would be to seek the guidance of a nutritionalist who SPECIALIZES in children. We see a wonderful woman who has uncovered some things that amazed me. I can give her your info if you like. She sees patients from across the country, so location isn't all that important. She's writen a few books and holds web conferences.
R.

Part of it could be attention?

She may also be looking for boundaries. When she makes a choice, let her know her choice is final. If she said no yogurt, then it she does not get it till the next snack/meal. If she wants to come back in side, then she is not coming back out for 20 minutes or what ever works for you. A lot of choices will be tough to figure out the first time, just be consistent with your answers.

We are all just doing our best. I have read parenting books, and the ones I most agree with are Alfred Adler's he taught them forever ago, but they still work.
Two books I suggest are
"Children:The Challenge" by Rudolf Dreikurs
"Perfect Parenting and Other Myths" by Frank Main

I took classes locally from Vivian Brault
'Tearless' Discipline was the first class I took from her, it is now on DVD and she helped me put the books into practical use.
here is her web site, you may find other ideas.
http://www.tearlessdiscipline.com/

S. Broadbent
Mother to Kai
www.HomeWithKai.com

I say that you need to definitely go with your instincts. Something seems wrong - and I think it is. I don't think any child is unhappy because they want to be. I definitely would look into food allergies and other health issues. I like natural living, so I would go to a chiropractor that specializes in that kind of thing. A good one in Salt Lake that specializes in food allergies is Tom Anderson near 4500 S.

My son has always been extremely intense too, and I found out he was allergic to corn, and we also did some emotional work/energy work, as well as other physical work that has made a WORLD of difference for him. He is a delightful kid to be around now. He also takes some supplements to help him which are wonderful. Dr.s Branham and Nelson in SLC are who have helped us, and I cannot thank them enough for my great relationship with my son. Seeing him happy means everything to me! Branham takes 3 mos or so to get into, but Nelson (who is newer) is fantastic too - and great with kids. In fact, he is who my son has done the latest stuff with and really, he is a changed kid.

It sounds like you are doing great - it is SO hard to have that going on constantly. And really, she just sounds confused and like something is wrong and she doesn't know what either. I'm glad you have found what has helped your other daughter and I believe you will find the answers with this one. GOOD LUCK!!

First of all, I can relate. My 3 year old son was the same way the 2 and 3 hour long fits or "rages", drooling and hitting himself. It was so exhausting. The routine had to be the same way all the time. He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, on the Autism scale and placed on medication. I know medication sounds scary on such a young child, but honestly it was the only way I could control his rages and provide his life with some sanity. I would have her evaulated from the early intervention program at the school district and also the nearest childrens hospital. Good Luck!

Oh A.- I can relate! My intense two year old is now an intense three and a half year old!
I too have been reading TONS of material on artificial sweeteners, flavors and colors. In the past month, we've taken my daughter off of everything artificial and I'm not kidding you- its been a night and day difference. She had her first dental appt yesterday- I made SURE to make it the last appt of the day as I was positive she'd have a meltdown. Not only did we NOT have a meltdown, but she was as good as gold! The dentist and hygenist said they'd never seen a 3yo do so well. It is possible to help your little girl! First, I'd totally recommend the book healing and preventing autism by Jenny McCarthy and Dr. Jerry Kartzinel. Also, see if you can't find a link in things she's been exposed to. I kid you not- I have a 1 year old that went psychotic after her Dtap shot. For 3 weeks solid she was sick, and my angel baby who never cried or fussed, screamed all the time, and was terrible for about a month. I'm all for vaccinations, they just need to be safer then what they are now. That book gives a lot of insight, as well as guidelines for things you can do to improve the situation with your child. A lot of it is supplements and there is a TON of reading to do, but take what you can and implement it. Right now, its not possible for my kids to be on all these crazy supplements. I dont have the time to research them enough, and nor do we have the money for all them. But, both my girls are on a probiotic supplement, as well as a vitamin supplement, and we've moved to as much organic as possible. There's a REALLY good point in the book about organic- it talks about how most people think that the reason we go organic is to limit pesticide ingestion- however, the bigger reason to go organic is that organic food items have not been treated with growth agents or pesticides or anything- they have to be able to handle nature at its best, and therefore, when you eat organic its going to be a higher quality food item, because its had to survive pests and other environmental things, that a conventionally grown piece of food hasnt. He mentions that they most likely have more vitamins per bite because they've had to be able to survive without any "helps". In the book there is also a whole section on bowel movements. 70% of the immune system is in the intestinal tract, so if your daughter isnt having regular bowel movements- she's probably literally blocked up. It gives such good information on how to help this and other issues with the immune system.
Anyway, sorry for the novel here, but I'd really recommend the book- even if there's no chance that your daughter has autism. I'd recommend it to all parents in fact. The information is vital and helped our family out a lot.
Also, find a doc who is willing to look at other things with you. Is he willing to do a stool sample to find out if there are other things growing in her tract- I had h. Pylori for who knows how long and had painful stomach aches for years growing up but my mom never believed me and never did anything about it. There could be a million things going on that make her act out- just don't stop till something works!

A.,
Your child has symptoms that are similar to those my nephew had when he was her age and all throughout his life. We suspected he had autism, but his mother would not hear of it. Finally, when he got to college and had extreme difficulty there in managing himself, we had him see a specialist. He was diagnosed with Asberger's Syndrome. Even with such a late diagnosis, the help he has gotten for it has been very beneficial for both him and all those around him. If your child has Asberger's, an earlier diagnosis would be really helpful for both of you in managing the symptoms.

Just as a note, my nephew has a BIG problem with milk products and cheese, and has always been an extremely fussy eater. Some of that difficulty goes with the Asberger's territory.

BTW, this diagnosis does not mean that your child is stupid or doomed to failure. My nephew has a 170 IQ, perfect pitch, and is a phenomenal musician. Among other things, he has composed an incredible symphony. He - finally - graduated from college and has an MA in music. The diagnosis allowed him to understand some of his behaviors, and the help available has allowed him to deal with them better.

Good luck.

My oldest is this way, check out 'your spirited child' book, it is helpful and at least helped me accept my child as she was and appreciate her quirkiness. best of luck. I have been there.

A., I find that when my children (especially when they were around your daughter's age) get low blood sugar, they become irrational, much as you describe. The only thing that has ever helped is to somehow get them to eat something, (easier said than done when they are in the middle of one of their fits.) I don't know if this could be part of your daughter's struggle, but if so, it is fairly straightforward to just make sure she is never really hungry and that she isn't eating a lot of really sugary foods without any protein to tide her over. Candy, juice, anything sweet, puts her on a sugar jag and her blood sugar will peak then plummet, which is when the problems get really out of control because once they are throwing a tantrum it is very hard to convince them to eat anything. I don't know if this could be part of the problem, but it might be worth looking at.

The repetition of words and having things done just so rings a bell with me. I'm a grandma, not a doctor, but I'd suggest you talk with your doctor about possible symptoms of autism. Can't hurt to ask, and if she has some sort of autism the sooner treatment can begin, the better.

Kids are a struggle all the way! I am not an expert, but I might be able to give you some insight. I work with special needs children and we deal with one boy who deals with Asberger's (he is a very intelligent, very respectful individual) who can be set off and all things go wild. You might get her tested. The fact that she is a little girl might be the reason that the doctors won't listen. You are your child's advocate and best friend. Two year olds want to show their independance, but this is extreme. I would get her tested and then go from there whether it is diet or autism. Good luck! UT has a wonderful special needs program if this is the case. There is a special needs preschool program that starts at 3. The sooner the better.

Since you're wondering if it's food related, I'd take a look at Doris Rapp's "Is This Your Child?" It outlines a wide variety of signs/symptoms of food allergy. Since your other DD has been diagnosed with celiac, it certainly wouldn't be shocking to find that this DD has some food issues also. You could be dealing with something else (autism, Asperger's, OCD, whatever) but I'd start with this book first. It'll give you some guidelines for how to approach food eliminations to see whether or not that's a factor. (And I do know many people whose children's behavior is like night & day depending on the foods they eat!)

There's also a really good food group on Yahoo Groups. It's called 'foodlab.' They're a little granola for my personal tastes and not as friendly as some other groups but--holy cow--do they know about food! And they do love to answer questions. I'd check them out. I can tell you that their first suggestions would be to pull dairy & gluten (and any foods that your DD absolutely HAS to have, as that's often a sign of a sensitivity to that food) to see if there's any difference in symptoms. You might also want to keep a food diary & see if you can make any connections between her behavior & what she eats.

Trust your instincts. I've been telling my docs for over a year that my DS2 (now 15 mos) is sensitive to something besides the dairy & soy that I've been avoiding for months & months. They kept saying, 'Oh, green poop is really no big deal.' Well, I just discovered that he's sensitive to rice... and if he eats it directly, he gets flu-like symptoms including fever! The docs know a lot but not everything. Keep fighting for your daughter's health & well-being. You'll figure it out. :)